As I look back on a year of my life, and of the 125+ posts I have written I am reminded of the importance of being thankful.
Even though other people around the world do not share our holiday of Thanksgiving. I'm sure many of you have things that your are thankful for.
In the film Happy there is a Buddhist monk named Matthieu Ricard that practices a special type of meditation called compassion meditation. He has practiced this form for many years and when MRI scans are done, a certain part of his brain lights up that is often associated with happiness. As they said in the film, simply practicing compassion can increase happiness. I believe that doing good deeds shouldn't be limited to just Thanksgiving but the whole year too, and appreciating what we have and being thankful i.e. counting our blessings by sharing the moment with others can bring joy to all.
Another character in the film Menoj Singh is a rickshaw driver in Kolkata, India. He lives in a slum with his family, but he is a consummate optimist. He doesn't focus on his poverty, but instead focuses on what he does have: A home, close family, good friends, and while these things aren't always associated with financial rewards, the intrinsic is sometimes what can bring us more lasting happiness.
In keeping with these ideas, I am reminded of a story that happened to me when I was a freshman in college. I decided to drive home with several female friends before the Thanksgiving holiday. We were all excited about being with our families, having some time off from school work, and enjoying some real home cooked food. Quite a change from SUNY Albany's Dutch Quad kosher kitchen. Whose food was often too spicy or too bland. In fact the food plan (UAS) could have meant "Use Alka Seltzer."
We were in my friend Linda's car when all of a sudden the card started to shake violently. The first chance we got we pulled over to the service road of the Long Island Expressway. At that time I had never changed a tire before and I was a little clueless. Even today if I had a flat tire I'm not sure if I could do it right.
The girls got out of the car and we all looked at the flat tire with shock.
Linda looked at me and then asked, "Do you know how to fix a flat?" I looked up and just shrugged. I looked around but no one else had a clue. Then I saw a man start to walk to our car from his driveway.
"Do you need some help?" He asked.
"Yes, please." We all said gratefully.
At this time in my life I didn't have AAA let alone AAA+, nor did any of have cell phones. So his help was greatly appreciated.
He assessed the situation and then started to get to work. He got a jack out.
"Do you have a spare tire?" he asked.
Linda popped the trunk and gave him the spare. Fortunately for us it was in good shape. In short order he had jacked up the car and put the spare on.
"You're all set." He said with a smile.
"What do we owe you?" we said with great appreciation.
"No charge," he replied. "it is the holidays you know."
We thanked the man profusely and then continued the drive back
Sure that we would now be home for Thanksgiving on time.
Life Lesson 117: Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful. A time to be grateful for what we have not what we don't. A time to help others and realize that we can fill up our bellies with food, but to feel truly fulfilled we should fill up our souls as well through doing the right thing without expectation of reward. Finally, let's not forget that by sharing our good spirit with others in word, deed, and praise can bring joy to all. As Mark Twain once said, "I could live a month on a good compliment."
May we all around the world enjoy the message of Thanksgiving, and take the time to be thankful.
I used to live in Queens, New York, and back then for a period of a year and half I had free cable. I really didn't feel guilty because the cable company had forgotten to turn my basic cable off. It wasn't like I had every channel, or was actively stealing it as some of my neighbors were doing. They had splitters so they could access another neighbors channels. I merely did not complain.
Nowadays, I have seen that some of my friends have Amazon firesticks that are jailbroken. It's amazing that they have every movie that's out there. Although I am always worried that someone will arrest me for stealing content if I were to do the same thing.
Anyway back to my cable situation. How I got the cable was worth discussing. I don't know how it is in other countries like Brazil or France, but in America if you make an appointment for cable the companies are very vague when you try to schedule an appointment for them to come over to install it. It goes something like this.
Customer, "When do you think you can install my cable?"
Time Warner Cable, "On Tuesday between 9 and 5."
Customer "Can you be more specific I have to take off work."
Time Warner "Sorry, we have to make a lot of calls."
And that's how it went. They arranged to come over on a Tuesday. The problem is I that spent all day in my apartment. I felt like it was a snowy day, and was starting to get cabin fever. I kept checking the clock and around 3pm began to call the cable company every half an hour to get an update.
Each time I called I got the same answer, "They're on their way." It reminded of optimum's unmovers commercials but only more real.
Finally I got a call saying that they would be over at 8pm. The problem is that I have neighbors. If I had my own house it probably wouldn't be a problem but my next door neighbor Rose had quite a temper.
Rose had been through two husbands and I heard their arguments even over my upstairs neighbor's illegal barking dog. It got so bad that a few months after my cable was installed Rose had to vacate her place to get away from husband number two.
Meanwhile the cable guys came at 8pm and they started to work on installing, but as you probably know cable involves drilling. Lots and lots of drilling.
After about fifteen minutes Rose knocks on the door and starts to complain about the noise. I politely tell her they are almost done, but I know in my heart they aren't.
After about another hour or so. Rose knocks again only this time she is starting to raise her voice above the drilling. I try to reassure her they are wrapping up. I apologized, but then I turned to the men and told them to continue.
Unfortunately They didn't finish until 10pm. Well past the typical time that's considered acceptable. Rose probably knocked a few more times, but I pretended I didn't hear her. To thank the men I gave them both bottles of alcohol. Although, I was probably a bit stereotypical because I gave the Russian sounding man a bottle of Vodka, and the Spanish guy some coronas. They left happy. Rose didn't talk to me for a month, but at least I had basic cable. Long after she moved out of the apartment the free cable continued.
Life Lesson 113: Sometimes we gotta do, what we gotta do to get what we wanna get, and free cable is always better than no cable even if you have to hear some complaining long after it's a fact.
When I was ten years old I had friend named friend Jeff. And you know how it is with young boys some like the Mets, others like the Yankees. Well Jeff loved trains. Whether it was LIRR or New York City subway. It didn't matter.
