Post 142: Assumptions (Or why you shouldn't wear a hoodie to the bank)

I feel like this could be a question someone might might ask in a Podcast. 

I mean how many times has this happened to you or someone you know?  I'm not sure if it a micro aggression, flattery, or downright prejudice.  For example, today I needed to get to my accountant in Queens, and I had to get some quarters for the meter. However, my usual bank and the bank across the street either were operating too slow, or "Just out of them" So, I went to a bank I had never been to before in my blue hoodie and sweatpants. Bad idea.

I don't think I looked terrible. I shaved this morning and my mask was clean. I know they say that clothes make the man, but do certain outfits lead to questions? Or even assumptions?

I spoke to a teller at the third bank and mentioned that it was hard to get quarters because there was a coin shortage.

The woman looked at me and said, "We don't usually give out change to people who aren't customers."

I looked back at her and replied with indignation, "How do you know that I'm not a customer? Or a potential customer?

She looked at me, nodded, and then said that I was right.

I thanked her and left, but part of me fantasized about showing how wealthy I am (not in real life) and saying I won't be a client of her bank. (As if I had a lot of money) Was it chutzpah on her part, prejudice, or microaggression. I really don't know. Maybe I'm imagining things. At least I got my quarters, but it got me thinking if others have experienced the same thing.

After my time at the bank and accountant I went next door for some Polish food. Now, I have some Polish and Russian ancestry however I don't speak very much of either language, but inevitably before I buy anything the woman behind the counter always greets me in Polish. I think she assumes that I could be Polish. At least she was friendly to me.

Based on how I look I guess I could be.  This experience doesn't bother me that much and I find it somewhat funny. It's also happened to my friends before. My friends Dave and Nathan and Mike were perceived to be Greek and spoken to in the language as well.

Getting back to clothes. I've heard that airlines and restaurants sometimes treat people who are wearing suits differently than people dressed in regular clothes. Maybe there is an assumption that the person is successful, or even a better tipper. Even my friend Steve said that when he went to a bar in upstate New York women gave him a lot more attention because the town he went to was in an economic depression and he was seen as "A good catch."

Someone once told me also that violinists and other musicians are sometimes  tested while playing behind screens, because management doesn't want to judge them by looks alone, but rather by talent, or how baseball scouts thought that some players were better if their bodies were more typical of some stereotypical body of perfection in their eyes. Something out of Plato's golden ratio, I suppose.

I've also heard that you should smile (If you can) in drivers license photos because you are less likely to get a ticket if the officer thinks you are a nice person...and that people who wear glasses at job interviews are perceived as smarter. These seem to be helpful assumptions but really they speak to the same problem, not just the halo principal.

What disturbs me is how quickly one incorrect perception without all the information could be incorrect and sometimes even deadly.

I think it was Steven Covey who said, "First seek to understand and then to be understood."

For example, I remember one time I was at a gas station on Long Island and someone started to honk me as I was preparing to drive off. I got angry at the honking thinking the person was trying to hurry/harass me but when I rolled down my window the other driver replied, "Your gas cap is off." Here it was I was ready to start a beef with him when he was really just trying to help. 

In the end, I feel we shouldn't make judgements about others unless we truly learn more about the person, because underneath all the clothes (Even hoodies and sweats) we are all the same. Human. I just wish everyone including banks felt the same.  Maybe the next time I fly or go back to the bank in a suit to see what they will say. Who knows, there might even be change. Literally.

 

Thanks to Usman Yousaf for allowing us to use the photo you took photo for the blog from Unsplash