Post 126 The virtual thank you

Why do some people always want to correct our behavior? or does it just feel that way.  The other day I went into Starbucks and ordered a drink.  I'm pretty sure I said "Thank  you." but the barista said "Thank you." to me.   I got annoyed and wondered is he prompting me to say thank you to him?  Is he trying to correct my behavior?  or am I just being paranoid.

As a teacher so often it seems that half of what I do is correcting student behavior.   I frequently tell them to put down a phone, or wake up, or be more kind/respectful to others.  Some students get it, while others just keep repeating their behavior again and again. It's very frustrating.  It's like the quote, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again in the same way and expecting different results."  or as I like to say "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." I think that applies to the kids, how I respond to them, and probably life in general.

How often do we go out of way to be courteous to others, and we hope they reciprocate, or at least acknowledge our efforts. Like when we hold a door for someone, or as Jerry Seinfeld talks about "Getting a thank you wave from another driver after letting them into our lane."

Things aren't always quid pro quo or even just fair and equitable.  It would be nice though if they were.  The problem is that unfortunately people may not have been raised to be respectful to others.  Sometimes behavior is just cultural.  Like tipping.  In India I have heard people frequently don't tip their waiters.  So, when some people from that country come to America they may not realize tipping is expected.

I like the book Waiter Rant  where the author talks about someone who is a "verbal tipper." My mother does this sometimes.  She will sing the praises of the waiter, and then want to give them a 10% tip.  I have to tell her how actions speak louder than words, and that restaurants especially the ones we frequent often, we need to tell the waiter how much we appreciate them in more than just words.

I don't know if people can change or not. Really the onus is on them.  It's hard enough to change ourselves let alone someone else.

I probably should be more like Albert Ellis, the famous psychologist who wrote about USA and UAO.  Basically,  unconditional self acceptance and unconditional acceptance of others.  Those are lofty goals, but worthwhile. If we can learn to accept ourselves and others even with our/their faults we could become less anxious/upset in general.  Instead of being perfectionistic, we could strive to become less disturbable in general.  

Life Lesson 126: Until that time we should keep our eyes and ears open to showing our appreciation to others, and in case I forgot anyone including that barista in Little Neck, New York, here is my best version of thank you to the world.

Thank you very much-English
Todah-Hebrew
Shukran-Arabic
Gracias-Spanish
Grace-Italian
Danke-German
Merci-French/Afghani
Tashakor-Afghani
Salamapo-Tagalog
Asante-Swahili
Domo Arigato-Japanese
Kamsahanidah-Korean
Sheshe-Chinese
Umgoy-Chinese
Gedant-Dutch
Chique-Polish
Rachmat-Uzbkek (thank you from my heart)
Spasibah-Russian
Tashakeleh-Turkish

And thank you all for listening

Story 125: Don't believe the hype or accept the hypocrisy

I don't know about you, but I hate hypocrisy. When did it become normal to say one thing and do something else?

For example:  Vegetarians who are also drug abusers.  River Phoenix was a great actor, but despite his healthy lifestyle drugs did him in.  

Once again the halo effect rears it's head.  OJ Simpson can't be a killer, because he's OJ, or Bill Cosby can't be drugging women because he's the king of comedy and formerly "America's dad." The truth is that everyone has secrets, and unfortunately some are worse than others.  It can't just be that we are flawed humans.  There is someone more going on.

Donald Trump is supposedly a man of integrity, but he also won't release his taxes.  So how do we really know he's not on the take?  He says he respects women, but also talks about grabbing their genitals.  What about his conflicts of interest? and why is that he talked about getting America working again, but he keeps heading to play golf when he is under stress when he really should be in the White House really doing work.

"Drain the swamp!" How? How? By putting more millionaires in your cabinet? Don't you really mean drain the swamps around Mar a Lago? How about some transparency regarding visitors to the White House?


How about police who drive through red lights even if there isn't a criminal to pursue?  Or very religious people who do morally wrong things.  Priests who abuse children.  Religious people who cheat on their spouses but rationalize their behavior by saying they are aren't cheating because the women they are with is of a different religion.

Fat doctors that smoke. Military intelligence.  Low fat snacks that are full of sugar.  People who suggest guns don't kill, but people do.  Until your gun misfires (Remington?) and hurts you, or a toddler picks up a weapon.

How about people who are so pro-life they will kill doctors who perform abortions, or blow up medical clinics?

Life Lesson 125: I guess what it comes down to is the old adage "If you're going to talk the talk, you should walk the walk," or the Latin version "Acta non verba." Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes the best thing to do is if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.  

Story 124: No respect: Now I know how Rodney Dangerfield felt

I don't know if  you ever felt disrespected, but for some reason it seems to happening to me a lot lately.  Sometimes I feel like Rodney Dangerfield the patron saint of "No respect." and other times like "Mr Cellophane" from the musical Chicago, because people seem less inclined to notice me or appreciate my input.  It's like that old joke:

A man goes to a psychiatrist and complains "People don't listen to me doctor, they always seem to be doing other things, and when I try to speak up it's like I was never there…"

"Next patient." The psychiatrist replies.

To illustrate my point here's what happened recently.  I was with my mother who is a senior citizen, and we drove over to CVS pharmacy to get her a toothbrush.  My mother is handicapped and walks very slowly.

To accommodate her needs we parked in a handicapped space, and I got out of the car to help her walk.  Now we weren't able to park right next to the pharmacy because another car (not handicapped) was parked perpendicular to where we were and was effectively blocking two spaces.

As I got out of the car I noticed another woman walking over to the offending car who starts screaming at them.

"You should be ashamed of yourself! don't you know that there are two senior citizens who can't get into the store because of you."

"One," I yelled. "One senior."

The woman apparently didn't hear me or chose not to, but the illegally parked car did do the right thing and drove away, and when the woman who assisted us came by I gave her my thanks, but inside I was thinking "Fuck you. I just turned 50.  I may qualify for AARP but I'm no senior citizen yet."

My mother wasn't even able to get a toothbrush because they didn't have the one she liked.  All that trouble and no toothbrush, and even less respect.