One day he suggested that we take the LIRR to New York City to see the World Trade Center. At that time I was living on Long Island, and had never been to New York City by myself let alone the World Trade Center. So it seemed like a pretty good idea. Something out of Makauly Calukin movie.
You have to understand that the town I grew up in on Long Island is very upscale, very safe, but very boring. The idea of excitement was going to the diner on Saturday night for pancakes. So, going to the city seemed like a big adventure.
Jeff was very confident that we could make it there without any problems. I was less sure to put it mildly. Scared shitless would be more accurate. I don't even know if we told our parents. Probably not. Now, I have been all over the world even to some war-torn countries like Afghanistan, but I don't think I was more scared than when I went on the Long Island Railroad, and especially the New York City subway at that time.
The trip was pretty uneventful to begin with, but as we got on the subway things started to feel more dangerous. There were adults from all walks of life, and I remember after I saw some strange homeless people on the train. I said to Jeff in a upset voice close to crying, " I want to go home." kind of similar to Bubba before he died in the film Forest Gump.
Over the years, Jeff would remind me about our past trip, and imitate my voice mercilessly, but what do you expect I was only ten.
What concerns me is that going to NYC by myself was a pretty rare thing, but nowadays it's quite common. There are ten year old's commuting to New York City schools on a regular basis. There was even a recent incident in which a ten year old boy was attacked by a strange man, and held between two subway cars. If it wasn't for the intervention of a school teacher who knows what would have happened to the boy?
Back then though Jeff was unconcerned, and told me "Don't worry things would be ok," and It turned out he was right.
We got to the World Trade Center, and I was able to see Manhattan and New Jersey in ways I had never see before. It was a trip I will never forget, because it gave me perspective.
The way back was I was more upbeat as we headed home, and in particular when we returned without incident. I don't know if I would go so far and label the trip as life changing, but It showed me a world of possibilities, how big New York and the world is, and what I was capable of in terms of overcoming obstacles.
Since that first trip my friend Jeff now works for the Long Island Rail Road, and I have traveled to over twenty five countries. I have come a long way. Literally, and that first trip started it all.
Life Lesson 114: My trip to NYC reminded me of Frank Sinatra's song New York, New York. Especially the line "If you can make it here you can make it anywhere." Well, I think that in this case the line should be instead, "If you can make it there and back, you can make it anywhere and back." And thanks to Jeff's encouragement and the courage I showed that day it's become the way I live my life.
While I am generally a positive person, there are some things that piss me off, or just confuse the hell out of me. I don't know if these trends apply around the world. Maybe someone could let me know. Here are five additional pet peeves.
1) Car bumper protectors. I have two cars both of which aren't brand new or fancy, but I would never put a "Bumper Badger" on my car even if it was brand new. I am always amazed when I see people driving on the highway with bumper protectors. Especially when they are just everyday cars like Hyundai's. They look ridiculous. God forbid you get the bumper of your Hyundai scratched. Do you ever see a Mercedes Benz with a bumper protector? Enough said.
2) People who walk their child/children on a leash. I don't know how it is outside the United States, but I have seen some parents with their young children on a leash. I understand restraint when it comes to dogs, and in fact sometimes you wish their dog was on a leash. I even saw a woman in New York City walking her pet rabbit. As it was running forward she yelled out "Slow down. Slow down." As if it could understand her. Dogs at least seem to have some word comprehension.
When it comes to kids, I suppose some of them do have a tendency to run amok, but we need to teach them how to behave, not to heel. On the other hand, I remember when I was living in Queens seeing some Korean parents letting their pre-school children walk at least one block ahead of them, and getting dangerously close to traffic. Where is the awareness? I guess it important to strike a balance like a government and it's people. It's the difference between laissez faire and just being plain lazy.
3) Bad cellphone etiquette. Why can't we stop talking on the phone? I like my phone, but I have my limits, and I like to think that I have some awareness of the people around me.
I was in Panera bread the other day and two people irritated me immensely in the span of the time it took to eat my bagel. One woman was waiting for customer service for her computer, and had her phone on speaker. Another man (Who was not a senior citizen) was talking loudly into his phone so all the restaurant could hear his business. Do our phones make us deaf to the people around us? or just unaware.
How about people who talk on their phones at weird times. Like on the toilet or while urinating, or who sleep with their phones below their pillows. Do you really want to risk brain cancer?
Another time I saw four teenagers sitting down for a meal of fast food. All of them were looking at their phones, and not one of them was talking. We are walking down a slippery slope when it comes to our phones. Have you ever called someone, and then they never return your call, but only text you back. It seems we are also quickly losing the capacity to communicate. I understand the desire to not talk too long to someone who is very boring, long winded, or even your mother-in-law, but let's give the lines of communication open. Literally.
On the other hand, there are times when we simply should not check or talk on our phones at all. Like at a broadway show or at movie and while driving. I've even heard of someone checking the phones or texting during a job interview, and you don't have to be Alec Baldwin to know that talking on the phone during flight safety instructions is just plain wrong. Also, people who walk and look down at their phones and often get close to walking into things. Wake up people. Look up, put the phone down, and really listen to the people around you. If you don't stop life can often pass you by, and you might be so preoccupied that you miss it completely.
4) Global Warning Naysayers : It's in the eighties in New York today. Quite warm for mid September, and yet global-warning opponents are probably quite adamant that global warning doesn't exist. What will it take before they and other countries and the unconvinced blink and take notice?
People have said that global warning is untrue. Tell that to the polar bears when they have to do a long swim, or to the fisherman who are finding dead coral reefs. Or those who live near the coast like New Orleans and Texas and are experiencing flooding. Remember the hurricane Sandy and Katrina survivors? It's clear that our weather is changing, and as sea levels rise the seas are getting more prone to flooding.
I've heard people say that cows are to blame because of their gas, but what about people who chop down the rain forests or polluters like China who have to close 100 factories temporarily when the world is visiting so their air is breathable. My question is what will it take for the world to believe and to care enough to make changes.
