Post 158: TULSA A HUNDRED YEARS LATER

Tonight I dreamt of Tulsa

Understanding it less and less

Loss of life because of hatred, jealousy, and fear

So many African American lives, businesses, futures, and families destroyed

America is supposed be the home of the brave

America is supposed to be a land of freedom from persecution

How could this happen in America?

Unknown  the names of all the lost

Night filled with the sound of screams and planes dropping bombs on the innocent

Dreams destroyed along with Black Wall Street

Remember, remember, remember

Everyone dreams

Dreams are the way to deal with the past and plan for the future

You can honor the forgotten

Every year on the anniversary and if taught in school

Action and compassion

Rebirth and rebuild

Some day is today

Let

America be a light onto all the other nations

Take responsibility for our history and don't accept hate in any shape or form

Each day is precious as all lives are and never forget the past

Remember the Alamo, remember the Maine, remember Tulsa, learn from their pain

Post 157: Memorial Day

I did not attend the Memorial Day parade,

But it wasn’t because I had nothing to say.

It wasn’t because I did not believe,

It wasn’t because I did not value their deeds.

I had something instead that I needed to do,

I have some memories of my own if you want to know the truth.

I have made mistakes and blunders, and have ill spoken words,

I have hurt others, and made many things worse.

On Memorial Day when many mourn and feel blue,

Remember the person who is gone, their deeds, and what they mean to you.

Never let memories of them grow stagnant or old,

Because the world can still be beautiful, and their story must be told.

A dream realized is a dream no more,

And memories can be pleasant or be quite sore.

What we do with thoughts will determine our way,

Our memories guide us, but we have the final say.

I did not attend the Memorial Day parade,

But now that it’s over I wish that I came.

I wish that my thoughts could be filled with good cheer,

I wish that my life could be lived without fear.

The band played on,

The Merchant Marines proudly marched,

Time moved on,

And so have my thoughts.

Post: What not to say at a memorial

When my brother Bruce and I visited Hawaii with our family a few years ago, we had the opportunity of experiencing the big island and Oahu.  It was a great trip.  I loved walking the crater at Volcanoes National Park, staying in a rainforest, snorkeling, horseback riding, and just relaxing after my trip to Central Asia.  I wish I could have a house in Hawaii someday, and perhaps someday I will.

We also had a chance to visit Pearl Harbor.  Interestingly, we walked around  inside and outside the The Arizona, the ship where the Japanese surrendered. We were there  on the anniversary of their surrender.   There were American flags everywhere and I was told, a huge group of press in attendance earlier in the day during the ceremony.

In addition, we saw the memorial to the Missouri.  The memorial is in the water above the wreckage of the destroyed ship.   I was annoyed that some  tourists were making smiley faces in the memorial and flashing peace signs, and I felt they should be a bit more respectful considering there were many Americans who died underneath the waters.  Perhaps I was a being a bit sensitive, but I felt anyone at a memorial should be more aware.  You never know whose family member perished during the attack.

There were also droplets of oil that still leak up to the surface even more than fifty years later.  Some people have asked why they don’t plug up the holes, but it is a reminder of the destruction and loss of life. and to never forget our soldiers sacrifice.

Before we actually got to the Missouri however, we all saw a brief film at the Pearl Harbor museum which is on shore.  My brother Bruce and I were both wearing US Marine hats, and an Asian tour guide  possibly Japanese-American took a liking to us, and told us the dumbest questions any tourist has ever asked him.

“What did they they say?” I asked the man.

“Well,” he began. “One person asked, ‘Why don’t they move the memorial closer to Waikiki beach so it will be more convenient for the tourists.’ “

“They didn’t realize that people died there, and it would involve desecrating a grave.” He informed us.

“Wow.” I simply said.

“And that’s not even the worst one,” he began.  “The dumbest thing any tourist asked me was, ‘After we see the Missouri and the Arizona, can you show us where the Japanese dropped the atomic bomb?’ “

“I was so angry,” he told us. “That I squeezed my hands into tight fists and told my co-worker to answer their question  and I stormed off.”

Bruce and I were shocked and amazed.  We thanked the guide for his patience and help, and shook his hand in appreciation.

I turned to Bruce and said, “ A lot of ignorant people out there, and to think their vote counts the same as mine.”

“Yes,” Bruce replied. “That’s what it’s like to live in a free country. We have to take the good with the bad, the smart and the dumb, and people from all walks of life.  Our diversity makes us great, freedom of speech, freedom from tyranny.”

“And vacations are vacation from everything else,” I said.  “Freedom from work, freedom from our diets, and a time to get away from a few of the misinformed for a while.”

Bruce nodded in agreement, and we headed to see the Missouri.

Life Lesson 66: It’s important to learn tolerance, but even more valuable to learn acceptance of others.  That some people will always be foolish, but It is equally to try and change them. Instead just chalk it up to ignorance.  Also, remember to learn the lessons of history so we don't repeat them.

Post 155: Do you know brave?

Do you know brave? 

I think I might, 

I don’t think it’s me, 

At least not every night. 

I see it in the soldiers, 

The FDNY, 

The police when called to a scene, 

And doctors, nurses, and EMT’s when saving lives.

There are people coping with corona, 

Or the loss of a home, 

Children with a terrible illness, 

And those who now live alone. 

But here too at a bagel store,

Located on L.I. turnpike, 

I think I see it also, 

By everyday people living their lives. 

I see it in the one-legged girl who talks about science, and laughs as if nothing’s wrong, 

The 95 year-old World War Two veteran who reads his kindle and stumbles along, 

Both are friendly and going about their day, 

You never hear any excuses coming their way. 

