My mother has taught me many things over the years but first and foremost is to know where you come from, and to appreciate what you have.
N grew up in the Bronx or "Da Bronx" as she calls it during The Depression. Back then, very few people were working, no one had a lot of money, and there often wasn't enough food.
On more than one occasion my grandmother would ask my mother to borrow money from a neighbor for food, or go the local store to buy two or three eggs something that embarrassed her, but people did what it took to get by.
My mother's diet growing up was also very limited. During elementary school she would come home for lunch and have spinach and potatoes, or potatoes and spinach and on a good day there would be an egg. Boring, but healthy and on the bright side she never had a cavity until she went to college
She however was not a vegan it's just that like many parts of the world meat is expensive and not always available. She did come home one day however to find a fish swimming in the bathtub. My grandmother was very old school, liked things fresh, and was going to use it to make gefilte fish.
My mother also loves chicken soup, but it back then wasn't so easy to get. My mother and my grandmother would pluck feathers from chickens on the stoop of their apartment for chicken soup because it was a less expensive. It was also an opportunity to learn her mother's recipe. Something she is excellent at making and fortunately taught me to make too. Although the first time I tried on my own I ended up putting a whole frozen chicken in the soup and that didn't turn out correctly because the chicken wouldn't defrost. Now I know better.
To this day whenever we have a meal out she also always wants the food be healthy, authentic, and "A good value " and I have to say that is something I want too. Especially as a health teacher I generally try to practice what she preaches.
Speaking of birds, one time during elementary school she went with my grandmother who was chaperoning to the Bronx Zoo. My mother's teacher loved animals but when my grandmother spotted some exotic birds she asked, "Are they good for roasting?" That comment mortified my mother and the teacher. After that my grandmother wasn't asked back on any school trips despite lack of parents to supervise.
My mother and her older sister lived with her parents on the ground floor of a five floor walk-up apartment building. My mother didn't like it because she wanted to live on a higher floor so she could interact with the other children from the building. The apartment was on the ground floor so my grandfather who was a chiropractor could see his patients more easily. There were constant fights about money because my grandfather would treat patients even if they didn't have the money to pay. Pay me next week he would say, but usually that meant never.
My mother has instilled in me the importance of having a spiritual connection. She grew up in an orthodox Jewish home but because she is a woman was never taught Hebrew only Yiddish. However she never let that stop her from attending services or having a bat mitzvah in her seventies. That experience taught me that whatever we want to do in life it's never too late to start.
She also makes it a point to have Friday night dinners with wine, challah bread, candles, and of course soup, and goes to temple on most Saturdays. For her going to temple on a regular basis is more than about just praying but also making a connection with the people in the community, and research shows that going to a house of worship on a weekly basis can add years to your life because when we feel good emotionally when tend to feel good physically.
For my mother temple is more than just prayer it is also a support network. My mother has developed friendships over the past forty years, and the temple community has been there for many important life cycle events including: Births, bar/bat mitzvahs, and also deaths.
My mother actually likes to go to funerals not only to support to families who are grieving and to honor the person who has passed but also because the service itself is like coming to a story telling class because you hear the best about someone's life.
The Shivah (The week of mourning) is important too because as my mother tells it the shivah is for the living and an opportunity to help people in their time of need, and lets face it when we help others feel better the end result is that we often feel good too. Mitzvahs they are called also known as good deeds. When two of my friends parents died my mother asked to go too, and this surprised my friends but she was able to relate to their parents in a way I never could.
My mother and father have also always stressed the importance of a good education and helping others. She was a teacher for the NYC public schools for many years, but when she retired she never stopped growing. It's been said that "When you retire you expire." but my mother didn't want that and instead taught adults English (ESL) in our town for ten years.
In Okinawa Japan they don't even have a word for retired instead they talk about having an ikigai, or in Spanish a plan de vida, basically a purpose or reason to get up in the morning, and I truly believe feeling a sense of importance and appreciation can improve our health, and that is how she feels when her students call her "Mama" or "My teacher."
The funny thing is that when we go out to dinner in town she seems to know every busboy/waiter because many of them were her former students which has its advantages because that often leads to better service. If they weren't her student she is very skilled at talking to people and learning about them.
Typical questions are Do you speak a little Spanish?(Someone who is obviously Latino) Where are you from?, etc. Have you heard about the ESL program in town it's only $50 for the year.
She does this because she loves people and has stressed that many times we don't take the time to learn about the everyday people we interact with.
My mother also once said that the best way to get to know someone is to give them a compliment. She does this do make a connection. For example we could be at the park and she might see someone and say, "What kind of dog is that? or What a beautiful baby." She really means it too, but for her she is very disarming and she enjoys meeting others.
Holiday meals with her family are some of her favorite times too whether it Thanksgiving, or Jewish holidays such as Rosh Hashanah or Passover it is a good excuse to see family eat delicious food, and enjoy plenty of laughter.
In keeping with this theme I remember one time we were reading the Passover Haggadah the book that relates the Jew's exodus from Egypt and flight from slavery. We were going around the table doing responsive reading when my mother instead of saying "The Egyptians made the Jews suffer." She said "The Egyptians made them supper."
"Mom, you meant suffer right?"
She laughed along with us, and said "Maybe they should have made them supper too."
I happen to agree and I feel that maybe had the ancient Egyptians sat down with the Jews they would have learned about each other and found out that really have a lot in common, and had my mother been there I know she would have won them over too.
No comments:
Post a Comment