Story 129 Drama at the French bakery

We all need a break from work sometimes.   I do a lot of things to relax. Sometimes I enjoy going to the park to watch the sunset, or visit a coffee bar to decompress with a strong cup of coffee and good book.  The funny thing is there always seems to be some drama to make the experience a bit sour or fortunately humorous.

One of my favorite spots is French bakery in Queens.  They have many delicious desserts and some pretty good sandwiches too.  It doesn't hurt that some of my former students work there, and I sometimes get a free cookie or two when they're there.

A few weeks ago I went the day before Thanksgiving.  Big mistake because it was super busy and none of my students were there. All the customers wanted their pumpkin pies, and all I wanted a sandwich.  They didn't have too many sandwiches to offer, but after ordering the man helping me started moving too fast and dropped my sandwich on the floor.  After picking it up he started to put it in the bag, and I stopped him.

"Wait a minute," I protested. " I don't want that one it fell on the floor."

The man serving me replied, "It was wrapped. It's fine."

"No," I persisted, "it's really not I want a new one."

After realizing that I would't back down he said that he would make a new one.  I saw him ask one of the chefs if the chef could do it, but because it was the day before thanksgiving the chef refused.

"I'll make you a new one." He stated.

I didn't see him make a new one in the back, and it's possible that he just warmed up the dirty one.  The sandwich was pretty good though, but I can't help thinking that he just dusted it off and just put it in the microwave.  So much for "gourmet food."

A few weeks passed and I went back to cafe on a Friday.  It always seems to be a good place to relax after a long week especially if I'm feeling a pick peckish.  At least I thought it was going to be relaxing.

It was a bit difficult to park though, and when I saw someone leave a space I jumped on it.

I put my book on a table with my gloves to mark my space, because there weren't a lot of free tables.  It didn't occur to me that I should put my coat down, but in retrospect I probably should have.

After I placed my order and paid for my meal I walked back to my table only to find an old man having a big bowl of soup where I had left my gloves.

"That's my seat I said.  Didn't you see the gloves on the table?" I asked.

"I did ask." he replied pointing to the other table.

I persisted and told him that,"If you see someone's stuff on a table you really shouldn't put your things down."

"Do you want me move?" he asked half heartedly.

"No," I said with anger. "Stay there."

When I left the table I walked to the back of the store, and wouldn't you know it, but an even larger table with a more comfortable seat was available. Karma.

Life Lesson 129:  Try not to shop at any store the day before or after a big holiday unless you are hunting for bargains like black Friday, and when in doubt do the right thing even if other people aren't because what comes around goes around that can be a good thing, as long as it's not a sandwich.



        

Post 128 Stupid is as stupid says part2

Well, we're back at work after a much needed summer vacation, and wouldn't you know it, but already there is comedy and controversy all within the first two weeks of school.  It reminds me of the show A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum.  You may know the song line,  "Tragedy tomorrow comedy tonight."

In my office you can always tell if it has been a funny week or not if there are any pictures on our bathroom door making fun of our colleagues. 

Where to begin?  Well,  on the first day I walked into our office, and spotted mouse droppings all over my desk. I was horrified to say the least.

Our colleague Mac was confused and asked, "Were people eating in here?  Why are there so many sesame seeds on your desk?"

"No, you moron those are mouse droppings." Little John replied.

"Oh," Mac stated, "We'll have to get some glue traps."

And that's precisely what he did. The next day Mac set up glue traps with peanut butter all around the office under every desk whether you wanted one or not.  It didn't matter that the trap was already scented he wanted to go overboard.  I suggested he not leave them in the office over the weekend because of the potential for a bad smell, but he just waved me off.

On Monday the results were in.  Two dead baby mice, and something bigger had apparently eaten the peanut butter and moved a different trap.

I was surprised the see the small mice, but Little John made us all laugh.

"That's great," He said emphatically. "now we just have to capture the queen!"