I'm not saying it's going to be like the movie The Day After Tomorrow right away, but you never know. What if I'm right and we do nothing? If I'm wrong than were just spending a lot of time and money for a cleaner greener planet, but if I'm right and we do nothing then we can look forward to moving to mars or the moon. Maybe even like the film Interstellar orbiting in space or perhaps underground like the movie The Matrix. We already have some underground bunkers, but I don't want it to be Wall E either. Where we are all fat riding around on mechanical devices, and our planet is a wasteland. Literally. We still have time to make a change. If only the world will listen. Listen carefully because it's getting hot out there and I don't want to live like they do in the Silo Series either. Underground and unable to go outside.
We need to stop burning fossil fuels, and polluting our world. We need to go green. Because the cost of not doing anything is that our world will quickly become like a lawn with not enough water. Brown, and ultimately dead. With coral reefs that are broken and the trees on fire. The temperature will become so hot that if we don't do anything America's Death Valley will become a reality for the entire planet.
5) Buying a car: Why is buying a car for a fair price so hard in America? If you have good credit, it's actually pretty easy to get a car. The thing is why isn't the car industry better regulated? They can lie and charge different people different rates, and basically rip you off. Why can't there be one standard? I haven't bought a new car yet, but someday I might. It just always seems like horse trading. I wish something could be done. Two of my friends got ripped off on leases. It's often been said that you get what you pay for. I just wish when it comes to cars, someday that could be true too.
Life Lesson 112: Someone once said ,"Viva su vida, no lo mia." Live your life not mine, but never forget to think of the other guy too and our planet as well.
Something as normal as using the bathroom can be challenging.
Then there was the time I was in the suburbs of Chicago on a platform waiting for an outdoor train. I really had to go, but unfortunately there weren't any bathrooms nearby. A transit worker was kind enough to suggest I pee between the cars and that he would block me from people's sight. And that's exactly what i did. (Fortunately it was early and there wasn't anyone around or so I hoped.)
I've gone to the bathroom in a Mcdonalds in the dark, on the top of Mt. Sinai, and in Bukhara, Uzbekistan in a family's restroom that as I've said earlier looked something out of National Geographic. Basically a cesspool.
On time my sister S. went to Acapulco, Mexico and while she very astutely didn't drink the water because of fear of contamination when she got to the airport for the return flight, ordered a coke with ice cubes. Not realizing the ice cubes were bad too.
When she got on the flight, she really had the use the bathroom, but they refused to allow her to. Truly Montezuma's revenge.
Finally, there was the time that I was in Turkey at the top of a Roman Ampitheter and I felt my stomach starting to gurgle horribly. I began a trek that felt like I was on the show "The Amazing Race," or in my case the race to the bathroom. When I got there the attendant said it was "$1 to use the bathroom."
fortunately I had exact change, and I later said to my friend Mike, "That was the best dollar I ever spent."
Life Lesson 111: What can we learn from all of this? Here are a few tips
1) Always pack emergency money in case you need it, and don't forget toilet paper when traveling, hand sanitizer for good measure and imodium too. Vaccines are important as well.
2) (no pun intended) Learn about the place you are visiting ex. "Can I drink the water"
3) Be like George Castanza from Seinfeld. "Give me an address in NYC, and I'll tell you where the best bathroom is."
4) Don't be afraid to ask people for favors if it is really an emergency.
5) Go now so you don't gotta go later.
6) Garbage in, Garbage out, and that applies to drinks as well.
7) Never eat yellow snow
8) Explore the world, one bathroom at a time.
Have you ever driven your car on a hot summer day with the windows open? It takes getting used to. Sometimes we have to do it by choice. One of my friends drives his BMW in the middle of the winter with the top down and the heat on. Although, amazingly, he says he never gets cold. I wish I had his problem sometimes.
In my case it was because today one of my cars was stalling at stop signs when I drove it with the air conditioner on. Now I'm nervous it might stall at the wrong time. Yikes. I picture worst case scenarios like sliding backward on a steep hill or the car stopping while driving on the highway….To start the healing process I got the oil changed, and now I want to bring it to my local Greek mechanic to have him take a look. He is honest, but I still wonder if he can diagnose/fix the problem, and whether it is worth it to fix. The car is eleven years old with 160,000 miles. A good run so far, but having a local car that's paid off can be useful, but not so much for dates.
Meanwhile, driving my Camry earlier, I realized that too often we are disconnected from people and the world. How often have you seen someone almost get hit by a car because they were either walking while looking down at their phone, or had their earphones turned up and totally missed something. Those are times that our choices could be life threatening, but how about just plain conversation? We're raising a generation of pokemon searching, downward phone staring children who can't read, write, or even initiate conversation. I think it's a real disservice, and in the long run bad for our memories. We're over relying on GPS instead of using our B.R.A.I.N.S. and I've heard of people driving their cars into rivers, because they followed the GPS and didn't use common sense. Wake up people and look up. I'm sitting/standing right here.
Why text me when we could just talk? How many times have you had a miscommunication because things got lost in translation when you texted? and lets not get started on things like texting and driving. Also, do we really need virtual reality when the regular type is just fine. In addition, to the people in Germany who read my blog earlier, were GPS's really changed to have men's voices instead of women's because some Germans were less likely to follow a woman's driving recommendations? can someone please let me know if this true.
Anyway, back to the car. When I drove it earlier I smelled and heard everything. When we drive with the radio on, the windows closed and our minds somewhere else, the disconnect begins. I may be into listening to Fresh Air on NPR or WCBS radio, but what about the world outside?
When I started to listen and smell the outside world I experienced both the good and the bad. There was the pungent smell of car exhausts and the cacophony of trucks, but also a cooling breeze and the warmth of the sun. Although to be fair I did sweat quite a bit too.
In many ways it's the difference between going to sleep with the air conditioner on and hearing the evening sounds of crickets and squirrels, but also the morning whine of cars and buses passing by. Life is filled with pros and cons.