Another time I went to DSW shoes on Long Island, but whenever I go there even if I have a big gift card it's rare that I can find shoes that appeal to me.  I usually just go the my default favorite brand Rockport which have the reputation for being comfortable, but not very stylish.

To celebrate my recent birthday I received some gift cards, and went over to DSW with high expectations, but after close to an hour of shopping all I could find were three different pairs of Rockports.  

I walked over to the cashier with my shoes hoping to have a quick sale when the woman looks over my purchases and replied, 

"Rockports.  My grandfather really likes them."

I looked up at her annoyed, but all I could mumble was, "Yes, very comfortable." Inside I was wondering "How comfortable would she would feel with my foot up her ass?"

The last story happened when I was taking an aerobics class at a local community college.  While I wanted to get in shape, the real reason I was taking the class was to meet women.  As it turned out I was the only guy in the class, but it's difficult to try to talk to someone when they are huffing and puffing away.

One day, during the middle class the instructor yells out vigorously, "Come on  ladies work it."

"What about me?" I answered back.

"Oh, right," she replied, "Eric too."
No respect.

Life Lesson 124: When I talk to my high school students, I often offer quotes like "Respect yourself, protect yourself" or my other favorite, "It's hard to say no when your self-esteem is low."

Story 123: Talk about chutzpah

In my last blog I told you about a Math substitute teacher named Klubman who is very disturbed.  Disturbed on so many levels.  Well, just when you thought it couldn't get worse.  It gets worse.  If you remember he was the guy whose pants broke and we gave him a jump rope to wear to class.  However, he even wore the jump rope in place of a belt the next day as well. Wow.

The assistant principal of math named Susan needed to observe him.  Let's just say "It didn't go well."  She didn't like his teaching. Weirdly however the kids seem to like him.  Probably because he never gives any homework.  Never.  He is also been teaching forty years or so, and  maybe they are just being kind to a senior.

Susan told him that he is very unprofessional and needs to really change.  Klubman was incensed and the next day plotted his revenge.

Assistant principals usually don't teach that many classes, and Susan is no exception.  Last week she was teaching her period two Advanced Placement class when Klubman walked in.  He sat in the back of the class with a notebook and started to write things down.

"Can I help you?" she asked confused.

"No," he replied.  "just keep on teaching while I do your observation."

Susan was flustered but didn't know what to say.   At the end of the period he went up to her and started to roll off what she was doing wrong.  

"You, didn't do any student-centered work, and you neglected to walk around the classroom to see if everyone was on task."  Klubman stated emphatically.

Susan didn't know what to say, and simply stared aghast.

"I'll see you next month for your next review.  You had better improve or else we'll be finding a new AP." He stated and then turned around and left the classroom triumphantly.

Life Lesson 123: Never argue with a fool.  Others may not know the difference.   Or in this case be careful with crazy people, because forget about losing your patience you might just lose your mind, and maybe even your pants.

Story 122 Keep your pants on!

This goes down in the category of  you can't make this shit up.  A few days ago I was teaching in my classroom on the first floor of our building trying to inspire the youth of tomorrow, completely unaware of the meshugas taking place in the basement.

According to my colleague, a skinny substitute teacher, also called an ATR (automatic temporary replacement) had burst into our PE office and yelled out, "Help! I need a rope."  

He said this while desperately holding up his pants and underwear which were rapidly falling off his body, and potentially giving my colleagues the full monty.  Now my fellow Phys. Ed. teachers sometimes change in our office, but full frontal nudity is a rarity.

One of the teachers big Jay yelled at the ATR, "Don't kill yourself this job isn't worth dying over."

Apparently all my friends were laughing hysterically at the situation, but the ATR named Klubman only replied, "This isn't funny. I need a belt!"

He really came to wrong office for help.  ATR's have a bad reputation.  Even though sometimes it's not their fault they are in their current position.  Many of them have lost their jobs due to excesses in their former schools. However, some of them have lost them due to incompetence, or the principal just doesn't like them for some reason.  In this case the reason was obvious he was someone who was just plain bizarre.

On some level I could relate to Klubman's problem, because one time I substitute taught  for a week in Brooklyn at an elite prep school called Brooklyn Friend's Academy. Each day I would wear a sports coat, tie, and gray or tan slacks.  On one of days I taught I sat down abruptly, and my pants split in the back.  Fortunately, I didn't panic, and soon after the period was over I went to a tailor on court street who sewed up my pants while I waited in a closet for him to finish.  If the ATR was cool about it, and preferably made a joke, we probably would have been more supportive.  No pun intended.

Instead, some of the teachers went into the bathroom laughing or simply laughed right at Klubman who was getting more and more upset, and kept repeating, "This isn't funny. Stop laughing at me!"

Another one of my colleagues named Francis tried to be more supportive. He suggested that Klubman use pre-wrap (similar to an ace bandage) to hold up his pants.

Klubman mindlessly tried wrapping the bandage around his waist, but to no avail.

"It's not working! Does anyone have any rope?"

Then, a new teacher named Mark offered,"I have a jump rope."

Klubman grabbed the jump rope like a drowning man grasping a life preserver, and began wrapping it around his waist.

"No," another Phys. Ed. teacher yelled out helpfully. "put it through the loop of your pants."

And that's what Klubman did. He tied it in front, and it worked for the most part.

"I can't believe I'm using a jump rope as a belt." he said repeatedly as he left to go up the gym.  My colleagues just shook their heads in disbelief.

I thought the matter was over, but the next day a teacher in another department named Mark told my friend Kurt that "A man came into the school with a jump rope tied around his waist." We knew all about it.

Klubman was back.  Why didn't he just wear another pair of pants, or get another belt I will never know.  I just know it was a story we will never forget.

Life Lesson 122: Keep your head up even when your pants are falling down. 

Story 121: Homeless in NYC…..

Why is it that every time I go into NYC it's always an adventure, and in some small part it usually involves someone homeless.  You can't go on subway, or walk around Penn station or the Port Authority without being accosted or shocked by what you see sometimes.  New Yorkers are pretty jaded, but even we roll our eyes sometimes.

