Story 105 Making a difference

    It's often been said that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach anything teach gym, but what the haters fail to realize is that teachers really do something truly important, and that is make a difference.  Why do people minimize teachers, especially health and physical education teachers? In a country that is having such a huge obesity epidemic, and children are dying in the suburbs from prescription drug abuse why shouldn't our students health be a priority?  

   It's unfortunate that teachers are not given the recognition they deserve considering how a good teacher can often make an impact in someone's life.  How do you measure that?   In my school system they constantly want data for academic achievement, or the number of times you called a home, or a students attendance record, because those things are quantifiable.  And while these are important, the truth is that there are many things that are difficult to measure.  Including: Did a student grow as a person?  Did someone avoid using drugs or is practicing safe sex?

  I've had students come back to tell me that I made a difference in their lives.   Teachers are in a lot of ways are like farmers.  We plant seeds (knowledge and good choices) and we hope that what we teach will take root and lead to great things.  I am fortunate to be able to tell you that despite some regrets, I have for the most part had a lot of success over the past twenty years of teaching.  It's those small wins that help teachers deal with a profession that can have a lot of stress and administrative headaches.

   I've partnered with a local community college's nursing program and ran five health fairs.   In addition,  I've also invited many CBO's to my high school and college to educate our students and staff about different issues, and provide important resources for help.

 
One of my high school students named Mike had another problem.  I saw him one day outside of school and asked him how life was.  He told me that, "Not that good. I haven't been going to my classes or doing my homework. I just don't feel like doing anything."

I looked at him directly and then asked, "Are you smoking weed?"

He looked surprised and then replied, "How did you know?"

  I then told him about amotivational syndrome.  It's a condition that frequently develops from smoking marijuana that can make a person less likely to want to do something.   (Life low libido I call it.) Well, a few months after we spoke I got an update.  Mike started going back to his classes, started working out, quit smoking up, and ended up graduating. He told me later that I was one of his all-time favorite teachers.  Teachers in America don't necessarily make a lot of money,  but sometimes those successes are worth their weight in gold.  It reminds of Mark Twain's comment that he could "Live a month on a good compliment."

   Another girl named Danah came back to visit me from college a few years ago.  She told me that she, "Lost forty-five pounds over a period of a year and half from something I taught her."

  "What did I say?" I asked.

  Danah replied, "You said to me that I shouldn't focus on losing weight, but instead adding things to my life. "

   And that's what Danah did.  Every month she would add something  new. One month she added more water, then next month more exercise, and over a period of a year and a half lost 45 pounds.

   I often tell my high school students that some people credit Ivan Pavlov with the idea that it takes 21 days to create a habit.  I've read in several books about goals and habits that more difficult habits sometimes take longer like a month, but I suppose 21 days is a good start.  That is why I do a three week behavior change plan with my high school students.

  Some of my success stories include:  I had a boy who always had headaches.  I asked him "How much water do you drink?" 

"None." He replied.   After our brief talk he went from drinking no water to drinking three bottles over a period of three weeks, and his headaches, went away. 

  Another girl told me she didn't eat any fruit.  I told her that countries that have the highest consumption of fruit have some of the lowest rates of cancer.  She went from eating no fruit to eating three. and lowered her cancer risk.

  I've also taught relaxation activities (such as instant relaxation and meditation) to a few students.  One woman who worked at the Department of Motor Vehicles used instant relaxation to deal with difficult customers.  Other students have used what I taught to relax before stressful exams.

    Another girl said that she only remembered one thing that I taught her.  I told her about the word "Yet."  It is very powerful  word.  Sometimes in life we get depressed when we think about things we haven't achieved/have in our lives.  This is called "Stinking thinking."  I told my students that rather than negative thinking we add the word "Yet" to our thinking ex.  Change "I don't have a car" to "I don't have a car yet," or "I don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet." And then take proactive steps to get what we want in life.

Life Lesson 105: The best thing that we can do however is to teach and show our children love.  I've taught my students that if you have good self esteem, and truly love yourself that people can't pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do.  

Supposedly, it wasn't until she was forty years old that Oprah Winfrey learned how to say no.  It's never too late to start.  Really, we should consider that learning to say no is a skill that we can develop with practice and patience, and that when we believe in ourselves we will have the confidence to believe anything is possible.    And as Napoleon Hill once quoted, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." Don't  be afraid to make a difference in someone's life.







   

Story 104: Living La Vida Boca Part 2

      Even though I am back in New York after a week down south, my skin is still tan and I remember fondly the blue skies of Florida which contrast sharply with the tristate area's 35 degree days and overcast sky.

    With my tan, I also gained close to five pounds in five days. A new record.  So now, I am really ready to detox.  At least in theory. So far I am doing pretty well, and getting close to my starting weight. It was worth it though.  My brother and I had some great meals.  There was Cuban food at Versailles in Miami, and Japanese at the Morikami Gardens near Boca Raton.  A truly beautiful place for lunch.  And let's not forget a bountiful Japanese buffet at Shinjo and at Sweet tomato.  I rationalized that the food was healthy, but part of me felt I probably overdid it.  Even if we did do a lot of walking in the Everglades.  Although everyone I spoke to at home said, "Well, you were on vacation." and I have to agree with that too, and that we really enjoyed ourselves. Isn't that what vacations are all about?