I also want to mention that we may not have all the money we need, but there are ways to be fulfilled in other ways. The warmth of the sun on a not too hot day, the refreshing coolness of pool or ocean swim. The sounds of a free concert outside and laughter of children. The touch of a loved one or warm embrace will/can never be duplicated by a machine. I hope.
Life Lesson 110: Life is short so don't be afraid to seize the day, and with that truly listen. Listen to each other when we speak instead of focusing on your phones. Listen to our environment and all that it has to offer the good and the bad. Experience the beauty of nature before the coming of winter. Experience each other and once in a while drive with top down, the music off, and just for a moment, live in the moment because in the scheme of things that's really what life is all about. Moments.
It's official. It's the one year anniversary of my blog. With close to five thousand views from all around the world. To all of the people who have spent some time reading my stories or listening I thank you. In the future I am working on converting some or all of them to youtube videos to increase exposure, and also god willing book form. If you have the time I would appreciate some comments. It's always nice to get feedback. Either way I'll keep writing, and I have some other book projects in mind. I'll keep you posted (no pun intended)
Not only was it the one year anniversary of my blog, but also my mother's 83rd birthday. Last year I took her to Besitos as some of you know from my earlier post, and this year my family took her to Grand Luxe cafe on Long Island, and individually to Jolly Fisherman in Roslyn, NY. I think Jolly Fisherman is the best place for lunch on Long Island.
It always amazes me how much emphasis we put on youth in our society, and unfortunately how often ageism pervades. I love the fact that on the island of Okinawa there is no word for "retired." if you get the chance watch Dan Buetnner's Ted Talk "How to live to be 100." He explains which behaviors we can incorporate into our lives to live longer. I call it the six "F's" They include
1) Friends
2) Family
3) Food
4) Fitness
5) Fun
6) Faith
Many of the people who live to be centenarians or super centarians (110 or more) do many of these behaviors. My mother is no exception. Although I do wish she was more physically active.
I often tell her that one lap around the track is better than no laps around the track. My physical therapist also used to say "Motion is lotion." A saying my mother often says as well.
What amazed me at the restaurant was that it seemed that my mother knew everyone, or if she didn't she tried to. There was a neighbor from down the block who was celebrating a birthday and a friend from the temple as well. People though surprised were generally very supportive.
"What did you have?" my mother asked one table.
"Is it your birthday too?" my mother asked another.
She spoke to each waiter like a person having a talk with a friend. (To all the patient support staff at Jolly Fisherman thank you)
"Where were you born" (In spanish) "Have a great week,etc.")
By the time we left she had spoken to every waiter and in a few cases suggested that they take an ESL class at the school she used to work at.
Now people generally dress up at Jolly Fisherman for lunch: Sports coats, nice polo shirts, dresses. My mother however stands out.
She wore her favorite hat something similar to the hats women wear in Bolivia, or maybe some men in the Dominican Republic or Cuba. She was also wearing a bright orange poncho the whole night. If It was lunch she probably would do the same.
When the meal was over and we picked up the customary loaf of delicious date nut bread to go I asked my mother if she enjoyed the meal. She replied,
"Thank you for taking me for my birthday it was simply devine."
Life Lesson 109: And I thought to myself thank you mom for having another birthday year to share. You are truly special, one in a million, and maybe your name instead of Levine it should be instead devine.
I really like the film Patch Adams despite the subsequent deaths of Robin Williams and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I've actually written Patch a few times, sent him some letters and jokes, and even invited him to come speak to my school. He always writes back, and has very generously sent me signed letters and several books. Although getting him to come speak at my school would be quite expensive unfortunately.
Speaking of death, there is a scene in Patch Adams in which Patch (Robin Williams) discusses death with a dying patient named Bill. The way he does it is by dressing up as an angel and saying, "Previews of here to come." He gives Bill who is quite angry something to think about including euphemisms for death: "To die, to push up daisies, to push up posies, the big sleep, kick the bucket, bury you ass up so I have a place to park my bike, etc."
Eventually Patch is able to crack Bill's harsh demeanor and he ends up saying similar words too. If we think about Elizabeth Kubler Ross' stages of death and dying I would probably identify Bill in the anger stage, and even though many people have disputed her theory, at least in the film, Patch is able to help Bill get to the later stage of acceptance, and helps him cope with the end of life.
The point I am trying to make is that doctors very frequently try to avoid becoming too close to their patients because they fear that transference of emotions may cloud their objectivity and make them too emotionally involved. Patch disagrees and says that getting to know the patient is a good thing, and that laughter is good, sometimes the best medicine. I've read studies also that say patients are less likely to sue doctors even incompetent ones if the doctors is liked and spends enough time with them. Food for thought.
What got me thinking of the end of life is that I recently went to a funeral and a wake for two different people. It struck me that in the end what really matters about a persons life was not how much money or material possessions someone has, but the more intangible things. The subjective vs. the objective. Things that are so often hard to measure.
My mother's friend Pearl recently died at the ripe age of eighty five. A good life many would say. A full life. But what struck me most at her funeral was the outpouring of emotion her friends and family shared. Her husband Dave told us the story of how they met. He got two phone numbers for women named Pearl at a party back in the 1940's. David however could not remember which one was which. He would later say that he picked the better one. Dave was in the service and was surprised that when he told Pearl he needed to go to Germany to serve in the Army, she told him that she was going too. She loved him so much that she didn't want to risk losing him. So that's what she did. Wherever he went, she went too.
In modern times some cynics might say that she was worried he might cheat on her, but the truth was simpler she loved him so much that she wanted to be close to him.
More recently Pearl experienced a stroke, fell, and then lost the ability to speak. All she could do was squeeze his had. Before her death Dave would name people and she would simply squeeze his hand. Definitely a time when actions speak louder than words. At the funeral, he asked that we turn to our loved one and tell them "We love them," and squeeze their hands. There wasn't a dry eye in the whole place.
