Post 139 Don't stand so, dont stand so, dont stand so close to me

This Covid crisis has been so stressful for all of us, but sometimes there are moments of levity that help us cope.

Today I braved the stores.  I was determined to go to a local Italian supermarket to pick up products that I have not been able to get from Amazon, Walmart or Instacart.

Personally, I like all three, but when I buy things from Instacart they always seem to miss something that I need.  I saw an article online about Instacart once said to a person "We don't have toilet paper, how about copy paper?" Personally, whatever I make only I want it is do it once.

Today I got some gas at Mobil and then headed east on Long Island towards my destination. It was about 8:30 this morning, when I realized I needed to use the bathroom. The problem is no place lets you in.  Everything is takeout.  Panera bread (drive thru), Starbucks pick up only.
Finally, I drove by Dunkin Donuts and thank God they were open and I was able to use their bathroom. Even if I did have to wear a mask to enter the store.  

I was relieved literally and figuratively, and then Murphy's law kicked in.  Just as I got in my car, I took off my mask and the string broke.  Now, I don't know if this ever happened to you, but you really can't wear a mask with one string.  I guess it's like trying to wear a bra with one strap.  Doesn't really work too well.

The store I wanted to go to won't let you in unless you have a mask.
I had the latex gloves covered I just needed to solve the mask issue.

When I pulled in front of the Italian market  It was a quarter to nine and I thought let's have my breakfast sandwich first and then I'll try to solve my problem.

I wolfed down my egg and cheese sandwich and then took a look at my mask.  One string was broken.  I started to look in my Jeep to see if I could find any duct tape.  Nothing.  I thought about using a stapler but there wasn't one.  I tried post it notes, nope.  Finally I found a large clip that you usually use with documents.  After a few iterations, a found a position that worked.  Although I felt like someone from Revenge of the Nerds but with a screwed up mask. but fortunately it worked.

I shopped at my store, spent a ton of money, but at least I got to pick out what I wanted, especially hard to get organic produce, and my family and I were able to eat well later.

After I lugged all the stuff to my car, I threw away my gloves and got into it to drive home.  I put my hand in my coat pocket and what did I find? another mask in perfect shape, and I began to laugh.

Life Lesson 139: I've heard it been said in military special forces, "One is none and two is one." that you should always have backups for everything. Redundancies.  I agree. Next time I go somewhere I will try to have at least two masks, and two gloves, etc. So I never get into a similar mess. T

Post 138 Never going back to my old school

This is not a knock on my job as a high school teacher. But I wonder when are we/ the kids going back?  The mayor says April 20th, but who really know for sure?

I guess this is the new normal. My friend Bart told me that his daughter took a book out of the library a few months ago about the Spanish flu.  She asked if it was happening again.  He couldn't really answer. but in many ways she's right. Back then there were no vaccinations for this virus, and we are dealing with the same issues.

I just hope it's not going to be as bad. Surely our medical treatment is state of the art now at least in most places.  But if there can be toilet paper shortages, there could also be glove shortages too. In Africa during the ebola outbreak some hospitals ran out of gloves.  We also need to build more hospitals like they did in China.

What is the answer though? I keep imagining that I have come up with a solution, but I'll leave that to the professionals and just support my loved ones and my neighbors the best I can.

I worry though for the people who rely on day to day wages to survive: Waiters, busboys, dentists, etc.  and will my city run out of money to pay the municipal workers.  who really knows.

How long will this last???  I heard it may take one year for a vaccination to be tested.  I hope we can wait that long.

There has to be a silver lining. Right? One positive is that I heard pollution levels are lower and that may help with global warming.
Also since restaurants are closing people may be doing more outdoor exercise, calling people instead of texting.  and maybe since we are avoiding people maybe STD rates will decline?
Maybe we won't spend money on non-essentials.  I don't know.

In some ways its like the turn of the century or maybe even Depression times.  (I hope not) I hope this wont last.  I am worried about my mother she's turning 87 soon and is coming back from Florida.  Everything is shutting down there and people are leaving.  Snowbirds coming home.  She needs a safety net if you know what I mean.

Post 137 Confessions of a toilet paper hoarder

I'll admit it.  I've been hoarding toilet paper and water, but I wasn't always a hoarder. what is it about Covid 19 that's making people crazy? I guess it's the big what if? Sometimes I feel like we are living in the TV show The Walking Dead.

Recently we were down to three rolls. I went into every store I could: Trader Joe's.  (Should be called Trader who knows?) my mother is coming back from Florida soon and I was running out of options.  I found some tissues in CVS and thought that could be a good substitute in a pinch.

Then I googled toilet paper near me.  A local store that sells office supplies said they had toilet paper in stock. I went over there and bought a scanner while I was there too to help with my job as a teacher.  We are starting remote teaching soon, and I figured it could help me do my job better to create handouts for my students.

After I bought the scanner, I asked the manager if he had any TP coming in.  He gave me his card and said call back after 12. I did so, and he told me he set aside 2 large rolls for me. It felt like I was doing a drug deal. 

I was very appreciative and stuck out my hand to shake his.  He was very surprised and remarked, "You shook my hand."

"Sorry" I said, "force of habit." and with that walked out of the store.

A happy ending in more way than one.

Post 135 Canadian Bacon Part2

I haven't written a blog post in a long time because I have been working on my second book which hopefully will be done by the end of the year.  It includes many original family stories. 

I love to travel and have fun experiences, and it's been one year since I went to Montreal only this time I went with a friend of mine named Barry. 

Traveling by yourself has it's advantages.  You can go anywhere, do anything, and are not locked into someone else's timetable. You also don't have to worry about if your friend snores. 

The problem is that it gets lonely, and sometimes I feel that people treat you better when you are traveling with someone.  For example, I think many waiters anticipate larger tips. That person can also have your back and can make traveling safer. Do you really want to bring all your luggage into a bathroom at an airport when you friend could be watching it for you?

Traveling with a friend also has it's benefits because we can enjoy an experience and reminisce in the future about the great trip we took, or have great conversations over delicious meals.  Driving together can also be more stimulating, because you have someone to talk to.  Let's not forget having a person to take your picture if you forgot your selfie stick.  Also, if I make a joke there's no one to laugh at what you said.