      In keeping with this idea, they did a study in Finland and found that people who enjoy their weekends tend to live longer,  and those who go on a few vacations each year have increased life span as well.  Food for thought.  Speaking of food, if you have ever been in the Boca Raton area have you noticed that the seniors eat really early. By early I mean dinner at four of five pm. In fact, I heard someone joke that the official bird of Florida is the "early bird."    It makes sense though, because people probably have less heartburn from eating earlier in the day, and tend to go to bed sooner as well. Benjamin Franklin would certainly approve.

    My brother Bruce and I also had the opportunity to check out some terrific gardens.  I loved the lakes made of rocks and bonsai trees at Morikami Gardens, flamingos at the Flamingo Preserve, and the Everglades had some amazing wildlife as well.   

    We had a a great experience when went on a airboat tour with some of the indigenous people who lived in the Everglades.  I was amazed when our guide fed a few alligators some bread. They must be good friends

     What shocked me even more though was when Bruce and I were walking around the Everglades National Park we witnessed some alligators sunning themselves right next to the walking path.  We were very fortunate to get on a guided tour by a ranger. He gave us excellent information about the state of the Everglades, and how burmese python's are destroying the ecosystem.  Earlier we had learned from our other guide how pollution had driven the indigenous people from their floating islands within the Everglades, and that many of them now live next to the road.

     I was also shocked when I witnessed an Asian man and his friend standing directly in front of a crocodile saying, "Is this real?"   

      I wanted to respond, "Get any closer and you're going to find out and become chopped suey."  He even turned his back on the gator (Something I would never do).  Fortunately alligators are usually not as aggressive as crocodiles.

     Sometimes I also wonder if becoming a senior is contagious.  Even though I am in my forties I hate it when cashiers ask if I want to use my "senior discount."  "Fuck you!" I want to say.  "Do I really look that old?   I don't even qualify for AARP yet."  I would rather not get 10% off and be considered younger. Another reason to take care of ourselves better and do more exercise.

  Those gated communities baffle me too. They have building captains, clubhouses, and nosy neighbors that remind me of the KGB.  My mother's neighbor said to her intrusively, "Did your sons leave?" or if they see an unfamiliar car in a space they may call security.  Where is the trust?  On the plus side, the developments are generally very safe, inexpensive, and in many ways like a small city that probably contributes to the seniors living longer.  Although I can't tell you how many times I heard fire truck alarms probably because someone fell or had other issue. I guess it comes with the territory.

   Even with all the faults of senior living ultimately my brother and I said our goodbyes reluctantly.  I was in no rush to get back to work and New York. Even though it wasn't a true vacation, it was enough to be with family, to experience a different part of the world, to help my mother with various things, and see "How the other half lives."  Also, the good news for the men is that if you live long enough "There are a lot of honeys."

   Life Lesson 104: Life is a continuum.  We all have the opportunity to make the most of it, and in each stage of life there are challenges and triumphs. David Bowie once asked, "Is there life on Mars?" I don't know, but in Boca Raton, life moves on, even if happens like the seniors, quite slowly.

Story 104 Living la Vida Boca Part 1

     


          Its 3 a.m. Florida time. I'm resting on the infamous guest bed whose huge bar is slowly making an indentation in my back. It's relatively quiet and all I can hear is the occasional screech of a tropical bird and the sounds of cars whizzing by. Although the breeze off the lake is refreshing. My brother Bruce and I are staying in my mother's apartment in one of Florida's many gated communities.

         We decided to visit my mother during the presidents week vacation to get out of the New York cold. It's not often that my two jobs align that I have some free time to travel, but I'm glad I did. When I left New York the weather was 15 degrees, and I was worried the pipes in my house would break. When I arrived in Florida, the weather was 75 degrees.  Quite a contrast. The trip there however was not without incident.

       Next time, I won't travel on a holiday. I'll try to leave on the first flight to avoid the crowds, and maybe leave during the week. Also, if the airline asks do you want expedited security and extra legroom? It's always worth the extra money. Trust me.  Oh, and sitting in the back of the plane while closer to the bathroom makes getting out a hardship.

     JFK airport was a zoo at ten in the morning on the day I left, and getting to the gate seemed to take forever.  Things only got worse when I got on the plane.  I noticed it was full of children and their families. That was my first red flag. Then, one of the parents asked me if I would be willing to give up my seat so she could be with her kids. Now, I usually consider myself to be a pretty helpful person and doing mitzvahs (good deeds) is my thing. However, this time I wish I hadn't been so nice.

   Really what I should have done is waited to see who would be sitting next to me, because the man who sat in the middle seat really should have purchased two seats. He reminded me of a Caucasian sumo wrestler with a large walrus-style mustache.  He had more in common with the walrus than he might think. Not only was he extremely fat, but he kept coughing on me.  The plane was completely full and I felt trapped.  He also decided to open a large notebook and do work during the flight further restricting my available space. 