Other family members got up to speak. They told how Pearl cooked with recipes she never shared and claimed certain food was fat free and sugar free when probably it was neither. Just because she wanted people to enjoy her food. Her family told of her kindness and support over the years. You would think that when you left a funeral you would be very sad, but the truth is I felt a range of emotions. Part of me felt numb and part of me felt warmth from all the love that her family members shared and part of me was thinking about my life and loved ones. I wondered what will people say about me when I die? Who will stand for me? It made me realize what's important in life.
The wake I attended for a colleague's father wasn't Jewish obviously, but the sentiment was the same. Friends and family turning out to support one another. Seeing my friend's father's body displayed was a bit shocking for me because in the Jewish religion it isn't done. But my friend Big Mac explained that loved ones can see the deceased and this helps give them closure. That was probably one of the few insightful things he has said in a long while. I thought the many displayed pictures were poignant as well.
My friend K. was very appreciative of our coming out to Suffolk county for the wake, and it reminds us that wakes, shivahs, and funerals are not only for the deceased but also for the living. To show our love and support.
I've faced loss before. Both family and friends. It never gets easier, but different cultures face loss in different ways. Some people mourn, others throw a party like they do in New Orleans or drink in the person's honor.
There are many ways to honor someone who has passed away. Some people name children after a loved one, plant trees in Israel, get tattoos, thank a parent at the academy awards for inspiring them, or just say to themselves that I want to do, or don't want to do something because of them.
Life Lesson 108: Support people in their time of need, and don't hesitate to tell a loved one that you appreciate them, but rather sing their praises and often. Learn about their lives, and write their stories down. Tell them that you love them now. Don't wait, because sometimes it might be too late.
I work in a men's physical education department. Although, some people call us "gym teachers" which we find derogatory. Other teachers are jealous of us I believe, because we don't have regents exams, and many of them do.
I remember a time when our former union rep asked a colleague in a condescending tone, "How are things in the land of short pants?" Referring to the fact that many PE teacher wear shorts. My colleague said nothing, but merely glared. Being that I was a first year teacher and did not want to anger my union rep, I bit my tongue. But inside I wanted to ask him in response, "How are things in the land of the big ego's?"
PE teachers have a reputation for being dumb. You know the stereotypical jock, and some of them are, but they can also be very funny.
Recently my co-workers have said some things that have amazed me too.
A guy I like to call Big Mac said to a girl without thinking, "Do you like to wrestle?" She looked uncomfortable and replied, "I can't I have too much on my plate already."
When she left we yelled at Big Mac.
"You idiot. That was so awkward. You couldn't just ask her if she wants to join the wrestling team?"
He simply laughed, and now when other girls leave our office he says to me when they leave, "Do you want to wrestle?"
BM has said and done many other funny things too. One time he called the dean because a student threw out a piece of paper in the garbage pail.
"Can you believe it. He threw a piece of paper out in my garbage pail."
We looked at him shocked. "Wait, he didn't throw it on the floor, but threw it out and you called the dean?"
"That's right," Big Mac answered. "He shouldn't be coming into my gym to throw things away."
I was too stunned by his stupidity to say anything.
Another time somehow the topic of germs came up and Little John said, "Don't touch my hand sanitizer dispenser, because I don't want your cooties."
"What are you a homophobe?" Big Mac asked.
Once again I laughed and said, "Did you mean germaphobe?"
Mac just laughed sheepishly.
One time Mac also commented to a colleague, "A leopard can't change his stripes"
I looked at him and said "You mean spots?"
Mac laughed and said, "potato, patatato what does it matter?" He stated with a grin.
And to think this is the guy that we usually trust with our lottery money.
The last Big Mac story is truly amazing. My school is getting a lot of special education students. Our favorite and nicest is a large Indian boy named Tom. Tom is like Lenny from Of Mice and Men, but with a a huge heart. He loves singing the Carvel ice cream theme, and some of us have told his mother that he is why we teach.
One day though, Big Mac walked into the boy's locker room and after sniffing stated, "What the hell is that smell?"
"Sir," Tom stated. "I seem to have had an explosion in my pants."
Mac thought for a minute and then stated, "You should go upstairs to the main office and have them call home for you."
So that's what Tom did. He started walking around the building looking for the main office. He walked into several classrooms asking, "Is this the main office.?" After several disappointed attempts he came back to our Phys. Ed. Office.
"Hello gym people." Tom said with a smile. "Is Mr. M here?" he asked.
"Tom, what's that smell?" Little C asked.
"I had an explosion in my pants." Tom said again. "Mr. M. said I should go to office but I couldn't find it."
Little C stated, "Don't worry my brother I'll take you to the nurses office and also get you some new sweats."
And that's what they did. However when Mac came back into our office we tore into him.
"Hey asshole how could you send Tom all around the whole building?"
"I thought he could find it?" He replied.
"You couldn't just get send him to the nurse?" We yelled.
"I thought he could get there." He said matter-of-factly.
"Dumbass." I said and others yelled other things too.
Speaking of dumb, my colleague that we affectionately call "Little C", starting singing Billy Ocean songs in our office one day.
"Caribou Queen." he said a few times.
"Dude, that's Carribean Queen." I said emphatically.
"No, are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's Caribou Queen." He answered defensively.
Our office started singing, "Caribou Queen."
"I'ts the top song in Alaska." I told them. As we all laughed together.
"Maybe you're right." He said with a laugh.
I thought the fun was over but a few minutes later Little C started opening up some hard boiled eggs. He banged one on his desk and then realized it wasn't hard boiled and egg yolk went all over his desk.
"You idiot." Big John yelled.
"You're a goddamn genius." Mac yelled out.
"I told my parents (whom he lives with) to hard boil the eggs." He stated emphatically.
"Well, at least this one is definitely hard boiled." He remarked.
Little C picked up another egg and proceeded to crack it open again on his desk, and much to his surprise, but not ours, the second was also uncooked, and egg yolk went all over his desk again.