Barry recently got divorced and he wanted to go away for a few days and I suggested Montreal.  It would be a chance to get out of the USA for a while.  I had recently visited Springfield, Mass and New Haven, Connecticut by myself, and while I enjoyed the experience, (Dr Seuss Museum, Yale University, the first burger in the USA, etc.) I feel that traveling with a friend is way better.  If I had a girlfriend or partner that would be the best because you could be intimate too, but it was still nice to get away for a few days with a friend.

Barry had asked me last minute if his friend could come too, but as they say "Two is company and three is a crowd." It's not like it was a menage a toix, even if we were going to French Canada.  Another guy would just be a bit awkward and make it harder to travel. Also, I didn't want someone who was a dud to put a cramp in our traveling.  I wanted freedom to do and go wherever we wanted.  Two is the best I feel. Unless you are traveling with your family.

Anyway after much discussion, I decided to drive to his house in Putnam county.  He is living temporarily with his parent until he gets his life together (Trust me I know how that feels.)

Because I knew Barry's financial situation wasn't great (Not that I am Bill Gates either) I told him hat I had a lot of hotel miles, and was able to get a great rate at a popular chain.  One hotel in Albany, New York I was able to get for free with my hotel points.  He was very happy about that, and who wouldn't be?  I was happy too.

The drive up to his house from Long Island was only about and hour and a half, and the subsequent drive to Albany was only two hours.  I offered to pay for gas, and/or tolls, but since I subsidized the hotel so much he declined.  He also drove the whole way.  Now I am a pretty good driver, but over the years my night vision has gotten a lot worse.  Can you relate?  Also, I have this thing about bridges.   They never used to get me anxious.  Ever since I got an SUV (Jeep) I become nervous if I have cross a large bridge.  For some reason I imagine driving over the edge of one.  It has never happened and hopefully never will, but because I have such a high center of gravity (My car that is LOL), I keep imagining the worst.

One thing that has helped though is positive self-talk. Rather than thinking about worst case scenarios, I have been saying things like "You can do this." or recognize that I have anxiety and not ignore but instead say to myself, "you are feeling a bit anxious, but it's no big deal and you can handle it." Or "You have been to dangerous countries around the world you can handle a bridge."  I also made a a point to relax my neck, and put on calm music like classical.  It has helped a bit.  Let's just say I am a work in progress. Who isn't?

I picked a hotel right near the Crossgates Mall in Albany.  I have been noticing that many hotel chains are building hotels near shopping centers.  Last year the hotel I stayed at in Syracuse was at the largest shopping center in New York.  It was a great hotel, and was walking distance to the mall, and had a shuttle that took you to the state fair.  A great deal!

Barry was my room mate in college in SUNY Albany thirty years ago, and we wanted to go back to our dorm to see if there were any changes a few decades later.  Quite a few as it turns out.

Before we stayed at the hotel though we went to an excellent southern restaurant called the Cuckoo's Nest located in downtown Albany.  The restaurant was located in what seemed to be heavily African American.  Although, most of the customers at the restaurant were Caucasian.  Maybe because it was a bit pricey.  However I think it was the best meal of our trip.

We had all the typical fare: Fried chicken, collard greens, grits, biscuits, and local beer from New England.  In a word, delicious.  If this were Yelp I would strongly recommend it.  After dinner, we went to the mall and did some shopping.

Barry is a great guy, but even good friends have their idiosyncrasies that can be challenging when you spend a lot of time with them. Then again I probably do to he just didn't mention them.

First and foremost, Barry is a huge Mets fan.  Now, liking the Mets in not abnormal.  In fact it shows heart to support a team that has had such an inconsistent record.   Red Sox and Cubs fans know what I mean.

More to come.

Story 133: Canadian Bacon

Before I went back to work at my high school job I went to upstate New York and Canada.  I had a pretty outstanding trip. Even if it was by myself.  A guy I work with said that traveling by yourself is the best way to travel.  Well, I agree and also disagree.

Why is it good? well, no one is there to tell you what to do or not to do.  You can eat what you want when you want.  You can go anywhere, meet new people, have cool experiences, and lets not forget time to think about life. It's also an opportunity to learn self-reliance, and problem solving. As well as a chance to learn another language.

The down? I really believe that life is best when it's shared with someone that we care about whether that is a friend or partner.  Sex aside, it's great to be able to say, "Wow, wasn't that a great meal?"
"Look at Niagara falls that's amazing." Instead of having strangers take your pictures.  You have someone to be with, and who also watches your back.

Summer 2018 was pretty uneventful I taught summer school sex. ed at my college job, went to the pool to walk in the lanes, and saw a lot of outdoor concerts at my town park.  The concerts were very good, but part of me kept thinking if I don't go away I'm going to have regrets.  I don't like living with regrets. Who does?

I came up with the idea to travel north because it was so freaking hot in New York, and Canada seemed a great option.  My brother was going to Florida which seemed crazy to me because of the heat, and I hoped the weather up north would be a bit cooler.  yes and no as it turned out.

My idea was to fly to Buffalo, rent a car and then drive through Canada and then fly out of Syracuse. Sounds good in theory but like life there are always hiccups along the way.

My flight to Buffalo from JFK airport was pretty uneventful, although when I was buying a portable charger, a woman in one of the kiosks ended up stealing a pair of headphones.  She pretended to put her card in the machine.  The clerk assumed the transaction went through but it didn't.

I told that clerk that either it was a mistake or she was a thief, but that life has karma and that what comes around goes around, and I would do the right thing even if she didn't.

I picked up my rental car from the airport, which in case you don't know is always more expensive, but a lot more convenient.  This was going to be a trip to remember.

I didn't drive directly to the hotel in Niagara Falls but instead headed directly to The Anchor Bar.  The supposedly originator of chicken wings. I sat at the bar, literally, and had a few wings.




Initially I was going to order mild, but the bartender steered me away from them and I ended up getting medium.  It's important to have a little spice in your life, literally and figuratively.

After lunch I headed directly to Niagara Falls. (New York side) I found it less busy than the Canadian side, although Canada really has the better view but way more crowded.

I went on the usual tourist sites Maid of the Mist (best from the front of the boat) wind cave, super wet under the waterfall,  next time I don't bring my cell phone or will wrap it in plastic.  