I don't like seeing homeless children or families it hurts to see them down on their luck, but too often it's usually one strange guy or woman begging for money especially around the holidays.  There's the all too familiar subway chant, "Attention ladies and gentlemen,  I am not a thief, I just want something to eat."

Sometimes we give them money and sometimes not.  You look at them and make the evaluation.  Will my money be going to help them buy drugs?  It's hard to know.  There was a time when the homeless would sell Street News.  I don't know if that is a paper that's still being sold, but at least it's step in the right direction.

Most recently I went to the city around Christmas time, and there were a lot of homeless people begging on the subway.  I think because of the holiday spirit people tend to be more generous.
However, we all have our limits. Especially if they are too aggressive, and sometimes just plain bizarre.  Here is one example.

I was going to the Govensport hotel for a singles event and took the number two train downtown.  It's express and fortunately wasn't too crowded.  I didn't see one homeless person at all.
However when I got to the station it was another matter.

I started walking to the exit which was a metal turnstile when I noticed something odd.  On the other side of the turnstile there was a African American man presumably homeless casually reading the paper like he was on the beach.  What was strange was that he was wearing a t shirt, but nothing else.

As soon as I spotted him I turned around and started heading for the other exit.  I noticed another commuter heading for the exit, however I said nothing.  Then I heard an outcry.

"Oh, my god. Oh my god."

The commuter had gone through the turnstile and ran into the bottomless man who was partially blocking the stairs, but because he had already exited the turnstile couldn't go back the way he came, and had to go around the man.  I could only imagine his horror, but  still I laughed a bit about the exchange and was glad it wasn't me who was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Why is it also that homeless people often seem to use the street as their bathroom? Another time I was on Queens Blvd. in Rego Park, and witnessed another shocking scene.

I was driving with my brother past the Queens Center Mall, and watched a yuppie man talking on his cell phone and walking towards us. In the opposite direction another man, homeless, is walking the other way.  In one second I see the homeless man pull down his own pants and starts defecating on the sidewalk.  I notice the well dressed man who at first sees nothing and then notices the homeless man and his face goes from laughing on the phone to one of horror as he knows he has to walk around the man relieving himself.  My brother and I were horrified than laughed about it too.

My brother in law told me another crazy story about the time his brother Robert was walking up the stairs of his building in Chicago is ,and saw another homeless person on the landing defecating.

"Can I help you?" Robert asked the man.

"Yes," the man replied. "can  you get me some toilet paper?"

Robert was stunned, and instead simply called the super.

Life Lesson 121:I think every New Yorker probably has a homeless person story, but the real question why do we have so many homeless?, and what can we do to help them?  I blame the fact that the city had a lot of SRO's (single room occupancy apartments) and got rid of them, and probably reduced mental health treatment as well.  It is my hope that someday we can make NYC a place where all people can afford to live not just the super rich, and more services for the other forgotten Americans, the homeless.  If they ever get the chance to vote along with a place to live, who knows maybe the election and future could have gone differently.

Story 120: High School and College Success Stories

As a High School teacher and college professor I've had many opportunities to make an impact on my students. Here are a few examples.

MATT
Several years ago I ran into a former student named Matt standing in front of the high school that I work in.

"Hey Matt," I said.  "how are you?"

Matt looked a bit dejected and replied, "OK."

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Well," He said." nothing really, it's just that I'm not going to my classes. I'm not doing my homework. I just don't feel like doing anything."

I looked at him for a minute and then I replied, "Have you been smoking weed?"

He looked at me for a moment and then answered with surprise, "Yes, how did you know?"

I went on to tell him about how it takes one month for marijuana to come out of a person's body, and that smoking weed could often lead to a condition called Amotivational Syndrome.  The fact that some people who smoke can alter their motivation levels to do things.

Matt appreciated my comments and told me so.  I didn't think much about him, but then I saw him again the next semester.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Great," he replied.  "I just wanted to tell you that I started going to my classes, working out, and most importantly I quit smoking up."

He informed me another time that I was his favorite teacher, and I subsequently and enthusiastically wrote him a letter of recommendation.  Ultimately he graduated and went to college.  I really felt that like my friend Barry that I could make a difference in someone's life.

Debra
Another one students was named Debra.  My High School class was busy doing an assignment to see if they could create a behavior for the new year in the span of three weeks.  It was loosely based on Pavlov's research, or at least so I believed.

Debra was a bit overweight and one day asked me as part of the assignment,

"Mr. Levine, how do I lose weight?"

I replied, "Debra, instead of trying to lose weight think about trying to add things to your life."

"Like what?" She asked.

"Like, one month adding more water, more exercise, weight train, etc." I answered.

A year and a half later she came back to visit from George Washington University and stopped in my class.  Debra had lost 45 pounds in that time. She looked great.

"I just wanted to thank you," she said. "I took your advice and I joined the college gym, and every month I added something new.  Over one and a half years I made many little life changes, and feel so much better as a result."

Simply said that when we add healthy behaviors we can crowd out the bad ones.  It's just important to remember that "A jack of all trades is the master of none." and that we shouldn't try to change too many things at one time.  Considering the new year is upon us it's clear that while we can change things in our lives its probably best to focus on the few and build on that success. As Debra certainly proved.

Nancy
My student Nancy was an anorexic at age fourteen, but after being hospitalized she began to put her energy into her studies.  Nancy eventually became our school's valedictorian.  Not only that, but she also created an organization to create teddy bears to give to children with eating disorders and other problems to help them cope while they were in a shelter or hospital.

I wish I could say that it was because of me that she became so successful, but it was all her and the hard work and dedication of her friends.  She did come back one year to visit and we did a bear workshop with one of my classes.  I even tried to make a bear, but I can't say it was that cute.  It basically looked a cyclops.  Nancy had pity on me and helped make it more acceptable.