The special needs woman or man who probably works harder than I ever can.

They feel glad to be working, 

Appreciate that they were given a chance, 

Shows us that pre-judging is wrong, 

And that we all can advance. 

Too often we look on the wrong side of life, 

While others live by example, 

It’s something we should all try. 

So instead of staring or saying ill spoken words, 

Learn from their examples, 

Appreciate the diverse. 

You can be brave, too you don’t always need to cry, 

Face your troubles head-on,

Are you ready to try?

 

Post 153: Moments

 

They can fill us with pride

Or burn us from inside

The things that we remember 

The things that we did

Can haunt our time awake

And make us feel less big

I can't take it back

I can't change the past

And every time I drive by where we met

All I can do is ask

Will you ever forgive me?

Do you I know I regret it every day?

It was a lapse of judgement I promise

That's all I can tell you

That's all I can say

How can I atone for the sins of the past?

How can I right the wrong

Move the stone, fill the jug

How long will this guilt last?

I never confessed to a priest

because that's not what we do

I don't know that I need to

I don't know how to tell the truth

And now that I am older

And ready to right the wrong

If only I could tell you I'm sorry

If only I could sing this song

So listen to this tale of woe

Listen to what I have to say

Learn from my mistakes

Learn to do the right

Every single day

Post 152: BLM What does it all mean?

 

BLM what does it all mean?

It means equality

And not some idle dream.

I see men and women 

From different walks of life.

I see them marching together

To make our world finally right.

I see people protesting

And often filled with rage,

I see their signs

I feel their anguish,

I hear their sadness, and their pain.

Black men and women killed without regard

Shot, tasered, stepped on, and on, and on, and on.

When will it end this madness and degradation?

When will African Americans finally be treated with respect,

And not the victims of intimidation.

The police are not the enemy they risk their lives every day,

But their bad apples destroy their soul,

And I how I wish their could be change.

Innocent people murdered is a cancer and a threat to the soul of our nation too

It must me cured, 

It must be treated,

There must something we can do?

It's not too late to raise our voices. The president is different and not indifferent to the causes.

Shout out BLM

To all that will hear.

Ring out the bells

It's time.

It's time.

For equality, non-violence, and freedom from fear.

Post 151: The slow way is often the best way

 

Today I drove my mother to get her nails done. My sister wanted to treat her for her birthday. My mom is turning 85 next week.  Where does the time go? It got me thinking about time and life.  It occurred to me that  when we rush though life or are distracted for example eating very fast and watching TV we miss out on the taste and enjoyment of our food and neglect our family and meaningful conversation.  Also, my whole family seems to inevitably choke on food from time to time and I firmly believe that if we all slowed our eating down and not talked at the same time it wouldn't happen as often.  In addition, they often say it takes 30 minutes to tell if you are full, so maybe if all slowed down we would also eat less and be healthier overall.

On the way to nail salon I decided to take the Long Island Expressway (LIE) service road.  Today was a sunny May day and my mother after a short while began to sleep.  I had the air conditioner on low and had the songs of Peter, Paul, and Mary's greatest hits on in the background. It almost seemed like a meditative moment and I cried a bit, because this was a precious time for me. I don't know how many more times I can do this. Who really knows how much time we have.  Jim Croce talked about Time in a Bottle. If only life were so simple.

I actually got to the nail salon one hour early. My mother with all her great strengths like being the worlds best schmoozer (She really should run for mayor of our town)  takes forever to get out of the house.  My father used to say she was always "Potchkeying". Meaning she really took her time and was often late.  He would frequently tell her that an airplane flight was at 11:00 when it really was at 12:00 because he knew she was always tidying up...and needed the extra time. Today I told her appointment was at 4 when it really was 4:30. Well we had enough time to have a healthy Greek lunch and she had a great experience getting all glammed up with my sister. She really deserves to pampering, because I don't think she would do it on our own.

Driving back home after the the nail appointment we picked up some Japanese food and headed to our local favorite park Stepping Stone, but they were about to close so we ended up eating at home instead and watched  old Star Trek episodes.  Pretty relaxing for me but you cant beat having a picnic dinner at the park with good food and watching a sunset. Sometimes the moments at the park watching the sunset, water or just spending time soaking up the sun is the only time we venture out.  Our park is definitely a delight.  But obviously we are not the only ones who feel this way.  It seems that taking a break like the way that many religions such as the 7th day Adventists, Jews, Muslims, etc. A day off to reconnect can slow down our pace, and perhaps appreciate life, and live longer. Scenic drives are also similar as are days at the spa or even one's birthday. A day when it seems like we are all wearing armor and nothing can upset us...Or at least that's how I feel sometimes.

Life Lesson 151: Sometimes the race doesn't always go to the swiftest sometimes it goes to most persistent. That's the way I would feel when I competed in a bicycle tour.  I got the same T shirt that everyone else did even if I  had to push my bike uphill, but maybe I appreciated the experience even more because I took my time to enjoy the tour, or at least acknowledged the effort it took to complete it.  I firmly believe that this is a good philosophy for life, and I am posting one of my more recent poems that reflects this point of view, and don't forget when it comes to life, "Go slow!"

Go Slow

The time clock’s moving, 

The payroll secretary disapproving, 

And still I say, go slow. 

Your date is glaring, 

Her bed she won’t be sharing, 

And still I say, go slow. 

The doctor is stewing, 

Which procedure you should be doing, 

And still I say, go slow. 

The bride is blushing, 

The groom is home and rushing, 

And still I say, go slow. 