"Crap not again." He yelled again.
"Stupid is as stupid does." I said.
Life Lesson 107: I've said it before that the definition of insanity is doing the same again and again in the same way and expecting different results. Or in Gumpspeak "Stupid is as stupid does, and sometimes as stupid says."
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As someone who has worked in different schools systems in New York for the past twenty years, I think I am in a position to give advice on how to improve our schools.
I know recently there has been a big push with charters and a lot of bashing of teachers lately. The idea behind a charter is not bad in theory, but it fails in the execution. It reminds me of olympic diving. Some aspects may be right, but overall there was too much splash at the end.
Here is what I would do:
1) Change start times
The research is clear when students get more rest they tend to be more alert in school, and overall do better. I know this could be a problem in regards to after school activities. But Long Island districts have proven that it is possible to have a later start and still have outstanding teams. The school I work in starts at 7:30 or 8:15. I would require that all classes start no earlier than 8:30. I think the students would love it and I know the teachers and staff would appreciate it as well.
2) Make the building more comfortable
Anyone who has ever worked in an office where it's too cold or no air-conditioning knows that these environmental problems can affect productivity. The same could be said for learning. In June when it's 95 degrees good luck in keeping students focused. What I would do is air condition all school buildings. And include thermostat that teachers have the authority to adjust if they feel a room could use a change. Some NYC schools already allow this. Why not other New York schools? I know what you are saying. Air conditioning is expensive. But what price do you put on a students education? and learning experience.
I would also make sure there are a lot of windows in each building and student art work/throughout. Research shows that in offices where there are a lot of windows the employees sleep better at night. I think that if our children slept better that would boost their mood, health, and overall attention span. Dr. Daniel Amen, noted brain specialist would probably agree.
The importance of sunlight is that extra vitamin D can also improve someone's mood, and I have been in enough school buildings to know that when a school is dark and bleak it really puts a damper on how students, staff, and visitors perceive their school. I would also really do more to beautify the school. Do a better job at recycling and really showcase our student's achievements in all areas: Athletic, artistic, etc. Let everyone know this is what is possible if you try.
3) Limit Class Size
If it were up to me, I would cap classroom size at 30 and 35 for a physical education class. The reason is that on the one hand you don't want classes too small. Too small a class limits what you can do. However when classes get too large, it can lead to chaos and also take away from getting to know students, their issues, and lessen the opportunity for helping individuals.
In the school that I work in they have 34 students in a classroom and 50 in a physical education class, and then administration wonders why more students aren't actively involved in a small gym. I'll tell you why. In a word, "safety."
4) Healthy/Tasty School Food
I don't know if any of you have seen the film Supersize Me, but Morgan Spurlock created one hell of a good film. In this film he showed a school for troubled students in Appleton, Wisconsin that turned things around not through discipline but through diet. By limiting sugar and soda in the school, and emphasizing healthier options like food that is freshly prepared and noting baked, the students were more focused and better behaved. Two great improvements.
5) No more micromanagement.
I think the French have it right when they talk about Laisez faire. It can apply for government, but also for our schools. There are a lot of teachers who are doing things right, but have to justify their job every day. The specter of a pop in, and not the good type, where administrators are seeing part of a lesson and judging the lesson/teacher's merits harshly. It's like someone coming into a play in the second act and not understand what's going on, but still feel the need to criticize. Isn't that what critics are? people with no experience or talent. Enough I say. I do agree there are some lazy and incompetent teachers, but there really needs to be some trust. Especially for teachers who have been doing the job for more than twenty years. Even five years.
6) More parental involvement
I work in a high school and while I don't teach a traditional rigorous subject. However, I do think that health education is one of the most important. It bothers me that so few parents come to open school night let alone contact us to see how their child is doing. Although I guess sometimes no news is good news. If the child is doing well academically.
The problem is that if a student does the wrong thing like misbehave, cut class, or fail. Too often the teacher is the one that gets blamed for not calling the parent. Where is the parent? How come they are not more involved and aware of how their child is doing? That can really help. I remember when I worked in an elementary school in Middle Village there were dozens of parents at a parent association meeting. While at a less wealthy elementary school we were lucky to get six attendees. More involvement, can often lead to more success.
7) Less Homework
I often tell my students that my philosophy of homework is quality not quantity. I give fewer assignments, but try to make them meaningful. I wish more teachers followed suit, but the problem is that too often they are teaching to the test (AP, regents etc.) and they feel they want their students to do well on them. Our children however are overwhelmed. They don't get enough sleep, time for breakfast, and are very stressed out. There need to be more limits. Maybe do what Beacon high school did. Eliminate regents exams altogether and instead rely on portfolio assessment. The result is that their students tend to be more relaxing. Even if they unfairly pick any student they want.
8) Make school more practical
The hard truth is not every student is academically prepared for college, and some do not even want to go, but the pressure from others often pigeon holes them. I like the idea of different tracks. Where students can self select academic or vocational. We used to do it more, but due to budget constraints things have been reduced. We emphasize computers but some students may want to be entrepreneurs, plumbers, or join the military. We need to give them more options. and give them choices early. Tell them its ok to pursue their goals. If I was principal I would also see that more work-study opportunities were available. We have a co-op program where students get credit and graded by their employer, but I would love to partner with more businesses and alumni to give our students more practical/relevant life experience along with their school work.
9) More support
Many students deal with difficult issues. Students may be coping with family, drug, health, or other problems in their lives. We need to provide more counseling to help them become better adjusted individuals. When a student feels they are a nurturing community and that their psychological needs are addressed, I believe that they can thrive.
10) More money for the schools
This is really the sine quo non issue. How can we boost funding for our schools? candy sales are just not going to cut it. We need more teachers to reduce class sizes. More custodians to keep the school cleaner, and more security for schools such as mine to keep our children safe. Where is it?
