Story 132: Cornbeef and Conversation

How would you feel if you found out that someone you work with may actually be your relative?

A friend of mine from my high school job, Yael, who I wrote about in earlier posts called me a few months ago while I was shopping at Lowe's. 

"Eric, do you know a woman named Debbie Meisner?"

I paused for a moment and then answered, "That's my first cousin. How do you know her?"

She went on to explain that she had recently done genetic testing with one of the popular genetic testing sites like 23 and Me  and found that she and Debbie were closely matched."

"Wow," I replied.  "That may mean that we are related."

We both laughed despite the fact that I felt a bit stunned by the news.

After the conversation I also did the genetic testing although this time I didn't match with her.  

My cousin Debbie who lives in New Jersey is a big genealogy buff informed me though that Yael and I may be related on my mother's side.

On Friday I am meeting with Yael and Debbie at a Jewish deli in New Jersey to discuss the situation further.  I am looking forward to  the cornbeef, but especially the conversation, and maybe even news of how we may be related.  Either way when Yael and I are together there is always a story.  More to come.  Hopefully good news.

Part 2: Well I met with Yael and Debbie at Harold's Deli in Edison, New Jersey after driving through Manhattan Friday traffic, and after a few near misses at exits finally arrived.

I drove through Manhattan because I have this thing about bridges.  With my Jeep I always get a bit anxious that I might fall over the edge.  Probably paranoid but you never can be too safe.

When you first arrive at Harold's they have these huge cakes in the fridge that Jackie Mason would probably compare to a birthday cake for an entire extended family.  In a word huge.  Actually, most things in the restaurant were jumbo sized especially the people eating there.  The potato pancake reminded of a real pancake, but delicious, and lets not forget the deli.  Big portions.  Although to be honest I have a soft spot in my heart for Katz's deli in NYC.  The best deli ever I believe.  You can't argue with a 100 year old tradition.

Anyway, enough of the food.  After Yael, Debbie and I gorged ourselves on pickles and I was dissuaded from getting the borsht we started talking about family.

Debbie knows a lot about family trees and she informed us that she and Yael are probably third cousins and Yael, and I may be fifth cousins.  What we could't agree on what was the common link.  Who do we have in common?  If we are able to find that out then we can have some sort of closure/understanding.

We had a nice talk, and Debbie caught me up to speed about her mother's health status, her family, and I gave them copies of my latest book which they both appreciated.

We both gave Debbie a big hug, and agreed to get together again the next time she was in New York.  Probably a time to visit grave sites and try to see if we can ascertain the connection between the families.

Life Lesson 132: Yael and I drove away from our meal with Debbie filled with good deli, good feelings, and bright prospects for future connections literally and figuratively. We discussed our lunch in detail, and as we munched away on rugelach and a large chocolate chip cookie we realized that life is good and should always be appreciated, and that time with close friends and family makes everything taste even sweeter.

Story 130 Living la Vida boca part 3

Well I have made it to my 130th story...some I have deleted because  I thought they were not my best, but this one is one for the books.

It's been two years since I was in Florida to visit my mother...I always had some excuses, but this year I made the choice to do something nice for my my mother and for myself. I would like to say that I spent a lot of time in South Beach checking out the women, but the truth is that when you go on vacation with your mother and sister, and spend time staying at at senior retirement communities like century village, that is often just a pipe dream, and just getting to any beach is a miracle.

The trip did teach me many things though. Where to start? I learned that it's preferable to travel during the week.  I went Sunday to Friday.  New York To Ft. Lauderdale, but in retrospect I think Tuesday through Tuesday might have been better.  Less people at the airport to contend with.  I've also heard that buying a ticket on a Tuesday may give you better airplane rates.

Sitting in the exit row was a good choice considering how much space I had, but I wonder how I would do in the event of an emergency.  Perhaps more room would be just as good without the work. Also, I think next time I might fly to West Palm airport instead of Fort Lauderdale International because even though their are less flights the airport is smaller and possibly easier to navigate.

My sister made a good choice too.  She took a morning flight.  I think that is a great idea, because if your flight is delayed you still won't be getting to your destination too late at night.  It's probably also safer to fly during the day I think.

I had to drink my water bottle when I got on the customs line, but I was surprised to learn that if your water bottle is frozen you can bring it in.  I wondered if it was half frozen would that still count.

Jet Blue is a good airline, but I still think that their TV availability is mainly just to show us advertisements.  I think for the future I will try to bring an Ipad or laptop so I don't have to watch their ads.

The flight down was uneventful, but when I landed at the airport there was a long line to get to Enterprise rent a car.  So, after waiting a while I got a cab to take me there.  What I should have done was negotiated because he charged me twenty dollars to basically go a short distance.  On the positive side I didn't have to wait in a crowded bus.

Enterprise was pretty efficient but in retrospect I should have gotten my car in Boca Raton, because the rates are much more expensive at the airport.  I had asked for a Camry but they ended up giving me a sports car.  Which turned out better.  I should have asked for a white car though, because it was pretty hot in Florida.

I am getting used to the sports car.  It drives very well. I think I need it, because Florida has a reputation for terrible drivers especially Miami.  In the TV show Dexter the main character always talks about how crazy Miami drivers are.  I didn't get down to Miami this time, but I can attest that there are lot of fast drivers, and many times I almost got hit.  It didn't help that 95 is under construction the road is uneven and challenging.

I chose an evening flight to Ft. Lauderdale from New York.  Bad idea.  I had never flown by myself to that airport let alone rented a car there.  To make matters worse the attendant at Enterprise rent a car didn't really explain all the features of the car.  I have a ten year old car without the latest gadgetry so the learning curve was slow.  

I also didn't know how to adjust mirrors or lights, and made the mistake of syncing my GPS to the nav system.  Basically I was driving at night without a GPS for the first time without mirrors or lights. Welcome to Florida driving.  Eventually though I figured things out, and disconnected my GPS from the car's.  I got to Boca Raton around 8:00 or so.  Luckily things are pretty quiet over there, and I arrived without incident. 