     I also forgot to bring my headphones so I heard everything on the plane which unfortunately for me also included a newborn baby sitting directly in front of me.  How the airlines allow babies to sit on a plane without a seat baffles me.  They won't allow a woman in her third trimester to fly, but a newborn, no problem. It also seemed apparent that the baby should have had their diaper changed more frequently as well.  

   Anyway, walrus-guy kept coughing, the baby keep crying, and I tried to rest any way I could.  What angered me the most is that the dad who asked me to change seats, ended up sitting a row back sleeping with his headphones on, away from any discomfort.  Having some turbulence didn't help either.  I was filled with so much anger I felt like punching both of them right in the face, but after a few diaphragmatic breaths I was able to relax.

  Thank God though the flight landed safely. However, when we were getting ready to disembark, the mother who I tried to  help ended up hitting me in the head with one of her bags.

   "Oh, I'm so sorry." She said apologetically.

    "Just par for the course." I answered with a growl.

    I looked down the narrow exit row of our airbus plane expectantly and kept saying to myself, "Let's go already."  

    Because we were very slow to deplane I ended up helping walrus-guy by getting his coat from the overhead rack. Like God, I often think I am slow to anger and quick to forgive.

  Finally, the moment arrived and I left the plane with a sigh of relief, and walked into the sunshine state.  Which they say can cure a lot of things,  hopefully stress as well.

   Life Lesson: It's often been said that no good deed goes unrewarded. I would add that good deeds are important, but don't expect a reward. In fact, expect the worst, and when all else fails, smile, shake your head no, and think of yourself first.

Story 102 Pet Peeves

         

          Pet peeves.  We've all got them, or at least many of us do.  For example, when did it get so popular to use "Happy" for any day of the week? like "Happy Wednesday."  I get "Happy Birthday," or maybe even "Happy Friday" those makes sense to me on some level, but when did the days gain so much importance? I really don't want to be seen as negative, because that's not how I roll. However, I think "Happy Weekdays" should be minimized. Does anyone think similar? Or do you have a case of "The Mondays?"

    Also on my mind is when people text when you are trying to have a conversation.  They are constantly looking down at their phones and then look up and remark, "What did you say? " It's time that we make human conversation a priority.  My niece told me that when she was at camp a while back, and was required to take a two month break from  her phone,  she felt that not using her phone to be very destressing not distressing.  

     It's not a bad idea to unplug once in a while, and take a technology break.  (I say as I type at 4 a.m.) In fact, many people experience anxiety, carpal tunnel syndrome, neck pain, attention issues, memory problems, and even sleep disturbances due to their electronic devices. Is this really an improvement in our lives?  We're losing out on the human connection, and quality sleep.  The blue light from these devices can wreak havoc on our bodies.

    I also know that woman tend to be better than men in multi tasking, but talking or texting and driving is extremely dangerous too no matter what your gender. There is research that the more activities we do as we drive, the probability of getting into a car crash increases.  The campaign in New York, "That text can wait." is right. 


 The funny thing is that we are using our phones in strange places/times too, which is taking away from those experiences or makes them more complicated. I've seen/heard people using them in in the toilet, while using a urinal, riding a bike, riding a horse, and even at job interviews. Enough already.   Would anyone stop having sex if the phone rang? It better not be a different booty call.


  Red light cameras irk me too.  Local government may claim they are only around to help with safety, but the reality is they are big money makers.  In the area of several million dollars.  I know on Long Island, there is one stretch of road where there are cameras every 1/4 mile.  It's almost impossible  to avoid getting caught.   Even if you are trying to drive safely.

     It also bothers me also when people don't respect our environment.  I saw a guy put a cigarette out on a tree, or when people throw garbage out the windows of their cars (biodegradable not included)  How about the people who are some adamant that global warming is a myth.  The problem is that what if they're wrong, and we could have done something about it, but we were too late.   In China their pollution levels are so high people can't breathe at times.  Let's remember back to England during the Industrial revolution when "London fog" was really factory emissions.  It's not just polar bears we need to worry about.  In some time in the future we may reach "The Wheat Point." (Where food can no longer grow) and truly be out of luck.

     Another thing that bothers me is when parents let their young children ride bicycles or rollerblade without helmets or wrist guards.  I want to tell them that they are only one traumatic brain injury away from a huge problem.   Laws are one thing, but enforcement and people following them are separate things.

Life Lesson 102:  Watch what you say, watch what you do, viva su vida (Life your life) but remember we all live here too.
   
  

  


   

    

Story 101 Everyday oxymorons

     


      
       There are morons and then there are oxymorons. Sometimes they are related.   I don't know if any of my readers have experienced a few.  ( I rarely hear from you) but it's probably  an everyday occurrence. Here are a few examples.

      People who play tennis and then smoke between games (One of my friends does this), or doctors who are very fat that smoke too. I've also witnessed a car for the Environmental Protection Agency idling.  Vegetarian actors like River Phoenix who overdosed on drugs.   Teachers who hate kids, and priests who abuse them.

