Story 110 Summer sounds and smells

Have you ever driven your car on a hot summer day with the windows open? It takes getting used to.  Sometimes we have to do it by choice.  One of my friends drives his BMW in the middle of the winter with the top down and the heat on. Although, amazingly, he says he never gets cold. I wish I had his problem sometimes. 

In my case it was because today one of my cars was stalling at stop signs when I drove it with the air conditioner on.   Now I'm nervous it might stall at the wrong time. Yikes.  I picture worst case scenarios like sliding backward on a steep hill or the car stopping while driving on the highway….To start the healing process I got the oil changed, and now I want to bring it to my local Greek mechanic to have him take a look.  He is honest, but I still wonder if he can diagnose/fix the problem, and whether it is worth it to fix.  The car is eleven years old with 160,000 miles.  A good run so far, but having a local car that's paid off can be useful, but not so much for dates.

Meanwhile, driving my Camry earlier, I realized that too often we are disconnected from people and the world.  How often have you seen someone almost get hit by a car because they were either walking while looking down at their phone, or had their earphones turned up and totally missed something.  Those are times that our choices could be life threatening, but how about just plain conversation? We're raising a generation of pokemon searching, downward phone staring children who can't read, write, or even initiate conversation.  I think it's a real disservice, and in the long run bad for our memories.  We're over relying on GPS instead of using our B.R.A.I.N.S. and I've heard of people driving their cars into rivers, because they followed the GPS and didn't use common sense. Wake up people and look up.  I'm sitting/standing right here.

Why text me when we could just talk? How many times have you had a miscommunication because things got lost in translation when you texted? and lets not get started on things like texting and driving.  Also, do we really need virtual reality when the regular type is just fine.  In addition, to the people in Germany who read my blog earlier,  were GPS's really changed to have men's voices instead of women's because some Germans were less likely to follow a woman's driving recommendations? can someone please let me know if this true.


Anyway, back to the car.  When I drove it earlier I smelled and heard everything.  When we drive with the radio on, the windows closed and our minds somewhere else, the disconnect begins.  I may be into listening to Fresh Air on NPR or WCBS radio, but what about the world outside?

When I started to listen and smell the outside world I experienced both the good and the bad.  There was the pungent smell of car exhausts and the cacophony of trucks, but also a cooling breeze and the warmth of the sun.  Although to be fair I did sweat quite a bit too.

In many ways it's the difference between going to sleep with the air conditioner on and hearing the evening sounds of crickets and squirrels, but also the morning whine of cars and buses passing by.  Life is filled with pros and cons.

I also want to mention that we may not have all the money we need, but there are ways to be fulfilled in other ways.  The warmth of the sun on a not too hot day, the refreshing coolness of  pool or ocean swim.  The sounds of a free concert outside and laughter of children. The touch of a loved one or warm embrace will/can never be duplicated by a machine. I hope.

Life Lesson 110: Life is short so don't be afraid to seize the day,  and with that truly listen.  Listen to each other when we speak instead of focusing on your phones.  Listen to our environment and  all that it has to offer the good and the bad. Experience the beauty of nature before the coming of winter.  Experience each other and once in a while drive with top down, the music off, and just for a moment, live in the moment because in the scheme of things that's really what life is all about. Moments.

Story 109: Address the birthday stress part2

It's official. It's the one year anniversary of my blog.  With close to five thousand views from all around the world.  To all of the people who have spent some time reading my stories or listening I thank you.  In the future I am working on converting some or all of them to youtube videos  to increase exposure, and also god willing book form.  If you have the time I would appreciate some comments.  It's always nice to get feedback.  Either way I'll keep writing, and I have some other book projects in mind.  I'll keep you posted (no pun intended)

Not only was it the one year anniversary of my blog, but also my mother's 83rd birthday.  Last year I took her to Besitos as some of you know from my earlier post, and this year my family took her to Grand Luxe cafe on Long Island, and individually to Jolly Fisherman in Roslyn, NY.   I think Jolly Fisherman is the best place for lunch on Long Island.

It always amazes me how much emphasis we put  on youth in our society, and unfortunately how often  ageism pervades.   I love the fact that on the island of Okinawa there is no word for "retired."  if you get the chance watch Dan Buetnner's Ted Talk "How to live to be 100."  He explains which behaviors we can incorporate into our lives to live longer.  I call it the six "F's"   They include

1) Friends
2) Family
3) Food 
4) Fitness
5) Fun
6) Faith

Many of the people who live to be centenarians or super centarians (110 or more) do many of these behaviors.  My mother is no exception.  Although I do wish she was more physically active.
I often tell her that one lap around the track is better than no laps around the track.  My physical therapist also used to say "Motion is lotion."  A saying my mother often says as well.

What amazed me at the restaurant was that it seemed that my mother knew everyone, or if she didn't she tried to. There was a neighbor from down the block who was celebrating a birthday and a friend from the temple as well.  People though surprised were generally very supportive.

"What did you have?" my mother asked one table.

"Is it your birthday too?" my mother asked another.

She spoke to each waiter like a person having a talk with a friend.  (To all the patient support staff at Jolly Fisherman thank you) 

"Where were you born" (In spanish) "Have a great week,etc.")

By the time we left she had spoken to every waiter and in a few cases suggested that they take an ESL class at the school she used to work at.

Now people generally dress up at Jolly Fisherman for lunch: Sports coats, nice polo shirts, dresses.  My mother however stands out.
She wore her favorite hat something similar to the hats women wear in Bolivia, or maybe some men in the Dominican Republic or Cuba.  She was also wearing a bright orange poncho the whole night.  If It was lunch she probably would do the same.

When the meal was over and we picked up the customary loaf of delicious date nut bread to go I asked my mother if she enjoyed the meal.  She replied,

"Thank you for taking me for my birthday it was simply devine."

