Hocus SCOTUS, No abortion for you!

The baby moved again

As I watched the TV drama unfold

SCOTUS debated her fate

And she’s only 3 months old

We know what women need

We know their babies too

They need a strong father

They need to know the truth

Don’t worry, we know what’s best

Forget 1973, The past is the past

Say goodbye to choice,

And we will do the rest

What about the hangers?

What about women’s pain?

It’s all about the votes

It’s all about the gain

Brett, we know what you did despite the result

We know about your cowardice

We know you’re an unethical dope

Don’t do it

You’ve heard that before

But now women are pleading

As their wombs are getting sore

Sometimes change is not what we need

Sometimes the ship should stay the course

Voices should be heard

Voices should be seen

It's not about the party

It’s not about the womb

It’s about the freedoms

And sadly, women’s choices

May end forever soon

Vote Kamala!

Story 205: OMG My underwear looks like a Roschach test in technicolor

 

That's my litmus test when I know things are off. When my underwear looks otherworldly.   Things don't just happen overnight, though; there is always a reason.  It all started last Wednesday.

I have taught high school health education for the past 25 years and I have to say I generally enjoy my day, and last Wednesday was no exception. I was going over the student's anonymous sex education questions and I tried to be informative but also kept it light and told a few jokes. I wonder if I was talking too much that day? 

 Actually come to think I ate like a man having his last meal too.  One of my co-workers won a national championship in lacrosse and he treated us all to caveman-sized sandwiches.  My friend Pete also provided enough cake and pastries to warrant an insulin shot.

As I think about this maybe it was a food-borne illness? I really don't know. What I do know is that I started to feel fatigued that afternoon. A lot more than usual.  I frequently feel exhausted walking home from work.  Could be dehydration too. could be COVID weight. Who the hell knows.

So I took off work the next day.  Wednesday night I felt like I was drowning in saliva and that I might choke. Fortunately that didn't happen. It probably was post nasal drip I think.

Part 1: The visit to the clinic

The next day after I dropped my mother off at the senior center, I went to the local walk in clinic.  Now generally the walk in medial centers are very helpful.  I smartly booked my appointment online the night before and also went to appointment a 1/2 hour early and I think they took me a bit early.

Everyone who worked there was very nice.  I got my COVID test which turned out negative but the doctor said it could be too early to tell so I should recheck another day.

The thing is he evaluated me and said he thinks I have seasonal allergies despite the fact that I am not allergic to anything except dust, tobacco smoke, and cockroaches.  Basically I can't spent any time in Vegas or in very unkept homes without sneezing my guts out.

I told him I don't have allergies but I guess he didn't believe me and gave me Zirtec and a medication that helps with coughs. I told him I cant swallow large pills so he suggested I crush it up, but when I looked at the instructions at home it said firmly dont crush up or it could lead to an allergic reaction or inability to breathe. SHIT. These doctors should really read the instructions on the medication more often.  Fortunately my brother who is a doctor (although an OBGYN)  has a lot of other general knowledge  recommended Robitussin and advil and so far so good.  But I have to wonder why the standards vary so much from these walk in health clinics.  Who are these people?

PA's? Doctors just starting out? I don't know.  Some of them are great, but it seems quality varies tremendously so take their suggestions with a grain of salt and don't neglect a second opinion if you want one.

Part 2: CVS (More to come tomorrow after I rest up)

OK its the next day. And I'm feeling a bit better but still not perfect. I still have a little fever.  The fact is that it is 90+ degrees out in New York in May which is unusual may be a contributing factor. I don't know. 

So I went to CVS pharmacy a few times this week.  Considering how often I go there despite their high prices I really should own stock in the company.   I picked up the medication that the doctor prescribed ( I probably will discard it when they have the "Shed the meds" program at some point) also things like tissues, cough drops, zinc lozenges and I was also able to get a COVID home test for free with my insurance.

So I went home with my ridiculous long CVS receipt and went to work on the healing process.  While watch a Steven Seagal movie, I prepared the Binax COIVD test.  Of course I screwed it up.  I think it's a bit challenging even if you are in your right state of mind.  The funny thing I have take other COVID rapid tests before and had no problem doing them I don't know why this one I screwed up on.  The first part was I had to drop 6 drops in. The truth is don't if did it exactly right or not. Then I put the cue tip in the wrong hole (wouldn't be the first time) Then closed the test and waited 15 minutes.  It looked like a mess.  Fortunately I have 3 more chances to test myself.

Here is a question. Why are instructions on bottles so small? I mean I know there is a lot of information to include, and maybe my vision is getting a bit weaker (too many birthdays) but I couldn't see the dosage required on advil. I took one and it seemed to lessen my fever and I hope I will be well by tomorrow. I am going to rest a bit more and then try to go to a different walk in clinic in a little while. More to come.

Story 203: How a book about adultery changed my life

I never imagined that a book about adultery could change my life,

but one did.

It was the 1980's  and I was a student in Mrs. Rieff's 11th grade English class on Long Island. Mrs. Rieff had a reputation as a very tough teacher.  I really should have called her Mrs. grief because she was so difficult. Not only that but she was very pale and rarely smiled. Basically your worst nightmare.

I remember one incident when my friend Jeff who was in my class as well.   Mrs. Rieff returned a paper to him and said, "Mr. Stevens you really should write bigger."

He replied, "Mrs. Rieff maybe you've been teaching so long you're eyes are beginning to fail you."  She didn't miss a beat and answered,

"Maybe I should fail you." After that he just fell silent.  

