Story 79 Wacky Jacky Part2

            
            I have a hard time putting Jacky into words.  You really have to know her to believe all the stories.  I do like her, but sometimes she's in a word, challenging. 

          One time we were coming back to Long Island from a party in NYC. Jacky generously offered to drive Luis and I back home.  My brother Bruce wasn't around because he was working in Key West, Florida at the time.  We were very grateful to get the lift back because in New York City the subway is very irregular on the weekends especially late at night. You could easily wait an hour for a train.  Also, the night of the party was extremely cold and had a horrible biting wind.  Luis and I got into Jacky's car, and the first thing I noticed besides the smell was that it was filled with garbage including: papers from work, banana peels, Boston Market packaging you name it.

      I said to Luis, " Look around you may find Jimmy Hoffa buried there somewhere."   Luis just laughed and did his best to sit on the garbage.  Fortunately for us the heater was working well.

      Jacky started the car and I heard the distinctive howl of a worn belt.  

      "I really have to service this car." She stated matter of factly.

        "When was the last time you brought it in?" I asked.

        "About 10,000 miles ago," she answered. "But I don't have the money right now to fix it."

         "It's time. " I said.  Jacky however just shook her head and drove into traffic without any hesitation her car complaining the whole time.  She weaved back and forth between cars like she was playing Grand Theft Auto.  I felt like I was in an airplane with bad turbulence

          I whispered to Luis, "I Just hope we make it home."

          He looked spooked and agreed.  Fortunately we did make it home, and after Jacky waved good bye, I  remarked to Luis,

           "Never again."

           He agreed and then said, "You know she's coming to my party next week."

          "I'll take my own car," I answered.  "At least you have a short commute."

          "Either way she'll probably drive us crazy." He replied with a wink.  I didn't realize how true that would be until the next week's party.

Life Lesson: Avoid complainers and drainers.


           

Story 79: Wacky Jacky part1

           I know, I know, I talked about someone named Wacky Wendy, but there is also a Wacky Jacky She is a friend of mine, but you know there are some people who you like in moderation, but you also don't know if you can spend additional time with them because they are human time bombs.

     By time bombs I mean you never know if they are going to say something irritating or offend someone.  That itch you feel that you can't scratch.  Jacky is like that.  Sometimes it's interesting to sit back and watch what happens.  Like that show Wild Kingdom to see if the animals attack or not. I guess that's why some people enjoy watching Donald Trump too to see who he will offend next.

     Jacky has a good heart, but can also be too sensitive to the environment.  She is allergic to dogs and anything that smells. One time we were out on a boat with our friend and skipper Howard.  Originally there were going to be more people but it ended up only Bruce, myself, Jacky and Howard to see the fourth of july fireworks from the water in Suffolk County. The Grucci fireworks were great from our point of view.  However after the fireworks were over Jacky started to complain.

"Howard, what it that smell?" She asked from a reclined position.

"Fireworks," Howard said simply.

"I feel nauseous," Jacky added. "Can you stop the boat from moving?"

  Howard looked around the dark waters surrounding his anchored boat and replied with a laugh, "Sorry, only God can do that." 

  Jacky merely groaned while the rest of us laughed.  After that trip, she was never a guest on the boat again, but I always mentioned her to Howard if we ever needed more ballast, or some on-ship entertainment.

   Jacky is a single  forty-something Jewish woman who only dates Jewish men.  Right now she's been seeing a seventy year old cantor from Long Island.  My friends have joked that he wants her to blow his shofer, but for Jacky that is strictly verboten.  Apparently the cantor's wife confronted Jacky about their relationship, but she pretended she didn't know what the woman was talking about.

   Another time when it was free movie night in town.  My brother Bruce, our friend Luis, and Jacky went to see Hunger Games.     Jacky got into an argument with a pregnant Persian woman.
The woman was talking in farsi and sitting in the middle seat.

   Now the Iranian Jews in our town have a reputation for being many things some good and some bad including: Loud, cheap, extravagant (especially with their parties, homes, and cars), clicky, but also very family oriented, and religious. A strange juxtaposition, and almost stereotypical.  However, to be fair not all of them are like that.  But unfortunately the loud ones tend to outshine the more sedate people.

   Jacky is Iraqi so she is like water and oil when it comes to the Persians.  She doesn't like many of them from the jump.  On the day of the show she got to the movie theater late and right before the film started Jacky said to the pregnant woman tersely,

"Can you move." I need to sit down.

  The woman was about eight months pregnant and replied calmly," I'm pregnant I need a little more room. Why don't you sit over there." She gestured to a seat a little further away.

 "Fucking Iranians," Jacky replied a bit too loud. "these people think that they can do anything."  "Why don't you go back to Iran." she yelled.

  My brother and Luis just cringed.  Jacky went out of the theater to use the bathroom.

"Want to leave?" Bruce asked Luis.  

"With or without Jacky?" Luis asked.

"I don't know." Bruce said unsure.  

   The two of them walked into the lobby and Jacky met them soon enough. 

"Want to go?" Bruce asked Jacky.

"What about the movie?" She replied.