"Queen?" I asked. "What queen? Mice don't have queens.  Maybe bees or ants."

People in the office started laughing and quoting lines from the Wizard of OZ something along the line of "Ding Dong the queen is dead."

We ended putting up pictures of Minnie mouse in a queen's outfit asking to be spared, and pictures of other queens with signs reading "Will the real queen please stand up."

Little John was in total denial, "I never said queen." he declared, but in our office no small detail is ever overlooked.  I thought this was going to be the only funny thing that happened, but the next day C. brought it to whole nother level.

 I was sitting in our office when C. starts to talk about his most recent car inspection.

"So, I brought my car to the dealer for an inspection and he told me that in order to pass the check engine light issue would have to be addressed."

"You mean the mechanic turned the light off?" I asked.

"Well, he adjusted it," C. began, "but then would you believe I had to drive 90 miles straight or the light would go back on.  I drove all the way to Ronkonkomma in Suffolk county and back without stopping once."

"What?" I asked. "you didn't stop once?"

"No, of course not." C. replied. "I wanted the light to stay off."

We all looked up in surprise and then after a few laughs someone said, "You do know that you could have stopped anytime.  It's not like the movie Speed where there was a bomb on the bus."

"Really?" C. stated.  He still didn't believe it.

"Yes, dumb ass." Big John said emphatically.  "I can't believe you are getting a special ed license.  You should be in special ed yourself."

"I knew it the whole time," C. began. "I just wanted to take care of it right away."

None of us believed him though.  Remember this was the guy who went to a vocational high school called Thomas Edison, and after blowing out the electricity in the building an assistant principal said to him, "Maybe electric is not the right career choice for you."
C. then decided to go to school for teaching.

Dealing with administration can be hassle too, but it does have it's moments.  Most recently we have been asked to look into what can we do to ensure that our students do better on AP exams, SAT's and graduation rates.  They even gave us a "Inquiry Czar" someone to assist us in helping our students.  Personally I think it's a waste.  Most of the time we don't end up doing anything practical in our groups.  Basically it seems like our principal or administration's ways of controlling us.

We have to rush to get to a meeting at 8:15 in the morning when we would be better off just gradually getting ready for our day.  Instead of helping us, the end result is that we are under a lot of stress, and for nothing.  I think it would be far better if we just worked on demonstrating our best lessons/practices.  Something practical that would actually help us become better teachers and at the end of the day really help my students learn.  But who wants to rock the boat? It's not like administration are listening to our suggestions anyway.  It reminds me elementary school teaching instead of high school.

Anyway back to the "Inquiry Czar."   The superintendent chose our school's most effective department, social studies, to give a good impression and learn to how to do proper inquiry.  The woman they assigned was very rigid and required everyone to participate and also write on the board.

She asked one person in one of their groups to write, but they were reluctant to do so.

She asked again, "I need you," pointing one of the teachers, "to write on the board."

"I can't," he replied. "I just had surgery." and with that he motioned with his hand back and forth.

The Inquiry Czar went ballistic, "Did you just make an obscene gesture at me?" 

"No," the man protested, "I was just showing you my injury."

"I don't believe you." She roared, and even though his colleagues voiced their support, she stormed out and headed to find the principal.

Ultimately he had to go in front of the principal and justify his actions.  Why the Inquiry Czar didn't have to explain her actions is anyone's guess. I'm just glad she wasn't running our group because God knows how that would turn out, but inquiring minds would want to know. Just probably not my students

Life Lesson 128: What we say is like toothpaste once it comes out of the tube it's very hard to put back.  Even if you use the proper hand gestures.

Post 127 Off target at Target

Have you ever shopped at Target? I generally like the experience.  However, as they say in spanish "siempre un problema" (Always a problem. ) Where to begin? That's not to say other stores like Home Depot, Trader Joe's etc. don't have issues, because sometimes they do too. It's just that Target, not to be redundant, has been a target.