For some reason Mrs. Rieff liked me.  I don't know why, but maybe it had something to do with the time I wore a blue long-sleeved Metropolitan Opera t-shirt to class. I didn't know it at the time but she was a big opera buff.

Mrs. Rieff said to me,"Mr. Levine that shirt really makes a statement."

I thanked her, but I really didn't know what she meant, and I don't even like opera I just got the shirt for free from my parents, but I decided to wear it a few more times just to curry favor with Mrs. Rieff, and maybe a better grade.

One day she assigned a very challenging homework.  We were to write a poem about the book The Scarlet Letter, and I had no idea what to do. I'm not even sure if I ever wrote a poem before.  Let alone one about adultery,

Back then, I worked as a page at my town library. It was a great job. One of the longest I had ever held for many years, and I had a lot of friends there.  The only downside was that it didn't pay a lot, My philosophy was they pay me minimum wage so I would do minimum work. Instead of shelving books I would spend a lot of time reading in the stacks.   

We also had lot of fun playing practical jokes on each other. We would do things like put someone's name on 10 book carts to shelve and then watch their reaction. 

One of my favorite things to do was to create books and then put them into the card catalog.  My friend Derek used the typewriter in the reference section to create a few.  I don't know if any of you are Star Trek fans (The original with William Shatner) one of my favorites. We wrote a book called "How to create an M-5 computer that not even Captain Kirk Can  Destroy."  I got a kick out of the fact that the book was in the card catalog for many years.  Sadly, the catalog was replaced by a digital version. A lot harder to hack, but at least I have the memories.

But this day I wasn't fooling around. Instead I was sitting in book room sorting books and thinking about the assignment.

I started to hum "Her name was Hester she wore a letter ." and then it hit me.   "That sounds like Barry Manilow's song Copacabana."  

I handed in my poem the next day entitled "A Day in the Life of Salem Mass." Next to it I added. (To be sung to the tune of "Copacabana")

I didn't think about it too much, but Mrs. Rieff spotted it immediately.

She said, "Mr. Levine, please come to the front of the room. I want you to read your poem."

"Oh no."  I thought to myself.

But that's exactly what I did.

Here's how it goes. I still remember it even it has been over thirty years.


Her name was Hester
She wore a letter
But that was 300 years ago in a place I didn't go.

His name was Dimsdale, he was a reverend.
and wore a letter too, but he wasn't very true.

And there was Pearl she was a girl, 
beautiful beyond a mother's dream or so it seemed.

Music, adultery and passion were never a fashion in
Salem, Mass.

I left out the part about "Don't fall in love.

After I finished the class burst into applause. I was very proud and pleasantly surprised that no one booed or heckled my poor singing voice.  I never imagined that one poem would one day spawn many more.

That first poem started it all. For the next 35 years, I would write when I felt inspired. I would write about a bad breakup or a good relationship, or something happened in the news, because those experiences all affected me emotionally.

As you can imagine, after 35 years, I had a large body of work, and I decided I wanted to publish it. The problem is, I had no idea how to do that either, so I began a journey to learn how. 

I  spent countless hours watching videos and reading books on self-publishing/editing, and after a year I published my first book.

I was very proud of that book despite the many spelling errors in the first edition.  I gave copies to all my family, friends, and co-workers.  and I am happy to say it is on the shelves in ten different libraries.

Including the Manhasset Library right next to Bill O'Reilly's in the local author section. Although my book is a lot less conservative.

Finally, after a few more weeks my first book is now in two branches at my hometown library.  I am very proud of that fact and tell others that I have gone from the guy who shelves the books to the person who writes the books.

The only thing that bothers me is that I never thanked Mrs. Rieff. She died a few years ago. Too often, we never take the time to let the important people in our lives know how much we appreciate them.

It occurred to me that you don't have to wear designer clothes or have a shirt with a special message to make an impression or be special, but rather you should wear your heart on your sleeve and let others know that they are special.

And I know in my next book I will acknowledge Mrs. Rieff for  choosing my poem and starting me on my journey to be a writer, and to all the people who help others and Mrs. Rieff I would like to say "Thank you." and I mean that from the heart.

 

Post 202: My first mentor

People often say that being a Mama's boy is a bad thing, but the truth is it has made me the man I am today.

My mother has taught me many things over the years but first and foremost is to know where you come from, and to appreciate what you have.

N grew up in the Bronx or "Da Bronx" as she calls it during The Depression.  Back then, very few people were working, no one had a lot of money, and there often wasn't enough food.

On more than one occasion my grandmother would ask my mother  to borrow money from a neighbor for food, or go the local store to buy two or three eggs something that embarrassed her, but people did what it took to get by.

My mother's diet growing up was also very limited. During elementary school she would come home for lunch and have spinach and potatoes, or potatoes and spinach and on a good day there would be an egg.  Boring, but healthy and on the bright side she never had a cavity until she went to college

 She however was not a vegan it's just that like many parts of the world meat is expensive and not always available. She did come home one day however to find a fish swimming in the bathtub.  My grandmother was very old school, liked things fresh, and was going to use it to make gefilte fish. 

My mother also loves chicken soup, but it back then wasn't so easy to get. My mother and my grandmother would pluck feathers from chickens on the stoop of their apartment for chicken soup because it was a less expensive. It was also an opportunity to learn her mother's recipe.  Something she is excellent at making and fortunately taught me to make too.  Although the first time I tried on my own I ended up putting a whole frozen chicken in the soup and that didn't turn out correctly because the chicken wouldn't defrost. Now I know better.