"We could see it in Bayside they have the same deal tonight." Luis answered.

"Great, " Jacky stated.  "No, Persians and they have a Boston Market in the Bay Terrace shopping center."


   The three of them walked out of the theater, and Bruce said to Luis  quietly, "Well, Jacky really knows how to find a good value."

"If only she worked on some of her human values, I think we would all be better off." Luis replied.

  And with that they all got into my brother's Ford Fusion, and drove towards Queens looking for drumsticks, discounts, and no more drama.

Life Lesson 79: It's often been said that "If you lay down with dogs you will get their fleas." but what about the people allergic to dogs?  If we spend time with them do we become allergic to other people too? If only there was a an allergy shot to learn the value of acceptance of others. I think the world would be a better place.  More to come.




   

      

    

Story 78: A cautionary Cuban tale

      When my brother Bruce and I went to Cuba in early 2000, we traveled extensively around the country, but nothing was as magical as walking in the city of Havana. Cars from the 1940’s and 1950’s zipped around town, and murals of Che Guevara and Fidel were everywhere.  That and a good share of anti-American rhetoric.  It felt like I was in a time warp.  In a country where there were only three channels  on TV just like in the 1950’s, but the only thing on was usually Fidel’s latest speech.

The bars however were great. The  mojito’s at La Bodeguito de Medio were awesome despite the argument I had with a bartender after I neglected to give a tip. It did not spoil the moment however. I also remember fondly having an outstanding daiquiri at a bar that was “La cuna del daiquiri” supposedly the location where Hemingway invented it.

I was enjoying my daiquiri with my backpack across my back, when a beautiful young traveler came into the bar.  Our eyes met, she smiled warmly, and she came over to talk.  Things were going great until I reached into my backpack to get something to write with, and a roll of toilet paper spilled out.  
     I watched in horror as it rolled the entire length of the bar.  Every patron seemed transfixed as it continued it’s long slow journey. Time really did seem to stand still.  Like a boy scout, I was always prepared. I brought toilet paper whenever I traveled because you never knew what bathroom would be out of it.  In Cuba you were lucky if you got a toilet seat. I just wish I had stored the paper in a ziploc.

The woman smiled nonplussed and asked,  “Does this happen to  you often?”

“Sometimes,” I answered with a laugh.  “But it’s ok that’s how I roll.”  and then ordered us a few more daiquiris, in my mind thinking even Hemingway would have been pleased.

Life Lesson 78:  When life gives you lemons make lemonade, and when things don’t go your way, live like the Cubanos and simply roll with it. 

Story 77: LIRR Suburban Legends

The subway is not the only form of transportation with stories.  I’ve heard of people having sex on the LIRR (Long Island Rail Road) in the bathroom, and even right in front of other commuters.

One time I heard a conductor say over the intercom, “Hey Joe are you in the back?”

“Yes,” the other conductor replied.

“Well, give me one in the rear.” He answered indicating a signal of some sort.

The people on our car just looked around and laughed. I said, “Maybe, they should wait till their shift is over.” and we all laughed again.

  Another time I was on the train, and the conductor was coming around to collect tickets. He said to an Iranian woman, "That will be seven dollars."

  She replied as if she might be in the souk, "How about I give you five?"

  He answered, "Lady, this is the LIRR the prices only go up, they never come down." And anyone who has been on the Long Island Rail Road could only agree.

Another time my high school friend Dan told me a truly remarkable story. Apparently, Dan was on his way home from work in the city back to Long Island.  As soon as the train was about to pull out a disheveled caucasian man boarded the train with an Asian baby.  The man was sweating profusely and standing in the rear of the car.

Dan sized him up and was immediately suspicious.

The train started to move and got halfway to the first stop, Woodside, when it abruptly stopped.  The train was delayed for several minutes when  suddenly several police officers boarded the train.  The officers spotted the man and began to approach him from all directions.

“Sir, we’re going to need you to put down the child.” A large officer stated to the man.

The man responded with a high pitch voice, “It’s my baby, my baby.” and held the baby tight.

“Sir, please cooperate. You don’t want to hurt the baby.”  He indicated as the other officers creeped closer.  The rest of the car was completely silent.

“No, It’s my baby, mine.” He answered sharply and clutched the child.

Things looked very grim, but in a split second the officer behind him put his knee into the back of the homeless man, and the baby went flying like a fumbled football, but was fortunately caught by the other officer.

“You can’t take away my baby.” He ranted as he was handcuffed and taken away.  Apparently an Asian woman had left a carriage unattended for a second in Penn Station, and the homeless man had grabbed the baby and ran off with it and hopped onto the train.

When the officers carried the baby away everyone on the train clapped. Except for one Wall Street type man who exclaimed, “Lets go already.”

My friend Dan shook just his head and looked at the man in disbelief.

Life Lesson 77 : Miracles happen every day if you look close enough even on the LIRR. A lot can happen in five minutes, or even five seconds,  and remember that's what life is.  A lot of precious moments. Keep in mind too the idea that “He who hesitates is lost, but those who experience and participate are often found.  Just remember to always be patient.”

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