Life Lesson 109: And I thought to myself thank you mom for having another birthday year to share. You are truly special, one in a million, and maybe your name instead of Levine it should be instead devine.

Story 108: The end of the road

I really like the film Patch Adams despite the subsequent deaths of Robin Williams and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I've actually written Patch a few times, sent him some letters and jokes, and even invited him to come speak to my school.  He always writes back, and has very generously sent me signed letters and several books.  Although getting him to come speak at my school would be quite expensive unfortunately.

Speaking of death, there is a scene in Patch Adams in which Patch (Robin Williams) discusses death with a dying patient named Bill. The way he does it is by dressing up as an angel and saying, "Previews of here to come."   He gives Bill who is quite angry something to think about including euphemisms for death: "To die, to push up daisies, to push up posies, the big sleep, kick the bucket, bury you ass up so I have a place to park my bike, etc." 

Eventually Patch is able to crack Bill's harsh demeanor and he ends up saying similar words too.  If we think about Elizabeth Kubler Ross' stages of death and dying I would probably identify Bill in the anger stage, and even though many people have disputed her theory, at least in the film, Patch is able to help Bill get to the later stage of acceptance, and helps him cope with the end of life.

The point I am trying to make is that doctors very frequently try to avoid becoming too close to their patients because they fear that transference of emotions may cloud their objectivity and make them too emotionally involved.  Patch disagrees and says that getting to know the patient is a good thing, and that laughter is good, sometimes the best medicine.  I've read studies also that say patients are less likely to sue doctors even incompetent ones if the doctors is liked and spends enough time with them.  Food for thought.

What got me thinking of the end of life is that I recently went to a funeral and a wake for two different people.  It struck me that in the end what really matters about a persons life was not how much money or material possessions someone has, but the more intangible things.  The subjective vs. the objective.  Things that are  so often hard to measure.

My mother's friend Pearl recently died at the ripe age of eighty five.  A good life many would say.  A full life.  But what struck me most at her funeral was the outpouring of emotion her friends and family shared.  Her husband Dave told us the story of how they met.  He got two phone numbers for women named Pearl at a party back in the 1940's.  David however could not remember which one was which.  He would later say that he picked the better one.   Dave was in the service and was surprised that when he told Pearl he needed to go to Germany to serve in the Army, she told him that she was going too.  She loved him so much that she didn't want to risk losing him.  So that's what she did. Wherever he went, she went too.

In modern times some cynics might say that she was worried he might cheat on her, but the truth was simpler she loved him so much that she wanted to be close to him. 

More recently Pearl experienced a stroke, fell, and then lost the ability to speak.  All she could do was squeeze his had.  Before her death Dave would name people and she would simply squeeze his hand.  Definitely a time when actions speak louder than words.  At the funeral, he asked that we turn to our loved one and tell them "We love them," and squeeze their hands.  There wasn't a dry eye in the whole place.

Other family members got up to speak.  They told how Pearl cooked with recipes she never shared and claimed certain food was fat free and sugar free when probably it was neither. Just because she wanted people to enjoy her food.  Her family told of her kindness and support over the years.  You would think that when you left a funeral you would be very sad, but the truth is I felt a range of emotions.   Part of me felt numb and part of me felt warmth from all the love that her family members shared and part of me was thinking about my life and loved ones.  I wondered what will people say about me when I die? Who will stand for me?  It made me realize what's important in life.

The wake I attended for a colleague's father wasn't Jewish obviously, but the sentiment was the same.  Friends and family turning out to support one another.   Seeing my friend's father's body displayed was a bit shocking for me because in the Jewish religion it isn't done.  But my friend Big Mac explained that loved ones can see the deceased and this helps give them closure.  That was probably one of the few insightful things he has said in a long while.  I thought the many displayed pictures were poignant as well.  

My friend K. was very appreciative of our coming out to Suffolk county for the wake, and it reminds us that wakes, shivahs, and funerals are not only for the deceased but also for the living.  To show our love and support.

I've faced loss before.  Both family and friends.  It never gets easier, but different cultures face loss in different ways.  Some people mourn, others throw a party like they do in New Orleans or drink in the person's honor. 

There are many ways to honor someone who has passed away. Some  people name children after a loved one, plant trees in Israel, get tattoos, thank a parent at the academy awards for inspiring them, or just say to themselves that I want to do, or don't want to do something because of them.

Life Lesson 108: Support people in their time of need, and don't hesitate to tell a loved one that you appreciate them, but rather sing their praises and often.  Learn about their lives, and write their stories down. Tell them that you love them now. Don't wait, because sometimes it might be too late.

Story 107: Stupid is as as stupid says

I work in a men's physical education department. Although, some people call us "gym teachers" which we find derogatory.  Other teachers are jealous of us I believe, because we don't have regents exams, and many of them do.  

I remember a time when our former union rep asked a colleague in a condescending tone, "How are things in the land of short pants?" Referring to the fact that many PE teacher wear shorts.  My colleague said nothing, but merely glared.   Being that I was a first year teacher and did not want to anger my union rep, I bit my tongue. But inside I wanted to ask him in response, "How are things in the land of the big ego's?"  

PE teachers have a reputation for being dumb. You know the stereotypical jock, and some of them are, but they can also be very funny.

Recently my co-workers have said some things that have amazed me too.  

A guy I like to call Big Mac said to a girl without thinking, "Do you like to wrestle?"  She looked uncomfortable and replied, "I can't I have too much on my plate already."

When she left we yelled at Big Mac.
"You idiot.   That was so awkward.  You couldn't just ask her if she wants to join the wrestling team?"

He simply laughed, and now when other girls leave our office he says to me when they leave, "Do you want to wrestle?"

BM has said and done many other funny things too.  One time he called the dean because a student threw out a piece of paper in the garbage pail.

"Can you believe it.  He threw a piece of paper out in my garbage pail."