One other memory I have about Nancy was that she passed out in class once.  We were watching the film The Truth About Sex and I noticed that she looked a bit pale.  I probably should have intervened earlier but I wasn't sure if she was sick or not.  Eventually she passed out and bumped her head.  I called the nurse and helped her till the nurse arrived.  It's not every day the valedictorian passes out in your class.  She overcame that too, and went on to have a full scholarship to an ivy league college, and continues making bears for the needy and the ill.

Other successes
I've been teaching for twenty years and sometimes it's hard to remember the lives I've touched.  I did three years of counseling before I became a teacher.    I've helped students create behaviors to drink more water and eat more fruit.  I've written many recommendation letters that enabled students to get into college including full scholarships at a few CUNY's.  Some days I feel like a farmer who doesn't know if the seeds I've planted will bloom or not.

I've also run school-wide activities for quitting smoking, and helped coordinate five health fairs.  

At the college I made several students more aware of their bodies. We have watched videos about testicular cancer which led a few of my students to do self exams and ultimately find lumps and prevent other health problems as well.  

On another occasion I gave students the opportunity to get STD testing for extra credit, and on at least one occasion a woman found out they were positive for chlamydia.   A curable STD, but one which can lead to infertility.  She ultimately had it cured, and was very appreciative because like many women she had no symptoms.

I've also brought many guest speakers to discuss many social issues like homophobia, transphobia, and rape and sexual assault.  I bring in speakers not only to educate students, but also to give them resources for help.  

Life Lesson 120: Sometimes teaching can be a job that often goes unnoticed or unappreciated and we don't know if they are listening or not, but every once in while you have the chance to make a difference, and that makes the job truly special, because you realize what the good book says, "He who saves one life it's as if they've saved the world."  

Story 119: That's how I roll

Relationships
My friend Barry was a high school teacher and coach and had a lot of interesting stories, and always had a great sense of humor that's probably what women find appealing. He used to put on his dating profile something along the following:

"55 year old man.  If  you look at my profile I'm a 5, but with my pension I'm a 7 and with my TDA (Tax Deferred Annuity) I'm a 10."

On one occasion he started to date a woman from the neighborhood. They went on a couple of dates and things seemed to be going well.  After a few drinks they went to her bedroom, started to fool around, and then she stated, "Time to let Tiny out."

Barry knew what she meant, but replied with a joke, "How do you know I'm so tiny?"

She laughed and then answered, "No, I was talking about the cat."


DRUGS
Barry also used to smoke a lot of marijuana.  One day he went with a colleague to buy some weed.  His "friend" got out of the car to score some drugs when Barry realized to his surprise that the dealer was his student.  After that Barry never tried to buy with that staff member.  The teacher who wanted to purchase drugs eventually got fired for improper relations with a student and then arrested again for stealing from a store.

After Barry retired from teaching things got worse.  He started smoking every day, and wasn't doing much with his life.  

One day Barry decided that he didn't want to live that way anymore, and starting attending the support group Marijuana Anonymous.  It changed his life.  Not only did he stop smoking weed, but they liked him so much that they flew him to California to be a speaker at their national convention.  Ultimately, Barry would take charge of his life and start appreciating it more.  He would go on to have more positive relationships, help with coaching, and also drive veterans to the doctors office for free.

When one of the veterans tried to tip him he replied, "No thank you, you've given enough already."

That's How I Roll
Things weren't always rosy for Barry.  His judgement sometimes wasn't great.  In the 1970's there were a lot of killings in New York by a serial killer called the "Son of Sam."  (David Berkowitz)  One night Barry was hanging out in Queens by the Clearview Expressway when he saw several police cars.  It was a hot night and Barry was dressed in shorts and a tight white tank top. For some reason  when Barry saw the squad cars canvassing the area he decided to start running.

The police noticed immediately that a suspicious person was running and began their pursuit.  They caught up and questioned him.  They thought he might be the Son of Sam killer, but he had alibis and was soon released.

I asked him, "Why did you run? You know that's pretty suspicious."

He agreed and replied that he really didn't have a good reason to start running.  It wasn't like he had drugs on him just anxiety about the police.  

Life Lesson 119: Happiness can't found in a blunt, because ultimately that high fades, but when we do acts of kindness like help others that intrinsic motivation lasts long after the good deed is over.

Also, laughter shared with others can bring us together, and turn a potentially awkward experience into a positive one that we remember forever, and that's no small feat.

Story 118: My favorite mentor

I am a high school teacher and college professor, and have mentored many students and teachers over the years. I have had many mentors too, but my best one and favorite was my first one my father M.

M. grew up in the Bronx and was very smart. He went Bronx High School of Science, NYU, and Brooklyn Law School. Although he never practiced, but instead worked for the city.

He stood 6 foot tall was bald and had a small pot belly. Probably from eating his favorite dessert black and white cookies. Interesting fact was that he once came in fourth place in an a Ed Koch look alike contest.

My father taught  me many things but the most valuable one was probably the importance of doing good deeds and helping.  That's probably why his four children all work in the helping professions in medicine, psychology, and in my case teaching.

He was the type of guy who if someone needed help he was always there. If you needed someone to babysit last minute he would be right over.  Need help waiting for the cable guy all day? No problem.  As long as he had his book he was ready to help. Also,  after he retired from working for the city, he spent a lot of time delivering food and money to poor Long Islanders for a charity called Hatzilu.  

M. also loved words.  He was a huge reader which has probably been my motivation to love books too.  I used to  joke that instead of a gold credit card he probably had gold library card.  Although my mother would sometimes complain, "M. Put the book down, I need your help with something important." which probably meant taking out the garbage, doing the laundry, or raking a few leaves.

Not only did M. enjoy reading but he like his mother R. loved to write too.  He wrote short stories and articles, and helped me with some of my papers during high school. However his writing almost didn't happen, because when he was in in the 5th grade M. wrote a poem about a waterfall called "The Cataract." His writing was so good that his teacher didn't believe he wrote it.  So he stopped writing for many many years.  Unfortunately I never got to read that poem.  Although I have read many of Grandmothers writings. 

From that incident I have made it a point that I never want to be that kind of teacher who crushes someones potential, but rather encourages them to be successful.