I really ate a lot on my trip its a good thing that I was walking between 10 and 15 thousands steps.  I had no one to share my meal with or give me any boundaries.  A good thing and also sometimes a bad thing.  Too much of anything even something pleasurable can add up.  In my case I think I gained like five or six pounds in two weeks, and I'm not sure if I ever lost it yet.  Like quicksand easy to get in, but hard to get out/lose.

I did have an enjoyable meal overlooking the falls.  Local fish and local beer.  A pretty good combination.  Afterwards, I walked around the park some more. In retrospect, I should have taken the tram or rented a bike.  It's a huge park.

My first night ended up staying in a hotel near the falls.  What I should have done is gotten a room with a view of the water.  Who knew?

My night in Buffalo started off innocently.  I went to a great outlet mall.  I bought a lot of clothes and a few gifts.  I only brought a small back pack at the beginning of my trip so I ended up getting a normal bag at TJ max and loaded up on new shirts.

As it turned out it was definitely not a night to remember.  For some reason Doubletree, part of Hilton, smoke detectors flash like every 30 seconds.

So, after one night I left and headed to Canada. I went to the border, and when I got there the officer asked me where I was staying.

At that point I didn't have an idea yet, but I was considering Niagara on the Lake in Canada.

I told the border agent, "I'm not sure."

He didn't particularly like that answer, but after several more questions reluctantly let me into Canada.  Lesson learned always have a hotel reservation and know where you are going when crossing borders.


I drove directly to Niagara falls.  It was a lot more crowded, but like I said before Horseshoe Falls on the Canadian side is a much better view.   However, I didn't stay long and instead drove directly to Niagara on the Lake.  It was beautiful town.  I bought locally made honey and teas from a tea store (Gifts for my family)

I couldn't help seeing that everyone seemed to be with a loved one, or their family.  What's the alternative not going anyway?  traveling solo does have it's advantages in that I had a lot more flexibility and no boundaries.

I visited a pretty park on the lake and had dinner at restaurant that a famous writer had visited.  Dined on local fish, and drank to numb the moment.

After one night in Niagara I went to Toronto.

I probably spent too much on this trip.  All my summer money from the college job.

Toronto was pretty cool. I went to a Blue Jays game, had some awesome meals especially "Canadian breakfast" which was a waffle with fruit on top and Canadian bacon. I also went to see Second City sketch comedy show.. not bad but I wish were on a date.

After Toronto I drove to Montreal.  I loved Montreal I just wish I knew some more French.

Story 132: Cornbeef and Conversation

How would you feel if you found out that someone you work with may actually be your relative?

A friend of mine from my high school job, Yael, who I wrote about in earlier posts called me a few months ago while I was shopping at Lowe's. 

"Eric, do you know a woman named Debbie Meisner?"

I paused for a moment and then answered, "That's my first cousin. How do you know her?"

She went on to explain that she had recently done genetic testing with one of the popular genetic testing sites like 23 and Me  and found that she and Debbie were closely matched."

"Wow," I replied.  "That may mean that we are related."

We both laughed despite the fact that I felt a bit stunned by the news.

After the conversation I also did the genetic testing although this time I didn't match with her.  

My cousin Debbie who lives in New Jersey is a big genealogy buff informed me though that Yael and I may be related on my mother's side.

On Friday I am meeting with Yael and Debbie at a Jewish deli in New Jersey to discuss the situation further.  I am looking forward to  the cornbeef, but especially the conversation, and maybe even news of how we may be related.  Either way when Yael and I are together there is always a story.  More to come.  Hopefully good news.

Part 2: Well I met with Yael and Debbie at Harold's Deli in Edison, New Jersey after driving through Manhattan Friday traffic, and after a few near misses at exits finally arrived.

I drove through Manhattan because I have this thing about bridges.  With my Jeep I always get a bit anxious that I might fall over the edge.  Probably paranoid but you never can be too safe.

When you first arrive at Harold's they have these huge cakes in the fridge that Jackie Mason would probably compare to a birthday cake for an entire extended family.  In a word huge.  Actually, most things in the restaurant were jumbo sized especially the people eating there.  The potato pancake reminded of a real pancake, but delicious, and lets not forget the deli.  Big portions.  Although to be honest I have a soft spot in my heart for Katz's deli in NYC.  The best deli ever I believe.  You can't argue with a 100 year old tradition.

Anyway, enough of the food.  After Yael, Debbie and I gorged ourselves on pickles and I was dissuaded from getting the borsht we started talking about family.

Debbie knows a lot about family trees and she informed us that she and Yael are probably third cousins and Yael, and I may be fifth cousins.  What we could't agree on what was the common link.  Who do we have in common?  If we are able to find that out then we can have some sort of closure/understanding.

We had a nice talk, and Debbie caught me up to speed about her mother's health status, her family, and I gave them copies of my latest book which they both appreciated.

We both gave Debbie a big hug, and agreed to get together again the next time she was in New York.  Probably a time to visit grave sites and try to see if we can ascertain the connection between the families.

Life Lesson 132: Yael and I drove away from our meal with Debbie filled with good deli, good feelings, and bright prospects for future connections literally and figuratively. We discussed our lunch in detail, and as we munched away on rugelach and a large chocolate chip cookie we realized that life is good and should always be appreciated, and that time with close friends and family makes everything taste even sweeter.

Story 130 Living la Vida boca part 3

Well I have made it to my 130th story...some I have deleted because  I thought they were not my best, but this one is one for the books.

It's been two years since I was in Florida to visit my mother...I always had some excuses, but this year I made the choice to do something nice for my my mother and for myself. I would like to say that I spent a lot of time in South Beach checking out the women, but the truth is that when you go on vacation with your mother and sister, and spend time staying at at senior retirement communities like century village, that is often just a pipe dream, and just getting to any beach is a miracle.

The trip did teach me many things though. Where to start? I learned that it's preferable to travel during the week.  I went Sunday to Friday.  New York To Ft. Lauderdale, but in retrospect I think Tuesday through Tuesday might have been better.  Less people at the airport to contend with.  I've also heard that buying a ticket on a Tuesday may give you better airplane rates.

Sitting in the exit row was a good choice considering how much space I had, but I wonder how I would do in the event of an emergency.  Perhaps more room would be just as good without the work. Also, I think next time I might fly to West Palm airport instead of Fort Lauderdale International because even though their are less flights the airport is smaller and possibly easier to navigate.

My sister made a good choice too.  She took a morning flight.  I think that is a great idea, because if your flight is delayed you still won't be getting to your destination too late at night.  It's probably also safer to fly during the day I think.