We looked at him shocked.  "Wait, he didn't throw it on the floor, but threw it out and you called the dean?"

"That's right," Big Mac answered. "He shouldn't be coming into my gym to throw things away."

I was too stunned by his stupidity to say anything.

Another time somehow the topic of germs came up and Little John said, "Don't touch my hand sanitizer dispenser, because I don't want your cooties."

"What are you a homophobe?"  Big Mac asked.

Once again I laughed and said, "Did you mean germaphobe?"

Mac just laughed sheepishly.

One time Mac also commented to a colleague, "A leopard can't change his stripes"

I looked at him and said "You mean spots?"

Mac laughed and said, "potato, patatato what does it matter?" He stated with a grin.

And to think this is the guy that we usually trust with our lottery money.

The last Big Mac story is truly amazing.   My school is getting a lot of special education students.  Our favorite and nicest is a large Indian boy named Tom.  Tom is like Lenny from Of Mice and Men, but with a a huge heart.  He loves singing the Carvel ice cream theme, and some of us have told his mother that he is why we teach.

One day though,  Big Mac walked into the boy's locker room and after sniffing stated, "What the hell is that smell?"

"Sir," Tom stated. "I seem to have had an explosion in my pants."

Mac thought for a minute and then stated, "You should go upstairs to the main office and have them call home for you."

So that's what Tom did.  He started walking around the building looking for the main office.  He walked into several classrooms asking, "Is this the main office.?"  After several disappointed attempts he came back to our Phys. Ed. Office.

"Hello gym people." Tom said with a smile.  "Is Mr. M here?" he asked.

"Tom, what's that smell?" Little C asked.

"I had an explosion in my pants." Tom said again.  "Mr. M. said I should go to office but I couldn't find it."

Little C stated, "Don't worry my brother I'll take you to the nurses office and also get you some new sweats."  

And that's what they did.  However when Mac came back into our office we tore into him.

"Hey asshole how could you send Tom all around the whole building?"

"I thought he could find it?" He replied.

"You couldn't just get send him to the nurse?"  We yelled.

"I thought he could get there."  He said matter-of-factly.

"Dumbass." I said and others yelled other things too.

Speaking of dumb, my colleague that we affectionately call "Little C", starting singing Billy Ocean songs in our office one day.
"Caribou Queen." he said a few times.

"Dude, that's Carribean Queen." I said emphatically.

"No, are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's Caribou Queen."  He answered defensively.

Our office started singing, "Caribou Queen."

"I'ts the top song in Alaska." I told them. As we all laughed together.

"Maybe you're right." He said with a laugh.

I thought the fun was over but a few minutes later Little C started opening up some hard boiled eggs.  He banged one on his desk and then realized it wasn't hard boiled and egg yolk went all over his desk.

"You idiot." Big John yelled.

"You're a goddamn genius." Mac yelled out.

"I told my parents (whom he lives with) to hard boil the eggs." He stated emphatically.

"Well, at least this one is definitely hard boiled."   He remarked.

Little C picked up another egg and proceeded to crack it open again on his desk, and much to his surprise, but not ours, the second was also uncooked, and egg yolk went all over his desk again.

"Crap not again." He yelled again. 

"Stupid is as stupid does."  I said.

Life Lesson 107: I've said it before that the definition of insanity is doing the same again and again in the same way and expecting different results.  Or in Gumpspeak "Stupid is as stupid does, and sometimes as stupid says." 

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How to make our public schools great again

        As someone who has worked in different schools systems in New York for the past twenty years, I think I am in a position to give advice on how to improve our schools.

        I know recently there has been a big push with charters and a lot of bashing of teachers lately.  The idea behind a charter is not bad in theory, but it fails in the execution.  It reminds me of olympic diving.  Some aspects may be right, but overall there was too much splash at the end.

     Here is what I would do:

1) Change start times
   The research is clear when students get more rest they tend to be more alert in school, and overall do better.  I know this could be a problem in regards to after school activities.  But Long Island districts have proven that it is possible to have a later start and still have outstanding teams.  The school I work in starts at 7:30 or 8:15.  I would require that all classes start no earlier than 8:30.  I think the students would love it and I know the teachers and staff would appreciate it as well.  

2) Make the building more comfortable
     Anyone who has ever worked in an office where it's too cold or no air-conditioning  knows that these environmental problems can affect productivity.  The same could be said for learning.   In June when it's 95 degrees good luck in keeping students focused.  What I would do is air condition all school buildings.  And include thermostat that teachers have the authority to adjust if they feel a room could use a change.  Some NYC schools already allow this.  Why not other New York schools?  I know what you are saying. Air conditioning is expensive.  But what price do you put on a students education? and learning experience.

       I would also make sure there are a lot of windows in each building and student art work/throughout.  Research shows that in offices where there are a lot of windows the employees sleep better at night.  I think that if our children slept better that would boost their mood,  health, and overall attention span.  Dr. Daniel Amen, noted brain specialist would probably agree.

      The importance of sunlight is that extra vitamin D can also improve someone's mood, and I have been in enough school buildings to know that when a school is dark and bleak it really puts a damper on how students, staff, and visitors perceive their school.  I would also really do more to beautify the school.  Do a better job at recycling and really showcase our student's achievements in all areas: Athletic, artistic, etc.  Let everyone know this is what is possible if you try.

3) Limit Class Size
    If it were up to me, I would cap classroom size at 30 and 35 for a physical education class.  The reason is that on the one hand you don't want classes too small.  Too small a class limits what you can do.  However when classes get too large, it can lead to chaos and also take away from getting to know students, their issues, and lessen the opportunity for helping individuals.

In the school that I work in they have 34 students in a classroom and 50 in a physical education class, and then administration wonders why more students aren't actively involved in a small gym.   I'll tell you why. In a word, "safety."