My father had a great sense of humor too, and told a terrific joke.  Something I do in the classroom sometimes too. Although they were frequently corny and sometimes dirty.  He had great timing.  My mother would often try to repeat them, but she invariably left out an important line.  

Probably the funniest thing about him was that he was funny even when he didn't intend to be.    He would do things like put parmesan cheese in his coffee by accident, and then complain that "Something's was wrong with the coffee N."

Or when he was in college doing ROTC and some old school drill sergeant yelled at my father for holding a rifle incorrectly, my father turned around and accidentally pointed the gun at the instructor.  After that my dad was on KP duty peeling potatoes.

When it raining out he would sometimes say to me a few times. "Don't forget your rubbers."  not realizing that rubbers had multiple meanings.

Driving with my father was also always an adventure as well.
My father taught me to drive but he had this habit of turning off the car if he didn't feel you were driving right.  You could be in the middle of the road and he would do it.  My fathers belief was always safety first. My brother Dan, the doctor, took three times to pass his road test.  I can't even imagine how many times my father turned off the car. 

My father was also very good at keeping his cool and solving problems when things are difficult. One time in the 1970's we were returning again from a family vacation in the Catskills and our car a ramble station wagon started to overheat.

My father pulled over to the side of the road, and looked under the hood. Billows of white smoke were coming from underneath. It reminded me of old faithful at Yellowstone National Park. M. however kept his cool unlike the car.

“Kids,” My father stated “I need you to look in the car for some water.”

So off we excitedly went  looking under every cushion nook and cranny, pennies went flying, it was like a scavenger hunt, but unfortunately we couldn’t find any water. Blame it on all the empty bags of potato chips on the floor.

“Sorry.” we said collectively.

It was then that my father had an epiphany.

“Aha!” my father yelled out as he reached into the trunk of the car.

“You found some water?” my mother asked expectantly.

“No, but I think this will work just the same.” He replied, and then triumphantly held up a full container of pure Mott’s apple juice.  He held it up with such pride you would think it was a new baby fresh from the delivery room, instead of  a plastic gallon jug from Waldbaums. 

“I think this should work.” He beamed.

And that’s what he did. After letting the engine cool a bit, he poured the juice into the radiator, and surprisingly it worked like a charm.  We made it back to Long Island, all of us smelling like apples the whole ride home.  

My father died ten years ago, and even though I can't remember all of his jokes, or probably never have half of his timing.   The moments we shared and lessons I learned will live me forever.

Story 117: A moment to be thankful.

As  I look back on a year of my life, and of the 125+ posts I have written I am reminded of the importance of being thankful.

Even though other people around the world do not share our holiday of Thanksgiving.  I'm sure many of you have things that your are thankful for.  

In the film Happy there is a Buddhist monk named Matthieu Ricard that practices a special type of meditation called compassion meditation.  He has practiced this form for many years and when MRI scans are done, a certain part of his brain lights up that is often associated with happiness.  As they said in the film, simply practicing compassion can increase happiness.  I believe that doing good deeds shouldn't be limited to just Thanksgiving but the whole year too, and appreciating what we have and being thankful i.e. counting our blessings by sharing the moment with others can bring joy to all.

Another character in the film Menoj Singh is a rickshaw driver in Kolkata, India.  He lives in a slum with his family, but he is a consummate optimist.  He doesn't focus on his poverty, but instead focuses on what he does have:  A home, close family, good friends, and while these things aren't always associated with financial rewards, the intrinsic is sometimes what can bring us more lasting happiness.

In keeping with these ideas, I am reminded of a story that happened to me when I was a freshman in college.  I decided to drive home with several female friends before the Thanksgiving holiday.   We were all excited about being with our families, having some time off from school work, and enjoying some real home cooked food.  Quite a change from SUNY Albany's Dutch Quad kosher kitchen.  Whose food was often too spicy or too bland.  In fact the food plan (UAS) could have meant "Use Alka Seltzer." 

We were in my friend Linda's car when all of a sudden the card started to shake violently.  The first chance we got we pulled over to the service road of the Long Island Expressway. At that time I had never changed a tire before and I was a little clueless. Even today if I had a flat tire I'm not sure if I could do it right.

The girls got out of the car and we all looked at the flat tire with shock.

Linda looked at me and then asked, "Do you know how to fix a flat?"  I looked up and just shrugged.  I looked around but no one else had a clue.  Then I saw a man start to walk to our car from his driveway.

"Do you need some help?" He asked.

"Yes, please." We all said gratefully.  

At this time in my life I didn't have AAA let alone AAA+, nor did any of have cell phones.  So his help was greatly appreciated.

He assessed the situation and then started to get to work.  He got a jack out.

"Do you have a spare tire?" he asked.

Linda popped the trunk and gave him the spare.  Fortunately for us it was in good shape.  In short order he had jacked up the car and put the spare on.

"You're all set." He said with a smile.

"What do we owe you?" we said with great appreciation.

"No charge," he replied. "it is the holidays you know."

We thanked the man profusely and then continued the drive back
Sure that we would now be home for Thanksgiving on time.

Life Lesson 117: Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful.  A time to be grateful for what we have not what we don't.  A time to help others and realize that we can fill up our bellies with food, but to feel truly fulfilled we should fill up our souls as well through doing the right thing without expectation of reward.  Finally, let's not forget that by sharing our good spirit with others in word, deed, and praise can bring joy to all.  As Mark Twain once said, "I could live a month on a good compliment."

May we all around the world enjoy the message of Thanksgiving, and take the time to be thankful. 

Story 113: Hey It's the cable guy

I used to live in Queens, New York, and back then for a period of a year and half I had free cable.  I really didn't feel guilty because the cable company had forgotten to turn my basic cable off.  It wasn't like I had every channel, or was actively stealing it as some of my neighbors were doing. They had splitters so they could access another neighbors channels. I merely did not complain.

Nowadays, I have seen that some of my friends have Amazon firesticks that are jailbroken.  It's amazing that they have every movie that's out there.  Although I am always worried that someone will arrest me for stealing content if I were to do the same thing.