I had to drink my water bottle when I got on the customs line, but I was surprised to learn that if your water bottle is frozen you can bring it in.  I wondered if it was half frozen would that still count.

Jet Blue is a good airline, but I still think that their TV availability is mainly just to show us advertisements.  I think for the future I will try to bring an Ipad or laptop so I don't have to watch their ads.

The flight down was uneventful, but when I landed at the airport there was a long line to get to Enterprise rent a car.  So, after waiting a while I got a cab to take me there.  What I should have done was negotiated because he charged me twenty dollars to basically go a short distance.  On the positive side I didn't have to wait in a crowded bus.

Enterprise was pretty efficient but in retrospect I should have gotten my car in Boca Raton, because the rates are much more expensive at the airport.  I had asked for a Camry but they ended up giving me a sports car.  Which turned out better.  I should have asked for a white car though, because it was pretty hot in Florida.

I am getting used to the sports car.  It drives very well. I think I need it, because Florida has a reputation for terrible drivers especially Miami.  In the TV show Dexter the main character always talks about how crazy Miami drivers are.  I didn't get down to Miami this time, but I can attest that there are lot of fast drivers, and many times I almost got hit.  It didn't help that 95 is under construction the road is uneven and challenging.

I chose an evening flight to Ft. Lauderdale from New York.  Bad idea.  I had never flown by myself to that airport let alone rented a car there.  To make matters worse the attendant at Enterprise rent a car didn't really explain all the features of the car.  I have a ten year old car without the latest gadgetry so the learning curve was slow.  

I also didn't know how to adjust mirrors or lights, and made the mistake of syncing my GPS to the nav system.  Basically I was driving at night without a GPS for the first time without mirrors or lights. Welcome to Florida driving.  Eventually though I figured things out, and disconnected my GPS from the car's.  I got to Boca Raton around 8:00 or so.  Luckily things are pretty quiet over there, and I arrived without incident. 

The trip was pretty good overall.  I got to experience a few 80+ weather days, went to a few beaches, spent time with my family, and enjoyed some nice meals including: Andrew Weil's newest one which was healthy and great, and outdoor dinner at Meisner Park with my friend and cousin Yael, and her husband Sam.

Earlier in the day I was at Century Village a retirement community where my mother lives, and picked up tickets for a broadway-time Phantom of the Opera musical concert in the clubhouse.  I also bought my friend guest passes so they could come to the event.  I didn't realize how crazy the rules are at retirement communities like Century Village.  When I say crazy I mean ridiculous rules.   They are paranoid about everything and everyone.

After dinner at Meisner and a brief tour of Yael's new condo, we went directly back to my mom's development and to the club house.  We wanted to get there early because they have a rule (one of many) that if you are there later than 15 minutes they won't let you in at all, and I thought things were tough at the Met.

When my sister and I arrived (mom was already inside) Yael and Sam were deeply upset.

"What happened?" I asked.

"They wouldn't let me in because I was wearing shorts." He replied.

I couldn't believe it.  I wasn't surprised, but I still could not believe it, because at the box office there was no sign about shorts. It turned out there was a notification on the pillar when you walk into the complex, but if you pass it you will miss it.

I said, "Lets go upstairs and see what happens."

No sooner did we start to walk upstairs, but the women at the box office, who was how do I say it zaftig aka (very plump) runs up the other stairs to catch like a very angry hippo. Hippos are one of the most dangerous animals in the wild, and in Florida too.

"You can't come in with shorts!" she roared.

I was standing next to my sister and my friends, and tried to explain that "There was no sign at the ticket booth."

She replied that there was one at the entrance and on the ticket.  I looked at the ticket and it was basically in point two type and cut off.  I pointed it out to the women but she and the African American security guard weren't having it at all.

Next I looked at my friends.  They almost seemed to be laughing at my consternation.

"What about a shirt?" Sam asked,  "Can I go in without a shirt but with pants?" and with that he began to lift up his shirt.

I was shocked and the women were aghast.

Then he continued.  "How about no pants at all?" and with that began unbuttoning his shorts.

"Sam," I said. "I don't want you to get arrested." and with that he laughed and he and Yael left the clubhouse never to return.  I turned and went into the theater at approximately 8:10 as it was when I entered "late" one of the ushers glared at my sister and I, unaware of what happened outside.

We watched a performance of Phantom of the Opera which my mother throughly enjoyed, but inside I was still seething.

Next day after I called Yael to apologize for the incident she just laughed and said, "Cuz, it's always a story with us." and quite frankly I had to agree.

The next day just when I thought things were over my mother turned to me over lunch and said, "Just wanted to let you know I bought three tickets for another show for tonight if you want to go." I looked at my sister and replied, "Thank you, but once is enough."

Life Lesson 130: It's often been said that, "When in Rome do as the Romans do," but when it comes to Floridians, especially in senior developments like Century Village, I think the better expression is "Dress as the Romans do," but I bet even if togas were in style today it would still never be long enough, even if their teeth are.

Story 129 Drama at the French bakery

We all need a break from work sometimes.   I do a lot of things to relax. Sometimes I enjoy going to the park to watch the sunset, or visit a coffee bar to decompress with a strong cup of coffee and good book.  The funny thing is there always seems to be some drama to make the experience a bit sour or fortunately humorous.

One of my favorite spots is French bakery in Queens.  They have many delicious desserts and some pretty good sandwiches too.  It doesn't hurt that some of my former students work there, and I sometimes get a free cookie or two when they're there.

A few weeks ago I went the day before Thanksgiving.  Big mistake because it was super busy and none of my students were there. All the customers wanted their pumpkin pies, and all I wanted a sandwich.  They didn't have too many sandwiches to offer, but after ordering the man helping me started moving too fast and dropped my sandwich on the floor.  After picking it up he started to put it in the bag, and I stopped him.

"Wait a minute," I protested. " I don't want that one it fell on the floor."

The man serving me replied, "It was wrapped. It's fine."

"No," I persisted, "it's really not I want a new one."

After realizing that I would't back down he said that he would make a new one.  I saw him ask one of the chefs if the chef could do it, but because it was the day before thanksgiving the chef refused.

"I'll make you a new one." He stated.