4) Healthy/Tasty School Food
     I don't know if any of you have seen the film Supersize Me, but Morgan Spurlock created one hell of a good film.  In this film he showed a school for troubled students in Appleton, Wisconsin that turned things around not through discipline but through diet.  By limiting sugar and soda in the school, and emphasizing healthier options like food that is freshly prepared and noting baked, the students were more focused and better behaved.  Two great improvements.

5) No more micromanagement.
I think the French have it right when they talk about Laisez faire.  It can apply for government, but also for our schools.  There are a lot of teachers who are doing things right, but have to justify their job every day.  The specter of a pop in, and not the good type, where administrators are seeing part of a lesson and judging the lesson/teacher's merits harshly.  It's like someone coming into a play in the second act and not understand what's going on, but still feel the need to criticize.  Isn't that what critics are? people with no experience or talent.  Enough I say.  I do agree there are some lazy and incompetent teachers, but there really needs to be some trust.  Especially for teachers who have been doing the job for more than twenty years.  Even five years.

6) More parental involvement
I work in a high school and while I don't teach a traditional rigorous subject.  However, I do think that health education is one of the most important.   It bothers me that so few parents come to open school night let alone contact us to see how their child is doing.  Although I guess sometimes no news is good news.  If the child is doing well academically.  

The problem is that if a student does the wrong thing like misbehave, cut class, or fail.  Too often the teacher is the one that gets blamed for not calling the parent.  Where is the parent? How come they are not more involved and aware of how their child is doing? That can really help.  I remember when I worked in an elementary school in Middle Village there were dozens of parents at a parent association meeting.  While at a less wealthy elementary school we were lucky to get six attendees.  More involvement, can often lead to more success.

7) Less Homework
I often tell my students that my philosophy of homework is quality not quantity.  I give fewer assignments, but try to make them meaningful.  I wish more teachers followed suit, but the problem is that too often they are teaching to the test (AP, regents etc.)  and they feel they want their students to do well on them.  Our children however are overwhelmed.  They don't get enough sleep, time for breakfast, and are very stressed out.  There need to be more limits. Maybe do what Beacon high school did.  Eliminate regents exams altogether and instead rely on portfolio assessment. The result is that their students tend to be more relaxing.  Even if they unfairly pick any student they want.

8) Make school more practical
The hard truth is not every student is academically prepared for college, and some do not even want to go, but the pressure from others often pigeon holes them.  I like the idea of different tracks. Where students can self select academic or vocational.  We used to do it more, but due to budget constraints things have been reduced.  We emphasize computers but some students may want to be entrepreneurs, plumbers, or join the military.  We need to give them more options. and give them choices early.  Tell them its ok to pursue their goals.  If I was principal I would also see that more work-study opportunities were available.  We have a co-op program where students get credit and graded by their employer, but I would love to partner with more businesses and alumni to give our students more practical/relevant life experience along with their school work.

9) More support
Many students deal with difficult issues.  Students may be coping with family, drug, health, or other problems in their lives.  We need to provide more counseling to help them become better adjusted individuals.  When a student feels they are a nurturing community and that their psychological needs are addressed, I believe that they can thrive.

10) More money for the schools
This is really the sine quo non issue.  How can we boost funding for our schools? candy sales are just not going to cut it.   We need more teachers to reduce class sizes.  More custodians to keep the school cleaner, and more security for schools such as mine to keep our children safe.  Where is it?  

The idea of boosting special education students because the state gives us a huge amount of money for each on vs. a general education student is untenable. Some students who are special education  do bad things.  Unfortunately they often cannot be removed from a school even if they commit a crime like bring a weapon to school because of their classification.  We need to have firm standards. when it comes to everyone's safety.  Three strikes? or maybe less if it's serious.

Where will this money come from? I really don't know.  But if they can sponsor a highway or a sports arena.  Why not a school? or a school event.  They jury is still out, but the students are still coming in the fall.  Are you there to help? because either way the kids will keep on coming.  The question is, will you be there to help them succeed? These 10 steps and your support may be exactly what they need.

Story 105 Making a difference

    It's often been said that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach anything teach gym, but what the haters fail to realize is that teachers really do something truly important, and that is make a difference.  Why do people minimize teachers, especially health and physical education teachers? In a country that is having such a huge obesity epidemic, and children are dying in the suburbs from prescription drug abuse why shouldn't our students health be a priority?  

   It's unfortunate that teachers are not given the recognition they deserve considering how a good teacher can often make an impact in someone's life.  How do you measure that?   In my school system they constantly want data for academic achievement, or the number of times you called a home, or a students attendance record, because those things are quantifiable.  And while these are important, the truth is that there are many things that are difficult to measure.  Including: Did a student grow as a person?  Did someone avoid using drugs or is practicing safe sex?

  I've had students come back to tell me that I made a difference in their lives.   Teachers are in a lot of ways are like farmers.  We plant seeds (knowledge and good choices) and we hope that what we teach will take root and lead to great things.  I am fortunate to be able to tell you that despite some regrets, I have for the most part had a lot of success over the past twenty years of teaching.  It's those small wins that help teachers deal with a profession that can have a lot of stress and administrative headaches.

   I've partnered with a local community college's nursing program and ran five health fairs.   In addition,  I've also invited many CBO's to my high school and college to educate our students and staff about different issues, and provide important resources for help.

 
One of my high school students named Mike had another problem.  I saw him one day outside of school and asked him how life was.  He told me that, "Not that good. I haven't been going to my classes or doing my homework. I just don't feel like doing anything."

I looked at him directly and then asked, "Are you smoking weed?"

He looked surprised and then replied, "How did you know?"

  I then told him about amotivational syndrome.  It's a condition that frequently develops from smoking marijuana that can make a person less likely to want to do something.   (Life low libido I call it.) Well, a few months after we spoke I got an update.  Mike started going back to his classes, started working out, quit smoking up, and ended up graduating. He told me later that I was one of his all-time favorite teachers.  Teachers in America don't necessarily make a lot of money,  but sometimes those successes are worth their weight in gold.  It reminds of Mark Twain's comment that he could "Live a month on a good compliment."