      It strikes me as funny when a person reads cookbooks or even eats while using the bathroom.  There is also my friend Brian who would order a salad for it's supposed health benefits, and then douse it with blue cheese dressing. At least the French have a salad at the end of their meals.

      Speaking of the French. I find it amazing that French women are so skinny despite eating high fat meals.   I credit it to the long lunches, cigarettes, and resveratrol in red wine.  I guess wine really does work in moderation.

     Other contradictions.  If an older male dates a young woman he is sometimes considered a "pedophile," but if a young boy dates a cougar he is "The Man." If a woman sleeps with a lot of guys she is considered "a slut" while if a guy does it he is "a stud"  there is a definitely a double-standard in America when it comes to gender.  

     
 
     
     Some people also claim that "Guns don't kill, people do."  but what about when children find unlocked guns in a home.  In that case, the guns really do kill.  What's wrong with universal standards for gun safety? We have national laws/standards for DWI, but we really should worry also about DBG (Death By Gun.) Let's do more to save lives.   I think having a gun can be something that can be used responsibly, we just should not be afraid of a few regulations.  You wouldn't want to live someplace where there were no laws for driving would you? 

     America is a country that was founded on the principles of freedom.  Some Americans fled England to start a better life and even more have sought a better life from around the world. We should learn lessons from history how FDR and the world didn't let Jews into their countries during War II due to anti-Semitism, which ultimately if they acted differently could have saved many lives.

     

Life Lesson 101: Shakespeare once stated "To be or not to be that is the question."  I agree with this line, but we should update that quote to say, "To be a light among the nations, or to close our eyes and live in the dark."  I recommend eyes wide open, and our hearts open too.

Story 99: I'm all bogged down

    

      I've enjoyed exploring many of Long Island's beautiful rivers.  One in particular the Nissequogue, is my favorite. I Iike it because you can tour the river from a small rivulet to a large expanse of water, or depending on the tides do the reverse.

   One summer I canoed the Nissequogue with my friends Michael and David.  We had a great time, but after having lunch at a nearby Island, Michael and I felt the need to use the bathroom, and without thinking about possible consequences got out of the canoe to remedy the situation. Unfortunately for us, we soon discovered that our feet were stuck in unyielding mud.  Mud that was as hard as quicksand. I literally could not get my feet out, and started to panic.

I pulled my right leg with all my strength and ended up breaking one of my sandals in the process, and then got into the canoe with great relief.  Michael was a bit more level headed and untied his sandals. He returned to the boat with both intact.  For several minutes though it was definitely a very “sticky situation.”

Life Lesson 99: Rudyard Kipling once said that if you keep your head while others are losing theirs that you can cope with most problems that are thrown at you.  You may even avoid losing other things like your life, or sometimes something as simple as your shoe.

Story 98: The ultimate gatekeeper

          
     Anyone who has seen the film The Butler or The Help knows that sometimes the people who work for us see us as we truly are (Not just our barbers), and different from the way the world perceives us.

 
     Rabbi E. once told our congregation a story about a doorman at the White house named Bruce.  Bruce worked for five presidents. Every day, his job was simply to open the door of the White House and announce, “Good morning Mr. President.”

 Bruce was once asked “Which of the presidents did you like best?”

Bruce replied,”Eisenhower.”

“Why?” he was asked.

“Because, unlike the other presidents, when I said ‘Good Morning Mr. President’ Eisenhower always replied. ‘Good morning Bruce’ "

Life Lesson 98:  The golden rule is that we should treat all people the way we want to be treated.  This applies whether we are a hard-working doorman, or the leader of the free world. In addition, to always treat people with respect, and not act like we are better than anyone, because underneath our clothes, we are all the same. Human.

Story 97: True sportswomanship

        Rabbi E. told another story about a 2008 girl’s college softball team championship game.   Central Washington University and Western Oregon had competed in a game that was inspiring on many different levels.

Sara T.  A senior at Western Oregon was not the best hitter on her team. However on one inspiring day, she hit a home run, an achievement she had never done before.  

       Unfortunately however as started to run around the bases she twisted her knee and fell.  She was not able to finish the journey around the bases. It was later revealed that she had torn her ACL.  An injury that ultimately finished her softball career for the season. She was in extreme pain, but in order to get the credit for the hit. She had to run around all the bases.  Sara had a true dilemma on her hands. There wasn't the opportunity for a pinch runner, and if any of her teammates or her coach touched her, she would be out.  

In a broad act of kindness Mallory H. and Liz W., players from the opposing team, Central Washington, picked up Sara and carried her around the bases.  The crowd, while small, cheered and cheered for their act of love and kindness.

Life Lesson 97:  Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and that love is not only what we say, but that sometimes love is the things that we do that make a difference for ourselves and others too.

Story 96: Those who can't do……….

       


   We spend a lot of time at our jobs.  In many ways they are like a second family.  In my case more like a dysfunctional second family.   Although, I have to say that when June rolls around, things always seem to get more heated, and we are itching for the year to be over. Sometimes even tempers flare.