Issue One: Hacking
The first issue which is probably not their fault entirely was that their computers were hacked, and that some people had their identities stolen along with potential banking information (strike one) I think that this problem has been addressed, but every time I take out a credit card I hesitate.  Right after they give you the spiel if you want to open a Target card and get 10% off the purchase.  They neglect to mention their bad hacking history,  and that their store cards often carry very high rates.

Issue Two: Carts from hell!
Carts at most stores always seem like a crap shoot.  You never know what they're going to be like.  Have you ever wanted to show the world and maybe yourself how strong you are by carrying one or two hand baskets of merchandise? This lasts about ten minutes, and then you  see everyone pushing their carts effortlessly, and want a redo. 

A few days ago I was in a Target on Long Island.  I got a cart and was pleased that it seemed to be a pretty good one.  I pushed it for a few aisles until I noticed there was garbage and a used latex glove inside.  I quickly pushed it back to the front of the store for some other unsuspecting shopper.  What I really should have done was alerted a worker that it was dirty.  Well, hindsight is 20-20 as they say.  So, I chose another cart.   Big mistake. Things seemed fine for a while until I realized my cart was really a lemon. It started swerving in the wrong direction.  Now I am half-way down a long aisle, and I have to decide whether to bring the cart all the way back, or suck it up and keep pushing.  I choose the latter.  So for the remainder of my shopping experience  I am pushing along listing like a drunken sailor.


Cart Update
I went back to Target a few days ago and fixed the problem.  You should get a cart outside of the store and if it works on the way there you are in the clear.  Also, never put any of your own valuables in the cart because may "accidentally" take yours.
I almost borrowed a Muslim woman's cart thinking it was mind.



Issue Three: Where the hell is it? 
Some stores never seem to have anyone around to help you, while others like Target seem like they want to help, but like  when you travel in another country the locals smile, point,  and then give you the wrong information.  This happened the other day.  I spoke with three different employees at Target in my search for an organic cleaning product.  All of them told me different aisles.  Finally, someone had the compassion and good customer service to walk me to where it was.  He probably needed to use the nearby bathroom. I just wish it hadn't taken so many tries to find it. Finding organic product seemed harder than Susan Lucci winning an award for acting on a daytime soap opera.


Issue Four: Self Checkout
You know that feeling when you are at the airport, and they tell you at security there is another scanner a few feet away with no line, and you switch lines and it's worse. Well, self checkout unlike at Home Depot or other stores is worse.  Why? because no matter what I do it never works out, and I start feeling stressed.  Isn't self checkout supposed to be quicker and easier?  Either the scanner doesn't work, or that annoying computer voice says, "put your item in the bag." even though I did put it in the bag.  Finally a worker comes over and assists me.  Doesn't that defeat the purpose of self checkout.  It's like the HOV lane with exceptions.  Why not just hire another checkout person?  wouldn't that make life easier for everyone?

By the way.   Both Home Depot and Walmart seem to do this better than target.  But if you ever bring your own bag to lessen your environmental footprint, people in Walmart may treat you like a criminal.  "Is everything in that bag from this store?" I was asked. 

Issue Five:  We know who you are.
I heard about the amount of information companies have about you and how they can sometimes generate a flyer to target you.  Someone told me that target used to do this all the time.  It's time to tell companies that we don't want to be profiled. Unless you're sending me a good coupon.

Life Lesson 127:  I'm not saying don't shop at target, because they have some good bargains.  All I'm saying is Target should be more compassionate to it's customers, and that when you do shop there,  go there with the right attitude preferably early in the morning and not on the weekend, because you probably will have to wait, will deal with crowds and the occasional headache.  Keep in mind too that when else fails  there's always Target.com.  And Target people if you're secretly watching me on my web cam, I'm probably wearing some of your clothes so I don't need a flyer.

Post 126 The virtual thank you

Why do some people always want to correct our behavior? or does it just feel that way.  The other day I went into Starbucks and ordered a drink.  I'm pretty sure I said "Thank  you." but the barista said "Thank you." to me.   I got annoyed and wondered is he prompting me to say thank you to him?  Is he trying to correct my behavior?  or am I just being paranoid.