Anyway back to my cable situation.  How I got the cable was worth discussing.  I don't know how it is in other countries like Brazil or France, but in America if you make an appointment for cable the companies are very vague when you try to schedule an appointment for them to come over to install it.  It goes something like this.

Customer, "When do you think you can install my cable?"

Time Warner Cable, "On Tuesday between 9 and 5."

Customer "Can you be more specific I have to take off work."

Time Warner "Sorry, we have to make a lot of calls."

And that's how it went.  They arranged to come over on a Tuesday.  The problem is I that spent all day in my apartment.  I felt like it was a snowy day, and was starting to get cabin fever.  I kept checking the clock and around 3pm began to call the cable company every half an hour to get an update.

Each time I called I got the same answer, "They're on their way."  It reminded of optimum's unmovers commercials but only more real.

Finally I got a call saying that they would be over at 8pm.  The problem is that I have neighbors.  If I had my own house it probably wouldn't be a problem but my next door neighbor Rose had quite a temper.

Rose had been through two husbands and I heard their arguments even over my upstairs neighbor's illegal barking dog.  It got so bad that a few months after my cable was installed Rose had to vacate her place to get away from husband number two.

Meanwhile the cable guys came at 8pm and they started to work on installing, but as you probably know cable involves drilling. Lots and lots of drilling.

After about fifteen minutes Rose knocks on the door and starts to complain about the noise.  I politely tell her they are almost done, but I know in my heart they aren't.

After about another hour or so.  Rose knocks again only this time she is starting to raise her voice above the drilling.  I try to reassure her they are wrapping up.  I apologized, but then I turned to the men and told them to continue.

Unfortunately They didn't finish until 10pm.  Well past the typical time that's considered acceptable.  Rose probably knocked a few more times, but I pretended I didn't hear her. To thank the men I gave them both bottles of alcohol. Although, I was probably a bit stereotypical because I gave the Russian sounding man a bottle of Vodka, and the Spanish guy some coronas.  They left happy. Rose didn't talk to me for a month, but at least I had basic cable.  Long after she moved out of the apartment the free cable continued.

Life Lesson 113:  Sometimes we gotta do, what we gotta do to get what we wanna get, and free cable is always better than no cable even if you have to hear some complaining long after it's a fact.

Story 114: If you can make it here you can make it anywhere

When I was ten years old I had friend named friend Jeff.  And you know how it is with young boys some like the Mets, others like the Yankees. Well Jeff loved trains.  Whether it was LIRR or New York City subway.  It didn't matter.

One day he suggested that we take the LIRR to New York City to see the World Trade Center.  At that time I was living on Long Island, and had never been to New York City by myself let alone the World Trade Center.  So it seemed like a pretty good idea.  Something out of Makauly Calukin movie.

You have to understand that the town I grew up in on Long Island is very upscale, very safe, but very boring.  The idea of excitement was going to the diner on Saturday night for pancakes. So, going to the city seemed like a big adventure.

Jeff was very confident that we could make it there without any problems.  I was less sure to put it mildly. Scared shitless would be more accurate.  I don't even know if we told our parents. Probably not.  Now, I have been all over the world even to some war-torn countries like Afghanistan, but I don't think I was more scared than when I went on the Long Island Railroad, and especially the New York City subway at that time.

The trip was pretty uneventful to begin with, but as we got on the subway things started to feel more dangerous.  There were adults from all walks of life, and I remember after I saw some strange homeless people on the train.  I said to Jeff in a upset voice close to crying, " I want to go home." kind of similar to Bubba before he died in the film Forest Gump.


 Over the years, Jeff would remind me about our past trip, and imitate my voice mercilessly, but what do you expect I was only ten.

What concerns me is that going to NYC by myself was a pretty rare thing, but nowadays it's quite common.  There are ten year old's commuting to New York City schools on a regular basis.  There was even a recent incident in which a ten year old boy was attacked by a strange man, and held between two subway cars.  If it wasn't for the intervention of a school teacher who knows what would have happened to the boy?

Back then though Jeff was unconcerned, and told me "Don't worry things would be ok," and  It turned out he was right.

We got to the World Trade Center, and I was able to  see Manhattan and New Jersey in ways I had never see before.  It was a trip I will never forget, because it gave me perspective. 

The way back was I was more upbeat as we headed home, and in particular when we returned without incident.  I don't know if I would go so far and label the trip as life changing, but It showed me a world of possibilities, how big New York and the world is, and what I was capable of in terms of overcoming obstacles.

Since that first trip my friend Jeff now works for the Long Island Rail Road, and I have traveled to over twenty five countries.  I have come a long way. Literally, and that first trip started it all.

Life Lesson 114:  My trip to NYC reminded me of Frank Sinatra's song New York, New York.  Especially the line "If you can make it here you can make it anywhere." Well, I think that in this case the line should be instead, "If you can make it there and back, you can make it anywhere and back."  And  thanks to Jeff's encouragement and the courage I showed that day it's become the way I live my life.

Story 112: More pet peeves

 While I am generally a positive person, there are some things that piss me off, or just confuse the hell out of me.  I don't know if these trends apply around the world.  Maybe someone could let me know.  Here are five additional pet peeves.

1) Car bumper protectors.  I have two cars both of which aren't brand new or fancy, but I would never put a "Bumper Badger" on my car even if it was brand new.  I am always amazed when I see people driving on the highway with bumper protectors. Especially when they are just everyday cars like Hyundai's. They look ridiculous.  God forbid you get the bumper of your Hyundai scratched. Do you ever see a Mercedes Benz with a bumper protector? Enough said.

2) People who walk their child/children on a leash.  I don't know how it is outside the United States, but I have seen some parents with their young children on a leash.  I understand restraint when it comes to dogs, and in fact sometimes you wish their dog was on a leash. I even saw a woman in New York City walking her pet rabbit.  As it was running forward she yelled out "Slow down. Slow down." As if it could understand her. Dogs at least seem to have some word comprehension.