The trip was pretty good overall.  I got to experience a few 80+ weather days, went to a few beaches, spent time with my family, and enjoyed some nice meals including: Andrew Weil's newest one which was healthy and great, and outdoor dinner at Meisner Park with my friend and cousin Yael, and her husband Sam.

Earlier in the day I was at Century Village a retirement community where my mother lives, and picked up tickets for a broadway-time Phantom of the Opera musical concert in the clubhouse.  I also bought my friend guest passes so they could come to the event.  I didn't realize how crazy the rules are at retirement communities like Century Village.  When I say crazy I mean ridiculous rules.   They are paranoid about everything and everyone.

After dinner at Meisner and a brief tour of Yael's new condo, we went directly back to my mom's development and to the club house.  We wanted to get there early because they have a rule (one of many) that if you are there later than 15 minutes they won't let you in at all, and I thought things were tough at the Met.

When my sister and I arrived (mom was already inside) Yael and Sam were deeply upset.

"What happened?" I asked.

"They wouldn't let me in because I was wearing shorts." He replied.

I couldn't believe it.  I wasn't surprised, but I still could not believe it, because at the box office there was no sign about shorts. It turned out there was a notification on the pillar when you walk into the complex, but if you pass it you will miss it.

I said, "Lets go upstairs and see what happens."

No sooner did we start to walk upstairs, but the women at the box office, who was how do I say it zaftig aka (very plump) runs up the other stairs to catch like a very angry hippo. Hippos are one of the most dangerous animals in the wild, and in Florida too.

"You can't come in with shorts!" she roared.

I was standing next to my sister and my friends, and tried to explain that "There was no sign at the ticket booth."

She replied that there was one at the entrance and on the ticket.  I looked at the ticket and it was basically in point two type and cut off.  I pointed it out to the women but she and the African American security guard weren't having it at all.

Next I looked at my friends.  They almost seemed to be laughing at my consternation.

"What about a shirt?" Sam asked,  "Can I go in without a shirt but with pants?" and with that he began to lift up his shirt.

I was shocked and the women were aghast.

Then he continued.  "How about no pants at all?" and with that began unbuttoning his shorts.

"Sam," I said. "I don't want you to get arrested." and with that he laughed and he and Yael left the clubhouse never to return.  I turned and went into the theater at approximately 8:10 as it was when I entered "late" one of the ushers glared at my sister and I, unaware of what happened outside.

We watched a performance of Phantom of the Opera which my mother throughly enjoyed, but inside I was still seething.

Next day after I called Yael to apologize for the incident she just laughed and said, "Cuz, it's always a story with us." and quite frankly I had to agree.

The next day just when I thought things were over my mother turned to me over lunch and said, "Just wanted to let you know I bought three tickets for another show for tonight if you want to go." I looked at my sister and replied, "Thank you, but once is enough."

Life Lesson 130: It's often been said that, "When in Rome do as the Romans do," but when it comes to Floridians, especially in senior developments like Century Village, I think the better expression is "Dress as the Romans do," but I bet even if togas were in style today it would still never be long enough, even if their teeth are.

Story 129 Drama at the French bakery

We all need a break from work sometimes.   I do a lot of things to relax. Sometimes I enjoy going to the park to watch the sunset, or visit a coffee bar to decompress with a strong cup of coffee and good book.  The funny thing is there always seems to be some drama to make the experience a bit sour or fortunately humorous.

One of my favorite spots is French bakery in Queens.  They have many delicious desserts and some pretty good sandwiches too.  It doesn't hurt that some of my former students work there, and I sometimes get a free cookie or two when they're there.

A few weeks ago I went the day before Thanksgiving.  Big mistake because it was super busy and none of my students were there. All the customers wanted their pumpkin pies, and all I wanted a sandwich.  They didn't have too many sandwiches to offer, but after ordering the man helping me started moving too fast and dropped my sandwich on the floor.  After picking it up he started to put it in the bag, and I stopped him.

"Wait a minute," I protested. " I don't want that one it fell on the floor."

The man serving me replied, "It was wrapped. It's fine."

"No," I persisted, "it's really not I want a new one."

After realizing that I would't back down he said that he would make a new one.  I saw him ask one of the chefs if the chef could do it, but because it was the day before thanksgiving the chef refused.

"I'll make you a new one." He stated.

I didn't see him make a new one in the back, and it's possible that he just warmed up the dirty one.  The sandwich was pretty good though, but I can't help thinking that he just dusted it off and just put it in the microwave.  So much for "gourmet food."

A few weeks passed and I went back to cafe on a Friday.  It always seems to be a good place to relax after a long week especially if I'm feeling a pick peckish.  At least I thought it was going to be relaxing.

It was a bit difficult to park though, and when I saw someone leave a space I jumped on it.

I put my book on a table with my gloves to mark my space, because there weren't a lot of free tables.  It didn't occur to me that I should put my coat down, but in retrospect I probably should have.

After I placed my order and paid for my meal I walked back to my table only to find an old man having a big bowl of soup where I had left my gloves.

"That's my seat I said.  Didn't you see the gloves on the table?" I asked.

"I did ask." he replied pointing to the other table.

I persisted and told him that,"If you see someone's stuff on a table you really shouldn't put your things down."

"Do you want me move?" he asked half heartedly.

"No," I said with anger. "Stay there."

When I left the table I walked to the back of the store, and wouldn't you know it, but an even larger table with a more comfortable seat was available. Karma.

Life Lesson 129:  Try not to shop at any store the day before or after a big holiday unless you are hunting for bargains like black Friday, and when in doubt do the right thing even if other people aren't because what comes around goes around that can be a good thing, as long as it's not a sandwich.