As a teacher so often it seems that half of what I do is correcting student behavior.   I frequently tell them to put down a phone, or wake up, or be more kind/respectful to others.  Some students get it, while others just keep repeating their behavior again and again. It's very frustrating.  It's like the quote, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again in the same way and expecting different results."  or as I like to say "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." I think that applies to the kids, how I respond to them, and probably life in general.

How often do we go out of way to be courteous to others, and we hope they reciprocate, or at least acknowledge our efforts. Like when we hold a door for someone, or as Jerry Seinfeld talks about "Getting a thank you wave from another driver after letting them into our lane."

Things aren't always quid pro quo or even just fair and equitable.  It would be nice though if they were.  The problem is that unfortunately people may not have been raised to be respectful to others.  Sometimes behavior is just cultural.  Like tipping.  In India I have heard people frequently don't tip their waiters.  So, when some people from that country come to America they may not realize tipping is expected.

I like the book Waiter Rant  where the author talks about someone who is a "verbal tipper." My mother does this sometimes.  She will sing the praises of the waiter, and then want to give them a 10% tip.  I have to tell her how actions speak louder than words, and that restaurants especially the ones we frequent often, we need to tell the waiter how much we appreciate them in more than just words.

I don't know if people can change or not. Really the onus is on them.  It's hard enough to change ourselves let alone someone else.

I probably should be more like Albert Ellis, the famous psychologist who wrote about USA and UAO.  Basically,  unconditional self acceptance and unconditional acceptance of others.  Those are lofty goals, but worthwhile. If we can learn to accept ourselves and others even with our/their faults we could become less anxious/upset in general.  Instead of being perfectionistic, we could strive to become less disturbable in general.  

Life Lesson 126: Until that time we should keep our eyes and ears open to showing our appreciation to others, and in case I forgot anyone including that barista in Little Neck, New York, here is my best version of thank you to the world.

Thank you very much-English
Todah-Hebrew
Shukran-Arabic
Gracias-Spanish
Grace-Italian
Danke-German
Merci-French/Afghani
Tashakor-Afghani
Salamapo-Tagalog
Asante-Swahili
Domo Arigato-Japanese
Kamsahanidah-Korean
Sheshe-Chinese
Umgoy-Chinese
Gedant-Dutch
Chique-Polish
Rachmat-Uzbkek (thank you from my heart)
Spasibah-Russian
Tashakeleh-Turkish

And thank you all for listening

Story 125: Don't believe the hype or accept the hypocrisy

I don't know about you, but I hate hypocrisy. When did it become normal to say one thing and do something else?

For example:  Vegetarians who are also drug abusers.  River Phoenix was a great actor, but despite his healthy lifestyle drugs did him in.  

Once again the halo effect rears it's head.  OJ Simpson can't be a killer, because he's OJ, or Bill Cosby can't be drugging women because he's the king of comedy and formerly "America's dad." The truth is that everyone has secrets, and unfortunately some are worse than others.  It can't just be that we are flawed humans.  There is someone more going on.

Donald Trump is supposedly a man of integrity, but he also won't release his taxes.  So how do we really know he's not on the take?  He says he respects women, but also talks about grabbing their genitals.  What about his conflicts of interest? and why is that he talked about getting America working again, but he keeps heading to play golf when he is under stress when he really should be in the White House really doing work.

"Drain the swamp!" How? How? By putting more millionaires in your cabinet? Don't you really mean drain the swamps around Mar a Lago? How about some transparency regarding visitors to the White House?


How about police who drive through red lights even if there isn't a criminal to pursue?  Or very religious people who do morally wrong things.  Priests who abuse children.  Religious people who cheat on their spouses but rationalize their behavior by saying they are aren't cheating because the women they are with is of a different religion.