When it comes to kids, I suppose some of them do have a tendency to run amok, but we need to teach them how to behave, not to heel.  On the other hand, I remember when I was living in Queens seeing some Korean parents letting their pre-school children walk at least one block ahead of them, and getting dangerously close to traffic. Where is the awareness?  I guess it important to strike a balance like a government and it's people.  It's the difference between laissez faire and just being plain lazy.

3) Bad cellphone etiquette.  Why can't we stop talking on the phone?  I like my phone, but I have my limits, and I like to think that I have some awareness of the people around me.

I was in Panera bread the other day and two people irritated me immensely in the span of the time it took to eat my bagel.  One woman was waiting for customer service for  her computer, and had her phone on speaker.  Another man (Who was not a senior citizen) was talking loudly into his phone so all the restaurant could hear his business.  Do our phones make us deaf to the people around us? or just unaware.

How about people who talk on their phones at weird times.  Like on the toilet or while urinating, or who sleep with their phones below their pillows.   Do you really want to risk brain cancer?

Another time I saw four teenagers sitting down for a meal of fast food. All of them were looking at their phones, and not one of them was talking.  We are walking down a slippery slope when it comes to our phones.  Have you ever called someone, and then they never return your call, but only text you back. It seems we are also quickly losing the capacity to communicate. I understand the desire to not talk too long to someone who is very boring, long winded,  or even your mother-in-law, but let's give the lines of communication open. Literally.

On the other hand, there are times when we simply should not check or talk on our phones at all.  Like at a broadway show or at movie and while driving. I've even heard of someone checking the phones or texting during a job interview, and you don't have to be Alec Baldwin to know that talking on the phone during flight safety instructions is just plain wrong.  Also, people who walk and look down at their phones and often get close to walking into things.  Wake up people. Look up, put the phone down, and really listen to the people around you.  If you don't stop life can often pass you by, and you might be so preoccupied that you miss it completely.

4) Global Warning Naysayers    : It's in the eighties in New York today.  Quite warm for mid September, and yet global-warning opponents are probably quite adamant that global warning doesn't exist.  What will it take before they and other countries and the unconvinced blink and take notice?

People have said that global warning is untrue.  Tell that to the polar bears when they have to do a long swim, or to the fisherman who are finding dead coral reefs.  Or those who live near the coast like New Orleans and Texas and are experiencing flooding.  Remember the hurricane Sandy and Katrina survivors? It's clear that our weather is changing, and as sea levels rise the seas are getting more prone to flooding.

I've heard people say that cows are to blame because of their gas,   but what about people who chop down the rain forests or polluters like China who have to close 100 factories temporarily when the world is visiting so their air is breathable.  My question is what will it take for the world to believe and to care enough to make changes.

I'm not saying it's going to be like the movie The Day After Tomorrow right away, but you never know.  What if I'm right and we do nothing?  If I'm wrong than were just spending a lot of time  and money for a cleaner greener planet, but if I'm right and we do nothing then we can look forward to moving to mars or the moon. Maybe even like the film Interstellar orbiting in space or perhaps underground like the movie The Matrix.  We already have some underground bunkers, but I don't want it to be Wall E either. Where we are all fat riding around on mechanical devices, and our planet is a wasteland. Literally.  We still have time to make a change.  If only the world will listen.  Listen carefully because it's getting hot out there and I don't want to live like they do in the Silo Series either.  Underground and unable to go outside.


We need to stop burning fossil fuels, and polluting our world.  We need to go green.  Because the cost of not doing anything is that our world will quickly become like a lawn with not enough water. Brown, and ultimately dead.  With coral reefs that are broken and the trees on fire. The temperature will become so hot that if we don't do anything America's Death Valley will become a reality for  the entire planet.

5) Buying a car: Why is buying a car for a fair price so hard in America?  If you have good credit, it's actually pretty easy to get a car.  The thing is why isn't the car industry better regulated?  They can lie and charge different people different rates, and basically rip you off. Why can't there be one standard?  I haven't bought a new car yet, but someday I might.  It just always seems like horse trading.  I wish something could be done.  Two of my friends got ripped off on leases.  It's often been said that you get what you pay for.  I just wish when it comes to cars, someday that could be true too.

Life Lesson 112: Someone once said ,"Viva su vida, no lo mia." Live your life not mine, but never forget to think of the other guy too and our planet as well.

Story 111: More crazy bathroom stories

Something as normal as using the bathroom can be challenging.

Then there was the time I was in the suburbs of Chicago on a platform waiting for an outdoor train. I really had to go, but unfortunately there weren't any bathrooms nearby.  A transit worker was kind enough to suggest I pee between the cars and that he would block me from people's sight. And that's exactly what i did. (Fortunately it was early and there wasn't anyone around or so I hoped.)

I've gone to the bathroom in a Mcdonalds in the dark, on the top of Mt. Sinai, and in Bukhara, Uzbekistan in a family's restroom that as I've said earlier looked something out of National Geographic. Basically a cesspool. 

On time my sister S. went to Acapulco, Mexico and while she very astutely didn't drink the water because of fear of contamination when she got to the airport for the return flight, ordered a coke with ice cubes.  Not realizing the ice cubes were bad too.

When she got on the flight, she really had the use the bathroom, but they refused to allow her to.  Truly Montezuma's revenge.

Finally, there was the time that I was in Turkey at the top of a Roman Ampitheter and I felt my stomach starting to gurgle horribly. I began a trek that felt like I was on the show "The Amazing Race,"  or in my case the race to the bathroom.   When I got there the attendant said it was "$1 to use the bathroom."
fortunately I had exact change, and I later said to my friend Mike, "That was the best dollar I ever spent."

Life Lesson 111:  What can we learn from all of this?  Here are a few tips
1) Always pack emergency money in case you need it, and don't forget toilet paper when traveling, hand sanitizer for good measure and imodium too.  Vaccines are important as well.

2) (no pun intended) Learn about the place you are visiting ex. "Can I drink the water" 

3) Be like George Castanza from Seinfeld.  "Give me an address in NYC, and I'll tell you where the best bathroom is."

4) Don't be afraid to ask people for favors if it is really an emergency.

5) Go now so you don't gotta go later.

6) Garbage in, Garbage out, and that applies to drinks as well.