   Another girl named Danah came back to visit me from college a few years ago.  She told me that she, "Lost forty-five pounds over a period of a year and half from something I taught her."

  "What did I say?" I asked.

  Danah replied, "You said to me that I shouldn't focus on losing weight, but instead adding things to my life. "

   And that's what Danah did.  Every month she would add something  new. One month she added more water, then next month more exercise, and over a period of a year and a half lost 45 pounds.

   I often tell my high school students that some people credit Ivan Pavlov with the idea that it takes 21 days to create a habit.  I've read in several books about goals and habits that more difficult habits sometimes take longer like a month, but I suppose 21 days is a good start.  That is why I do a three week behavior change plan with my high school students.

  Some of my success stories include:  I had a boy who always had headaches.  I asked him "How much water do you drink?" 

"None." He replied.   After our brief talk he went from drinking no water to drinking three bottles over a period of three weeks, and his headaches, went away. 

  Another girl told me she didn't eat any fruit.  I told her that countries that have the highest consumption of fruit have some of the lowest rates of cancer.  She went from eating no fruit to eating three. and lowered her cancer risk.

  I've also taught relaxation activities (such as instant relaxation and meditation) to a few students.  One woman who worked at the Department of Motor Vehicles used instant relaxation to deal with difficult customers.  Other students have used what I taught to relax before stressful exams.

    Another girl said that she only remembered one thing that I taught her.  I told her about the word "Yet."  It is very powerful  word.  Sometimes in life we get depressed when we think about things we haven't achieved/have in our lives.  This is called "Stinking thinking."  I told my students that rather than negative thinking we add the word "Yet" to our thinking ex.  Change "I don't have a car" to "I don't have a car yet," or "I don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet." And then take proactive steps to get what we want in life.

Life Lesson 105: The best thing that we can do however is to teach and show our children love.  I've taught my students that if you have good self esteem, and truly love yourself that people can't pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do.  

Supposedly, it wasn't until she was forty years old that Oprah Winfrey learned how to say no.  It's never too late to start.  Really, we should consider that learning to say no is a skill that we can develop with practice and patience, and that when we believe in ourselves we will have the confidence to believe anything is possible.    And as Napoleon Hill once quoted, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." Don't  be afraid to make a difference in someone's life.







   

Story 104: Living La Vida Boca Part 2

      Even though I am back in New York after a week down south, my skin is still tan and I remember fondly the blue skies of Florida which contrast sharply with the tristate area's 35 degree days and overcast sky.

    With my tan, I also gained close to five pounds in five days. A new record.  So now, I am really ready to detox.  At least in theory. So far I am doing pretty well, and getting close to my starting weight. It was worth it though.  My brother and I had some great meals.  There was Cuban food at Versailles in Miami, and Japanese at the Morikami Gardens near Boca Raton.  A truly beautiful place for lunch.  And let's not forget a bountiful Japanese buffet at Shinjo and at Sweet tomato.  I rationalized that the food was healthy, but part of me felt I probably overdid it.  Even if we did do a lot of walking in the Everglades.  Although everyone I spoke to at home said, "Well, you were on vacation." and I have to agree with that too, and that we really enjoyed ourselves. Isn't that what vacations are all about?

      In keeping with this idea, they did a study in Finland and found that people who enjoy their weekends tend to live longer,  and those who go on a few vacations each year have increased life span as well.  Food for thought.  Speaking of food, if you have ever been in the Boca Raton area have you noticed that the seniors eat really early. By early I mean dinner at four of five pm. In fact, I heard someone joke that the official bird of Florida is the "early bird."    It makes sense though, because people probably have less heartburn from eating earlier in the day, and tend to go to bed sooner as well. Benjamin Franklin would certainly approve.

    My brother Bruce and I also had the opportunity to check out some terrific gardens.  I loved the lakes made of rocks and bonsai trees at Morikami Gardens, flamingos at the Flamingo Preserve, and the Everglades had some amazing wildlife as well.   

    We had a a great experience when went on a airboat tour with some of the indigenous people who lived in the Everglades.  I was amazed when our guide fed a few alligators some bread. They must be good friends

     What shocked me even more though was when Bruce and I were walking around the Everglades National Park we witnessed some alligators sunning themselves right next to the walking path.  We were very fortunate to get on a guided tour by a ranger. He gave us excellent information about the state of the Everglades, and how burmese python's are destroying the ecosystem.  Earlier we had learned from our other guide how pollution had driven the indigenous people from their floating islands within the Everglades, and that many of them now live next to the road.

     I was also shocked when I witnessed an Asian man and his friend standing directly in front of a crocodile saying, "Is this real?"   

      I wanted to respond, "Get any closer and you're going to find out and become chopped suey."  He even turned his back on the gator (Something I would never do).  Fortunately alligators are usually not as aggressive as crocodiles.

     Sometimes I also wonder if becoming a senior is contagious.  Even though I am in my forties I hate it when cashiers ask if I want to use my "senior discount."  "Fuck you!" I want to say.  "Do I really look that old?   I don't even qualify for AARP yet."  I would rather not get 10% off and be considered younger. Another reason to take care of ourselves better and do more exercise.

  Those gated communities baffle me too. They have building captains, clubhouses, and nosy neighbors that remind me of the KGB.  My mother's neighbor said to her intrusively, "Did your sons leave?" or if they see an unfamiliar car in a space they may call security.  Where is the trust?  On the plus side, the developments are generally very safe, inexpensive, and in many ways like a small city that probably contributes to the seniors living longer.  Although I can't tell you how many times I heard fire truck alarms probably because someone fell or had other issue. I guess it comes with the territory.

