Story 101 Everyday oxymorons

     


      
       There are morons and then there are oxymorons. Sometimes they are related.   I don't know if any of my readers have experienced a few.  ( I rarely hear from you) but it's probably  an everyday occurrence. Here are a few examples.

      People who play tennis and then smoke between games (One of my friends does this), or doctors who are very fat that smoke too. I've also witnessed a car for the Environmental Protection Agency idling.  Vegetarian actors like River Phoenix who overdosed on drugs.   Teachers who hate kids, and priests who abuse them.

      It strikes me as funny when a person reads cookbooks or even eats while using the bathroom.  There is also my friend Brian who would order a salad for it's supposed health benefits, and then douse it with blue cheese dressing. At least the French have a salad at the end of their meals.

      Speaking of the French. I find it amazing that French women are so skinny despite eating high fat meals.   I credit it to the long lunches, cigarettes, and resveratrol in red wine.  I guess wine really does work in moderation.

     Other contradictions.  If an older male dates a young woman he is sometimes considered a "pedophile," but if a young boy dates a cougar he is "The Man." If a woman sleeps with a lot of guys she is considered "a slut" while if a guy does it he is "a stud"  there is a definitely a double-standard in America when it comes to gender.  

     
 
     
     Some people also claim that "Guns don't kill, people do."  but what about when children find unlocked guns in a home.  In that case, the guns really do kill.  What's wrong with universal standards for gun safety? We have national laws/standards for DWI, but we really should worry also about DBG (Death By Gun.) Let's do more to save lives.   I think having a gun can be something that can be used responsibly, we just should not be afraid of a few regulations.  You wouldn't want to live someplace where there were no laws for driving would you? 

     America is a country that was founded on the principles of freedom.  Some Americans fled England to start a better life and even more have sought a better life from around the world. We should learn lessons from history how FDR and the world didn't let Jews into their countries during War II due to anti-Semitism, which ultimately if they acted differently could have saved many lives.

     

Life Lesson 101: Shakespeare once stated "To be or not to be that is the question."  I agree with this line, but we should update that quote to say, "To be a light among the nations, or to close our eyes and live in the dark."  I recommend eyes wide open, and our hearts open too.

Story 99: I'm all bogged down

    

      I've enjoyed exploring many of Long Island's beautiful rivers.  One in particular the Nissequogue, is my favorite. I Iike it because you can tour the river from a small rivulet to a large expanse of water, or depending on the tides do the reverse.

   One summer I canoed the Nissequogue with my friends Michael and David.  We had a great time, but after having lunch at a nearby Island, Michael and I felt the need to use the bathroom, and without thinking about possible consequences got out of the canoe to remedy the situation. Unfortunately for us, we soon discovered that our feet were stuck in unyielding mud.  Mud that was as hard as quicksand. I literally could not get my feet out, and started to panic.

I pulled my right leg with all my strength and ended up breaking one of my sandals in the process, and then got into the canoe with great relief.  Michael was a bit more level headed and untied his sandals. He returned to the boat with both intact.  For several minutes though it was definitely a very “sticky situation.”

Life Lesson 99: Rudyard Kipling once said that if you keep your head while others are losing theirs that you can cope with most problems that are thrown at you.  You may even avoid losing other things like your life, or sometimes something as simple as your shoe.

Story 98: The ultimate gatekeeper

          
     Anyone who has seen the film The Butler or The Help knows that sometimes the people who work for us see us as we truly are (Not just our barbers), and different from the way the world perceives us.

 
     Rabbi E. once told our congregation a story about a doorman at the White house named Bruce.  Bruce worked for five presidents. Every day, his job was simply to open the door of the White House and announce, “Good morning Mr. President.”

 Bruce was once asked “Which of the presidents did you like best?”

Bruce replied,”Eisenhower.”

“Why?” he was asked.

“Because, unlike the other presidents, when I said ‘Good Morning Mr. President’ Eisenhower always replied. ‘Good morning Bruce’ "

Life Lesson 98:  The golden rule is that we should treat all people the way we want to be treated.  This applies whether we are a hard-working doorman, or the leader of the free world. In addition, to always treat people with respect, and not act like we are better than anyone, because underneath our clothes, we are all the same. Human.