Fat doctors that smoke. Military intelligence.  Low fat snacks that are full of sugar.  People who suggest guns don't kill, but people do.  Until your gun misfires (Remington?) and hurts you, or a toddler picks up a weapon.

How about people who are so pro-life they will kill doctors who perform abortions, or blow up medical clinics?

Life Lesson 125: I guess what it comes down to is the old adage "If you're going to talk the talk, you should walk the walk," or the Latin version "Acta non verba." Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes the best thing to do is if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.  

Story 124: No respect: Now I know how Rodney Dangerfield felt

I don't know if  you ever felt disrespected, but for some reason it seems to happening to me a lot lately.  Sometimes I feel like Rodney Dangerfield the patron saint of "No respect." and other times like "Mr Cellophane" from the musical Chicago, because people seem less inclined to notice me or appreciate my input.  It's like that old joke:

A man goes to a psychiatrist and complains "People don't listen to me doctor, they always seem to be doing other things, and when I try to speak up it's like I was never there…"

"Next patient." The psychiatrist replies.

To illustrate my point here's what happened recently.  I was with my mother who is a senior citizen, and we drove over to CVS pharmacy to get her a toothbrush.  My mother is handicapped and walks very slowly.

To accommodate her needs we parked in a handicapped space, and I got out of the car to help her walk.  Now we weren't able to park right next to the pharmacy because another car (not handicapped) was parked perpendicular to where we were and was effectively blocking two spaces.

As I got out of the car I noticed another woman walking over to the offending car who starts screaming at them.

"You should be ashamed of yourself! don't you know that there are two senior citizens who can't get into the store because of you."

"One," I yelled. "One senior."

The woman apparently didn't hear me or chose not to, but the illegally parked car did do the right thing and drove away, and when the woman who assisted us came by I gave her my thanks, but inside I was thinking "Fuck you. I just turned 50.  I may qualify for AARP but I'm no senior citizen yet."

My mother wasn't even able to get a toothbrush because they didn't have the one she liked.  All that trouble and no toothbrush, and even less respect.

Another time I went to DSW shoes on Long Island, but whenever I go there even if I have a big gift card it's rare that I can find shoes that appeal to me.  I usually just go the my default favorite brand Rockport which have the reputation for being comfortable, but not very stylish.

To celebrate my recent birthday I received some gift cards, and went over to DSW with high expectations, but after close to an hour of shopping all I could find were three different pairs of Rockports.  

I walked over to the cashier with my shoes hoping to have a quick sale when the woman looks over my purchases and replied, 

"Rockports.  My grandfather really likes them."

I looked up at her annoyed, but all I could mumble was, "Yes, very comfortable." Inside I was wondering "How comfortable would she would feel with my foot up her ass?"

The last story happened when I was taking an aerobics class at a local community college.  While I wanted to get in shape, the real reason I was taking the class was to meet women.  As it turned out I was the only guy in the class, but it's difficult to try to talk to someone when they are huffing and puffing away.

One day, during the middle class the instructor yells out vigorously, "Come on  ladies work it."

"What about me?" I answered back.

"Oh, right," she replied, "Eric too."
No respect.

Life Lesson 124: When I talk to my high school students, I often offer quotes like "Respect yourself, protect yourself" or my other favorite, "It's hard to say no when your self-esteem is low."

Story 123: Talk about chutzpah

In my last blog I told you about a Math substitute teacher named Klubman who is very disturbed.  Disturbed on so many levels.  Well, just when you thought it couldn't get worse.  It gets worse.  If you remember he was the guy whose pants broke and we gave him a jump rope to wear to class.  However, he even wore the jump rope in place of a belt the next day as well. Wow.

The assistant principal of math named Susan needed to observe him.  Let's just say "It didn't go well."  She didn't like his teaching. Weirdly however the kids seem to like him.  Probably because he never gives any homework.  Never.  He is also been teaching forty years or so, and  maybe they are just being kind to a senior.