   Even with all the faults of senior living ultimately my brother and I said our goodbyes reluctantly.  I was in no rush to get back to work and New York. Even though it wasn't a true vacation, it was enough to be with family, to experience a different part of the world, to help my mother with various things, and see "How the other half lives."  Also, the good news for the men is that if you live long enough "There are a lot of honeys."

   Life Lesson 104: Life is a continuum.  We all have the opportunity to make the most of it, and in each stage of life there are challenges and triumphs. David Bowie once asked, "Is there life on Mars?" I don't know, but in Boca Raton, life moves on, even if happens like the seniors, quite slowly.

Story 104 Living la Vida Boca Part 1

     


          Its 3 a.m. Florida time. I'm resting on the infamous guest bed whose huge bar is slowly making an indentation in my back. It's relatively quiet and all I can hear is the occasional screech of a tropical bird and the sounds of cars whizzing by. Although the breeze off the lake is refreshing. My brother Bruce and I are staying in my mother's apartment in one of Florida's many gated communities.

         We decided to visit my mother during the presidents week vacation to get out of the New York cold. It's not often that my two jobs align that I have some free time to travel, but I'm glad I did. When I left New York the weather was 15 degrees, and I was worried the pipes in my house would break. When I arrived in Florida, the weather was 75 degrees.  Quite a contrast. The trip there however was not without incident.

       Next time, I won't travel on a holiday. I'll try to leave on the first flight to avoid the crowds, and maybe leave during the week. Also, if the airline asks do you want expedited security and extra legroom? It's always worth the extra money. Trust me.  Oh, and sitting in the back of the plane while closer to the bathroom makes getting out a hardship.

     JFK airport was a zoo at ten in the morning on the day I left, and getting to the gate seemed to take forever.  Things only got worse when I got on the plane.  I noticed it was full of children and their families. That was my first red flag. Then, one of the parents asked me if I would be willing to give up my seat so she could be with her kids. Now, I usually consider myself to be a pretty helpful person and doing mitzvahs (good deeds) is my thing. However, this time I wish I hadn't been so nice.

   Really what I should have done is waited to see who would be sitting next to me, because the man who sat in the middle seat really should have purchased two seats. He reminded me of a Caucasian sumo wrestler with a large walrus-style mustache.  He had more in common with the walrus than he might think. Not only was he extremely fat, but he kept coughing on me.  The plane was completely full and I felt trapped.  He also decided to open a large notebook and do work during the flight further restricting my available space. 

     I also forgot to bring my headphones so I heard everything on the plane which unfortunately for me also included a newborn baby sitting directly in front of me.  How the airlines allow babies to sit on a plane without a seat baffles me.  They won't allow a woman in her third trimester to fly, but a newborn, no problem. It also seemed apparent that the baby should have had their diaper changed more frequently as well.  

   Anyway, walrus-guy kept coughing, the baby keep crying, and I tried to rest any way I could.  What angered me the most is that the dad who asked me to change seats, ended up sitting a row back sleeping with his headphones on, away from any discomfort.  Having some turbulence didn't help either.  I was filled with so much anger I felt like punching both of them right in the face, but after a few diaphragmatic breaths I was able to relax.

  Thank God though the flight landed safely. However, when we were getting ready to disembark, the mother who I tried to  help ended up hitting me in the head with one of her bags.

   "Oh, I'm so sorry." She said apologetically.

    "Just par for the course." I answered with a growl.

    I looked down the narrow exit row of our airbus plane expectantly and kept saying to myself, "Let's go already."  

    Because we were very slow to deplane I ended up helping walrus-guy by getting his coat from the overhead rack. Like God, I often think I am slow to anger and quick to forgive.

  Finally, the moment arrived and I left the plane with a sigh of relief, and walked into the sunshine state.  Which they say can cure a lot of things,  hopefully stress as well.

   Life Lesson: It's often been said that no good deed goes unrewarded. I would add that good deeds are important, but don't expect a reward. In fact, expect the worst, and when all else fails, smile, shake your head no, and think of yourself first.

Story 102 Pet Peeves

         

          Pet peeves.  We've all got them, or at least many of us do.  For example, when did it get so popular to use "Happy" for any day of the week? like "Happy Wednesday."  I get "Happy Birthday," or maybe even "Happy Friday" those makes sense to me on some level, but when did the days gain so much importance? I really don't want to be seen as negative, because that's not how I roll. However, I think "Happy Weekdays" should be minimized. Does anyone think similar? Or do you have a case of "The Mondays?"

    Also on my mind is when people text when you are trying to have a conversation.  They are constantly looking down at their phones and then look up and remark, "What did you say? " It's time that we make human conversation a priority.  My niece told me that when she was at camp a while back, and was required to take a two month break from  her phone,  she felt that not using her phone to be very destressing not distressing.  

     It's not a bad idea to unplug once in a while, and take a technology break.  (I say as I type at 4 a.m.) In fact, many people experience anxiety, carpal tunnel syndrome, neck pain, attention issues, memory problems, and even sleep disturbances due to their electronic devices. Is this really an improvement in our lives?  We're losing out on the human connection, and quality sleep.  The blue light from these devices can wreak havoc on our bodies.

    I also know that woman tend to be better than men in multi tasking, but talking or texting and driving is extremely dangerous too no matter what your gender. There is research that the more activities we do as we drive, the probability of getting into a car crash increases.  The campaign in New York, "That text can wait." is right. 


 The funny thing is that we are using our phones in strange places/times too, which is taking away from those experiences or makes them more complicated. I've seen/heard people using them in in the toilet, while using a urinal, riding a bike, riding a horse, and even at job interviews. Enough already.   Would anyone stop having sex if the phone rang? It better not be a different booty call.


  Red light cameras irk me too.  Local government may claim they are only around to help with safety, but the reality is they are big money makers.  In the area of several million dollars.  I know on Long Island, there is one stretch of road where there are cameras every 1/4 mile.  It's almost impossible  to avoid getting caught.   Even if you are trying to drive safely.