        

Post 128 Stupid is as stupid says part2

Well, we're back at work after a much needed summer vacation, and wouldn't you know it, but already there is comedy and controversy all within the first two weeks of school.  It reminds me of the show A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum.  You may know the song line,  "Tragedy tomorrow comedy tonight."

In my office you can always tell if it has been a funny week or not if there are any pictures on our bathroom door making fun of our colleagues. 

Where to begin?  Well,  on the first day I walked into our office, and spotted mouse droppings all over my desk. I was horrified to say the least.

Our colleague Mac was confused and asked, "Were people eating in here?  Why are there so many sesame seeds on your desk?"

"No, you moron those are mouse droppings." Little John replied.

"Oh," Mac stated, "We'll have to get some glue traps."

And that's precisely what he did. The next day Mac set up glue traps with peanut butter all around the office under every desk whether you wanted one or not.  It didn't matter that the trap was already scented he wanted to go overboard.  I suggested he not leave them in the office over the weekend because of the potential for a bad smell, but he just waved me off.

On Monday the results were in.  Two dead baby mice, and something bigger had apparently eaten the peanut butter and moved a different trap.

I was surprised the see the small mice, but Little John made us all laugh.

"That's great," He said emphatically. "now we just have to capture the queen!"

"Queen?" I asked. "What queen? Mice don't have queens.  Maybe bees or ants."

People in the office started laughing and quoting lines from the Wizard of OZ something along the line of "Ding Dong the queen is dead."

We ended putting up pictures of Minnie mouse in a queen's outfit asking to be spared, and pictures of other queens with signs reading "Will the real queen please stand up."

Little John was in total denial, "I never said queen." he declared, but in our office no small detail is ever overlooked.  I thought this was going to be the only funny thing that happened, but the next day C. brought it to whole nother level.

 I was sitting in our office when C. starts to talk about his most recent car inspection.

"So, I brought my car to the dealer for an inspection and he told me that in order to pass the check engine light issue would have to be addressed."

"You mean the mechanic turned the light off?" I asked.

"Well, he adjusted it," C. began, "but then would you believe I had to drive 90 miles straight or the light would go back on.  I drove all the way to Ronkonkomma in Suffolk county and back without stopping once."

"What?" I asked. "you didn't stop once?"

"No, of course not." C. replied. "I wanted the light to stay off."

We all looked up in surprise and then after a few laughs someone said, "You do know that you could have stopped anytime.  It's not like the movie Speed where there was a bomb on the bus."

"Really?" C. stated.  He still didn't believe it.

"Yes, dumb ass." Big John said emphatically.  "I can't believe you are getting a special ed license.  You should be in special ed yourself."

"I knew it the whole time," C. began. "I just wanted to take care of it right away."

None of us believed him though.  Remember this was the guy who went to a vocational high school called Thomas Edison, and after blowing out the electricity in the building an assistant principal said to him, "Maybe electric is not the right career choice for you."
C. then decided to go to school for teaching.

Dealing with administration can be hassle too, but it does have it's moments.  Most recently we have been asked to look into what can we do to ensure that our students do better on AP exams, SAT's and graduation rates.  They even gave us a "Inquiry Czar" someone to assist us in helping our students.  Personally I think it's a waste.  Most of the time we don't end up doing anything practical in our groups.  Basically it seems like our principal or administration's ways of controlling us.

We have to rush to get to a meeting at 8:15 in the morning when we would be better off just gradually getting ready for our day.  Instead of helping us, the end result is that we are under a lot of stress, and for nothing.  I think it would be far better if we just worked on demonstrating our best lessons/practices.  Something practical that would actually help us become better teachers and at the end of the day really help my students learn.  But who wants to rock the boat? It's not like administration are listening to our suggestions anyway.  It reminds me elementary school teaching instead of high school.

Anyway back to the "Inquiry Czar."   The superintendent chose our school's most effective department, social studies, to give a good impression and learn to how to do proper inquiry.  The woman they assigned was very rigid and required everyone to participate and also write on the board.

She asked one person in one of their groups to write, but they were reluctant to do so.

She asked again, "I need you," pointing one of the teachers, "to write on the board."

"I can't," he replied. "I just had surgery." and with that he motioned with his hand back and forth.

The Inquiry Czar went ballistic, "Did you just make an obscene gesture at me?" 

"No," the man protested, "I was just showing you my injury."

"I don't believe you." She roared, and even though his colleagues voiced their support, she stormed out and headed to find the principal.

Ultimately he had to go in front of the principal and justify his actions.  Why the Inquiry Czar didn't have to explain her actions is anyone's guess. I'm just glad she wasn't running our group because God knows how that would turn out, but inquiring minds would want to know. Just probably not my students

Life Lesson 128: What we say is like toothpaste once it comes out of the tube it's very hard to put back.  Even if you use the proper hand gestures.

Post 127 Off target at Target

Have you ever shopped at Target? I generally like the experience.  However, as they say in spanish "siempre un problema" (Always a problem. ) Where to begin? That's not to say other stores like Home Depot, Trader Joe's etc. don't have issues, because sometimes they do too. It's just that Target, not to be redundant, has been a target.

Issue One: Hacking
The first issue which is probably not their fault entirely was that their computers were hacked, and that some people had their identities stolen along with potential banking information (strike one) I think that this problem has been addressed, but every time I take out a credit card I hesitate.  Right after they give you the spiel if you want to open a Target card and get 10% off the purchase.  They neglect to mention their bad hacking history,  and that their store cards often carry very high rates.

Issue Two: Carts from hell!
Carts at most stores always seem like a crap shoot.  You never know what they're going to be like.  Have you ever wanted to show the world and maybe yourself how strong you are by carrying one or two hand baskets of merchandise? This lasts about ten minutes, and then you  see everyone pushing their carts effortlessly, and want a redo. 