The idea of boosting special education students because the state gives us a huge amount of money for each on vs. a general education student is untenable. Some students who are special education do bad things. Unfortunately they often cannot be removed from a school even if they commit a crime like bring a weapon to school because of their classification. We need to have firm standards. when it comes to everyone's safety. Three strikes? or maybe less if it's serious.
Where will this money come from? I really don't know. But if they can sponsor a highway or a sports arena. Why not a school? or a school event. They jury is still out, but the students are still coming in the fall. Are you there to help? because either way the kids will keep on coming. The question is, will you be there to help them succeed? These 10 steps and your support may be exactly what they need.
It's often been said that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach anything teach gym, but what the haters fail to realize is that teachers really do something truly important, and that is make a difference. Why do people minimize teachers, especially health and physical education teachers? In a country that is having such a huge obesity epidemic, and children are dying in the suburbs from prescription drug abuse why shouldn't our students health be a priority?
It's unfortunate that teachers are not given the recognition they deserve considering how a good teacher can often make an impact in someone's life. How do you measure that? In my school system they constantly want data for academic achievement, or the number of times you called a home, or a students attendance record, because those things are quantifiable. And while these are important, the truth is that there are many things that are difficult to measure. Including: Did a student grow as a person? Did someone avoid using drugs or is practicing safe sex?
I've had students come back to tell me that I made a difference in their lives. Teachers are in a lot of ways are like farmers. We plant seeds (knowledge and good choices) and we hope that what we teach will take root and lead to great things. I am fortunate to be able to tell you that despite some regrets, I have for the most part had a lot of success over the past twenty years of teaching. It's those small wins that help teachers deal with a profession that can have a lot of stress and administrative headaches.
I've partnered with a local community college's nursing program and ran five health fairs. In addition, I've also invited many CBO's to my high school and college to educate our students and staff about different issues, and provide important resources for help.
One of my high school students named Mike had another problem. I saw him one day outside of school and asked him how life was. He told me that, "Not that good. I haven't been going to my classes or doing my homework. I just don't feel like doing anything."
I looked at him directly and then asked, "Are you smoking weed?"
He looked surprised and then replied, "How did you know?"
I then told him about amotivational syndrome. It's a condition that frequently develops from smoking marijuana that can make a person less likely to want to do something. (Life low libido I call it.) Well, a few months after we spoke I got an update. Mike started going back to his classes, started working out, quit smoking up, and ended up graduating. He told me later that I was one of his all-time favorite teachers. Teachers in America don't necessarily make a lot of money, but sometimes those successes are worth their weight in gold. It reminds of Mark Twain's comment that he could "Live a month on a good compliment."
Another girl named Danah came back to visit me from college a few years ago. She told me that she, "Lost forty-five pounds over a period of a year and half from something I taught her."
"What did I say?" I asked.
Danah replied, "You said to me that I shouldn't focus on losing weight, but instead adding things to my life. "
And that's what Danah did. Every month she would add something new. One month she added more water, then next month more exercise, and over a period of a year and a half lost 45 pounds.
I often tell my high school students that some people credit Ivan Pavlov with the idea that it takes 21 days to create a habit. I've read in several books about goals and habits that more difficult habits sometimes take longer like a month, but I suppose 21 days is a good start. That is why I do a three week behavior change plan with my high school students.
Some of my success stories include: I had a boy who always had headaches. I asked him "How much water do you drink?"
"None." He replied. After our brief talk he went from drinking no water to drinking three bottles over a period of three weeks, and his headaches, went away.
Another girl told me she didn't eat any fruit. I told her that countries that have the highest consumption of fruit have some of the lowest rates of cancer. She went from eating no fruit to eating three. and lowered her cancer risk.
I've also taught relaxation activities (such as instant relaxation and meditation) to a few students. One woman who worked at the Department of Motor Vehicles used instant relaxation to deal with difficult customers. Other students have used what I taught to relax before stressful exams.
Another girl said that she only remembered one thing that I taught her. I told her about the word "Yet." It is very powerful word. Sometimes in life we get depressed when we think about things we haven't achieved/have in our lives. This is called "Stinking thinking." I told my students that rather than negative thinking we add the word "Yet" to our thinking ex. Change "I don't have a car" to "I don't have a car yet," or "I don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet." And then take proactive steps to get what we want in life.
Life Lesson 105: The best thing that we can do however is to teach and show our children love. I've taught my students that if you have good self esteem, and truly love yourself that people can't pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do.
Supposedly, it wasn't until she was forty years old that Oprah Winfrey learned how to say no. It's never too late to start. Really, we should consider that learning to say no is a skill that we can develop with practice and patience, and that when we believe in ourselves we will have the confidence to believe anything is possible. And as Napoleon Hill once quoted, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." Don't be afraid to make a difference in someone's life.
Even though I am back in New York after a week down south, my skin is still tan and I remember fondly the blue skies of Florida which contrast sharply with the tristate area's 35 degree days and overcast sky.
With my tan, I also gained close to five pounds in five days. A new record. So now, I am really ready to detox. At least in theory. So far I am doing pretty well, and getting close to my starting weight. It was worth it though. My brother and I had some great meals. There was Cuban food at Versailles in Miami, and Japanese at the Morikami Gardens near Boca Raton. A truly beautiful place for lunch. And let's not forget a bountiful Japanese buffet at Shinjo and at Sweet tomato. I rationalized that the food was healthy, but part of me felt I probably overdid it. Even if we did do a lot of walking in the Everglades. Although everyone I spoke to at home said, "Well, you were on vacation." and I have to agree with that too, and that we really enjoyed ourselves. Isn't that what vacations are all about?
In keeping with this idea, they did a study in Finland and found that people who enjoy their weekends tend to live longer, and those who go on a few vacations each year have increased life span as well. Food for thought. Speaking of food, if you have ever been in the Boca Raton area have you noticed that the seniors eat really early. By early I mean dinner at four of five pm. In fact, I heard someone joke that the official bird of Florida is the "early bird." It makes sense though, because people probably have less heartburn from eating earlier in the day, and tend to go to bed sooner as well. Benjamin Franklin would certainly approve.