7) Never eat yellow snow

8) Explore the world, one bathroom at a time.

Story 110 Summer sounds and smells

Have you ever driven your car on a hot summer day with the windows open? It takes getting used to.  Sometimes we have to do it by choice.  One of my friends drives his BMW in the middle of the winter with the top down and the heat on. Although, amazingly, he says he never gets cold. I wish I had his problem sometimes. 

In my case it was because today one of my cars was stalling at stop signs when I drove it with the air conditioner on.   Now I'm nervous it might stall at the wrong time. Yikes.  I picture worst case scenarios like sliding backward on a steep hill or the car stopping while driving on the highway….To start the healing process I got the oil changed, and now I want to bring it to my local Greek mechanic to have him take a look.  He is honest, but I still wonder if he can diagnose/fix the problem, and whether it is worth it to fix.  The car is eleven years old with 160,000 miles.  A good run so far, but having a local car that's paid off can be useful, but not so much for dates.

Meanwhile, driving my Camry earlier, I realized that too often we are disconnected from people and the world.  How often have you seen someone almost get hit by a car because they were either walking while looking down at their phone, or had their earphones turned up and totally missed something.  Those are times that our choices could be life threatening, but how about just plain conversation? We're raising a generation of pokemon searching, downward phone staring children who can't read, write, or even initiate conversation.  I think it's a real disservice, and in the long run bad for our memories.  We're over relying on GPS instead of using our B.R.A.I.N.S. and I've heard of people driving their cars into rivers, because they followed the GPS and didn't use common sense. Wake up people and look up.  I'm sitting/standing right here.

Why text me when we could just talk? How many times have you had a miscommunication because things got lost in translation when you texted? and lets not get started on things like texting and driving.  Also, do we really need virtual reality when the regular type is just fine.  In addition, to the people in Germany who read my blog earlier,  were GPS's really changed to have men's voices instead of women's because some Germans were less likely to follow a woman's driving recommendations? can someone please let me know if this true.


Anyway, back to the car.  When I drove it earlier I smelled and heard everything.  When we drive with the radio on, the windows closed and our minds somewhere else, the disconnect begins.  I may be into listening to Fresh Air on NPR or WCBS radio, but what about the world outside?

When I started to listen and smell the outside world I experienced both the good and the bad.  There was the pungent smell of car exhausts and the cacophony of trucks, but also a cooling breeze and the warmth of the sun.  Although to be fair I did sweat quite a bit too.

In many ways it's the difference between going to sleep with the air conditioner on and hearing the evening sounds of crickets and squirrels, but also the morning whine of cars and buses passing by.  Life is filled with pros and cons.

I also want to mention that we may not have all the money we need, but there are ways to be fulfilled in other ways.  The warmth of the sun on a not too hot day, the refreshing coolness of  pool or ocean swim.  The sounds of a free concert outside and laughter of children. The touch of a loved one or warm embrace will/can never be duplicated by a machine. I hope.

Life Lesson 110: Life is short so don't be afraid to seize the day,  and with that truly listen.  Listen to each other when we speak instead of focusing on your phones.  Listen to our environment and  all that it has to offer the good and the bad. Experience the beauty of nature before the coming of winter.  Experience each other and once in a while drive with top down, the music off, and just for a moment, live in the moment because in the scheme of things that's really what life is all about. Moments.

Story 109: Address the birthday stress part2

It's official. It's the one year anniversary of my blog.  With close to five thousand views from all around the world.  To all of the people who have spent some time reading my stories or listening I thank you.  In the future I am working on converting some or all of them to youtube videos  to increase exposure, and also god willing book form.  If you have the time I would appreciate some comments.  It's always nice to get feedback.  Either way I'll keep writing, and I have some other book projects in mind.  I'll keep you posted (no pun intended)

Not only was it the one year anniversary of my blog, but also my mother's 83rd birthday.  Last year I took her to Besitos as some of you know from my earlier post, and this year my family took her to Grand Luxe cafe on Long Island, and individually to Jolly Fisherman in Roslyn, NY.   I think Jolly Fisherman is the best place for lunch on Long Island.

It always amazes me how much emphasis we put  on youth in our society, and unfortunately how often  ageism pervades.   I love the fact that on the island of Okinawa there is no word for "retired."  if you get the chance watch Dan Buetnner's Ted Talk "How to live to be 100."  He explains which behaviors we can incorporate into our lives to live longer.  I call it the six "F's"   They include

1) Friends
2) Family
3) Food 
4) Fitness
5) Fun
6) Faith

Many of the people who live to be centenarians or super centarians (110 or more) do many of these behaviors.  My mother is no exception.  Although I do wish she was more physically active.
I often tell her that one lap around the track is better than no laps around the track.  My physical therapist also used to say "Motion is lotion."  A saying my mother often says as well.

What amazed me at the restaurant was that it seemed that my mother knew everyone, or if she didn't she tried to. There was a neighbor from down the block who was celebrating a birthday and a friend from the temple as well.  People though surprised were generally very supportive.

"What did you have?" my mother asked one table.

"Is it your birthday too?" my mother asked another.

She spoke to each waiter like a person having a talk with a friend.  (To all the patient support staff at Jolly Fisherman thank you) 

"Where were you born" (In spanish) "Have a great week,etc.")

By the time we left she had spoken to every waiter and in a few cases suggested that they take an ESL class at the school she used to work at.

Now people generally dress up at Jolly Fisherman for lunch: Sports coats, nice polo shirts, dresses.  My mother however stands out.
She wore her favorite hat something similar to the hats women wear in Bolivia, or maybe some men in the Dominican Republic or Cuba.  She was also wearing a bright orange poncho the whole night.  If It was lunch she probably would do the same.

When the meal was over and we picked up the customary loaf of delicious date nut bread to go I asked my mother if she enjoyed the meal.  She replied,

"Thank you for taking me for my birthday it was simply devine."

Life Lesson 109: And I thought to myself thank you mom for having another birthday year to share. You are truly special, one in a million, and maybe your name instead of Levine it should be instead devine.