To this day whenever we have a meal out she also always wants the food be healthy, authentic, and "A good value " and I have to say that is something I want too.  Especially as a health teacher I generally try to practice what she preaches.  

Speaking of birds, one time during elementary school she went with my grandmother who was chaperoning to the Bronx Zoo.  My mother's teacher loved animals but when my grandmother spotted some exotic birds she  asked, "Are they good for roasting?" That comment mortified my mother and the teacher. After that my grandmother wasn't asked back on any school trips despite lack of parents to supervise.

My mother and her older sister lived with her parents on the ground floor of a five floor walk-up apartment building.  My mother didn't like it because she wanted to live on a higher floor so she could interact with the other children from the building.  The apartment was on the ground floor so my grandfather who was a chiropractor  could see his patients more easily.  There were constant fights about money because my grandfather would treat patients even if they didn't have the money to pay.  Pay me next week he would say, but usually that meant never.

My mother has instilled in me the importance of having a spiritual connection. She  grew up in an orthodox Jewish home but because she is a woman was never  taught Hebrew only Yiddish.  However she never let that stop her from attending services or having a bat mitzvah in her seventies.  That experience taught me that whatever we want to do in life it's never too late to start.

She also makes it a point to have Friday night dinners with wine, challah bread, candles, and of course soup, and goes to temple on most Saturdays. For her going to temple on a regular basis is more than about just praying but also making a connection with the people in the community, and research shows that going to a house of worship on a weekly basis can add years to your life because when we feel good emotionally when tend to feel good physically.

For my mother temple is more than just prayer it is also a support network. My mother has developed friendships over the past forty years, and the temple community has been there for many important life cycle events including: Births, bar/bat mitzvahs, and also deaths.

My mother actually likes to go to funerals not only to support to families who are grieving and to honor the person who has passed but also because the service itself is like coming to a story telling class because you hear the best about someone's life. 

 The Shivah (The week of mourning) is important too because as my mother tells it the shivah is for the living and an opportunity to help people in their time of need, and lets face it when we help others feel better the end result is that we often feel good too.  Mitzvahs they are called also known as good deeds. When two of my friends parents died my mother asked to go too, and this surprised my friends but she was able to relate to their parents in a way I never could.

My mother and father have also always stressed the importance of a good education and helping others.  She was a teacher for the NYC public schools for many years, but when she retired she never stopped growing.  It's been said that "When you retire you expire." but my mother didn't want that and instead taught adults English (ESL) in our town for ten years. 

In Okinawa Japan they don't even have a word for retired instead they talk about having an ikigai, or in Spanish a plan de vida,  basically a purpose or reason to get up in the morning, and I truly believe feeling a sense of importance and appreciation can improve our health, and that is how she feels when her students call her "Mama" or "My teacher."

The funny thing is that when we go out to dinner in town she seems to know every busboy/waiter because many of them were her former students which has its advantages because that often leads to better service.  If they weren't her student she is very skilled at talking to people and learning about them. 

Typical questions are Do you speak a little Spanish?(Someone who is obviously Latino) Where are you from?, etc.  Have you heard about the ESL program in town it's only $50 for the year.

She does this because she loves people and has stressed that many times we don't take the time to learn about the everyday people we interact with.

My mother also once said that the best way to get to  know someone is to give them a compliment. She does this do make a connection. For example we could be at the park and she might see someone and  say, "What kind of dog is that? or What a beautiful baby."  She really means it too, but for her she is very disarming and she enjoys meeting others.

Holiday meals with her family are some of her favorite times too whether it Thanksgiving, or Jewish holidays such as Rosh Hashanah or Passover it is a good excuse to see family eat delicious food, and enjoy plenty of laughter.  

In keeping with this theme I remember one time we were reading the Passover Haggadah the book that relates the Jew's exodus from Egypt and flight from slavery. We were going around the table doing responsive reading when my mother instead of saying "The Egyptians made the Jews suffer." She said "The Egyptians made them supper."

"Mom, you meant suffer right?"

She laughed along with us, and said "Maybe they should have made them supper too." 

I happen to agree and I feel that maybe had the ancient Egyptians sat down with the Jews they would have learned about each other and found out that really have a lot in common, and had my mother been there I know she would have won them over too.

Post 201: Things I wish I could Unsee but Can't

Yesterday I went to a junior varsity basketball game in Canarsie Brooklyn (New York) To watch my friend coach against a team from Staten Island. The game was very close and my friend's team ended up losing by two points at the buzzer. Personally I think there was some bad reffing by the officials which contributed to the loss. The fans at Wanger High School were very disrespectful too. Who runs onto a court after a basketball game? I was concerned for the players safety. There was barely any security either.

Coming back to my house I went to an outstanding Pizza restaurant. Now, normally the place is great. I had two slices a plain (terrific) and a Sicilian slice (just ok) the problem is when I went to leave the restaurant I had to use the bathroom and there was only one stall available.  I used the toilet and then went to use the sink to wash my hands.  I got the shock of my life because I saw a huge amount of hair in the sink, but not just any hair but black pubic hair I believe.  I want to think it was beard hair (I hope) but either way why was the sink completely filled with it? and who uses a public bathroom to trim their pubic hair? Gross.

 The delicious slice in my stomach turned green.  Fortunately, I didn't have to vomit...I informed a waiter about the sink and left disgusted.  Not the way I wanted to leave after sitting for so long at the basketball game.  but it made me wonder what other shocking images have I seen? Or have my friends...I mean, it's not as extreme as what soldiers see during wars, but nevertheless, it can scar us to some degree. It's like visual food poisoning.