The plane is starting, 

Your flight is soon departing, 

And still I say, go slow. 

The kids have waited, 

The principal is frustrated, 

And still I say, go slow. 

The mother has been pushing,

 Her newborn needs a soothing,

 And still I say, go slow. 

Your life feels like it’s moving, 

The moments are yours for choosing,

And still I say, go slow.

Art from the Heart · Poem 8: Go slow

Post 148: Peace When?

 

 

Leah Rabin shed a tear at her husband’s grave,

It landed on the ground, and soon others came.

 

The water started flowing the ground began to thunder,

The footsteps of the mourners, and cries of shock and wonder.

 

The flowers started piling,

The rocks grew wide and tall,

The people kept coming,

Till there was no space at all.

 

The kaddish said in union,

The lamentations for Rabin,

Who gave his life for peace,

But what does it all mean?

 

We’ll remember his sacrifice,

And the lives that he touched,

Peace will come yet in the Middle East,

If only we can trust.

  

Post 144: Even more pet peeves (The mystery of the one-sided bagel)

A few months ago I was in Florida and I went to one of my favorite

 spots (Einstein bagels) and I noticed that my everything bagel had

 spices on it, but only one side...Why? It is a Florida thing. New York

 bagels usually have seasonings on both sides.. Are they being

 cheap? or is it quicker to only spice one side? I don't know...I also  

recently went to a very good gluten free bakery on Long Island and

spent $3 for for a  gluten free bagel, and surprise seeds on only

 one side...I felt ripped off.

It makes me wonder if anyone has experienced the same thing. It 

sounds picky, but I have my standards. It also got me thinking about 

other things that are one-sided or two sided...and have you ever felt

the same way?

In New York we pay for two license plates, but in Florida they only 

require one...So, we pay twice the cost for license plates. Somehow 

this seems unfair. 

Also, why is it that supermarkets always leave out the prices of 

certain things. I was in King Kullen supermarket checking out the 

organic blueberries, and of course there were no prices. Sometimes I 

wonder if it deliberate because they don't want you to know how 

expensive it is.

Another thing that bothers me is why do I inevitably get a shopping 

cart that malfunctions halfway through my shopping. What is it? Is 

there a self-destruct button to bother shoppers? And how about 

Granny carts" why do they inevitably lose one wheel...Technically 

they still work, but one wrong move and eggs are on the ground.

Maybe I'm just being petty.

Also, how about when you take out food only to discover that 

something is missing from your order.  It happens all the time, and if 

you don't take the time to check your order it always seems like they 

got over on you.

Then there are people who drive with their handicap parking permit

 on their rearview mirror. I mean I understand they are handicapped

 like my mother but do they realize it can obscure their visibility and

 its also illegal to drive with it on?  Also, the people who aren't

 handicapped but park in handicap spaces...I mean really...really..I've

 seen fights break out over handicap spaces...DO THE RIGHT

 THING!

I really don't want to be like the guy from Network who said "I'm 

mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." I can't get that 

upset because we have a pandemic raging around the world.  But I 

guess I can still get irked, maybe that means the little things are 

becoming more important in our lives and we are returning to a new 

normal in the USA.

Post 141: Living la vida Boca part 4

     Florida, what can I say. You either love it or you hate it.  I really 

haven't made up my mind yet.   We are just trying to get out of the 

cold.

    Last year, we were trying to avoid COVID. A lot of good that did. 

This year it's the NY cold weather. So far things seem OK.  My 

mother was also able to get a vaccine today.  I think that's a positive

 thing. In NY  it might have taken a bit longer to get. I think Gov. 

Desantis is trying to curry favor with the Florida seniors.  

    At first I thought he was a jerk up there with hypocrite Matt 

Gaetz,  but I think he may be on to something. It seems that the 

Florida schools seems to be doing well with in person learning, and 

my mother who is over 65 was able to get a shot. So although I don't 

like Desantis or his politics, I give him kudos for his good decision

 to help his constituents.

    I also think that there is a difference between people who live in 

Florida year round, snow birds, and tourists.  At first we were eating 

a lot of meals out, but the longer I live here the more I realize that 

eating at home is less expensive, and also less likely to contract 

COVID. We are also starting explore more than just the beaches.

    My mother and I recently went to Bert Aronson Park.  I didn't 

realize that there are two parts to it. We went to the southern entrance

 and after picking up some sandwiches at Dunkin Donuts we went 

under a gazebo to eat and hopefully watch the sunset.  No such luck. 

 After what seemed only a minute. I felt like I was in Alfred 

Hitchcock's The Birds. There must have been at least 15 aggressive

 black birds.  I think that in Florida the bids are even more aggressive

 than the alligators. I'm not usually worried about birds, because we 

have seagulls and pigeons in NY but this was crazy. So we just left.

Maybe Florida blackbirds are like piranhas. I didn't want to stick 

around to find out. So instead we headed up to the north part of the 

park.

    In the north people were waiting to watch the sunset, going to the

 dog park, water skiing, and driving their jet skis.  I was surprised to 

see water skiing in a public park, but I guess it goes with the 

territory.

    There are some other things that surprises me.  Like iguanas walking around and alligator/snake warnings.  Also, How Bed, Bath, and Beyond bathrooms can be used as a hurricane shelter. You would think there would be actual bathtubs, but no such luck.

    I was sad to see that some stores and restaurants have closed: Shadow Woods theater, Bruce's of Boca, Steinmart, etc.  But I guess Covid having a huge impact on many places across The USA so why should Boca be any different.

