Story 72: Toxic Tom

Tom is our school’s basketball coach who smells so bad that he is often called toxic. That and “shot” because he’s so burnt out.  I’m not sure if he’s a good coach or not, but his teams consistently go to the playoffs, and sometimes make it to the city championship.  Whether he’s a good coach or not is unclear, what isn’t debatable is that he really knows talent. 

    Tom knows who the best high school/junior high players are in the nation, and many coaches college and pro respect his suggestions.  He has even had some of his former players reach the NBA.   But because he is so volatile, think Bobby Knight with b.o., that college teams have shunned his advancement to the next level.

One time Kentucky’s coach Rick Pitino was talking to a colleague, and asked him where he was getting his new recruits.  The coach mentioned Tom.  Pitino supposedly said, “Tom’s still there.”

“Even Pitino dissing me.” Tom complained.

Tom also calls everyone “baggin”. One of his player from the south called someone “big one” and it came out “baggin” so like Bilbo from Lord of the Rings, Tom always calls everyone “baggin.”  One time Tom was even taking a CPR class, and as he was hitting the baby dummy on the back stated, “Come on baggin, come on baggin.”  Everyone in class stopped to laugh.   Tom has also coined the term “scrubstitute” to refer to a player on the bench who isn’t up to par.

Several years ago he taught Middle School social studies in Brooklyn, New York.  His students however were not the sharpest knives in the drawer.

Tom asked them several questions about geography but was getting nowhere, and wanted to hear some correct answers. Finally, exasperated, he asked, “Name a state in the south that begins with an “F”.

A student raised his hand quickly and proudly stated, “Coach, that’s easy everyone knows It’s Filadelphia.”  

Tom stared in disbelief and thought to himself, “Now I know why I stick to coaching.”

Coaching however is not always what it was cracked up to be, because he told a student during basketball practice to go to the end of the line, the student replied, “Coach, there’s already somebody there.”

“I hope they follow directions better during a game.” he muttered to himself.

Another time during the pre-season medicals another player said excitedly “Coach, the doctor said I have great blood.”

“What do you mean?” Tom asked confused.

“The doctor said my blood is A plus.”

Tom shook his in frustration, and blew his whistle.  “No more practice today. We have to work on our mental game.”

Life Lesson 72: Tom really is a great example of what can be achieved if you put all your eggs in one basket. Unfortunately it just so happens to be that a lot of his eggs are a bit cracked.