I just read in the New York Times how a kidnapper was released after serving forty years in prison for kidnapping and burying alive many elementary aged students. Those children who are now adults still have anxiety and nightmares. and rightly so.  Maybe the kidnappers should have experienced the same thing to see what it was like.  I don't know.  Maybe two wrongs don't make a right.

How about the time I saw one homeless guy in NYC without pants reading the paper in  station like he was commuter.  My brother and I even saw a homeless many defecating on the sidewalk as we were walking down Queens Blvd. I guess if you have to go you have to go, but why couldn't he hit up a McDonalds?

Other things that can scar you are things in restaurants like a mouse running under your table, a hair in you food, a cockroach running around.  Everyone in the place seems happy and is laughing and you are the only one appalled.

I was in a Chinese restaurant in NYC and a mouse ran under my table when I informed a waiter he asked, "Where did it go?"

"How should I know? I'm not  zookeeper." I told him as I left. What are they going to do rehabilitate him?

Also the smell of vomit even if it's your own. I was in New Orleans and mistakenly ate white clam pizza.  I got violently sick and vomited right next to my hotel room. Sometimes it's true when you have to go you go....

Travel can be shocking too like the time I willing ate horsemeat (terrible) in Uzbekistan or hoofs of animals for sale...I hate it in Chinese supermarket seeing many animals in very small tanks. Seems cruel too.

That's all I have for now.  No life lesson for the moment.  Please leave a comment if you have any other moments you can't forget. Have a good day and I hope it's memorable for other reasons.

Post 200: My favorite restaurant

I was thinking about what is my favorite restaurant.  I have a few that I like.  The one I like best oddly is my town diner.  It has been around for over fifty years, and for good reason.

I enjoy eating there and find it very relaxing. In particular I appreciate the fact that they know my name and the owner's daughter asks also me how my mother is. I think that in itself is a reason to go back. 

Also, the manager who is Latino always ask me how I am in Spanish and we seem to know every waiter and bus boy.  It  helps that my mother used to teach ESL in town and many of the local help were her students. I think we get preferential treatment as a result. My mother likes it too and often uses the Yiddish term "Haimish" to describe it. loosely translated it means family.  Another plus is that you can park nearby and for my mother who is handicapped that helps. The diner is also a short walk from a small park and over the summer when they have concerts you can eat dinner and then walk over to see the show.

The food at the diner is very fresh and is consistently good too.  Someone once said that if there are large chunks of vegetables in the soup then it's probably homemade. It irks me when I drove by a local pizza parlor who claimed that their soups are homemade and then I saw large containers of Progresso soup in front of the place.  You feel so ripped off.  My friend at work informed me that if the restaurant changes even one ingredient it's still considered homemade. What a joke. 

Speaking of soup. If you know anything about me is that I am bit of soup snob.  I consider myself having high standards. If my brother gives me soup for dinner he will give me a little more than a spoonful. Then he will expectantly wait for my reaction. More often than not I will give a dissatisfied no and he will shake his head, because he knows I'm a bit picky. 

The funny thing is I always like the diner's soup it's consistently good. Especially their matzah ball soup which always tastes  of dill. Although I think they are cutting back because there used to be a lot more chicken.  What I like I about it is that it reminds me of the chicken soup my mother used to make.  She would say she was "cooking with love" and that is how I think food should be.

When I take out food or eat there I generally order the same thing. Spinach pie and a Greek Salad. It comes with soup (Which I like) and iced coffee.  It's not every day I eat a salad so feel like I am eating healthy and the busboys are constantly refilling our coffee cups, and almost always you never have to ask for a refill.  When I am having lunch there it always feels like I am on vacation and when I really do take a day off from work and have lunch there or take out it always relaxes me.

If we go there for dinner which happens on occasion, we usually salmon and sweet potato, and I always leave room for dessert. In particular I like their rice pudding which according to the owner's daughter is her grandmother's recipe.  Imagine a sundae glass filled with creamy white pudding and a large amount of whipped cream. You really have to split it, and why wouldn't you because it tastes so good.

One downside of a successful diner is that they get very busy and noisy. Fortunately because of of COVID they added a lot more outdoor dining. So you get some sun, fresh air, and good food.  Although it does get a bit noisy too from some of the car traffic. For me it's worth it.

Last week I went to the diner to take out my usual Greek fare, and the owner asked me if I wanted to join the rewards program which I did and then informed me that they have to raise prices for credit card transactions which they never did before, which makes sense because of supply chain issues and inflation, but in my book it's worth it because as they say in the credit card commercials when you have a great experience like lunch at my local diner, it's truly priceless.

Photo by shawnanggg on Unsplash

Post 199: My first computer

 

It was 1981 and I was a freshman in high school.  More than anything I wanted a computer. Not just any computer but an Apple 2+. Nowadays it seems like everyone has a smartphone and/or a laptop/desktop, but back then having your own computer was less common especially if you were my age.

The problem was that the computer I was interested in cost $1000 which was a lot of money today and even more so back then especially for someone 14 years old. What did you get for $1000? Not much by today's standards.  It only bought you a computer. No monitor, no printer, no modem, not even a hard drive.  It only came with a disc drive.  A light on the disc drive  turned red and whirred when you put the floppy disc (software) inside to load.

One cool feature though was that you could hook the computer up to with an r/f modulator up to any television.  Fortunately we had an extra 27 inch color TV and I was able to play games and communicate on a large screen. That would probably be a good feature today, but I have a feeling the companies want to make extra money, or maybe are just being efficient.