     It also bothers me also when people don't respect our environment.  I saw a guy put a cigarette out on a tree, or when people throw garbage out the windows of their cars (biodegradable not included)  How about the people who are some adamant that global warming is a myth.  The problem is that what if they're wrong, and we could have done something about it, but we were too late.   In China their pollution levels are so high people can't breathe at times.  Let's remember back to England during the Industrial revolution when "London fog" was really factory emissions.  It's not just polar bears we need to worry about.  In some time in the future we may reach "The Wheat Point." (Where food can no longer grow) and truly be out of luck.

     Another thing that bothers me is when parents let their young children ride bicycles or rollerblade without helmets or wrist guards.  I want to tell them that they are only one traumatic brain injury away from a huge problem.   Laws are one thing, but enforcement and people following them are separate things.

Life Lesson 102:  Watch what you say, watch what you do, viva su vida (Life your life) but remember we all live here too.
   
  

  


   

    

Story 101 Everyday oxymorons

     


      
       There are morons and then there are oxymorons. Sometimes they are related.   I don't know if any of my readers have experienced a few.  ( I rarely hear from you) but it's probably  an everyday occurrence. Here are a few examples.

      People who play tennis and then smoke between games (One of my friends does this), or doctors who are very fat that smoke too. I've also witnessed a car for the Environmental Protection Agency idling.  Vegetarian actors like River Phoenix who overdosed on drugs.   Teachers who hate kids, and priests who abuse them.

      It strikes me as funny when a person reads cookbooks or even eats while using the bathroom.  There is also my friend Brian who would order a salad for it's supposed health benefits, and then douse it with blue cheese dressing. At least the French have a salad at the end of their meals.

      Speaking of the French. I find it amazing that French women are so skinny despite eating high fat meals.   I credit it to the long lunches, cigarettes, and resveratrol in red wine.  I guess wine really does work in moderation.

     Other contradictions.  If an older male dates a young woman he is sometimes considered a "pedophile," but if a young boy dates a cougar he is "The Man." If a woman sleeps with a lot of guys she is considered "a slut" while if a guy does it he is "a stud"  there is a definitely a double-standard in America when it comes to gender.  

     
 
     
     Some people also claim that "Guns don't kill, people do."  but what about when children find unlocked guns in a home.  In that case, the guns really do kill.  What's wrong with universal standards for gun safety? We have national laws/standards for DWI, but we really should worry also about DBG (Death By Gun.) Let's do more to save lives.   I think having a gun can be something that can be used responsibly, we just should not be afraid of a few regulations.  You wouldn't want to live someplace where there were no laws for driving would you? 

     America is a country that was founded on the principles of freedom.  Some Americans fled England to start a better life and even more have sought a better life from around the world. We should learn lessons from history how FDR and the world didn't let Jews into their countries during War II due to anti-Semitism, which ultimately if they acted differently could have saved many lives.

     

Life Lesson 101: Shakespeare once stated "To be or not to be that is the question."  I agree with this line, but we should update that quote to say, "To be a light among the nations, or to close our eyes and live in the dark."  I recommend eyes wide open, and our hearts open too.

Story 99: I'm all bogged down

    

      I've enjoyed exploring many of Long Island's beautiful rivers.  One in particular the Nissequogue, is my favorite. I Iike it because you can tour the river from a small rivulet to a large expanse of water, or depending on the tides do the reverse.

   One summer I canoed the Nissequogue with my friends Michael and David.  We had a great time, but after having lunch at a nearby Island, Michael and I felt the need to use the bathroom, and without thinking about possible consequences got out of the canoe to remedy the situation. Unfortunately for us, we soon discovered that our feet were stuck in unyielding mud.  Mud that was as hard as quicksand. I literally could not get my feet out, and started to panic.

I pulled my right leg with all my strength and ended up breaking one of my sandals in the process, and then got into the canoe with great relief.  Michael was a bit more level headed and untied his sandals. He returned to the boat with both intact.  For several minutes though it was definitely a very “sticky situation.”

Life Lesson 99: Rudyard Kipling once said that if you keep your head while others are losing theirs that you can cope with most problems that are thrown at you.  You may even avoid losing other things like your life, or sometimes something as simple as your shoe.

Story 98: The ultimate gatekeeper

          
     Anyone who has seen the film The Butler or The Help knows that sometimes the people who work for us see us as we truly are (Not just our barbers), and different from the way the world perceives us.

 
     Rabbi E. once told our congregation a story about a doorman at the White house named Bruce.  Bruce worked for five presidents. Every day, his job was simply to open the door of the White House and announce, “Good morning Mr. President.”

 Bruce was once asked “Which of the presidents did you like best?”

Bruce replied,”Eisenhower.”

“Why?” he was asked.

“Because, unlike the other presidents, when I said ‘Good Morning Mr. President’ Eisenhower always replied. ‘Good morning Bruce’ "

Life Lesson 98:  The golden rule is that we should treat all people the way we want to be treated.  This applies whether we are a hard-working doorman, or the leader of the free world. In addition, to always treat people with respect, and not act like we are better than anyone, because underneath our clothes, we are all the same. Human.

Story 97: True sportswomanship

        Rabbi E. told another story about a 2008 girl’s college softball team championship game.   Central Washington University and Western Oregon had competed in a game that was inspiring on many different levels.

Sara T.  A senior at Western Oregon was not the best hitter on her team. However on one inspiring day, she hit a home run, an achievement she had never done before.  

       Unfortunately however as started to run around the bases she twisted her knee and fell.  She was not able to finish the journey around the bases. It was later revealed that she had torn her ACL.  An injury that ultimately finished her softball career for the season. She was in extreme pain, but in order to get the credit for the hit. She had to run around all the bases.  Sara had a true dilemma on her hands. There wasn't the opportunity for a pinch runner, and if any of her teammates or her coach touched her, she would be out.  