Susan told him that he is very unprofessional and needs to really change.  Klubman was incensed and the next day plotted his revenge.

Assistant principals usually don't teach that many classes, and Susan is no exception.  Last week she was teaching her period two Advanced Placement class when Klubman walked in.  He sat in the back of the class with a notebook and started to write things down.

"Can I help you?" she asked confused.

"No," he replied.  "just keep on teaching while I do your observation."

Susan was flustered but didn't know what to say.   At the end of the period he went up to her and started to roll off what she was doing wrong.  

"You, didn't do any student-centered work, and you neglected to walk around the classroom to see if everyone was on task."  Klubman stated emphatically.

Susan didn't know what to say, and simply stared aghast.

"I'll see you next month for your next review.  You had better improve or else we'll be finding a new AP." He stated and then turned around and left the classroom triumphantly.

Life Lesson 123: Never argue with a fool.  Others may not know the difference.   Or in this case be careful with crazy people, because forget about losing your patience you might just lose your mind, and maybe even your pants.

Story 122 Keep your pants on!

This goes down in the category of  you can't make this shit up.  A few days ago I was teaching in my classroom on the first floor of our building trying to inspire the youth of tomorrow, completely unaware of the meshugas taking place in the basement.

According to my colleague, a skinny substitute teacher, also called an ATR (automatic temporary replacement) had burst into our PE office and yelled out, "Help! I need a rope."  

He said this while desperately holding up his pants and underwear which were rapidly falling off his body, and potentially giving my colleagues the full monty.  Now my fellow Phys. Ed. teachers sometimes change in our office, but full frontal nudity is a rarity.

One of the teachers big Jay yelled at the ATR, "Don't kill yourself this job isn't worth dying over."

Apparently all my friends were laughing hysterically at the situation, but the ATR named Klubman only replied, "This isn't funny. I need a belt!"

He really came to wrong office for help.  ATR's have a bad reputation.  Even though sometimes it's not their fault they are in their current position.  Many of them have lost their jobs due to excesses in their former schools. However, some of them have lost them due to incompetence, or the principal just doesn't like them for some reason.  In this case the reason was obvious he was someone who was just plain bizarre.

On some level I could relate to Klubman's problem, because one time I substitute taught  for a week in Brooklyn at an elite prep school called Brooklyn Friend's Academy. Each day I would wear a sports coat, tie, and gray or tan slacks.  On one of days I taught I sat down abruptly, and my pants split in the back.  Fortunately, I didn't panic, and soon after the period was over I went to a tailor on court street who sewed up my pants while I waited in a closet for him to finish.  If the ATR was cool about it, and preferably made a joke, we probably would have been more supportive.  No pun intended.

Instead, some of the teachers went into the bathroom laughing or simply laughed right at Klubman who was getting more and more upset, and kept repeating, "This isn't funny. Stop laughing at me!"

Another one of my colleagues named Francis tried to be more supportive. He suggested that Klubman use pre-wrap (similar to an ace bandage) to hold up his pants.

Klubman mindlessly tried wrapping the bandage around his waist, but to no avail.

"It's not working! Does anyone have any rope?"

Then, a new teacher named Mark offered,"I have a jump rope."

Klubman grabbed the jump rope like a drowning man grasping a life preserver, and began wrapping it around his waist.

"No," another Phys. Ed. teacher yelled out helpfully. "put it through the loop of your pants."

And that's what Klubman did. He tied it in front, and it worked for the most part.

"I can't believe I'm using a jump rope as a belt." he said repeatedly as he left to go up the gym.  My colleagues just shook their heads in disbelief.

I thought the matter was over, but the next day a teacher in another department named Mark told my friend Kurt that "A man came into the school with a jump rope tied around his waist." We knew all about it.

Klubman was back.  Why didn't he just wear another pair of pants, or get another belt I will never know.  I just know it was a story we will never forget.

Life Lesson 122: Keep your head up even when your pants are falling down.