One other fond memory I have is that my childhood friend Bruce, who now runs a tool company, helped me install and negotiate my first modem.  I remember the sound the computer used to make when connecting to a billboard. It was like the early AOL/fax machine connections.  The problem was that at first the modem didn't work. Back then you could open up the computer and install the parts. Not so easy today.  My friend Bruce called up the local computer store owner to complain that the modem wasn't working. The conversation went something like this.

"Mr. Yoon, the modem isn't working"

Mr. Yoon would reply, "It is working."

"No, Yoon, it's broken." Bruce replied adamantly.

This went back and forth until finally Mr. Yoon relented and replaced the modem.  Whatever happened to the customer always being right?  To this day when things go wrong in life we refer to it as "Modem dead."

There were also some issues too with certain websites.  Back in the early 80's It was like the wild wild west.  There were no censors or software to protect children and some people we encountered probably were predators. Fortunately though nothing bad happened.

There were many also happy memories. I remember fondly being in a computer store in White Plains, New York playing a text adventure game called Zork.  What I liked about that game was that you could problem solve and have an escape for several hours. It not like computers today with all the graphics you had to use your imagination.  Over time new games came out.  My friends and I used to joke when a dirty text adventure was released that we all had to play.

One of favorite games was Castle Wolfenstein.  It was a program that the user got to kill Nazi's.  It was a fun game, but every once in a while I got scared because you would hear German words from one of the people in the game.  

Over the years the computer games have become more and more advanced and the graphics more realistic, and I'm not even talking about using VR goggles. I can only imagine what that's like. A true another world.

Many years later, when I was living in my own apartment, my mother called to inform me that there was a flood in the basement and my computer was  damaged.  She told me that she threw it out. I was very upset, because of all the fond memories the computer had given me and it was also my first introduction to computers.   In addition, I found out that a working apple computer was worth several thousand dollars if I was so inclined to sell it. What a loss.

Fortunately I still have all the software in my closet and most importantly the memories I have using that computer.  It was my first computer, and like many things in life. You always remember your first.

 

Photo by Museums Victoria on Unsplash

Post 150: On our way

 

On Our Way

We’re on our way,

To make the peace,

To right the wrong,

To set people free.

We’ve sent the troops,

We’ve packed their bags,

We gave them kisses,

And well wishes,

And saluted the flag.

We had a last meal of cereal, and lost moments,

Holding hands our thoughts like chains unbroken,

The time seemed so holy.

I checked my uniform for dust and wrinkles,

I checked my cap for starch and crinkles.

I hugged my wife, and kissed my child,

I said goodbye,

Hopefully for a very short while.

The plane departed,

The men were glum,

A patriotic song began,

But no one sung.

Outside the window the landscape disappeared,

And later the endless water was all I could see.

Then we touched down on the hundred-degree ground,

But my thoughts were in America, so far away right now.

The mission is peace in the Middle East,

The goal is something I know is very hard,

But I am an American soldier, 

Proud of my country, my flag, and my God.

Art from the Heart · Poem 7: On our way

Post 142: Assumptions (Or why you shouldn't wear a hoodie to the bank)

I feel like this could be a question someone might might ask in a Podcast. 

I mean how many times has this happened to you or someone you know?  I'm not sure if it a micro aggression, flattery, or downright prejudice.  For example, today I needed to get to my accountant in Queens, and I had to get some quarters for the meter. However, my usual bank and the bank across the street either were operating too slow, or "Just out of them" So, I went to a bank I had never been to before in my blue hoodie and sweatpants. Bad idea.

I don't think I looked terrible. I shaved this morning and my mask was clean. I know they say that clothes make the man, but do certain outfits lead to questions? Or even assumptions?

I spoke to a teller at the third bank and mentioned that it was hard to get quarters because there was a coin shortage.

The woman looked at me and said, "We don't usually give out change to people who aren't customers."

I looked back at her and replied with indignation, "How do you know that I'm not a customer? Or a potential customer?

She looked at me, nodded, and then said that I was right.

I thanked her and left, but part of me fantasized about showing how wealthy I am (not in real life) and saying I won't be a client of her bank. (As if I had a lot of money) Was it chutzpah on her part, prejudice, or microaggression. I really don't know. Maybe I'm imagining things. At least I got my quarters, but it got me thinking if others have experienced the same thing.

After my time at the bank and accountant I went next door for some Polish food. Now, I have some Polish and Russian ancestry however I don't speak very much of either language, but inevitably before I buy anything the woman behind the counter always greets me in Polish. I think she assumes that I could be Polish. At least she was friendly to me.

Based on how I look I guess I could be.  This experience doesn't bother me that much and I find it somewhat funny. It's also happened to my friends before. My friends Dave and Nathan and Mike were perceived to be Greek and spoken to in the language as well.

Getting back to clothes. I've heard that airlines and restaurants sometimes treat people who are wearing suits differently than people dressed in regular clothes. Maybe there is an assumption that the person is successful, or even a better tipper. Even my friend Steve said that when he went to a bar in upstate New York women gave him a lot more attention because the town he went to was in an economic depression and he was seen as "A good catch."

Someone once told me also that violinists and other musicians are sometimes  tested while playing behind screens, because management doesn't want to judge them by looks alone, but rather by talent, or how baseball scouts thought that some players were better if their bodies were more typical of some stereotypical body of perfection in their eyes. Something out of Plato's golden ratio, I suppose.