      It reminds me of what it might be like to be a fisherman.  Together on the boat for months on end, and then several months apart.  Summer vacation is our equivalent.  The fact that my department, Men's Phys. Ed., are in the same office is probably the reason we bond, but also get on each other's nerves at times.   Fortunately however the women are in a separate room on the other side,  because it keeps us from fighting with them too.  

   I believe anthropologist Helen Fisher got it right when she said, "Men and women fight differently.  Men punch you in the face, women stab you in the back."   because we might be rude to each other, but unlike some of the Phys. Ed. women in the past, we do not run to the principal to complain about colleagues. We usually try to handle things in-house.


   Most recently we also had an incident that was equally serious.  When I went to school two weeks ago, I noticed an ambulance in front of the building.  I found out later that an assistant principal was taken out of the building because of an allergic reaction to either fish or peanut oil and could of died, but fortunately had access to an epi-pen.   What's fucked up about the story is that the police found evidence of oil on her phone, desk, and chair.  
        Someone attempted to hurt her deliberately.   A teacher was suspected of committing the crime due to a bad review, but since no one actually saw her do it,  she is still there, and while under suspicion continues to teach. 

  The reason I bring up these stories is because thus far our department has been UTR (Under the raidar and rarely gets into trouble,  because we are in such close quarters all the time, think seamen on a submarine, and are constantly watching and listening to what everyone is saying/doing.  If you slip up even a tiny bit the people in our office never let you hear the end of it.  How in the world can we be truly controversial?  You say or do something wrong in our office, and within a hour or so a picture illustrating your misstep is on the bathroom door with a funny caption, and there have been too many to count.

   A Few Memorable Moments: 

The shirt: We were recently offered a chance to buy polo shirts with our school's name and logo on it.  I didn't buy one because I have a few already, but Little P. put his name down for an XL.  No one even noticed until it came out, no pun intended, that he ordered a woman's XL.

"P.," we asked with a laugh. "Why did you order a woman's XL?" 

"I like wearing woman's clothing." He stated matter of factly.

"What?" I said.  "You mean like dresses and lingerie?"

"No,"  he said defensively.  "They are just cut better for me." (Little P. is also nicknamed 'Skinny fat boy'  very skinny but has a pot belly.) He has also been mistaken for Justin Timberlake.

  We all laughed at his answer regarding the shirt, and said derisive things about his masculinity.  And of course within minutes department store pictures for lingerie started to go up  on the bathroom door with captions like "Little P.'s holiday shopping guide, etc.…"

    Caribou Queen: Another time P. started to sing a song. He was convinced it was called, "Caribou Queen."  We all said to him.  "No, It's Caribbean Queen." by Billy Ocean.  He looked at us with confusion, but after we all started  singing "Caribou Queen." He laughed and agreed we were right.  

   


Life Lesson 96:   One thing I've learned from teaching or any other job for that matter is that you have to like what you do., or at least like some of the things about your job, and make sure you can laugh a lot.  because remember what Mark Twain once said that one should "Make your vocation a vacation and you will never work a day in your life."   

Story 95: Muppet madness

        
     
     Several ago when my nieces where about five or six, I was asked if I wanted to go with them to the movies.  I have always loved spending time with my family, and I thought it would fun.

     My sister Stephanie chose the original Muppet movie which was very popular back then.   I appreciate the humor because a lot of the jokes are geared not only to kids, but also to adults as well.  I would be going with my sister, my mother, and my two nieces Melissa and Rachel.

   The film was great, but about halfway through the movie Melissa informed Stephanie that she needed to use the bathroom.  Then, a few minutes later, Rachel asked my mother to take her to the bathroom.  Now I am all alone with a hundred kids and their parents.   Ten minutes go by, fifteen minutes go by, things are getting awkward.  I don't want anyone to think I am pedophile.  Finally, after twenty minutes my sister comes back into the theater with her kids in tow.

  "What happened?" I asked her with a trace of annoyment.   "I was all alone in here for like twenty minutes."

  "Sorry, " Stephanie replied apologetically.  "Melissa got a little sick from all the popcorn.  I'll make it up to you."

 "Not another movie." I said cautiously.

 "Dinner on me after the show," She said graciously. "For being so patient."

"OK," I said. "Sounds good."

 And with that we went back to watching the Muppets, and even I couldn't stay upset while watching a great film, and even better company.

Life Lesson 95:  Watching a comedy is not the only way to have a great laugh, because films last only are short while, but funny life experiences with family may last forever especially when retold.

Story 94: Love is not a four letter word

 
Rabbi E. once told us about a time when he went to a Jewish cemetery to help with a burial.  In the past, he has helped my family when loved ones have died.  Before the burial he was about to begin when he noticed a man beating on a tombstone.  He heard a man say while sobbing, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Rabbi E. was perplexed. “Why is he doing that?”  he asked a mourner.

It turns out that the man who was beating on the tombstone was a recent widower and the grave he was banging on was his wife's.  The man had never said “I love you.” to his wife, and now it was too late, and she would never hear him say it.