Post 140 God bless you T J's despite the Misaging

T J's in an awesome store to shop in. However the other day I went there on a Sunday morning, and things didn't work out exactly the way I wanted, but it did give me a good laugh. Which with the way things are going these days with the Corona virus was much needed.

Before the pandemic I used to go to one location on Sundays.  I know, I know, it's probably better to shop during the week because there are less people in the store, but you know how things are during the week.  We're tired, and there is always traffic.

And when the cupboard is bare and we are in desperate need of toilet paper or some other item, sometimes it requires getting out early, and standing in line.

I really must applaud Trader Joe's for their customer support, and efforts to make shopping enjoyable and safer.  One thing they have done, as some other stores have done as well, is to block out a special time from 9-10 a.m. specifically for seniors (Those 60 and over) while 10 a.m. and beyond are for the general public.

Because I am feeling healthy I have no problem waiting in line with my mask on.  I waited with approximately 15 people at 9:30 a.m. on Sunday.

When I got to the Trader Joe's location I usually go to, a tall man with greyish hair asked me. "Are they still doing the senior line?"

I wasn't sure, but I told him to go to the front and find out.  Which is something he did.

Soon after he approached, I looked up and saw the man I had spoken to motioning me to come too.  At first I wasn't sure he was talking to me so I looked behind me, and realized that he wasn't talking to someone else.  I looked at him once more and again. he motioned me to come, but I said "no" on principal. But after the man entered the store I started laughing hard.  Once again I was "Misaged."  You may have heard of "Misgendered," but I think that being thought of too old or too young can be funny or at times hurtful.  I suppose it depends how you look at things.

The problem is this isn't the first time this has happened.  Maybe I need to start coloring my hair like they say on the TV commercials.  I am "balding" and have greyish hair like Paulie from The Sopranos but come on I'm only 53 do I really look 60 or older?

In the past I might go to a bar, and am flattered if they ask for ID. However most of the time they just take one look and wave me forward.  

Any way back to the story......A few minutes later, an employe of Trader Joe's started walking down the line.  

I heard him say, "Is anyone a senior?" As soon as he approached  me he added,"You can lie. I won't tell anyone."

I stubbornly stood my ground.  He walked to the back of the line where he found a happy 60+ individual to shop.  Then he came back to me.

Now I like to recycle, and hate putting things in the landfill, and we as a family are relatively-militant recyclers.  Or at least try to be.

Seeing that I had several bottles the man asked me if I wanted to recycle them. I think I was the only one on line with bottles.  He said that I should come to the front, and so I did, and fortunately there were no angry comments or stares.

The TJ employee took my bottles, and then I looked up at the woman in front and asked, "Can I come in?"

She took one look at me and without any hesitation said in a friendly manner, "Of course," and handed me a wipe for the cart.

Entering Trader Joe's with such a small number of people was like a dream.  The employee who told me he was 60+  gave me my bottle money with a smile.

It was great.  It was like a ghost town, but with everything in stock even soft toilet paper. Totally unlike my past experiences in the store unless I was shopping mid-week at 8 p.m.  And there was basically no line at checkout.  What a relief.  

When I exited the store it was past 10 a.m. and the line was three times as long. I felt like a V.I.P. I definitely would go back, but I'm not sure if I would still do it again in the same manner.

Life Lesson 140:  Sometimes being a senior has its privileges, and I don't mean just simply AARP discounts, and even if you aren't one being thought of as older isn't always a bad thing.  Remember the times you tried to get into an 'R' rated film or a bar if you were underage?

Nevertheless, while they some people get better with time like a bottle of wine,   there are others who are more like a bottle of Ripple. 

I guess I have to get in shape to make it a more difficult for people to guess how old I am.

And to the staff Trader Joe's, thank you again for your help and kindness. Despite the Misagaging, your prices are excellent and are really senior friendly, but like it is with some older woman, remember it's never polite to ask your age.

Post 139 Don't stand so, dont stand so, dont stand so close to me

This Covid crisis has been so stressful for all of us, but sometimes there are moments of levity that help us cope.

Today I braved the stores.  I was determined to go to a local Italian supermarket to pick up products that I have not been able to get from Amazon, Walmart or Instacart.

Personally, I like all three, but when I buy things from Instacart they always seem to miss something that I need.  I saw an article online about Instacart once said to a person "We don't have toilet paper, how about copy paper?" Personally, whatever I make only I want it is do it once.

Today I got some gas at Mobil and then headed east on Long Island towards my destination. It was about 8:30 this morning, when I realized I needed to use the bathroom. The problem is no place lets you in.  Everything is takeout.  Panera bread (drive thru), Starbucks pick up only.
Finally, I drove by Dunkin Donuts and thank God they were open and I was able to use their bathroom. Even if I did have to wear a mask to enter the store.  

I was relieved literally and figuratively, and then Murphy's law kicked in.  Just as I got in my car, I took off my mask and the string broke.  Now, I don't know if this ever happened to you, but you really can't wear a mask with one string.  I guess it's like trying to wear a bra with one strap.  Doesn't really work too well.

The store I wanted to go to won't let you in unless you have a mask.
I had the latex gloves covered I just needed to solve the mask issue.

When I pulled in front of the Italian market  It was a quarter to nine and I thought let's have my breakfast sandwich first and then I'll try to solve my problem.

I wolfed down my egg and cheese sandwich and then took a look at my mask.  One string was broken.  I started to look in my Jeep to see if I could find any duct tape.  Nothing.  I thought about using a stapler but there wasn't one.  I tried post it notes, nope.  Finally I found a large clip that you usually use with documents.  After a few iterations, a found a position that worked.  Although I felt like someone from Revenge of the Nerds but with a screwed up mask. but fortunately it worked.