A few days ago I was in a Target on Long Island.  I got a cart and was pleased that it seemed to be a pretty good one.  I pushed it for a few aisles until I noticed there was garbage and a used latex glove inside.  I quickly pushed it back to the front of the store for some other unsuspecting shopper.  What I really should have done was alerted a worker that it was dirty.  Well, hindsight is 20-20 as they say.  So, I chose another cart.   Big mistake. Things seemed fine for a while until I realized my cart was really a lemon. It started swerving in the wrong direction.  Now I am half-way down a long aisle, and I have to decide whether to bring the cart all the way back, or suck it up and keep pushing.  I choose the latter.  So for the remainder of my shopping experience  I am pushing along listing like a drunken sailor.


Cart Update
I went back to Target a few days ago and fixed the problem.  You should get a cart outside of the store and if it works on the way there you are in the clear.  Also, never put any of your own valuables in the cart because may "accidentally" take yours.
I almost borrowed a Muslim woman's cart thinking it was mind.



Issue Three: Where the hell is it? 
Some stores never seem to have anyone around to help you, while others like Target seem like they want to help, but like  when you travel in another country the locals smile, point,  and then give you the wrong information.  This happened the other day.  I spoke with three different employees at Target in my search for an organic cleaning product.  All of them told me different aisles.  Finally, someone had the compassion and good customer service to walk me to where it was.  He probably needed to use the nearby bathroom. I just wish it hadn't taken so many tries to find it. Finding organic product seemed harder than Susan Lucci winning an award for acting on a daytime soap opera.


Issue Four: Self Checkout
You know that feeling when you are at the airport, and they tell you at security there is another scanner a few feet away with no line, and you switch lines and it's worse. Well, self checkout unlike at Home Depot or other stores is worse.  Why? because no matter what I do it never works out, and I start feeling stressed.  Isn't self checkout supposed to be quicker and easier?  Either the scanner doesn't work, or that annoying computer voice says, "put your item in the bag." even though I did put it in the bag.  Finally a worker comes over and assists me.  Doesn't that defeat the purpose of self checkout.  It's like the HOV lane with exceptions.  Why not just hire another checkout person?  wouldn't that make life easier for everyone?

By the way.   Both Home Depot and Walmart seem to do this better than target.  But if you ever bring your own bag to lessen your environmental footprint, people in Walmart may treat you like a criminal.  "Is everything in that bag from this store?" I was asked. 

Issue Five:  We know who you are.
I heard about the amount of information companies have about you and how they can sometimes generate a flyer to target you.  Someone told me that target used to do this all the time.  It's time to tell companies that we don't want to be profiled. Unless you're sending me a good coupon.

Life Lesson 127:  I'm not saying don't shop at target, because they have some good bargains.  All I'm saying is Target should be more compassionate to it's customers, and that when you do shop there,  go there with the right attitude preferably early in the morning and not on the weekend, because you probably will have to wait, will deal with crowds and the occasional headache.  Keep in mind too that when else fails  there's always Target.com.  And Target people if you're secretly watching me on my web cam, I'm probably wearing some of your clothes so I don't need a flyer.

Post 126 The virtual thank you

Why do some people always want to correct our behavior? or does it just feel that way.  The other day I went into Starbucks and ordered a drink.  I'm pretty sure I said "Thank  you." but the barista said "Thank you." to me.   I got annoyed and wondered is he prompting me to say thank you to him?  Is he trying to correct my behavior?  or am I just being paranoid.

As a teacher so often it seems that half of what I do is correcting student behavior.   I frequently tell them to put down a phone, or wake up, or be more kind/respectful to others.  Some students get it, while others just keep repeating their behavior again and again. It's very frustrating.  It's like the quote, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again in the same way and expecting different results."  or as I like to say "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." I think that applies to the kids, how I respond to them, and probably life in general.

How often do we go out of way to be courteous to others, and we hope they reciprocate, or at least acknowledge our efforts. Like when we hold a door for someone, or as Jerry Seinfeld talks about "Getting a thank you wave from another driver after letting them into our lane."

Things aren't always quid pro quo or even just fair and equitable.  It would be nice though if they were.  The problem is that unfortunately people may not have been raised to be respectful to others.  Sometimes behavior is just cultural.  Like tipping.  In India I have heard people frequently don't tip their waiters.  So, when some people from that country come to America they may not realize tipping is expected.

I like the book Waiter Rant  where the author talks about someone who is a "verbal tipper." My mother does this sometimes.  She will sing the praises of the waiter, and then want to give them a 10% tip.  I have to tell her how actions speak louder than words, and that restaurants especially the ones we frequent often, we need to tell the waiter how much we appreciate them in more than just words.

I don't know if people can change or not. Really the onus is on them.  It's hard enough to change ourselves let alone someone else.

I probably should be more like Albert Ellis, the famous psychologist who wrote about USA and UAO.  Basically,  unconditional self acceptance and unconditional acceptance of others.  Those are lofty goals, but worthwhile. If we can learn to accept ourselves and others even with our/their faults we could become less anxious/upset in general.  Instead of being perfectionistic, we could strive to become less disturbable in general.  

Life Lesson 126: Until that time we should keep our eyes and ears open to showing our appreciation to others, and in case I forgot anyone including that barista in Little Neck, New York, here is my best version of thank you to the world.

Thank you very much-English
Todah-Hebrew
Shukran-Arabic
Gracias-Spanish
Grace-Italian
Danke-German
Merci-French/Afghani
Tashakor-Afghani
Salamapo-Tagalog
Asante-Swahili
Domo Arigato-Japanese
Kamsahanidah-Korean
Sheshe-Chinese
Umgoy-Chinese
Gedant-Dutch
Chique-Polish
Rachmat-Uzbkek (thank you from my heart)
Spasibah-Russian
Tashakeleh-Turkish

And thank you all for listening

Story 125: Don't believe the hype or accept the hypocrisy

I don't know about you, but I hate hypocrisy. When did it become normal to say one thing and do something else?

For example:  Vegetarians who are also drug abusers.  River Phoenix was a great actor, but despite his healthy lifestyle drugs did him in.  