Life Lesson 94: Tell people what you want them to hear now before it’s too late, because even though you “can’t take it with you.” when you share your love with others in words and deeds, those are emotions we take with us forever.

Story 93: A Nobel man

    

      The rabbi at my temple has told many memorable sermons over the years. In particular, he usually pulls out all the stops for the High Holidays (Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur).  These two holidays, the holiest days of the year next to the sabbath, also have the advantage of having a great deal of people in attendance so he always make an effort to make his message important and inspiring, and often very funny.  

    Rabbi E. does not deliver a fire and brimstone sermon like the erstwhile star of our synagogue, Rabbi W., but instead focuses on one with three key points and stories that live on in our memories with words that every man can understand.  In many ways he is like Lincoln.  A gifted orator, but most importantly a mensch for the people.

Rabbi’s story 1: Alfred Nobel:  At one point in history Alfred Nobel was the wealthiest man in Europe.  He acquired this wealth because he developed a very important invention, dynamite.  Dynamite was an valuable tool because it allowed builders to blow up mountains and help create many roads.  However as with many things sometimes there are accidents and people die.  In fact that is what happened.  

     There was an explosion at Alfred Nobel’s factory and the headline in the paper read, “Alfred Nobel, merchant of death, dies in freak accident.” However,  There was a wrinkle to the story because the newspaper got it wrong.  It was really Nobel’s brother who died not Alfred. Alfred Nobel actually read his own obituary.

“I can't believe that they think of me as the merchant of death.” He told a colleague.  “I don’t want people to think of me like that.” And so, he decided to take his money. His millions and created the Nobel prize.  A yearly award for advancement in science, math, English, and most importantly an award for peace.

LIfe Lesson 93: Sometimes in life we can change other people’s perceptions of us, but even we can’t change other peoples perceptions of us, we can always change how we see ourselves, and in the scheme of things, that’s what’s most important.

Story 91: Pranks at work: A case of mistaken identity?

     Prank 3: “The Custodian?”: In my school, students are required to wear gym uniforms with our school’s logo on it.  In the past, when my laundry levels were low I too have worn similar clothes.  A look the custodians do all the time. My co-workers did not let that slide however, and played a good prank on me.    A student knocked on our Phys. Ed. office door and announced, “There's is a spill in the weight room.”

I was confused and replied, “What do you want me to do about it?”

   The student stated, “I was told you would come clean it up.” and with that I started to laugh, and the rest of the office erupted with laughter too.  I saw the culprit in the corner, and nodded in his direction at his brilliance.

Life Lesson 91:  The sign of good mental health is the ability to laugh, and sometimes equally importantly is being able to laugh at yourself.  We all make mistakes or say the wrong thing from time to time, It’s important to acknowledge when we do the wrong things, learn from our mistakes, and smile at our foibles.

Story 92: Used car shopping nightmares

     

    My co-worker G. is a good guy.  Formerly a Phys. Ed. teacher, and currently one of our coaches.  We used to call him “Blockhead” among other names, because of his stubbornness. He also has a long history of doing unusual things.  For example, he once went to a Infinity dealership when he thought he was off from from teaching, and later turned things around to make our chairman feel guilty about harassing him for not being in the school.

  Another time, he told some students, “Don’t worry about your regents exam, if you need six hours, take six hours. “ (The test is only three hours) and three hours later the girl was visibly upset because he basically gave her wrong information, and had to finish her test early.

     G. has gotten into fights with coaches, teachers, and even the custodian.  When the custodian was upset about someone leaving the water on in our office bathroom, G. said, “Close the bathroom door, and do your fucking job.”  

G. pantomimed the act again and repeated this mantra "Close the door, and do  your fucking job."  After that, we couldn’t get toilet paper in our bathroom for a month.

He is also famous for quotes like “It’s about blood flow not cash flow.”, “Get your ducks in a row,” and that he could teach anywhere even a closet.  I of course suggested he come out it.

Prank 4: “The used car:” Before G. got his prius he had an Infinity which he talked about all the time, a perfect name for his car.  One day  however, he decided he wanted to sell it.  Our supervisor Paulie had a good prank in mind.

G. advertised the car in the local paper.  The phone rang for him at school and a strongly accented Indian man began to bargain with him about the Infinity.

“How much are you asking for the car?” The thickly accented man asked.

G. gave a figure of about ten thousand dollars.

The man starting saying bad things about G.'s opinions about the car to the effect, "No, no, no it is only worth five thousand dollar."

G. noticed that people in the office were laughing, and realized the joke was on him. Paulie came out of the side office and we all joined along.

“What’s the matter G.,your not down with brown?” someone asked.

“No that’s not it.,” he replied with a smile, “When it comes to selling my favorite color is green.”

Life Lesson 92: Having people poke fun at us is sometimes better than not being thought about at all, and that laughter is good medicine, and often a lot cheaper than a used car.