I've also heard that you should smile (If you can) in drivers license photos because you are less likely to get a ticket if the officer thinks you are a nice person...and that people who wear glasses at job interviews are perceived as smarter. These seem to be helpful assumptions but really they speak to the same problem, not just the halo principal.

What disturbs me is how quickly one incorrect perception without all the information could be incorrect and sometimes even deadly.

I think it was Steven Covey who said, "First seek to understand and then to be understood."

For example, I remember one time I was at a gas station on Long Island and someone started to honk me as I was preparing to drive off. I got angry at the honking thinking the person was trying to hurry/harass me but when I rolled down my window the other driver replied, "Your gas cap is off." Here it was I was ready to start a beef with him when he was really just trying to help. 

In the end, I feel we shouldn't make judgements about others unless we truly learn more about the person, because underneath all the clothes (Even hoodies and sweats) we are all the same. Human. I just wish everyone including banks felt the same.  Maybe the next time I fly or go back to the bank in a suit to see what they will say. Who knows, there might even be change. Literally.

 

Thanks to Usman Yousaf for allowing us to use the photo you took photo for the blog from Unsplash

Post 198: Is it worth the wait?

 I once heard that we spend several years of our lives waiting in line, and I wonder if it truly worth it.  Think about how many times we wait for things: We wait at the post office, the doctors office, the bank, car repair, and department of motor vehicles for our turn. We wait for the results of the SAT's, to get a COVID vaccine, health test results, news of an expectant mother, someone's health at the hospital. We wait for a store to open, a check to clear, our IRS refund, and almost always the train or bus to arrive.

Yesterday was tax day for me. I went to the bank and to my accountant.  I went when the bank first opened and some people were griping that there was only one person handling the growing line. The truth is we have minor inconveniences and some people around the world and in our country are facing life or death such as war and starvation.

After my wait at the bank, I went to Queens to visit my accountant. He is a great guy but had an accident last year so I was unable to see him then, but he still did my return.    This time I had to wait an hour and a half before he was available.  But I suppose the statement "Good things come to those who wait."  because I ended up getting some money back and was also able to do my mother's return.

We often wait for pleasant things too: To see a movie, a concert, a Broadway show, our favorite restaurant. A package to arrive, a date who is getting ready, etc.

Sometimes things are worth the wait, other times the wait seems too long, but remember we can make the unpleasant experience more pleasant.  Think about Tom Sawyer who turned white washing of a fence into an opportunity for some fun. Next time you are waiting you could be reading a book, a magazine, or watching a video you like.  I remember years ago I was waiting at the Flushing Town hall for free Shakespeare tickets in Central Park.

Usually I would get their at 6 or 7 am to wait bring chairs because they don't give out tickets till 1 pm.  The deal was I would get their early with chairs and my brother who likes to sleep late who arrive around 10ish with breakfast.  Someone asked me what time I got there and when I said six he replied that I was "Hardcore."  I viewed waiting in line as fun.  I could read the play or most of it, talk to people, and you never know what could happen.  I remember a strange man came up to me once and asked,

"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?"

I paused and then replied without missing a beat, "Practice, practice, practice."

 I figured when was the next time I was going to be able to say that joke.  The man seemed irate and stormed off.  Fortunately nothing happened to me.  I got the tickets a few hours later that night saw a wonderful show.  I have seen several. The point is that if I never waited I would never have been able to see so much great theater for free.

Life Lesson 197: I've heard it been said that a pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; while the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.  It is my hope that the next time you are waiting in line rather than see it as a challenge or burden to bare that you see it as time to make the most of things.  Let's face it our time is precious use it wisely, keep a positive attitude, and most importantly don't forget to bring your book.

Post 181: Hey Governor Desantis, Fauci you!

Its interesting six months ago I was pleased that Florida's Governor Ron DeSantis despite being a bully and Trump loyalist, did such a great job inoculating senior citizens against COVID, and my 88 year old mother was able to get a shot quite quickly.

Now however Florida, like many places in the world, is being overrun by the Delta variant.  Hospital emergency wards are at capacity even children's hospitals and DeSantis is still so defiant to address this grave problem (no pun intended)

He has tried to pass laws to prevent mask mandates even as the daily COVID rate is at its highest level yet, and hospital emergency wards are at capacity. Even children's hospitals. He has sued the CDC to prevent it having cruise ships  require passengers to show they are immunized, and is totally against COVID vaccination passports. Worst of all, he mocked Dr. Anthony Fauci on his own official website.  Something along the lines of "Don't Fauci Florida." Which to me is very short sighted.

Instead of mocking Dr. Fauci and getting his advice to help the people of Florida, he is putting roadblocks as President Biden suggested and people are ending up being hospitalized and dying as a result.

Governor DeSantis don't let your political aspirations become more important than respirations.  Your people are dying of lack of oxygen.  And while masks can make it harder to talk or hear what people are saying a little difficulty breathing pales in comparison to a complete loss of breath.

So, in conclusion, remember that a good leader truly listens to his people, different points of view, and most importantly science.  Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can.  Now is the time to act.  You don't need to be in the middle of a hurricane to know that one is coming.  Act now! 

The people of America are waiting and watching.

Post 197: Sometimes Its Better to Just Stay in Bed

 It's 12:30 in the morning and I'm wondering if I have food poisoning or just nauseous from my last meal.  Considering my day today I wouldn't be surprised.

I woke up early yesterday morning and went downstairs to the basement to do some laundry. I noticed my brother had neglected to put the laundry in the dryer, but the bigger issue was the two sinks adjacent to the washing machine were filled with brown water and possibly sewage.