Story 97: True sportswomanship

        Rabbi E. told another story about a 2008 girl’s college softball team championship game.   Central Washington University and Western Oregon had competed in a game that was inspiring on many different levels.

Sara T.  A senior at Western Oregon was not the best hitter on her team. However on one inspiring day, she hit a home run, an achievement she had never done before.  

       Unfortunately however as started to run around the bases she twisted her knee and fell.  She was not able to finish the journey around the bases. It was later revealed that she had torn her ACL.  An injury that ultimately finished her softball career for the season. She was in extreme pain, but in order to get the credit for the hit. She had to run around all the bases.  Sara had a true dilemma on her hands. There wasn't the opportunity for a pinch runner, and if any of her teammates or her coach touched her, she would be out.  

In a broad act of kindness Mallory H. and Liz W., players from the opposing team, Central Washington, picked up Sara and carried her around the bases.  The crowd, while small, cheered and cheered for their act of love and kindness.

Life Lesson 97:  Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and that love is not only what we say, but that sometimes love is the things that we do that make a difference for ourselves and others too.

Story 96: Those who can't do……….

       


   We spend a lot of time at our jobs.  In many ways they are like a second family.  In my case more like a dysfunctional second family.   Although, I have to say that when June rolls around, things always seem to get more heated, and we are itching for the year to be over. Sometimes even tempers flare.

      It reminds me of what it might be like to be a fisherman.  Together on the boat for months on end, and then several months apart.  Summer vacation is our equivalent.  The fact that my department, Men's Phys. Ed., are in the same office is probably the reason we bond, but also get on each other's nerves at times.   Fortunately however the women are in a separate room on the other side,  because it keeps us from fighting with them too.  

   I believe anthropologist Helen Fisher got it right when she said, "Men and women fight differently.  Men punch you in the face, women stab you in the back."   because we might be rude to each other, but unlike some of the Phys. Ed. women in the past, we do not run to the principal to complain about colleagues. We usually try to handle things in-house.


   Most recently we also had an incident that was equally serious.  When I went to school two weeks ago, I noticed an ambulance in front of the building.  I found out later that an assistant principal was taken out of the building because of an allergic reaction to either fish or peanut oil and could of died, but fortunately had access to an epi-pen.   What's fucked up about the story is that the police found evidence of oil on her phone, desk, and chair.  
        Someone attempted to hurt her deliberately.   A teacher was suspected of committing the crime due to a bad review, but since no one actually saw her do it,  she is still there, and while under suspicion continues to teach. 

  The reason I bring up these stories is because thus far our department has been UTR (Under the raidar and rarely gets into trouble,  because we are in such close quarters all the time, think seamen on a submarine, and are constantly watching and listening to what everyone is saying/doing.  If you slip up even a tiny bit the people in our office never let you hear the end of it.  How in the world can we be truly controversial?  You say or do something wrong in our office, and within a hour or so a picture illustrating your misstep is on the bathroom door with a funny caption, and there have been too many to count.

   A Few Memorable Moments: 

The shirt: We were recently offered a chance to buy polo shirts with our school's name and logo on it.  I didn't buy one because I have a few already, but Little P. put his name down for an XL.  No one even noticed until it came out, no pun intended, that he ordered a woman's XL.

"P.," we asked with a laugh. "Why did you order a woman's XL?" 

"I like wearing woman's clothing." He stated matter of factly.

"What?" I said.  "You mean like dresses and lingerie?"

"No,"  he said defensively.  "They are just cut better for me." (Little P. is also nicknamed 'Skinny fat boy'  very skinny but has a pot belly.) He has also been mistaken for Justin Timberlake.

  We all laughed at his answer regarding the shirt, and said derisive things about his masculinity.  And of course within minutes department store pictures for lingerie started to go up  on the bathroom door with captions like "Little P.'s holiday shopping guide, etc.…"

    Caribou Queen: Another time P. started to sing a song. He was convinced it was called, "Caribou Queen."  We all said to him.  "No, It's Caribbean Queen." by Billy Ocean.  He looked at us with confusion, but after we all started  singing "Caribou Queen." He laughed and agreed we were right.  

   


Life Lesson 96:   One thing I've learned from teaching or any other job for that matter is that you have to like what you do., or at least like some of the things about your job, and make sure you can laugh a lot.  because remember what Mark Twain once said that one should "Make your vocation a vacation and you will never work a day in your life."