I shopped at my store, spent a ton of money, but at least I got to pick out what I wanted, especially hard to get organic produce, and my family and I were able to eat well later.

After I lugged all the stuff to my car, I threw away my gloves and got into it to drive home.  I put my hand in my coat pocket and what did I find? another mask in perfect shape, and I began to laugh.

Life Lesson 139: I've heard it been said in military special forces, "One is none and two is one." that you should always have backups for everything. Redundancies.  I agree. Next time I go somewhere I will try to have at least two masks, and two gloves, etc. So I never get into a similar mess. T

Post 138 Never going back to my old school

This is not a knock on my job as a high school teacher. But I wonder when are we/ the kids going back?  The mayor says April 20th, but who really know for sure?

I guess this is the new normal. My friend Bart told me that his daughter took a book out of the library a few months ago about the Spanish flu.  She asked if it was happening again.  He couldn't really answer. but in many ways she's right. Back then there were no vaccinations for this virus, and we are dealing with the same issues.

I just hope it's not going to be as bad. Surely our medical treatment is state of the art now at least in most places.  But if there can be toilet paper shortages, there could also be glove shortages too. In Africa during the ebola outbreak some hospitals ran out of gloves.  We also need to build more hospitals like they did in China.

What is the answer though? I keep imagining that I have come up with a solution, but I'll leave that to the professionals and just support my loved ones and my neighbors the best I can.

I worry though for the people who rely on day to day wages to survive: Waiters, busboys, dentists, etc.  and will my city run out of money to pay the municipal workers.  who really knows.

How long will this last???  I heard it may take one year for a vaccination to be tested.  I hope we can wait that long.

There has to be a silver lining. Right? One positive is that I heard pollution levels are lower and that may help with global warming.
Also since restaurants are closing people may be doing more outdoor exercise, calling people instead of texting.  and maybe since we are avoiding people maybe STD rates will decline?
Maybe we won't spend money on non-essentials.  I don't know.

In some ways its like the turn of the century or maybe even Depression times.  (I hope not) I hope this wont last.  I am worried about my mother she's turning 87 soon and is coming back from Florida.  Everything is shutting down there and people are leaving.  Snowbirds coming home.  She needs a safety net if you know what I mean.

Post 137 Confessions of a toilet paper hoarder

I'll admit it.  I've been hoarding toilet paper and water, but I wasn't always a hoarder. what is it about Covid 19 that's making people crazy? I guess it's the big what if? Sometimes I feel like we are living in the TV show The Walking Dead.

Recently we were down to three rolls. I went into every store I could: Trader Joe's.  (Should be called Trader who knows?) my mother is coming back from Florida soon and I was running out of options.  I found some tissues in CVS and thought that could be a good substitute in a pinch.

Then I googled toilet paper near me.  A local store that sells office supplies said they had toilet paper in stock. I went over there and bought a scanner while I was there too to help with my job as a teacher.  We are starting remote teaching soon, and I figured it could help me do my job better to create handouts for my students.

After I bought the scanner, I asked the manager if he had any TP coming in.  He gave me his card and said call back after 12. I did so, and he told me he set aside 2 large rolls for me. It felt like I was doing a drug deal. 

I was very appreciative and stuck out my hand to shake his.  He was very surprised and remarked, "You shook my hand."

"Sorry" I said, "force of habit." and with that walked out of the store.

A happy ending in more way than one.

Post 135 Canadian Bacon Part2

I haven't written a blog post in a long time because I have been working on my second book which hopefully will be done by the end of the year.  It includes many original family stories. 

I love to travel and have fun experiences, and it's been one year since I went to Montreal only this time I went with a friend of mine named Barry. 

Traveling by yourself has it's advantages.  You can go anywhere, do anything, and are not locked into someone else's timetable. You also don't have to worry about if your friend snores. 

The problem is that it gets lonely, and sometimes I feel that people treat you better when you are traveling with someone.  For example, I think many waiters anticipate larger tips. That person can also have your back and can make traveling safer. Do you really want to bring all your luggage into a bathroom at an airport when you friend could be watching it for you?

Traveling with a friend also has it's benefits because we can enjoy an experience and reminisce in the future about the great trip we took, or have great conversations over delicious meals.  Driving together can also be more stimulating, because you have someone to talk to.  Let's not forget having a person to take your picture if you forgot your selfie stick.  Also, if I make a joke there's no one to laugh at what you said.

Barry recently got divorced and he wanted to go away for a few days and I suggested Montreal.  It would be a chance to get out of the USA for a while.  I had recently visited Springfield, Mass and New Haven, Connecticut by myself, and while I enjoyed the experience, (Dr Seuss Museum, Yale University, the first burger in the USA, etc.) I feel that traveling with a friend is way better.  If I had a girlfriend or partner that would be the best because you could be intimate too, but it was still nice to get away for a few days with a friend.

Barry had asked me last minute if his friend could come too, but as they say "Two is company and three is a crowd." It's not like it was a menage a toix, even if we were going to French Canada.  Another guy would just be a bit awkward and make it harder to travel. Also, I didn't want someone who was a dud to put a cramp in our traveling.  I wanted freedom to do and go wherever we wanted.  Two is the best I feel. Unless you are traveling with your family.

Anyway after much discussion, I decided to drive to his house in Putnam county.  He is living temporarily with his parent until he gets his life together (Trust me I know how that feels.)