What am I going to do?  Because it was Saturday, plumber availability was limited, and since this was more of a sewage issue, I needed to call a sewer repair person. Fortunately the local plumber referred me to someone who worked on Long Island and he came relatively quickly to resolve the issue.

I ended up paying over a hundred dollars to fix the problem. Considering how dirty the job and how smelly, it was probably money well spent, but in retrospect I probably should have gotten a price quote first and also asked him to clean up afterwards because there was sewage everywhere including the walls.  

I told my brother that the man had found wipes in the line, and while my brother denied causing it at first it he came around to admit that he may have used wipes to clean the toilet and then flushed them (FYI neither one really breaks down in the sewage line)

Basically I was angry all morning. After resolving my first crisis and grading a lot of papers I went out to do some food shopping.

My brother recently got into a car accident on Northern Blvd.  .  Fortunately, he wasn't hurt, and neither was the other driver who was driving an Escalade, but his car was totaled.

I finally got out of the house (At least temporarily) to do some food shopping. My sister S.  gave me good advice to try to relax.  Because it was a beautiful day and 50+ degrees she suggested I go to the park and do some reading and some walking. I probably should  have done just that.  It's important to notice if we are experiencing/have experienced stress do something to make yourself feel better before facing other challenges.  

Instead I decided I wanted to drown my sorrows with Shake Shack. In the past, when my father had a bad date he would do the same with White Castle.  I thought  Shack would make me feel better but I I overlooked the stressful trip to get there.

I know many of you do not live in America, but we have an excellent Mall.  The problem is that because it was beautiful Saturday the parking lot that I wanted to go to near the mall was packed.  Basically I had to drive backroads to get there and I was lucky to get a parking space.  I ordered several items in advance and thought that the food would destress me. Wrong. I guess my body is not used to food with so much fat.  

It's times like this when you just wonder if were better if I you stayed in bed, but also it makes me think that trying to overcome obstacles by yourself is a bit isolating and challenging.  I was able to overcome the first one today and later I will call AAA to see if they can start the Honda.  I hope that cure is less expensive.

One thing that did make me feel a bit better was that I thought to myself the following statement. "What went right today?...." instead of what went wrong.  It occurred to me that there were some good things.

1) I was able to resolve the sewage issue relatively quickly and I know had my mother been there I would never hear the end of it.

2) I was able to grade all my papers for work.  More than I probably would have this weekend.

3) I was able to pick up food from the supermarket.

4) I read a book that interested me.

5) I did it all by myself. No safety net.

Life Lesson 197: People sometimes say that money is the root of all evil. The more accurate statement is "The love of money is the root of all equal" fortunately I don't have the latter.

What I can say is that we will all face difficulties, but how we look at life's challenges is important.

The next time you face a difficult day ask yourself, "How can I resolve this?" and "What went right today?"

Also, try to be more like the Japanese who in business rather than assign blame. Ask how can we resolve this issue? It feels good to hold people accountable but does that create ill will in the future. I don't know.

I would add to not try to drown your sorrows in alcohol or food or anything else for that matter, because in the long run that is really just a crutch. It's healthier to just say "Shit happens. What now? and how can I turn these lemons into lemonade."

Story 64: How to wear many hats. Literally.

My friend Michael and I wore a lot of interesting hats in our travels.  Mazars in Afghanistan, Topis in Uzebekistan, and Kefiahs and Fez in Turkey.  We actually got into trouble in Turkey when we wore traditional two foot high dervish hats and spun around in a market.  We didn’t realize at the time that there was a religious aspect to them so we switched to wearing fez instead.

One day, we decided to wear Kefiahs in Cappadoccia, Turkey the ancient city famed for having built civilizations into the mountains.  The people of Capadoccia evaded the Romans for many years much like the Ancient Israelites at Masada.

While we were walking around the site, our guide related something he heard a young child say to his mother in Turkish.  To paraphrase,

“Look mommy, those men are from Saudi Arabia, I learned about them at school.”

When I told Mike what our friend and guide Emre had said, Michael literally fell on the floor and laughed.  For years we have imitated the  boy’s supposed high pitch voice in other situations.

Life Lesson 64: Sometimes we just want to fit in, other times we want to stand out, but don’t be afraid to be different, because being unique is a great quality.  In addition to the international hats I have acquired over the years, I also have the pictures,  and most importantly I have the fond memories of wearing them too.

Post 196: Forget Stop and Shop, its more like stop, drop, and run

 So, I went to Stop and Shop earlier today after picking up some takeout deli from Ben's on Long Island. We are expecting some bad weather tonight so I thought it would be a good idea to get some prepared food and and few more grocery items. It turned out to be a mistake.

The first red flag was that the carts in the front of the store were locked together.  I know its probably to prevent them from blowing away in the wind, but I didn't feel like getting a cart from the parking lot so picked up a basket to shop a bit, and also a little workout carrying things.

My main objective was organic bananas anything other than that was a bonus.  I think in general that is how I usually shop. Rarely with a list I just shop and see what happens. Probably a bad idea.  I also forgot shopping bags.  In some stores in New York they charge you for paper bags. I really should try to remember to bring them, or leave them in the trunk.   Today I had "bag envy"

After walking down the produce aisle I got ready to check out, but unfortunately there was no express, and every cart I saw was at capacity.  I was a bit annoyed, and I dislike the self checkout so I just put everything back where I found it and turned to leave the store.

To be fair I didn't just leave the basket with the food in it because I thought it was bad form, but part of me felt like a bit of a quitter.

I suppose I have to keep things in perspective because even though food is important in the scheme of things our mental health and the time we have is equally so.