I didn't see him make a new one in the back, and it's possible that he just warmed up the dirty one.  The sandwich was pretty good though, but I can't help thinking that he just dusted it off and just put it in the microwave.  So much for "gourmet food."

A few weeks passed and I went back to cafe on a Friday.  It always seems to be a good place to relax after a long week especially if I'm feeling a pick peckish.  At least I thought it was going to be relaxing.

It was a bit difficult to park though, and when I saw someone leave a space I jumped on it.

I put my book on a table with my gloves to mark my space, because there weren't a lot of free tables.  It didn't occur to me that I should put my coat down, but in retrospect I probably should have.

After I placed my order and paid for my meal I walked back to my table only to find an old man having a big bowl of soup where I had left my gloves.

"That's my seat I said.  Didn't you see the gloves on the table?" I asked.

"I did ask." he replied pointing to the other table.

I persisted and told him that,"If you see someone's stuff on a table you really shouldn't put your things down."

"Do you want me move?" he asked half heartedly.

"No," I said with anger. "Stay there."

When I left the table I walked to the back of the store, and wouldn't you know it, but an even larger table with a more comfortable seat was available. Karma.

Life Lesson 129:  Try not to shop at any store the day before or after a big holiday unless you are hunting for bargains like black Friday, and when in doubt do the right thing even if other people aren't because what comes around goes around that can be a good thing, as long as it's not a sandwich.



        

Post 128 Stupid is as stupid says part2

Well, we're back at work after a much needed summer vacation, and wouldn't you know it, but already there is comedy and controversy all within the first two weeks of school.  It reminds me of the show A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum.  You may know the song line,  "Tragedy tomorrow comedy tonight."

In my office you can always tell if it has been a funny week or not if there are any pictures on our bathroom door making fun of our colleagues. 

Where to begin?  Well,  on the first day I walked into our office, and spotted mouse droppings all over my desk. I was horrified to say the least.

Our colleague Mac was confused and asked, "Were people eating in here?  Why are there so many sesame seeds on your desk?"

"No, you moron those are mouse droppings." Little John replied.

"Oh," Mac stated, "We'll have to get some glue traps."

And that's precisely what he did. The next day Mac set up glue traps with peanut butter all around the office under every desk whether you wanted one or not.  It didn't matter that the trap was already scented he wanted to go overboard.  I suggested he not leave them in the office over the weekend because of the potential for a bad smell, but he just waved me off.

On Monday the results were in.  Two dead baby mice, and something bigger had apparently eaten the peanut butter and moved a different trap.

I was surprised the see the small mice, but Little John made us all laugh.

"That's great," He said emphatically. "now we just have to capture the queen!"

"Queen?" I asked. "What queen? Mice don't have queens.  Maybe bees or ants."

People in the office started laughing and quoting lines from the Wizard of OZ something along the line of "Ding Dong the queen is dead."

We ended putting up pictures of Minnie mouse in a queen's outfit asking to be spared, and pictures of other queens with signs reading "Will the real queen please stand up."

Little John was in total denial, "I never said queen." he declared, but in our office no small detail is ever overlooked.  I thought this was going to be the only funny thing that happened, but the next day C. brought it to whole nother level.

 I was sitting in our office when C. starts to talk about his most recent car inspection.

"So, I brought my car to the dealer for an inspection and he told me that in order to pass the check engine light issue would have to be addressed."

"You mean the mechanic turned the light off?" I asked.

"Well, he adjusted it," C. began, "but then would you believe I had to drive 90 miles straight or the light would go back on.  I drove all the way to Ronkonkomma in Suffolk county and back without stopping once."

"What?" I asked. "you didn't stop once?"

"No, of course not." C. replied. "I wanted the light to stay off."

We all looked up in surprise and then after a few laughs someone said, "You do know that you could have stopped anytime.  It's not like the movie Speed where there was a bomb on the bus."

"Really?" C. stated.  He still didn't believe it.

"Yes, dumb ass." Big John said emphatically.  "I can't believe you are getting a special ed license.  You should be in special ed yourself."

"I knew it the whole time," C. began. "I just wanted to take care of it right away."

None of us believed him though.  Remember this was the guy who went to a vocational high school called Thomas Edison, and after blowing out the electricity in the building an assistant principal said to him, "Maybe electric is not the right career choice for you."
C. then decided to go to school for teaching.

Dealing with administration can be hassle too, but it does have it's moments.  Most recently we have been asked to look into what can we do to ensure that our students do better on AP exams, SAT's and graduation rates.  They even gave us a "Inquiry Czar" someone to assist us in helping our students.  Personally I think it's a waste.  Most of the time we don't end up doing anything practical in our groups.  Basically it seems like our principal or administration's ways of controlling us.

We have to rush to get to a meeting at 8:15 in the morning when we would be better off just gradually getting ready for our day.  Instead of helping us, the end result is that we are under a lot of stress, and for nothing.  I think it would be far better if we just worked on demonstrating our best lessons/practices.  Something practical that would actually help us become better teachers and at the end of the day really help my students learn.  But who wants to rock the boat? It's not like administration are listening to our suggestions anyway.  It reminds me elementary school teaching instead of high school.

Anyway back to the "Inquiry Czar."   The superintendent chose our school's most effective department, social studies, to give a good impression and learn to how to do proper inquiry.  The woman they assigned was very rigid and required everyone to participate and also write on the board.

She asked one person in one of their groups to write, but they were reluctant to do so.

She asked again, "I need you," pointing one of the teachers, "to write on the board."

"I can't," he replied. "I just had surgery." and with that he motioned with his hand back and forth.

The Inquiry Czar went ballistic, "Did you just make an obscene gesture at me?" 

"No," the man protested, "I was just showing you my injury."

"I don't believe you." She roared, and even though his colleagues voiced their support, she stormed out and headed to find the principal.

Ultimately he had to go in front of the principal and justify his actions.  Why the Inquiry Czar didn't have to explain her actions is anyone's guess. I'm just glad she wasn't running our group because God knows how that would turn out, but inquiring minds would want to know. Just probably not my students

Life Lesson 128: What we say is like toothpaste once it comes out of the tube it's very hard to put back.  Even if you use the proper hand gestures.

Post 127 Off target at Target

Have you ever shopped at Target? I generally like the experience.  However, as they say in spanish "siempre un problema" (Always a problem. ) Where to begin? That's not to say other stores like Home Depot, Trader Joe's etc. don't have issues, because sometimes they do too. It's just that Target, not to be redundant, has been a target.