Story 90: Pranks at work The letter

      Prank 2: “The letter”:  Another colleague of mine, Chris, is another terrific person who has been through his share of ups and downs.  Briefly excessed for a year, and then thankfully brought back after bouncing around several less than desirable schools in his position as an ATR.  Then, back to my school as a physical education teacher and coach of several sports.  

     When he was new teacher however,  he used to very quiet.   The people in my job gave him a hard time, but only in jest.  So before he was really excessed, we wrote a mock letter from the principal stating, “Dear Chris, we regret to inform you that you have been transferred to Boys and Girls High School. (A challenging HS in NYC), and we wish you good luck in your future duties.”

Chris looked at the letter stunned.  He looked around the office, and my friend Pete asked innocently, “What’s up Chris?”

Chris started to say something but seemed at a loss for words.  After a brief pause, he noticed how quiet the office had grown and then without warning we all burst out laughing.

“Dicks.”  He said, and then laughed along too.

Life Lesson 90: Don’t believe everything you read or hear, and always ask questions, because you never know when the right questions can show you the truth.

Story 89 Pranks at work: The Suit

Pranks. They sound so juvenile. So much like middle school antics, but in the Physical Education department in my school they are alive and well.  In some ways, teaching is like the army or prison life, but without the pushups or soap drops. What I mean is that a lot of what we do is the same routine over and over again.   Bill Murray understood this in his acclaimed film Groundhog Day where every day of his life is repeated.

    I told my friend Peter once that “I do same thing five times a day in the same room for the rest of my life.” The point is that  humor can help us handle monotony. Fortunately, I am the type of person who can watch a film fifty times and not get bored, and usually can laugh at myself too. Other people are not that lucky.  Anyway, back to the pranks.

      Prank 1: “The Suit”:    We have an excellent teacher in our department named John.  We love to bust his balls.  He works extremely hard, but like many rookies is a bit gullible.  So , last year we asked him if he brought his suit for open school night.  Everyone played along.  We broke out our ties and looked at them to see if they were right all the while showing him how conscientious we were, and on the appointed night,  we noticed that John was in his best Sunday suit.  He asked us, “Aren’t you going to put on your suits?”

“Soon,” we replied.  But as the night got later and conference time approached he looked around, and realized that he was the only one wearing a suit.  He laughed, and just to show he could take a joke, wore his suit the whole night.  

      The following term once again we asked him if he was wearing his suit.  He replied that, “I’m not going to fall for that one again.” However, this time, we actually did dress up.  We all wore shirts and ties except for John who simply smiled and said, “What’s going to happen next year?”

“Next year we’ll wear women’s dresses.”  I said.

“I hope I can a transfer before that.”  He said with a laugh. And unfortunately that’s what happened to him temproarily, but we never wore dresses or even a tie again. Maybe we should have just to honor him.

Life Lesson 89:  When in Rome do as the Romans did, but when in school, take that with a grain of salt, and dress to impress, without wearing a dress.

Story 88: Climb every mountain, follow your dream.

 
       few years ago I went hiking with some co-workers. Our destination was Mt. Washington,  New Hampshire, the highest peak in the northeast.  I would like to say it was fantastic, but it was a mixed bag. In retrospect, I probably should have been in better shape.  Fortunately, I had three very conditioned athletes to assist me with the process.  Scott, a star at college crew, Steve, a hard-core cyclist, and Neal, an older but lifetime athlete and nutrition buff.  I was the weak link, but was determined to reach the summit.

 
    Mt. Washington has some of the highest recorded wind velocities on the planet, possibly faster than even Mt. Everest, and many people have died or gotten into trouble underestimating this mountain.  We went to New Hampshire on a Thursday, Brooklyn Queens day.  A holiday we used to get off from work, and took Friday off as well to give us a long weekend.  The night before our climb, we ate a healthy fish meal in a local restaurant.   Before bed,  I was surprised to see my roommate Neal blow-drying his hair in the nude.  Neal, is a former professional athlete and nudist.  So he had no problem walking around in the buff.

In fact, one time at my school he got changed in the Phys. Ed. office with the door open during regents week.  Our co-worker Ron walked in saw Neal half naked with nothing on below the waist, and just stared slack-jawed.  There were still some students in the building, but not that many, but even one student would have been too many.

“What’s the matter you never saw a dick before in your life?” Neal said with amusement.

Ron continued to stare, but still couldn’t talk.  What do you say in that situation? “How’s it hanging?” would have seemed right to me.

Another time, Neal related that he went to some nude beaches on the islands of Greece in his youth.  He visited many, and after enjoying himself immensely continued with his former girlfriend to Cypress, thinking it would be similar, considering it was so close to Greece.  When Neal got to the beach, he and his girlfriend undressed and ran into the water to skinny dip. However, when he got out of the water they got the surprise of a lifetime.

As he walked to shore,  a group of soldiers were facing them with their guns out, Saying “Get dressed and get off the island.” 

    Neal couldn’t understand what the problem was.  What he didn’t realize was that Cypress was under communist rule, and had very strict rules regarding many social issues including it’s beaches and nudity.  Fortunately for Neal, New Hampshire was known for being much more liberal.