One other thing I want to mention is that when I was walking into Ben's earlier there was a man limping behind me so I held the door for him to get inside and after I held it someone else did the same. Courtesy and good deeds are contagious I suppose.

The man  with a limp said to anyone who would listen that he fell down a flight of stairs earlier in the day but wasn't going to let anything stop him from having his lunch. That really impressed me, but I don't know what he would have done if had to wait on a line in the grocery store with a full basket though. 

Life Lesson 196: They say that some things are worth the wait, but I would argue that a few organic items for a salad probably aren't, and for me that certainly is food for thought, literally.

 At least I got the knish.

Post 195: The Life Cycle

The clock is ticking

And soon I’ll be 55

And it got me thinking

Why am I alive?

Tragedy seems to be happening

Every single day

Or maybe I’m just focusing on the wrong things

I wish I could look away

You see one loss is something 

Something we can all usually stand

But when it hits us back to back overwhelming

So sad, and hard to understand

A moving car, a health battle lost

Can each do the same

Emotionally drain us

And drive us a bit insane

It’s times like this that we should stop and think

What else do I want to do?

What remains unwritten

What in the world I want to view?

What could I become?

If I had all the time

I can’t trap it in a bottle

I just want to complete the rhyme

Time also to pray

And time to appreciate what we have

Time to connect with family

And time to say what we need to say

My mother always said

That funerals were for the ones we lost

And shivas to help the living

But I suppose what we need most

Is more time, more love, and more forgiving

I’m not Shakespeare yet

And probably I never need be

But I can still seize the day

And remember to always be me.

Post 194: Loss

 

A Facebook post

A relative lost

Long forgotten phone calls

Cousins but never seen

 

Long Island

Staten Island

Homes by the water

Different lives

But family nevertheless

 

Different views

And temperament at times

But

Family

 

You went to Florida

And things weren’t always Rosy with mom

But there were also birthday dinners at Lugers for the boys

 

I’m sorry I never became your friend on Facebook

Or that you said don’t speak to me again to someone I love

But now that you are gone

I wish

How I wish you were still here

For our family to make amends

And maybe to have you over to celebrate a holiday

I promise not to talk politics

 

You raised three beautiful children

And I hope you are in heaven

If there is one, I think you belong there

With a Giants game on

 

Wait for us

It may be a while

But we hope someday to watch with you too

Rest in Peace Bryna

 

Post 193: I Remember

Art from the Heart · I remember

 

 

I Remember

I remember my neighbors next door

For their kindness and love

And so very much more

 

Sure, there were conflicts

Over the size of the fence

But you always offered to mend it

And always meant what you said

 

So many times, Richard would snowplow our drive

And I still can’t believe you both aren’t alive

 

Marilu and Richard, thank you for all the things that you did

You didn’t deserve to die

You should be home with your kids

 

I remember Marilu the diva, her flan and Spanish rice

I remember how happy you both were

Spending time with Michelle and Kyle

 

Marilu planting flowers

And her trips to Puerto Rico

And Richard talking the news of the time

And how they always treated each other as equals

 

Marilu would always tell my mother she loved her

And that Bruce and I were great sons and brothers

 

Richard and Marilu you will remain in our hearts

Even when the years go by and we are apart

 

RIP I still can’t believe you are gone.

I wish I could have told you one last time how much we appreciate you

Forget good fences make good neighbors

The truth is good memories are what we need most.

 

Post 192: In Search of Jewmas

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

Do you have a present for me?

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

I’m Jewish, but I still have my needs

My mother says not to write

Because we’ve had eight days of gifts

My mother says not to write

But I’m feeling quite adrift

My neighbor has trees with colored lights

And a collection of presents to boot

We have a menorah, latkes, and dreidels to spin

But I wish I could have yours too

You see I know Hanukkah has its lessons and latkes are tasty food

But I sometimes pine for eggnog and presents

And some people can be Scrooges too.

So let me come over and share in your joy

Ill bring my dreidel and try out your toys

I won’t say prayers, but I’ll share in Christmas spirit

Maybe we’ll put a menorah on top of your tree

And we’ll be both in it to win it

We’ll combine our cultures whether we’re Christians, druids, or Jews

Ill finally be able to have it all

And Jewmas will be a holiday for us too.

Post 191: The End of Snow

 

 

Snow will end soon

Not to be morose

Snow will end soon

Everybody knows

 

Power up

Power up

China’s working 24/7

 

Power up

Power up

India’s in coal heaven

 

But remember the dinosaurs?

Now they’re coal too

Humans could be the future coal

And that’s the sad scary truth

 

People deny it is happening

They blame it on the cows

But if we don’t change our ways

It could be someday ours.

Post 189: Stop Running!

Stop running!

Stop running!

We just want to talk

Stop running!

Stop running!

We think it’s your fault

We saw you at the jobsite

We know what you did

You committed the crimes

You ran and you hid

We’ve got the proof

And the truck to arrest

We know the truth

And your hide we’ll get get

You ain’t no peach

But a plum to the core

Our true president knows

He knows the score

What hate? we’re just doing our jobs

The police are busy with your angry mobs

My son, my friend and I are jury and judge

Who needs the police when I have my truck and my gun?

Don’t move. don’t fight back!

Kyle said it’s self defense

And by God that’s going to be our tact.

Arrested? for what?

You committed the crime.

A trio of murder. Really?

We have to do the time?

Yes, because unlike you, 

We have impartial jurors and

Scales of justice that are blind.

R.I.P. Ahmaud Arbery