Well, we're back at work after a much needed summer vacation, and wouldn't you know it, but already there is comedy and controversy all within the first two weeks of school. It reminds me of the show A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum. You may know the song line, "Tragedy tomorrow comedy tonight."
In my office you can always tell if it has been a funny week or not if there are any pictures on our bathroom door making fun of our colleagues.
Where to begin? Well, on the first day I walked into our office, and spotted mouse droppings all over my desk. I was horrified to say the least.
Our colleague Mac was confused and asked, "Were people eating in here? Why are there so many sesame seeds on your desk?"
"No, you moron those are mouse droppings." Little John replied.
"Oh," Mac stated, "We'll have to get some glue traps."
And that's precisely what he did. The next day Mac set up glue traps with peanut butter all around the office under every desk whether you wanted one or not. It didn't matter that the trap was already scented he wanted to go overboard. I suggested he not leave them in the office over the weekend because of the potential for a bad smell, but he just waved me off.
On Monday the results were in. Two dead baby mice, and something bigger had apparently eaten the peanut butter and moved a different trap.
I was surprised the see the small mice, but Little John made us all laugh.
"That's great," He said emphatically. "now we just have to capture the queen!"
"Queen?" I asked. "What queen? Mice don't have queens. Maybe bees or ants."
People in the office started laughing and quoting lines from the Wizard of OZ something along the line of "Ding Dong the queen is dead."
We ended putting up pictures of Minnie mouse in a queen's outfit asking to be spared, and pictures of other queens with signs reading "Will the real queen please stand up."
Little John was in total denial, "I never said queen." he declared, but in our office no small detail is ever overlooked. I thought this was going to be the only funny thing that happened, but the next day C. brought it to whole nother level.
I was sitting in our office when C. starts to talk about his most recent car inspection.
"So, I brought my car to the dealer for an inspection and he told me that in order to pass the check engine light issue would have to be addressed."
"You mean the mechanic turned the light off?" I asked.
"Well, he adjusted it," C. began, "but then would you believe I had to drive 90 miles straight or the light would go back on. I drove all the way to Ronkonkomma in Suffolk county and back without stopping once."
"What?" I asked. "you didn't stop once?"
"No, of course not." C. replied. "I wanted the light to stay off."
We all looked up in surprise and then after a few laughs someone said, "You do know that you could have stopped anytime. It's not like the movie Speed where there was a bomb on the bus."
"Really?" C. stated. He still didn't believe it.
"Yes, dumb ass." Big John said emphatically. "I can't believe you are getting a special ed license. You should be in special ed yourself."
"I knew it the whole time," C. began. "I just wanted to take care of it right away."
None of us believed him though. Remember this was the guy who went to a vocational high school called Thomas Edison, and after blowing out the electricity in the building an assistant principal said to him, "Maybe electric is not the right career choice for you."
C. then decided to go to school for teaching.
Dealing with administration can be hassle too, but it does have it's moments. Most recently we have been asked to look into what can we do to ensure that our students do better on AP exams, SAT's and graduation rates. They even gave us a "Inquiry Czar" someone to assist us in helping our students. Personally I think it's a waste. Most of the time we don't end up doing anything practical in our groups. Basically it seems like our principal or administration's ways of controlling us.
We have to rush to get to a meeting at 8:15 in the morning when we would be better off just gradually getting ready for our day. Instead of helping us, the end result is that we are under a lot of stress, and for nothing. I think it would be far better if we just worked on demonstrating our best lessons/practices. Something practical that would actually help us become better teachers and at the end of the day really help my students learn. But who wants to rock the boat? It's not like administration are listening to our suggestions anyway. It reminds me elementary school teaching instead of high school.
Anyway back to the "Inquiry Czar." The superintendent chose our school's most effective department, social studies, to give a good impression and learn to how to do proper inquiry. The woman they assigned was very rigid and required everyone to participate and also write on the board.
She asked one person in one of their groups to write, but they were reluctant to do so.
She asked again, "I need you," pointing one of the teachers, "to write on the board."
"I can't," he replied. "I just had surgery." and with that he motioned with his hand back and forth.
The Inquiry Czar went ballistic, "Did you just make an obscene gesture at me?"
"No," the man protested, "I was just showing you my injury."
"I don't believe you." She roared, and even though his colleagues voiced their support, she stormed out and headed to find the principal.
Ultimately he had to go in front of the principal and justify his actions. Why the Inquiry Czar didn't have to explain her actions is anyone's guess. I'm just glad she wasn't running our group because God knows how that would turn out, but inquiring minds would want to know. Just probably not my students
Life Lesson 128: What we say is like toothpaste once it comes out of the tube it's very hard to put back. Even if you use the proper hand gestures.
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