Once again the halo effect rears it's head.  OJ Simpson can't be a killer, because he's OJ, or Bill Cosby can't be drugging women because he's the king of comedy and formerly "America's dad." The truth is that everyone has secrets, and unfortunately some are worse than others.  It can't just be that we are flawed humans.  There is someone more going on.

Donald Trump is supposedly a man of integrity, but he also won't release his taxes.  So how do we really know he's not on the take?  He says he respects women, but also talks about grabbing their genitals.  What about his conflicts of interest? and why is that he talked about getting America working again, but he keeps heading to play golf when he is under stress when he really should be in the White House really doing work.

"Drain the swamp!" How? How? By putting more millionaires in your cabinet? Don't you really mean drain the swamps around Mar a Lago? How about some transparency regarding visitors to the White House?


How about police who drive through red lights even if there isn't a criminal to pursue?  Or very religious people who do morally wrong things.  Priests who abuse children.  Religious people who cheat on their spouses but rationalize their behavior by saying they are aren't cheating because the women they are with is of a different religion.

Fat doctors that smoke. Military intelligence.  Low fat snacks that are full of sugar.  People who suggest guns don't kill, but people do.  Until your gun misfires (Remington?) and hurts you, or a toddler picks up a weapon.

How about people who are so pro-life they will kill doctors who perform abortions, or blow up medical clinics?

Life Lesson 125: I guess what it comes down to is the old adage "If you're going to talk the talk, you should walk the walk," or the Latin version "Acta non verba." Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes the best thing to do is if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.  

Story 124: No respect: Now I know how Rodney Dangerfield felt

I don't know if  you ever felt disrespected, but for some reason it seems to happening to me a lot lately.  Sometimes I feel like Rodney Dangerfield the patron saint of "No respect." and other times like "Mr Cellophane" from the musical Chicago, because people seem less inclined to notice me or appreciate my input.  It's like that old joke:

A man goes to a psychiatrist and complains "People don't listen to me doctor, they always seem to be doing other things, and when I try to speak up it's like I was never there…"

"Next patient." The psychiatrist replies.

To illustrate my point here's what happened recently.  I was with my mother who is a senior citizen, and we drove over to CVS pharmacy to get her a toothbrush.  My mother is handicapped and walks very slowly.

To accommodate her needs we parked in a handicapped space, and I got out of the car to help her walk.  Now we weren't able to park right next to the pharmacy because another car (not handicapped) was parked perpendicular to where we were and was effectively blocking two spaces.

As I got out of the car I noticed another woman walking over to the offending car who starts screaming at them.

"You should be ashamed of yourself! don't you know that there are two senior citizens who can't get into the store because of you."

"One," I yelled. "One senior."

The woman apparently didn't hear me or chose not to, but the illegally parked car did do the right thing and drove away, and when the woman who assisted us came by I gave her my thanks, but inside I was thinking "Fuck you. I just turned 50.  I may qualify for AARP but I'm no senior citizen yet."

My mother wasn't even able to get a toothbrush because they didn't have the one she liked.  All that trouble and no toothbrush, and even less respect.

Another time I went to DSW shoes on Long Island, but whenever I go there even if I have a big gift card it's rare that I can find shoes that appeal to me.  I usually just go the my default favorite brand Rockport which have the reputation for being comfortable, but not very stylish.

To celebrate my recent birthday I received some gift cards, and went over to DSW with high expectations, but after close to an hour of shopping all I could find were three different pairs of Rockports.  

I walked over to the cashier with my shoes hoping to have a quick sale when the woman looks over my purchases and replied, 

"Rockports.  My grandfather really likes them."

I looked up at her annoyed, but all I could mumble was, "Yes, very comfortable." Inside I was wondering "How comfortable would she would feel with my foot up her ass?"

The last story happened when I was taking an aerobics class at a local community college.  While I wanted to get in shape, the real reason I was taking the class was to meet women.  As it turned out I was the only guy in the class, but it's difficult to try to talk to someone when they are huffing and puffing away.

One day, during the middle class the instructor yells out vigorously, "Come on  ladies work it."

"What about me?" I answered back.

"Oh, right," she replied, "Eric too."
No respect.

Life Lesson 124: When I talk to my high school students, I often offer quotes like "Respect yourself, protect yourself" or my other favorite, "It's hard to say no when your self-esteem is low."

Story 123: Talk about chutzpah

In my last blog I told you about a Math substitute teacher named Klubman who is very disturbed.  Disturbed on so many levels.  Well, just when you thought it couldn't get worse.  It gets worse.  If you remember he was the guy whose pants broke and we gave him a jump rope to wear to class.  However, he even wore the jump rope in place of a belt the next day as well. Wow.

The assistant principal of math named Susan needed to observe him.  Let's just say "It didn't go well."  She didn't like his teaching. Weirdly however the kids seem to like him.  Probably because he never gives any homework.  Never.  He is also been teaching forty years or so, and  maybe they are just being kind to a senior.

Susan told him that he is very unprofessional and needs to really change.  Klubman was incensed and the next day plotted his revenge.

Assistant principals usually don't teach that many classes, and Susan is no exception.  Last week she was teaching her period two Advanced Placement class when Klubman walked in.  He sat in the back of the class with a notebook and started to write things down.

"Can I help you?" she asked confused.

"No," he replied.  "just keep on teaching while I do your observation."

Susan was flustered but didn't know what to say.   At the end of the period he went up to her and started to roll off what she was doing wrong.  

"You, didn't do any student-centered work, and you neglected to walk around the classroom to see if everyone was on task."  Klubman stated emphatically.

Susan didn't know what to say, and simply stared aghast.

"I'll see you next month for your next review.  You had better improve or else we'll be finding a new AP." He stated and then turned around and left the classroom triumphantly.

Life Lesson 123: Never argue with a fool.  Others may not know the difference.   Or in this case be careful with crazy people, because forget about losing your patience you might just lose your mind, and maybe even your pants.