Our hike began well, but Mt. Washington is five miles straight up, and after we got to the 1/2 way mark by Pickerman’s Notch, I was growing more and more fatigued.   We spent time near the bowl.  An area where some hikers rest, sometimes even a day or two, before going to the top.  They have cabins their also, and some people like to ski the bowl even through the month of June.

My crew however was committed to finish climbing as soon as possible.  Scott really saved me because he ended up carrying my bag in addition to carrying his own, and on each cairn, a pile of stones along the path, he placed a peanut M&M as a mini goal for me. At every cairn, I ate an M&M.  It was great motivation.  Neal would look down and exclaim, “Come on boy,” or sometimes whistle like he was calling his former dog Teddy.

After five to six hours of effort we summited.  I was exhausted.  We had a well deserved meal of chili and New England clam chowder soup at the top.  Nothing like a hot meal after an arduous journey. 

 After eating, my friends told me they were going to descend.  They hiked down the mountain, while I opted to take a van down.   It’s amazing that you can take a train or car to the top of the mountain, because they have a weather station and museum for tourists.  

    We would attempt to climb the mountain again the following year, but we got lost fording a stream on a different path, and my whole body got torn up by the local branches.  I also got into a huge fight with Steve after I made a few disparaging remarks about his coffee consumption.  I apologized, but he was slow to forgive.  Since then, we have reconnected, but we have never climbed the mountain ever again.

Life Lesson 88:  It's important in life to face obstacles even big ones, but to tackle them slowly.  As they say “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” How do you overcome a big challenge?  One step at at time, and for me it didn’t hurt to have the proper reinforcements to motivate me one M&M at time.  Also, when friends lend their encouragement and support literally and figuratively we can climb to great heights.  Just remember, in words and deeds, to do the same for others, and show respect for all especially nature in it's beauty and fury.

Story 87: This diner stinks, literally, and other stories

Growing up in suburban long island there wasn’t a lot to do on the weekends. Unfortunately few of my friends had girlfriends so we spent a lot of time at the local diner. In this case The Scobee diner which I’ve talked about before. I don’t know if former CIA director Tenet was working there at the time, but I suppose not. 

My friends and I loved to play practical jokes.  the latest was stink bombs. It was new years eve 1986, and as we were leaving I bent down to tie my shoe, and surreptitiously broke a small stink bomb in the lobby. The stink bomb smelled like rotten eggs times ten. I think if I had done it in the main dining area it would have been much worse.  We ran out, and laughed about the ensuing chaos.  We never got caught but the following year we would be experiencing a bit of our own chaos.  Bad karma I suppose.

We were now freshman in college doing all the dumb things that first years do including drinking, etc.  My friends and I were gathered in the back of the Scobee having who remembers what.

Near us was a table of young girls. For some reason we started to joke around with them, and I remember asking if they were interested in a subscription to Horse Illustrated ( A running joke) A few minutes later things would change quickly.

What we didn’t know was that the boyfriends of the girls we were joking around with were at the next table and weren’t especially happy over the perceived insults.

One of the boyfriends who looked like someone from our high school grabbed my friend T. who was tall and Japanese.

“Apologize.” The boyfriend yelled at T.

“I didn’t say anything.” T responded.

“APOLOGIZE.” The boyfriend screamed.

“I didn’t say anything.” my friend persisted.

And with that comment the guy started to punch my friend in the face. I was shocked, but after a few blows I pulled him off of my friend, and found myself staring up at someone with a cocked fist.

“Don’t hit me.” I yelled as I put my hands up, and fortunately he didn’t.

The group of guys left the diner and we waited until we were sure they were gone.  My friend T. had skin missing from his chin, had to incur plastic surgery, and for many years after that we never returned, and only visited a different diner when we were hungry.

Life Lesson 87: : Actions sometimes speak louder than words, and other times, words are pretty loud so be cautious what you say and to whom.  Also, be a good friend to others,  but don’t have such a big ego that you can’t walk away from some situations when practical or apologize, because you can be right and still end up lying on the ground, or sometimes six feet underground.

Story 86: Iguana hold your hand

            About twenty years ago, my friend Andy once went to Egypt on vacation. He made the mistake however of staying at a two star hotel.  A two star hotel in Egypt is probably like a one star hotel in many countries.

When Andy went back to his room after dropping off his bags he noticed to his horror that a large iguana was sitting on his bed.

Andy ran from his room and rushed over to the manager.

“Come to my room quick.” yelled Andy.

“What is it?” asked the manager in return in a thick accent.

Together they proceeded to Andy’s room, and Andy pointed at the iguana and exclaimed, “Look what’s on my bed.”

“That’s o.k.,” said the manager. “He eats the cockroaches.”, and with that the manager simply walked out. Andy shook his head in disbelief, and started looking at his guidebook for other accommodations.

Life Lesson 86: When my brother was in Israel he once slept under a fig tree like a biblical figure, but that was only because he had too. When possible, never stay in a two star hotel, especially in certain countries, because lumpy pillows probably aren’t the only things you may encounter in your bedroom.