Issue One: Hacking
The first issue which is probably not their fault entirely was that their computers were hacked, and that some people had their identities stolen along with potential banking information (strike one) I think that this problem has been addressed, but every time I take out a credit card I hesitate.  Right after they give you the spiel if you want to open a Target card and get 10% off the purchase.  They neglect to mention their bad hacking history,  and that their store cards often carry very high rates.

Issue Two: Carts from hell!
Carts at most stores always seem like a crap shoot.  You never know what they're going to be like.  Have you ever wanted to show the world and maybe yourself how strong you are by carrying one or two hand baskets of merchandise? This lasts about ten minutes, and then you  see everyone pushing their carts effortlessly, and want a redo. 

A few days ago I was in a Target on Long Island.  I got a cart and was pleased that it seemed to be a pretty good one.  I pushed it for a few aisles until I noticed there was garbage and a used latex glove inside.  I quickly pushed it back to the front of the store for some other unsuspecting shopper.  What I really should have done was alerted a worker that it was dirty.  Well, hindsight is 20-20 as they say.  So, I chose another cart.   Big mistake. Things seemed fine for a while until I realized my cart was really a lemon. It started swerving in the wrong direction.  Now I am half-way down a long aisle, and I have to decide whether to bring the cart all the way back, or suck it up and keep pushing.  I choose the latter.  So for the remainder of my shopping experience  I am pushing along listing like a drunken sailor.


Cart Update
I went back to Target a few days ago and fixed the problem.  You should get a cart outside of the store and if it works on the way there you are in the clear.  Also, never put any of your own valuables in the cart because may "accidentally" take yours.
I almost borrowed a Muslim woman's cart thinking it was mind.



Issue Three: Where the hell is it? 
Some stores never seem to have anyone around to help you, while others like Target seem like they want to help, but like  when you travel in another country the locals smile, point,  and then give you the wrong information.  This happened the other day.  I spoke with three different employees at Target in my search for an organic cleaning product.  All of them told me different aisles.  Finally, someone had the compassion and good customer service to walk me to where it was.  He probably needed to use the nearby bathroom. I just wish it hadn't taken so many tries to find it. Finding organic product seemed harder than Susan Lucci winning an award for acting on a daytime soap opera.


Issue Four: Self Checkout
You know that feeling when you are at the airport, and they tell you at security there is another scanner a few feet away with no line, and you switch lines and it's worse. Well, self checkout unlike at Home Depot or other stores is worse.  Why? because no matter what I do it never works out, and I start feeling stressed.  Isn't self checkout supposed to be quicker and easier?  Either the scanner doesn't work, or that annoying computer voice says, "put your item in the bag." even though I did put it in the bag.  Finally a worker comes over and assists me.  Doesn't that defeat the purpose of self checkout.  It's like the HOV lane with exceptions.  Why not just hire another checkout person?  wouldn't that make life easier for everyone?

By the way.   Both Home Depot and Walmart seem to do this better than target.  But if you ever bring your own bag to lessen your environmental footprint, people in Walmart may treat you like a criminal.  "Is everything in that bag from this store?" I was asked. 

Issue Five:  We know who you are.
I heard about the amount of information companies have about you and how they can sometimes generate a flyer to target you.  Someone told me that target used to do this all the time.  It's time to tell companies that we don't want to be profiled. Unless you're sending me a good coupon.

Life Lesson 127:  I'm not saying don't shop at target, because they have some good bargains.  All I'm saying is Target should be more compassionate to it's customers, and that when you do shop there,  go there with the right attitude preferably early in the morning and not on the weekend, because you probably will have to wait, will deal with crowds and the occasional headache.  Keep in mind too that when else fails  there's always Target.com.  And Target people if you're secretly watching me on my web cam, I'm probably wearing some of your clothes so I don't need a flyer.

Post 126 The virtual thank you

Why do some people always want to correct our behavior? or does it just feel that way.  The other day I went into Starbucks and ordered a drink.  I'm pretty sure I said "Thank  you." but the barista said "Thank you." to me.   I got annoyed and wondered is he prompting me to say thank you to him?  Is he trying to correct my behavior?  or am I just being paranoid.

As a teacher so often it seems that half of what I do is correcting student behavior.   I frequently tell them to put down a phone, or wake up, or be more kind/respectful to others.  Some students get it, while others just keep repeating their behavior again and again. It's very frustrating.  It's like the quote, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again in the same way and expecting different results."  or as I like to say "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." I think that applies to the kids, how I respond to them, and probably life in general.

How often do we go out of way to be courteous to others, and we hope they reciprocate, or at least acknowledge our efforts. Like when we hold a door for someone, or as Jerry Seinfeld talks about "Getting a thank you wave from another driver after letting them into our lane."

Things aren't always quid pro quo or even just fair and equitable.  It would be nice though if they were.  The problem is that unfortunately people may not have been raised to be respectful to others.  Sometimes behavior is just cultural.  Like tipping.  In India I have heard people frequently don't tip their waiters.  So, when some people from that country come to America they may not realize tipping is expected.

I like the book Waiter Rant  where the author talks about someone who is a "verbal tipper." My mother does this sometimes.  She will sing the praises of the waiter, and then want to give them a 10% tip.  I have to tell her how actions speak louder than words, and that restaurants especially the ones we frequent often, we need to tell the waiter how much we appreciate them in more than just words.

I don't know if people can change or not. Really the onus is on them.  It's hard enough to change ourselves let alone someone else.

I probably should be more like Albert Ellis, the famous psychologist who wrote about USA and UAO.  Basically,  unconditional self acceptance and unconditional acceptance of others.  Those are lofty goals, but worthwhile. If we can learn to accept ourselves and others even with our/their faults we could become less anxious/upset in general.  Instead of being perfectionistic, we could strive to become less disturbable in general.  

Life Lesson 126: Until that time we should keep our eyes and ears open to showing our appreciation to others, and in case I forgot anyone including that barista in Little Neck, New York, here is my best version of thank you to the world.