Story 122 Keep your pants on!

This goes down in the category of  you can't make this shit up.  A few days ago I was teaching in my classroom on the first floor of our building trying to inspire the youth of tomorrow, completely unaware of the meshugas taking place in the basement.

According to my colleague, a skinny substitute teacher, also called an ATR (automatic temporary replacement) had burst into our PE office and yelled out, "Help! I need a rope."  

He said this while desperately holding up his pants and underwear which were rapidly falling off his body, and potentially giving my colleagues the full monty.  Now my fellow Phys. Ed. teachers sometimes change in our office, but full frontal nudity is a rarity.

One of the teachers big Jay yelled at the ATR, "Don't kill yourself this job isn't worth dying over."

Apparently all my friends were laughing hysterically at the situation, but the ATR named Klubman only replied, "This isn't funny. I need a belt!"

He really came to wrong office for help.  ATR's have a bad reputation.  Even though sometimes it's not their fault they are in their current position.  Many of them have lost their jobs due to excesses in their former schools. However, some of them have lost them due to incompetence, or the principal just doesn't like them for some reason.  In this case the reason was obvious he was someone who was just plain bizarre.

On some level I could relate to Klubman's problem, because one time I substitute taught  for a week in Brooklyn at an elite prep school called Brooklyn Friend's Academy. Each day I would wear a sports coat, tie, and gray or tan slacks.  On one of days I taught I sat down abruptly, and my pants split in the back.  Fortunately, I didn't panic, and soon after the period was over I went to a tailor on court street who sewed up my pants while I waited in a closet for him to finish.  If the ATR was cool about it, and preferably made a joke, we probably would have been more supportive.  No pun intended.

Instead, some of the teachers went into the bathroom laughing or simply laughed right at Klubman who was getting more and more upset, and kept repeating, "This isn't funny. Stop laughing at me!"

Another one of my colleagues named Francis tried to be more supportive. He suggested that Klubman use pre-wrap (similar to an ace bandage) to hold up his pants.

Klubman mindlessly tried wrapping the bandage around his waist, but to no avail.

"It's not working! Does anyone have any rope?"

Then, a new teacher named Mark offered,"I have a jump rope."

Klubman grabbed the jump rope like a drowning man grasping a life preserver, and began wrapping it around his waist.

"No," another Phys. Ed. teacher yelled out helpfully. "put it through the loop of your pants."

And that's what Klubman did. He tied it in front, and it worked for the most part.

"I can't believe I'm using a jump rope as a belt." he said repeatedly as he left to go up the gym.  My colleagues just shook their heads in disbelief.

I thought the matter was over, but the next day a teacher in another department named Mark told my friend Kurt that "A man came into the school with a jump rope tied around his waist." We knew all about it.

Klubman was back.  Why didn't he just wear another pair of pants, or get another belt I will never know.  I just know it was a story we will never forget.

Life Lesson 122: Keep your head up even when your pants are falling down. 

Story 121: Homeless in NYC…..

Why is it that every time I go into NYC it's always an adventure, and in some small part it usually involves someone homeless.  You can't go on subway, or walk around Penn station or the Port Authority without being accosted or shocked by what you see sometimes.  New Yorkers are pretty jaded, but even we roll our eyes sometimes.

I don't like seeing homeless children or families it hurts to see them down on their luck, but too often it's usually one strange guy or woman begging for money especially around the holidays.  There's the all too familiar subway chant, "Attention ladies and gentlemen,  I am not a thief, I just want something to eat."

Sometimes we give them money and sometimes not.  You look at them and make the evaluation.  Will my money be going to help them buy drugs?  It's hard to know.  There was a time when the homeless would sell Street News.  I don't know if that is a paper that's still being sold, but at least it's step in the right direction.

Most recently I went to the city around Christmas time, and there were a lot of homeless people begging on the subway.  I think because of the holiday spirit people tend to be more generous.
However, we all have our limits. Especially if they are too aggressive, and sometimes just plain bizarre.  Here is one example.

I was going to the Govensport hotel for a singles event and took the number two train downtown.  It's express and fortunately wasn't too crowded.  I didn't see one homeless person at all.
However when I got to the station it was another matter.

I started walking to the exit which was a metal turnstile when I noticed something odd.  On the other side of the turnstile there was a African American man presumably homeless casually reading the paper like he was on the beach.  What was strange was that he was wearing a t shirt, but nothing else.

As soon as I spotted him I turned around and started heading for the other exit.  I noticed another commuter heading for the exit, however I said nothing.  Then I heard an outcry.

"Oh, my god. Oh my god."

The commuter had gone through the turnstile and ran into the bottomless man who was partially blocking the stairs, but because he had already exited the turnstile couldn't go back the way he came, and had to go around the man.  I could only imagine his horror, but  still I laughed a bit about the exchange and was glad it wasn't me who was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Why is it also that homeless people often seem to use the street as their bathroom? Another time I was on Queens Blvd. in Rego Park, and witnessed another shocking scene.

I was driving with my brother past the Queens Center Mall, and watched a yuppie man talking on his cell phone and walking towards us. In the opposite direction another man, homeless, is walking the other way.  In one second I see the homeless man pull down his own pants and starts defecating on the sidewalk.  I notice the well dressed man who at first sees nothing and then notices the homeless man and his face goes from laughing on the phone to one of horror as he knows he has to walk around the man relieving himself.  My brother and I were horrified than laughed about it too.

My brother in law told me another crazy story about the time his brother Robert was walking up the stairs of his building in Chicago is ,and saw another homeless person on the landing defecating.

"Can I help you?" Robert asked the man.

"Yes," the man replied. "can  you get me some toilet paper?"

Robert was stunned, and instead simply called the super.

