Story 79: Wacky Jacky part1

           I know, I know, I talked about someone named Wacky Wendy, but there is also a Wacky Jacky She is a friend of mine, but you know there are some people who you like in moderation, but you also don't know if you can spend additional time with them because they are human time bombs.

     By time bombs I mean you never know if they are going to say something irritating or offend someone.  That itch you feel that you can't scratch.  Jacky is like that.  Sometimes it's interesting to sit back and watch what happens.  Like that show Wild Kingdom to see if the animals attack or not. I guess that's why some people enjoy watching Donald Trump too to see who he will offend next.

     Jacky has a good heart, but can also be too sensitive to the environment.  She is allergic to dogs and anything that smells. One time we were out on a boat with our friend and skipper Howard.  Originally there were going to be more people but it ended up only Bruce, myself, Jacky and Howard to see the fourth of july fireworks from the water in Suffolk County. The Grucci fireworks were great from our point of view.  However after the fireworks were over Jacky started to complain.

"Howard, what it that smell?" She asked from a reclined position.

"Fireworks," Howard said simply.

"I feel nauseous," Jacky added. "Can you stop the boat from moving?"

  Howard looked around the dark waters surrounding his anchored boat and replied with a laugh, "Sorry, only God can do that." 

  Jacky merely groaned while the rest of us laughed.  After that trip, she was never a guest on the boat again, but I always mentioned her to Howard if we ever needed more ballast, or some on-ship entertainment.

   Jacky is a single  forty-something Jewish woman who only dates Jewish men.  Right now she's been seeing a seventy year old cantor from Long Island.  My friends have joked that he wants her to blow his shofer, but for Jacky that is strictly verboten.  Apparently the cantor's wife confronted Jacky about their relationship, but she pretended she didn't know what the woman was talking about.

   Another time when it was free movie night in town.  My brother Bruce, our friend Luis, and Jacky went to see Hunger Games.     Jacky got into an argument with a pregnant Persian woman.
The woman was talking in farsi and sitting in the middle seat.

   Now the Iranian Jews in our town have a reputation for being many things some good and some bad including: Loud, cheap, extravagant (especially with their parties, homes, and cars), clicky, but also very family oriented, and religious. A strange juxtaposition, and almost stereotypical.  However, to be fair not all of them are like that.  But unfortunately the loud ones tend to outshine the more sedate people.

   Jacky is Iraqi so she is like water and oil when it comes to the Persians.  She doesn't like many of them from the jump.  On the day of the show she got to the movie theater late and right before the film started Jacky said to the pregnant woman tersely,

"Can you move." I need to sit down.

  The woman was about eight months pregnant and replied calmly," I'm pregnant I need a little more room. Why don't you sit over there." She gestured to a seat a little further away.

 "Fucking Iranians," Jacky replied a bit too loud. "these people think that they can do anything."  "Why don't you go back to Iran." she yelled.

  My brother and Luis just cringed.  Jacky went out of the theater to use the bathroom.

"Want to leave?" Bruce asked Luis.  

"With or without Jacky?" Luis asked.

"I don't know." Bruce said unsure.  

   The two of them walked into the lobby and Jacky met them soon enough. 

"Want to go?" Bruce asked Jacky.

"What about the movie?" She replied.

"We could see it in Bayside they have the same deal tonight." Luis answered.

"Great, " Jacky stated.  "No, Persians and they have a Boston Market in the Bay Terrace shopping center."


   The three of them walked out of the theater, and Bruce said to Luis  quietly, "Well, Jacky really knows how to find a good value."

"If only she worked on some of her human values, I think we would all be better off." Luis replied.

  And with that they all got into my brother's Ford Fusion, and drove towards Queens looking for drumsticks, discounts, and no more drama.

Life Lesson 79: It's often been said that "If you lay down with dogs you will get their fleas." but what about the people allergic to dogs?  If we spend time with them do we become allergic to other people too? If only there was a an allergy shot to learn the value of acceptance of others. I think the world would be a better place.  More to come.