In a broad act of kindness Mallory H. and Liz W., players from the opposing team, Central Washington, picked up Sara and carried her around the bases.  The crowd, while small, cheered and cheered for their act of love and kindness.

Life Lesson 97:  Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and that love is not only what we say, but that sometimes love is the things that we do that make a difference for ourselves and others too.

Story 96: Those who can't do……….

       


   We spend a lot of time at our jobs.  In many ways they are like a second family.  In my case more like a dysfunctional second family.   Although, I have to say that when June rolls around, things always seem to get more heated, and we are itching for the year to be over. Sometimes even tempers flare.

      It reminds me of what it might be like to be a fisherman.  Together on the boat for months on end, and then several months apart.  Summer vacation is our equivalent.  The fact that my department, Men's Phys. Ed., are in the same office is probably the reason we bond, but also get on each other's nerves at times.   Fortunately however the women are in a separate room on the other side,  because it keeps us from fighting with them too.  

   I believe anthropologist Helen Fisher got it right when she said, "Men and women fight differently.  Men punch you in the face, women stab you in the back."   because we might be rude to each other, but unlike some of the Phys. Ed. women in the past, we do not run to the principal to complain about colleagues. We usually try to handle things in-house.


   Most recently we also had an incident that was equally serious.  When I went to school two weeks ago, I noticed an ambulance in front of the building.  I found out later that an assistant principal was taken out of the building because of an allergic reaction to either fish or peanut oil and could of died, but fortunately had access to an epi-pen.   What's fucked up about the story is that the police found evidence of oil on her phone, desk, and chair.  
        Someone attempted to hurt her deliberately.   A teacher was suspected of committing the crime due to a bad review, but since no one actually saw her do it,  she is still there, and while under suspicion continues to teach. 

  The reason I bring up these stories is because thus far our department has been UTR (Under the raidar and rarely gets into trouble,  because we are in such close quarters all the time, think seamen on a submarine, and are constantly watching and listening to what everyone is saying/doing.  If you slip up even a tiny bit the people in our office never let you hear the end of it.  How in the world can we be truly controversial?  You say or do something wrong in our office, and within a hour or so a picture illustrating your misstep is on the bathroom door with a funny caption, and there have been too many to count.

   A Few Memorable Moments: 

The shirt: We were recently offered a chance to buy polo shirts with our school's name and logo on it.  I didn't buy one because I have a few already, but Little P. put his name down for an XL.  No one even noticed until it came out, no pun intended, that he ordered a woman's XL.

"P.," we asked with a laugh. "Why did you order a woman's XL?" 

"I like wearing woman's clothing." He stated matter of factly.

"What?" I said.  "You mean like dresses and lingerie?"

"No,"  he said defensively.  "They are just cut better for me." (Little P. is also nicknamed 'Skinny fat boy'  very skinny but has a pot belly.) He has also been mistaken for Justin Timberlake.

  We all laughed at his answer regarding the shirt, and said derisive things about his masculinity.  And of course within minutes department store pictures for lingerie started to go up  on the bathroom door with captions like "Little P.'s holiday shopping guide, etc.…"

    Caribou Queen: Another time P. started to sing a song. He was convinced it was called, "Caribou Queen."  We all said to him.  "No, It's Caribbean Queen." by Billy Ocean.  He looked at us with confusion, but after we all started  singing "Caribou Queen." He laughed and agreed we were right.  

   


Life Lesson 96:   One thing I've learned from teaching or any other job for that matter is that you have to like what you do., or at least like some of the things about your job, and make sure you can laugh a lot.  because remember what Mark Twain once said that one should "Make your vocation a vacation and you will never work a day in your life."   

Story 95: Muppet madness

        
     
     Several ago when my nieces where about five or six, I was asked if I wanted to go with them to the movies.  I have always loved spending time with my family, and I thought it would fun.

     My sister Stephanie chose the original Muppet movie which was very popular back then.   I appreciate the humor because a lot of the jokes are geared not only to kids, but also to adults as well.  I would be going with my sister, my mother, and my two nieces Melissa and Rachel.

   The film was great, but about halfway through the movie Melissa informed Stephanie that she needed to use the bathroom.  Then, a few minutes later, Rachel asked my mother to take her to the bathroom.  Now I am all alone with a hundred kids and their parents.   Ten minutes go by, fifteen minutes go by, things are getting awkward.  I don't want anyone to think I am pedophile.  Finally, after twenty minutes my sister comes back into the theater with her kids in tow.

  "What happened?" I asked her with a trace of annoyment.   "I was all alone in here for like twenty minutes."

  "Sorry, " Stephanie replied apologetically.  "Melissa got a little sick from all the popcorn.  I'll make it up to you."

 "Not another movie." I said cautiously.

 "Dinner on me after the show," She said graciously. "For being so patient."

"OK," I said. "Sounds good."

 And with that we went back to watching the Muppets, and even I couldn't stay upset while watching a great film, and even better company.

Life Lesson 95:  Watching a comedy is not the only way to have a great laugh, because films last only are short while, but funny life experiences with family may last forever especially when retold.

Story 94: Love is not a four letter word

 
Rabbi E. once told us about a time when he went to a Jewish cemetery to help with a burial.  In the past, he has helped my family when loved ones have died.  Before the burial he was about to begin when he noticed a man beating on a tombstone.  He heard a man say while sobbing, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Rabbi E. was perplexed. “Why is he doing that?”  he asked a mourner.

It turns out that the man who was beating on the tombstone was a recent widower and the grave he was banging on was his wife's.  The man had never said “I love you.” to his wife, and now it was too late, and she would never hear him say it.

Life Lesson 94: Tell people what you want them to hear now before it’s too late, because even though you “can’t take it with you.” when you share your love with others in words and deeds, those are emotions we take with us forever.