Because I knew Barry's financial situation wasn't great (Not that I am Bill Gates either) I told him hat I had a lot of hotel miles, and was able to get a great rate at a popular chain.  One hotel in Albany, New York I was able to get for free with my hotel points.  He was very happy about that, and who wouldn't be?  I was happy too.

The drive up to his house from Long Island was only about and hour and a half, and the subsequent drive to Albany was only two hours.  I offered to pay for gas, and/or tolls, but since I subsidized the hotel so much he declined.  He also drove the whole way.  Now I am a pretty good driver, but over the years my night vision has gotten a lot worse.  Can you relate?  Also, I have this thing about bridges.   They never used to get me anxious.  Ever since I got an SUV (Jeep) I become nervous if I have cross a large bridge.  For some reason I imagine driving over the edge of one.  It has never happened and hopefully never will, but because I have such a high center of gravity (My car that is LOL), I keep imagining the worst.

One thing that has helped though is positive self-talk. Rather than thinking about worst case scenarios, I have been saying things like "You can do this." or recognize that I have anxiety and not ignore but instead say to myself, "you are feeling a bit anxious, but it's no big deal and you can handle it." Or "You have been to dangerous countries around the world you can handle a bridge."  I also made a a point to relax my neck, and put on calm music like classical.  It has helped a bit.  Let's just say I am a work in progress. Who isn't?

I picked a hotel right near the Crossgates Mall in Albany.  I have been noticing that many hotel chains are building hotels near shopping centers.  Last year the hotel I stayed at in Syracuse was at the largest shopping center in New York.  It was a great hotel, and was walking distance to the mall, and had a shuttle that took you to the state fair.  A great deal!

Barry was my room mate in college in SUNY Albany thirty years ago, and we wanted to go back to our dorm to see if there were any changes a few decades later.  Quite a few as it turns out.

Before we stayed at the hotel though we went to an excellent southern restaurant called the Cuckoo's Nest located in downtown Albany.  The restaurant was located in what seemed to be heavily African American.  Although, most of the customers at the restaurant were Caucasian.  Maybe because it was a bit pricey.  However I think it was the best meal of our trip.

We had all the typical fare: Fried chicken, collard greens, grits, biscuits, and local beer from New England.  In a word, delicious.  If this were Yelp I would strongly recommend it.  After dinner, we went to the mall and did some shopping.

Barry is a great guy, but even good friends have their idiosyncrasies that can be challenging when you spend a lot of time with them. Then again I probably do to he just didn't mention them.

First and foremost, Barry is a huge Mets fan.  Now, liking the Mets in not abnormal.  In fact it shows heart to support a team that has had such an inconsistent record.   Red Sox and Cubs fans know what I mean.

More to come.

Story 133: Canadian Bacon

Before I went back to work at my high school job I went to upstate New York and Canada.  I had a pretty outstanding trip. Even if it was by myself.  A guy I work with said that traveling by yourself is the best way to travel.  Well, I agree and also disagree.

Why is it good? well, no one is there to tell you what to do or not to do.  You can eat what you want when you want.  You can go anywhere, meet new people, have cool experiences, and lets not forget time to think about life. It's also an opportunity to learn self-reliance, and problem solving. As well as a chance to learn another language.

The down? I really believe that life is best when it's shared with someone that we care about whether that is a friend or partner.  Sex aside, it's great to be able to say, "Wow, wasn't that a great meal?"
"Look at Niagara falls that's amazing." Instead of having strangers take your pictures.  You have someone to be with, and who also watches your back.

Summer 2018 was pretty uneventful I taught summer school sex. ed at my college job, went to the pool to walk in the lanes, and saw a lot of outdoor concerts at my town park.  The concerts were very good, but part of me kept thinking if I don't go away I'm going to have regrets.  I don't like living with regrets. Who does?

I came up with the idea to travel north because it was so freaking hot in New York, and Canada seemed a great option.  My brother was going to Florida which seemed crazy to me because of the heat, and I hoped the weather up north would be a bit cooler.  yes and no as it turned out.

My idea was to fly to Buffalo, rent a car and then drive through Canada and then fly out of Syracuse. Sounds good in theory but like life there are always hiccups along the way.

My flight to Buffalo from JFK airport was pretty uneventful, although when I was buying a portable charger, a woman in one of the kiosks ended up stealing a pair of headphones.  She pretended to put her card in the machine.  The clerk assumed the transaction went through but it didn't.

I told that clerk that either it was a mistake or she was a thief, but that life has karma and that what comes around goes around, and I would do the right thing even if she didn't.

I picked up my rental car from the airport, which in case you don't know is always more expensive, but a lot more convenient.  This was going to be a trip to remember.

I didn't drive directly to the hotel in Niagara Falls but instead headed directly to The Anchor Bar.  The supposedly originator of chicken wings. I sat at the bar, literally, and had a few wings.




Initially I was going to order mild, but the bartender steered me away from them and I ended up getting medium.  It's important to have a little spice in your life, literally and figuratively.

After lunch I headed directly to Niagara Falls. (New York side) I found it less busy than the Canadian side, although Canada really has the better view but way more crowded.

I went on the usual tourist sites Maid of the Mist (best from the front of the boat) wind cave, super wet under the waterfall,  next time I don't bring my cell phone or will wrap it in plastic.  

I really ate a lot on my trip its a good thing that I was walking between 10 and 15 thousands steps.  I had no one to share my meal with or give me any boundaries.  A good thing and also sometimes a bad thing.  Too much of anything even something pleasurable can add up.  In my case I think I gained like five or six pounds in two weeks, and I'm not sure if I ever lost it yet.  Like quicksand easy to get in, but hard to get out/lose.