Thank you very much-English
Todah-Hebrew
Shukran-Arabic
Gracias-Spanish
Grace-Italian
Danke-German
Merci-French/Afghani
Tashakor-Afghani
Salamapo-Tagalog
Asante-Swahili
Domo Arigato-Japanese
Kamsahanidah-Korean
Sheshe-Chinese
Umgoy-Chinese
Gedant-Dutch
Chique-Polish
Rachmat-Uzbkek (thank you from my heart)
Spasibah-Russian
Tashakeleh-Turkish

And thank you all for listening

Story 125: Don't believe the hype or accept the hypocrisy

I don't know about you, but I hate hypocrisy. When did it become normal to say one thing and do something else?

For example:  Vegetarians who are also drug abusers.  River Phoenix was a great actor, but despite his healthy lifestyle drugs did him in.  

Once again the halo effect rears it's head.  OJ Simpson can't be a killer, because he's OJ, or Bill Cosby can't be drugging women because he's the king of comedy and formerly "America's dad." The truth is that everyone has secrets, and unfortunately some are worse than others.  It can't just be that we are flawed humans.  There is someone more going on.

Donald Trump is supposedly a man of integrity, but he also won't release his taxes.  So how do we really know he's not on the take?  He says he respects women, but also talks about grabbing their genitals.  What about his conflicts of interest? and why is that he talked about getting America working again, but he keeps heading to play golf when he is under stress when he really should be in the White House really doing work.

"Drain the swamp!" How? How? By putting more millionaires in your cabinet? Don't you really mean drain the swamps around Mar a Lago? How about some transparency regarding visitors to the White House?


How about police who drive through red lights even if there isn't a criminal to pursue?  Or very religious people who do morally wrong things.  Priests who abuse children.  Religious people who cheat on their spouses but rationalize their behavior by saying they are aren't cheating because the women they are with is of a different religion.

Fat doctors that smoke. Military intelligence.  Low fat snacks that are full of sugar.  People who suggest guns don't kill, but people do.  Until your gun misfires (Remington?) and hurts you, or a toddler picks up a weapon.

How about people who are so pro-life they will kill doctors who perform abortions, or blow up medical clinics?

Life Lesson 125: I guess what it comes down to is the old adage "If you're going to talk the talk, you should walk the walk," or the Latin version "Acta non verba." Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes the best thing to do is if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.  

Story 124: No respect: Now I know how Rodney Dangerfield felt

I don't know if  you ever felt disrespected, but for some reason it seems to happening to me a lot lately.  Sometimes I feel like Rodney Dangerfield the patron saint of "No respect." and other times like "Mr Cellophane" from the musical Chicago, because people seem less inclined to notice me or appreciate my input.  It's like that old joke:

A man goes to a psychiatrist and complains "People don't listen to me doctor, they always seem to be doing other things, and when I try to speak up it's like I was never there…"

"Next patient." The psychiatrist replies.

To illustrate my point here's what happened recently.  I was with my mother who is a senior citizen, and we drove over to CVS pharmacy to get her a toothbrush.  My mother is handicapped and walks very slowly.

To accommodate her needs we parked in a handicapped space, and I got out of the car to help her walk.  Now we weren't able to park right next to the pharmacy because another car (not handicapped) was parked perpendicular to where we were and was effectively blocking two spaces.

As I got out of the car I noticed another woman walking over to the offending car who starts screaming at them.

"You should be ashamed of yourself! don't you know that there are two senior citizens who can't get into the store because of you."

"One," I yelled. "One senior."

The woman apparently didn't hear me or chose not to, but the illegally parked car did do the right thing and drove away, and when the woman who assisted us came by I gave her my thanks, but inside I was thinking "Fuck you. I just turned 50.  I may qualify for AARP but I'm no senior citizen yet."

My mother wasn't even able to get a toothbrush because they didn't have the one she liked.  All that trouble and no toothbrush, and even less respect.

Another time I went to DSW shoes on Long Island, but whenever I go there even if I have a big gift card it's rare that I can find shoes that appeal to me.  I usually just go the my default favorite brand Rockport which have the reputation for being comfortable, but not very stylish.

To celebrate my recent birthday I received some gift cards, and went over to DSW with high expectations, but after close to an hour of shopping all I could find were three different pairs of Rockports.  

I walked over to the cashier with my shoes hoping to have a quick sale when the woman looks over my purchases and replied, 

"Rockports.  My grandfather really likes them."

I looked up at her annoyed, but all I could mumble was, "Yes, very comfortable." Inside I was wondering "How comfortable would she would feel with my foot up her ass?"

The last story happened when I was taking an aerobics class at a local community college.  While I wanted to get in shape, the real reason I was taking the class was to meet women.  As it turned out I was the only guy in the class, but it's difficult to try to talk to someone when they are huffing and puffing away.

One day, during the middle class the instructor yells out vigorously, "Come on  ladies work it."

"What about me?" I answered back.

"Oh, right," she replied, "Eric too."
No respect.

Life Lesson 124: When I talk to my high school students, I often offer quotes like "Respect yourself, protect yourself" or my other favorite, "It's hard to say no when your self-esteem is low."

Story 123: Talk about chutzpah

In my last blog I told you about a Math substitute teacher named Klubman who is very disturbed.  Disturbed on so many levels.  Well, just when you thought it couldn't get worse.  It gets worse.  If you remember he was the guy whose pants broke and we gave him a jump rope to wear to class.  However, he even wore the jump rope in place of a belt the next day as well. Wow.

The assistant principal of math named Susan needed to observe him.  Let's just say "It didn't go well."  She didn't like his teaching. Weirdly however the kids seem to like him.  Probably because he never gives any homework.  Never.  He is also been teaching forty years or so, and  maybe they are just being kind to a senior.

Susan told him that he is very unprofessional and needs to really change.  Klubman was incensed and the next day plotted his revenge.

Assistant principals usually don't teach that many classes, and Susan is no exception.  Last week she was teaching her period two Advanced Placement class when Klubman walked in.  He sat in the back of the class with a notebook and started to write things down.

"Can I help you?" she asked confused.

"No," he replied.  "just keep on teaching while I do your observation."

Susan was flustered but didn't know what to say.   At the end of the period he went up to her and started to roll off what she was doing wrong.  

"You, didn't do any student-centered work, and you neglected to walk around the classroom to see if everyone was on task."  Klubman stated emphatically.

Susan didn't know what to say, and simply stared aghast.

"I'll see you next month for your next review.  You had better improve or else we'll be finding a new AP." He stated and then turned around and left the classroom triumphantly.