My brother Bruce and I also had the opportunity to check out some terrific gardens. I loved the lakes made of rocks and bonsai trees at Morikami Gardens, flamingos at the Flamingo Preserve, and the Everglades had some amazing wildlife as well.
We had a a great experience when went on a airboat tour with some of the indigenous people who lived in the Everglades. I was amazed when our guide fed a few alligators some bread. They must be good friends
What shocked me even more though was when Bruce and I were walking around the Everglades National Park we witnessed some alligators sunning themselves right next to the walking path. We were very fortunate to get on a guided tour by a ranger. He gave us excellent information about the state of the Everglades, and how burmese python's are destroying the ecosystem. Earlier we had learned from our other guide how pollution had driven the indigenous people from their floating islands within the Everglades, and that many of them now live next to the road.
I was also shocked when I witnessed an Asian man and his friend standing directly in front of a crocodile saying, "Is this real?"
I wanted to respond, "Get any closer and you're going to find out and become chopped suey." He even turned his back on the gator (Something I would never do). Fortunately alligators are usually not as aggressive as crocodiles.
Sometimes I also wonder if becoming a senior is contagious. Even though I am in my forties I hate it when cashiers ask if I want to use my "senior discount." "Fuck you!" I want to say. "Do I really look that old? I don't even qualify for AARP yet." I would rather not get 10% off and be considered younger. Another reason to take care of ourselves better and do more exercise.
Those gated communities baffle me too. They have building captains, clubhouses, and nosy neighbors that remind me of the KGB. My mother's neighbor said to her intrusively, "Did your sons leave?" or if they see an unfamiliar car in a space they may call security. Where is the trust? On the plus side, the developments are generally very safe, inexpensive, and in many ways like a small city that probably contributes to the seniors living longer. Although I can't tell you how many times I heard fire truck alarms probably because someone fell or had other issue. I guess it comes with the territory.
Even with all the faults of senior living ultimately my brother and I said our goodbyes reluctantly. I was in no rush to get back to work and New York. Even though it wasn't a true vacation, it was enough to be with family, to experience a different part of the world, to help my mother with various things, and see "How the other half lives." Also, the good news for the men is that if you live long enough "There are a lot of honeys."
Life Lesson 104: Life is a continuum. We all have the opportunity to make the most of it, and in each stage of life there are challenges and triumphs. David Bowie once asked, "Is there life on Mars?" I don't know, but in Boca Raton, life moves on, even if happens like the seniors, quite slowly.
Its 3 a.m. Florida time. I'm resting on the infamous guest bed whose huge bar is slowly making an indentation in my back. It's relatively quiet and all I can hear is the occasional screech of a tropical bird and the sounds of cars whizzing by. Although the breeze off the lake is refreshing. My brother Bruce and I are staying in my mother's apartment in one of Florida's many gated communities.
We decided to visit my mother during the presidents week vacation to get out of the New York cold. It's not often that my two jobs align that I have some free time to travel, but I'm glad I did. When I left New York the weather was 15 degrees, and I was worried the pipes in my house would break. When I arrived in Florida, the weather was 75 degrees. Quite a contrast. The trip there however was not without incident.
Next time, I won't travel on a holiday. I'll try to leave on the first flight to avoid the crowds, and maybe leave during the week. Also, if the airline asks do you want expedited security and extra legroom? It's always worth the extra money. Trust me. Oh, and sitting in the back of the plane while closer to the bathroom makes getting out a hardship.
JFK airport was a zoo at ten in the morning on the day I left, and getting to the gate seemed to take forever. Things only got worse when I got on the plane. I noticed it was full of children and their families. That was my first red flag. Then, one of the parents asked me if I would be willing to give up my seat so she could be with her kids. Now, I usually consider myself to be a pretty helpful person and doing mitzvahs (good deeds) is my thing. However, this time I wish I hadn't been so nice.
Really what I should have done is waited to see who would be sitting next to me, because the man who sat in the middle seat really should have purchased two seats. He reminded me of a Caucasian sumo wrestler with a large walrus-style mustache. He had more in common with the walrus than he might think. Not only was he extremely fat, but he kept coughing on me. The plane was completely full and I felt trapped. He also decided to open a large notebook and do work during the flight further restricting my available space.
I also forgot to bring my headphones so I heard everything on the plane which unfortunately for me also included a newborn baby sitting directly in front of me. How the airlines allow babies to sit on a plane without a seat baffles me. They won't allow a woman in her third trimester to fly, but a newborn, no problem. It also seemed apparent that the baby should have had their diaper changed more frequently as well.
Anyway, walrus-guy kept coughing, the baby keep crying, and I tried to rest any way I could. What angered me the most is that the dad who asked me to change seats, ended up sitting a row back sleeping with his headphones on, away from any discomfort. Having some turbulence didn't help either. I was filled with so much anger I felt like punching both of them right in the face, but after a few diaphragmatic breaths I was able to relax.
Thank God though the flight landed safely. However, when we were getting ready to disembark, the mother who I tried to help ended up hitting me in the head with one of her bags.
"Oh, I'm so sorry." She said apologetically.
"Just par for the course." I answered with a growl.
I looked down the narrow exit row of our airbus plane expectantly and kept saying to myself, "Let's go already."
Because we were very slow to deplane I ended up helping walrus-guy by getting his coat from the overhead rack. Like God, I often think I am slow to anger and quick to forgive.
Finally, the moment arrived and I left the plane with a sigh of relief, and walked into the sunshine state. Which they say can cure a lot of things, hopefully stress as well.
Life Lesson: It's often been said that no good deed goes unrewarded. I would add that good deeds are important, but don't expect a reward. In fact, expect the worst, and when all else fails, smile, shake your head no, and think of yourself first.