I did have an enjoyable meal overlooking the falls.  Local fish and local beer.  A pretty good combination.  Afterwards, I walked around the park some more. In retrospect, I should have taken the tram or rented a bike.  It's a huge park.

My first night ended up staying in a hotel near the falls.  What I should have done is gotten a room with a view of the water.  Who knew?

My night in Buffalo started off innocently.  I went to a great outlet mall.  I bought a lot of clothes and a few gifts.  I only brought a small back pack at the beginning of my trip so I ended up getting a normal bag at TJ max and loaded up on new shirts.

As it turned out it was definitely not a night to remember.  For some reason Doubletree, part of Hilton, smoke detectors flash like every 30 seconds.

So, after one night I left and headed to Canada. I went to the border, and when I got there the officer asked me where I was staying.

At that point I didn't have an idea yet, but I was considering Niagara on the Lake in Canada.

I told the border agent, "I'm not sure."

He didn't particularly like that answer, but after several more questions reluctantly let me into Canada.  Lesson learned always have a hotel reservation and know where you are going when crossing borders.


I drove directly to Niagara falls.  It was a lot more crowded, but like I said before Horseshoe Falls on the Canadian side is a much better view.   However, I didn't stay long and instead drove directly to Niagara on the Lake.  It was beautiful town.  I bought locally made honey and teas from a tea store (Gifts for my family)

I couldn't help seeing that everyone seemed to be with a loved one, or their family.  What's the alternative not going anyway?  traveling solo does have it's advantages in that I had a lot more flexibility and no boundaries.

I visited a pretty park on the lake and had dinner at restaurant that a famous writer had visited.  Dined on local fish, and drank to numb the moment.

After one night in Niagara I went to Toronto.

I probably spent too much on this trip.  All my summer money from the college job.

Toronto was pretty cool. I went to a Blue Jays game, had some awesome meals especially "Canadian breakfast" which was a waffle with fruit on top and Canadian bacon. I also went to see Second City sketch comedy show.. not bad but I wish were on a date.

After Toronto I drove to Montreal.  I loved Montreal I just wish I knew some more French.

Story 132: Cornbeef and Conversation

How would you feel if you found out that someone you work with may actually be your relative?

A friend of mine from my high school job, Yael, who I wrote about in earlier posts called me a few months ago while I was shopping at Lowe's. 

"Eric, do you know a woman named Debbie Meisner?"

I paused for a moment and then answered, "That's my first cousin. How do you know her?"

She went on to explain that she had recently done genetic testing with one of the popular genetic testing sites like 23 and Me  and found that she and Debbie were closely matched."

"Wow," I replied.  "That may mean that we are related."

We both laughed despite the fact that I felt a bit stunned by the news.

After the conversation I also did the genetic testing although this time I didn't match with her.  

My cousin Debbie who lives in New Jersey is a big genealogy buff informed me though that Yael and I may be related on my mother's side.

On Friday I am meeting with Yael and Debbie at a Jewish deli in New Jersey to discuss the situation further.  I am looking forward to  the cornbeef, but especially the conversation, and maybe even news of how we may be related.  Either way when Yael and I are together there is always a story.  More to come.  Hopefully good news.

Part 2: Well I met with Yael and Debbie at Harold's Deli in Edison, New Jersey after driving through Manhattan Friday traffic, and after a few near misses at exits finally arrived.

I drove through Manhattan because I have this thing about bridges.  With my Jeep I always get a bit anxious that I might fall over the edge.  Probably paranoid but you never can be too safe.

When you first arrive at Harold's they have these huge cakes in the fridge that Jackie Mason would probably compare to a birthday cake for an entire extended family.  In a word huge.  Actually, most things in the restaurant were jumbo sized especially the people eating there.  The potato pancake reminded of a real pancake, but delicious, and lets not forget the deli.  Big portions.  Although to be honest I have a soft spot in my heart for Katz's deli in NYC.  The best deli ever I believe.  You can't argue with a 100 year old tradition.

Anyway, enough of the food.  After Yael, Debbie and I gorged ourselves on pickles and I was dissuaded from getting the borsht we started talking about family.

Debbie knows a lot about family trees and she informed us that she and Yael are probably third cousins and Yael, and I may be fifth cousins.  What we could't agree on what was the common link.  Who do we have in common?  If we are able to find that out then we can have some sort of closure/understanding.

We had a nice talk, and Debbie caught me up to speed about her mother's health status, her family, and I gave them copies of my latest book which they both appreciated.

We both gave Debbie a big hug, and agreed to get together again the next time she was in New York.  Probably a time to visit grave sites and try to see if we can ascertain the connection between the families.

Life Lesson 132: Yael and I drove away from our meal with Debbie filled with good deli, good feelings, and bright prospects for future connections literally and figuratively. We discussed our lunch in detail, and as we munched away on rugelach and a large chocolate chip cookie we realized that life is good and should always be appreciated, and that time with close friends and family makes everything taste even sweeter.

Story 130 Living la Vida boca part 3

Well I have made it to my 130th story...some I have deleted because  I thought they were not my best, but this one is one for the books.

It's been two years since I was in Florida to visit my mother...I always had some excuses, but this year I made the choice to do something nice for my my mother and for myself. I would like to say that I spent a lot of time in South Beach checking out the women, but the truth is that when you go on vacation with your mother and sister, and spend time staying at at senior retirement communities like century village, that is often just a pipe dream, and just getting to any beach is a miracle.

The trip did teach me many things though. Where to start? I learned that it's preferable to travel during the week.  I went Sunday to Friday.  New York To Ft. Lauderdale, but in retrospect I think Tuesday through Tuesday might have been better.  Less people at the airport to contend with.  I've also heard that buying a ticket on a Tuesday may give you better airplane rates.