Life Lesson 123: Never argue with a fool.  Others may not know the difference.   Or in this case be careful with crazy people, because forget about losing your patience you might just lose your mind, and maybe even your pants.

Story 122 Keep your pants on!

This goes down in the category of  you can't make this shit up.  A few days ago I was teaching in my classroom on the first floor of our building trying to inspire the youth of tomorrow, completely unaware of the meshugas taking place in the basement.

According to my colleague, a skinny substitute teacher, also called an ATR (automatic temporary replacement) had burst into our PE office and yelled out, "Help! I need a rope."  

He said this while desperately holding up his pants and underwear which were rapidly falling off his body, and potentially giving my colleagues the full monty.  Now my fellow Phys. Ed. teachers sometimes change in our office, but full frontal nudity is a rarity.

One of the teachers big Jay yelled at the ATR, "Don't kill yourself this job isn't worth dying over."

Apparently all my friends were laughing hysterically at the situation, but the ATR named Klubman only replied, "This isn't funny. I need a belt!"

He really came to wrong office for help.  ATR's have a bad reputation.  Even though sometimes it's not their fault they are in their current position.  Many of them have lost their jobs due to excesses in their former schools. However, some of them have lost them due to incompetence, or the principal just doesn't like them for some reason.  In this case the reason was obvious he was someone who was just plain bizarre.

On some level I could relate to Klubman's problem, because one time I substitute taught  for a week in Brooklyn at an elite prep school called Brooklyn Friend's Academy. Each day I would wear a sports coat, tie, and gray or tan slacks.  On one of days I taught I sat down abruptly, and my pants split in the back.  Fortunately, I didn't panic, and soon after the period was over I went to a tailor on court street who sewed up my pants while I waited in a closet for him to finish.  If the ATR was cool about it, and preferably made a joke, we probably would have been more supportive.  No pun intended.

Instead, some of the teachers went into the bathroom laughing or simply laughed right at Klubman who was getting more and more upset, and kept repeating, "This isn't funny. Stop laughing at me!"

Another one of my colleagues named Francis tried to be more supportive. He suggested that Klubman use pre-wrap (similar to an ace bandage) to hold up his pants.

Klubman mindlessly tried wrapping the bandage around his waist, but to no avail.

"It's not working! Does anyone have any rope?"

Then, a new teacher named Mark offered,"I have a jump rope."

Klubman grabbed the jump rope like a drowning man grasping a life preserver, and began wrapping it around his waist.

"No," another Phys. Ed. teacher yelled out helpfully. "put it through the loop of your pants."

And that's what Klubman did. He tied it in front, and it worked for the most part.

"I can't believe I'm using a jump rope as a belt." he said repeatedly as he left to go up the gym.  My colleagues just shook their heads in disbelief.

I thought the matter was over, but the next day a teacher in another department named Mark told my friend Kurt that "A man came into the school with a jump rope tied around his waist." We knew all about it.

Klubman was back.  Why didn't he just wear another pair of pants, or get another belt I will never know.  I just know it was a story we will never forget.

Life Lesson 122: Keep your head up even when your pants are falling down. 

Story 121: Homeless in NYC…..

Why is it that every time I go into NYC it's always an adventure, and in some small part it usually involves someone homeless.  You can't go on subway, or walk around Penn station or the Port Authority without being accosted or shocked by what you see sometimes.  New Yorkers are pretty jaded, but even we roll our eyes sometimes.

I don't like seeing homeless children or families it hurts to see them down on their luck, but too often it's usually one strange guy or woman begging for money especially around the holidays.  There's the all too familiar subway chant, "Attention ladies and gentlemen,  I am not a thief, I just want something to eat."

Sometimes we give them money and sometimes not.  You look at them and make the evaluation.  Will my money be going to help them buy drugs?  It's hard to know.  There was a time when the homeless would sell Street News.  I don't know if that is a paper that's still being sold, but at least it's step in the right direction.

Most recently I went to the city around Christmas time, and there were a lot of homeless people begging on the subway.  I think because of the holiday spirit people tend to be more generous.
However, we all have our limits. Especially if they are too aggressive, and sometimes just plain bizarre.  Here is one example.

I was going to the Govensport hotel for a singles event and took the number two train downtown.  It's express and fortunately wasn't too crowded.  I didn't see one homeless person at all.
However when I got to the station it was another matter.

I started walking to the exit which was a metal turnstile when I noticed something odd.  On the other side of the turnstile there was a African American man presumably homeless casually reading the paper like he was on the beach.  What was strange was that he was wearing a t shirt, but nothing else.

As soon as I spotted him I turned around and started heading for the other exit.  I noticed another commuter heading for the exit, however I said nothing.  Then I heard an outcry.

"Oh, my god. Oh my god."

The commuter had gone through the turnstile and ran into the bottomless man who was partially blocking the stairs, but because he had already exited the turnstile couldn't go back the way he came, and had to go around the man.  I could only imagine his horror, but  still I laughed a bit about the exchange and was glad it wasn't me who was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Why is it also that homeless people often seem to use the street as their bathroom? Another time I was on Queens Blvd. in Rego Park, and witnessed another shocking scene.

I was driving with my brother past the Queens Center Mall, and watched a yuppie man talking on his cell phone and walking towards us. In the opposite direction another man, homeless, is walking the other way.  In one second I see the homeless man pull down his own pants and starts defecating on the sidewalk.  I notice the well dressed man who at first sees nothing and then notices the homeless man and his face goes from laughing on the phone to one of horror as he knows he has to walk around the man relieving himself.  My brother and I were horrified than laughed about it too.

My brother in law told me another crazy story about the time his brother Robert was walking up the stairs of his building in Chicago is ,and saw another homeless person on the landing defecating.

"Can I help you?" Robert asked the man.

"Yes," the man replied. "can  you get me some toilet paper?"

Robert was stunned, and instead simply called the super.

Life Lesson 121:I think every New Yorker probably has a homeless person story, but the real question why do we have so many homeless?, and what can we do to help them?  I blame the fact that the city had a lot of SRO's (single room occupancy apartments) and got rid of them, and probably reduced mental health treatment as well.  It is my hope that someday we can make NYC a place where all people can afford to live not just the super rich, and more services for the other forgotten Americans, the homeless.  If they ever get the chance to vote along with a place to live, who knows maybe the election and future could have gone differently.