Life Lesson 121:I think every New Yorker probably has a homeless person story, but the real question why do we have so many homeless?, and what can we do to help them?  I blame the fact that the city had a lot of SRO's (single room occupancy apartments) and got rid of them, and probably reduced mental health treatment as well.  It is my hope that someday we can make NYC a place where all people can afford to live not just the super rich, and more services for the other forgotten Americans, the homeless.  If they ever get the chance to vote along with a place to live, who knows maybe the election and future could have gone differently.

Story 120: High School and College Success Stories

As a High School teacher and college professor I've had many opportunities to make an impact on my students. Here are a few examples.

MATT
Several years ago I ran into a former student named Matt standing in front of the high school that I work in.

"Hey Matt," I said.  "how are you?"

Matt looked a bit dejected and replied, "OK."

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Well," He said." nothing really, it's just that I'm not going to my classes. I'm not doing my homework. I just don't feel like doing anything."

I looked at him for a minute and then I replied, "Have you been smoking weed?"

He looked at me for a moment and then answered with surprise, "Yes, how did you know?"

I went on to tell him about how it takes one month for marijuana to come out of a person's body, and that smoking weed could often lead to a condition called Amotivational Syndrome.  The fact that some people who smoke can alter their motivation levels to do things.

Matt appreciated my comments and told me so.  I didn't think much about him, but then I saw him again the next semester.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Great," he replied.  "I just wanted to tell you that I started going to my classes, working out, and most importantly I quit smoking up."

He informed me another time that I was his favorite teacher, and I subsequently and enthusiastically wrote him a letter of recommendation.  Ultimately he graduated and went to college.  I really felt that like my friend Barry that I could make a difference in someone's life.

Debra
Another one students was named Debra.  My High School class was busy doing an assignment to see if they could create a behavior for the new year in the span of three weeks.  It was loosely based on Pavlov's research, or at least so I believed.

Debra was a bit overweight and one day asked me as part of the assignment,

"Mr. Levine, how do I lose weight?"

I replied, "Debra, instead of trying to lose weight think about trying to add things to your life."

"Like what?" She asked.

"Like, one month adding more water, more exercise, weight train, etc." I answered.

A year and a half later she came back to visit from George Washington University and stopped in my class.  Debra had lost 45 pounds in that time. She looked great.

"I just wanted to thank you," she said. "I took your advice and I joined the college gym, and every month I added something new.  Over one and a half years I made many little life changes, and feel so much better as a result."

Simply said that when we add healthy behaviors we can crowd out the bad ones.  It's just important to remember that "A jack of all trades is the master of none." and that we shouldn't try to change too many things at one time.  Considering the new year is upon us it's clear that while we can change things in our lives its probably best to focus on the few and build on that success. As Debra certainly proved.

Nancy
My student Nancy was an anorexic at age fourteen, but after being hospitalized she began to put her energy into her studies.  Nancy eventually became our school's valedictorian.  Not only that, but she also created an organization to create teddy bears to give to children with eating disorders and other problems to help them cope while they were in a shelter or hospital.

I wish I could say that it was because of me that she became so successful, but it was all her and the hard work and dedication of her friends.  She did come back one year to visit and we did a bear workshop with one of my classes.  I even tried to make a bear, but I can't say it was that cute.  It basically looked a cyclops.  Nancy had pity on me and helped make it more acceptable.

One other memory I have about Nancy was that she passed out in class once.  We were watching the film The Truth About Sex and I noticed that she looked a bit pale.  I probably should have intervened earlier but I wasn't sure if she was sick or not.  Eventually she passed out and bumped her head.  I called the nurse and helped her till the nurse arrived.  It's not every day the valedictorian passes out in your class.  She overcame that too, and went on to have a full scholarship to an ivy league college, and continues making bears for the needy and the ill.

Other successes
I've been teaching for twenty years and sometimes it's hard to remember the lives I've touched.  I did three years of counseling before I became a teacher.    I've helped students create behaviors to drink more water and eat more fruit.  I've written many recommendation letters that enabled students to get into college including full scholarships at a few CUNY's.  Some days I feel like a farmer who doesn't know if the seeds I've planted will bloom or not.

I've also run school-wide activities for quitting smoking, and helped coordinate five health fairs.  

At the college I made several students more aware of their bodies. We have watched videos about testicular cancer which led a few of my students to do self exams and ultimately find lumps and prevent other health problems as well.  

On another occasion I gave students the opportunity to get STD testing for extra credit, and on at least one occasion a woman found out they were positive for chlamydia.   A curable STD, but one which can lead to infertility.  She ultimately had it cured, and was very appreciative because like many women she had no symptoms.

I've also brought many guest speakers to discuss many social issues like homophobia, transphobia, and rape and sexual assault.  I bring in speakers not only to educate students, but also to give them resources for help.  

Life Lesson 120: Sometimes teaching can be a job that often goes unnoticed or unappreciated and we don't know if they are listening or not, but every once in while you have the chance to make a difference, and that makes the job truly special, because you realize what the good book says, "He who saves one life it's as if they've saved the world."  

Story 119: That's how I roll

Relationships
My friend Barry was a high school teacher and coach and had a lot of interesting stories, and always had a great sense of humor that's probably what women find appealing. He used to put on his dating profile something along the following:

"55 year old man.  If  you look at my profile I'm a 5, but with my pension I'm a 7 and with my TDA (Tax Deferred Annuity) I'm a 10."

On one occasion he started to date a woman from the neighborhood. They went on a couple of dates and things seemed to be going well.  After a few drinks they went to her bedroom, started to fool around, and then she stated, "Time to let Tiny out."

Barry knew what she meant, but replied with a joke, "How do you know I'm so tiny?"

She laughed and then answered, "No, I was talking about the cat."


DRUGS
Barry also used to smoke a lot of marijuana.  One day he went with a colleague to buy some weed.  His "friend" got out of the car to score some drugs when Barry realized to his surprise that the dealer was his student.  After that Barry never tried to buy with that staff member.  The teacher who wanted to purchase drugs eventually got fired for improper relations with a student and then arrested again for stealing from a store.