Sitting in the exit row was a good choice considering how much space I had, but I wonder how I would do in the event of an emergency.  Perhaps more room would be just as good without the work. Also, I think next time I might fly to West Palm airport instead of Fort Lauderdale International because even though their are less flights the airport is smaller and possibly easier to navigate.

My sister made a good choice too.  She took a morning flight.  I think that is a great idea, because if your flight is delayed you still won't be getting to your destination too late at night.  It's probably also safer to fly during the day I think.

I had to drink my water bottle when I got on the customs line, but I was surprised to learn that if your water bottle is frozen you can bring it in.  I wondered if it was half frozen would that still count.

Jet Blue is a good airline, but I still think that their TV availability is mainly just to show us advertisements.  I think for the future I will try to bring an Ipad or laptop so I don't have to watch their ads.

The flight down was uneventful, but when I landed at the airport there was a long line to get to Enterprise rent a car.  So, after waiting a while I got a cab to take me there.  What I should have done was negotiated because he charged me twenty dollars to basically go a short distance.  On the positive side I didn't have to wait in a crowded bus.

Enterprise was pretty efficient but in retrospect I should have gotten my car in Boca Raton, because the rates are much more expensive at the airport.  I had asked for a Camry but they ended up giving me a sports car.  Which turned out better.  I should have asked for a white car though, because it was pretty hot in Florida.

I am getting used to the sports car.  It drives very well. I think I need it, because Florida has a reputation for terrible drivers especially Miami.  In the TV show Dexter the main character always talks about how crazy Miami drivers are.  I didn't get down to Miami this time, but I can attest that there are lot of fast drivers, and many times I almost got hit.  It didn't help that 95 is under construction the road is uneven and challenging.

I chose an evening flight to Ft. Lauderdale from New York.  Bad idea.  I had never flown by myself to that airport let alone rented a car there.  To make matters worse the attendant at Enterprise rent a car didn't really explain all the features of the car.  I have a ten year old car without the latest gadgetry so the learning curve was slow.  

I also didn't know how to adjust mirrors or lights, and made the mistake of syncing my GPS to the nav system.  Basically I was driving at night without a GPS for the first time without mirrors or lights. Welcome to Florida driving.  Eventually though I figured things out, and disconnected my GPS from the car's.  I got to Boca Raton around 8:00 or so.  Luckily things are pretty quiet over there, and I arrived without incident. 

The trip was pretty good overall.  I got to experience a few 80+ weather days, went to a few beaches, spent time with my family, and enjoyed some nice meals including: Andrew Weil's newest one which was healthy and great, and outdoor dinner at Meisner Park with my friend and cousin Yael, and her husband Sam.

Earlier in the day I was at Century Village a retirement community where my mother lives, and picked up tickets for a broadway-time Phantom of the Opera musical concert in the clubhouse.  I also bought my friend guest passes so they could come to the event.  I didn't realize how crazy the rules are at retirement communities like Century Village.  When I say crazy I mean ridiculous rules.   They are paranoid about everything and everyone.

After dinner at Meisner and a brief tour of Yael's new condo, we went directly back to my mom's development and to the club house.  We wanted to get there early because they have a rule (one of many) that if you are there later than 15 minutes they won't let you in at all, and I thought things were tough at the Met.

When my sister and I arrived (mom was already inside) Yael and Sam were deeply upset.

"What happened?" I asked.

"They wouldn't let me in because I was wearing shorts." He replied.

I couldn't believe it.  I wasn't surprised, but I still could not believe it, because at the box office there was no sign about shorts. It turned out there was a notification on the pillar when you walk into the complex, but if you pass it you will miss it.

I said, "Lets go upstairs and see what happens."

No sooner did we start to walk upstairs, but the women at the box office, who was how do I say it zaftig aka (very plump) runs up the other stairs to catch like a very angry hippo. Hippos are one of the most dangerous animals in the wild, and in Florida too.

"You can't come in with shorts!" she roared.

I was standing next to my sister and my friends, and tried to explain that "There was no sign at the ticket booth."

She replied that there was one at the entrance and on the ticket.  I looked at the ticket and it was basically in point two type and cut off.  I pointed it out to the women but she and the African American security guard weren't having it at all.

Next I looked at my friends.  They almost seemed to be laughing at my consternation.

"What about a shirt?" Sam asked,  "Can I go in without a shirt but with pants?" and with that he began to lift up his shirt.

I was shocked and the women were aghast.

Then he continued.  "How about no pants at all?" and with that began unbuttoning his shorts.

"Sam," I said. "I don't want you to get arrested." and with that he laughed and he and Yael left the clubhouse never to return.  I turned and went into the theater at approximately 8:10 as it was when I entered "late" one of the ushers glared at my sister and I, unaware of what happened outside.

We watched a performance of Phantom of the Opera which my mother throughly enjoyed, but inside I was still seething.

Next day after I called Yael to apologize for the incident she just laughed and said, "Cuz, it's always a story with us." and quite frankly I had to agree.

The next day just when I thought things were over my mother turned to me over lunch and said, "Just wanted to let you know I bought three tickets for another show for tonight if you want to go." I looked at my sister and replied, "Thank you, but once is enough."

Life Lesson 130: It's often been said that, "When in Rome do as the Romans do," but when it comes to Floridians, especially in senior developments like Century Village, I think the better expression is "Dress as the Romans do," but I bet even if togas were in style today it would still never be long enough, even if their teeth are.