After Barry retired from teaching things got worse.  He started smoking every day, and wasn't doing much with his life.  

One day Barry decided that he didn't want to live that way anymore, and starting attending the support group Marijuana Anonymous.  It changed his life.  Not only did he stop smoking weed, but they liked him so much that they flew him to California to be a speaker at their national convention.  Ultimately, Barry would take charge of his life and start appreciating it more.  He would go on to have more positive relationships, help with coaching, and also drive veterans to the doctors office for free.

When one of the veterans tried to tip him he replied, "No thank you, you've given enough already."

That's How I Roll
Things weren't always rosy for Barry.  His judgement sometimes wasn't great.  In the 1970's there were a lot of killings in New York by a serial killer called the "Son of Sam."  (David Berkowitz)  One night Barry was hanging out in Queens by the Clearview Expressway when he saw several police cars.  It was a hot night and Barry was dressed in shorts and a tight white tank top. For some reason  when Barry saw the squad cars canvassing the area he decided to start running.

The police noticed immediately that a suspicious person was running and began their pursuit.  They caught up and questioned him.  They thought he might be the Son of Sam killer, but he had alibis and was soon released.

I asked him, "Why did you run? You know that's pretty suspicious."

He agreed and replied that he really didn't have a good reason to start running.  It wasn't like he had drugs on him just anxiety about the police.  

Life Lesson 119: Happiness can't found in a blunt, because ultimately that high fades, but when we do acts of kindness like help others that intrinsic motivation lasts long after the good deed is over.

Also, laughter shared with others can bring us together, and turn a potentially awkward experience into a positive one that we remember forever, and that's no small feat.

Story 118: My favorite mentor

I am a high school teacher and college professor, and have mentored many students and teachers over the years. I have had many mentors too, but my best one and favorite was my first one my father M.

M. grew up in the Bronx and was very smart. He went Bronx High School of Science, NYU, and Brooklyn Law School. Although he never practiced, but instead worked for the city.

He stood 6 foot tall was bald and had a small pot belly. Probably from eating his favorite dessert black and white cookies. Interesting fact was that he once came in fourth place in an a Ed Koch look alike contest.

My father taught  me many things but the most valuable one was probably the importance of doing good deeds and helping.  That's probably why his four children all work in the helping professions in medicine, psychology, and in my case teaching.

He was the type of guy who if someone needed help he was always there. If you needed someone to babysit last minute he would be right over.  Need help waiting for the cable guy all day? No problem.  As long as he had his book he was ready to help. Also,  after he retired from working for the city, he spent a lot of time delivering food and money to poor Long Islanders for a charity called Hatzilu.  

M. also loved words.  He was a huge reader which has probably been my motivation to love books too.  I used to  joke that instead of a gold credit card he probably had gold library card.  Although my mother would sometimes complain, "M. Put the book down, I need your help with something important." which probably meant taking out the garbage, doing the laundry, or raking a few leaves.

Not only did M. enjoy reading but he like his mother R. loved to write too.  He wrote short stories and articles, and helped me with some of my papers during high school. However his writing almost didn't happen, because when he was in in the 5th grade M. wrote a poem about a waterfall called "The Cataract." His writing was so good that his teacher didn't believe he wrote it.  So he stopped writing for many many years.  Unfortunately I never got to read that poem.  Although I have read many of Grandmothers writings. 

From that incident I have made it a point that I never want to be that kind of teacher who crushes someones potential, but rather encourages them to be successful.

My father had a great sense of humor too, and told a terrific joke.  Something I do in the classroom sometimes too. Although they were frequently corny and sometimes dirty.  He had great timing.  My mother would often try to repeat them, but she invariably left out an important line.  

Probably the funniest thing about him was that he was funny even when he didn't intend to be.    He would do things like put parmesan cheese in his coffee by accident, and then complain that "Something's was wrong with the coffee N."

Or when he was in college doing ROTC and some old school drill sergeant yelled at my father for holding a rifle incorrectly, my father turned around and accidentally pointed the gun at the instructor.  After that my dad was on KP duty peeling potatoes.

When it raining out he would sometimes say to me a few times. "Don't forget your rubbers."  not realizing that rubbers had multiple meanings.

Driving with my father was also always an adventure as well.
My father taught me to drive but he had this habit of turning off the car if he didn't feel you were driving right.  You could be in the middle of the road and he would do it.  My fathers belief was always safety first. My brother Dan, the doctor, took three times to pass his road test.  I can't even imagine how many times my father turned off the car. 

My father was also very good at keeping his cool and solving problems when things are difficult. One time in the 1970's we were returning again from a family vacation in the Catskills and our car a ramble station wagon started to overheat.

My father pulled over to the side of the road, and looked under the hood. Billows of white smoke were coming from underneath. It reminded me of old faithful at Yellowstone National Park. M. however kept his cool unlike the car.

“Kids,” My father stated “I need you to look in the car for some water.”

So off we excitedly went  looking under every cushion nook and cranny, pennies went flying, it was like a scavenger hunt, but unfortunately we couldn’t find any water. Blame it on all the empty bags of potato chips on the floor.

“Sorry.” we said collectively.

It was then that my father had an epiphany.

“Aha!” my father yelled out as he reached into the trunk of the car.

“You found some water?” my mother asked expectantly.

“No, but I think this will work just the same.” He replied, and then triumphantly held up a full container of pure Mott’s apple juice.  He held it up with such pride you would think it was a new baby fresh from the delivery room, instead of  a plastic gallon jug from Waldbaums. 

“I think this should work.” He beamed.

And that’s what he did. After letting the engine cool a bit, he poured the juice into the radiator, and surprisingly it worked like a charm.  We made it back to Long Island, all of us smelling like apples the whole ride home.  

My father died ten years ago, and even though I can't remember all of his jokes, or probably never have half of his timing.   The moments we shared and lessons I learned will live me forever.