Story 49: Wacky Wendy

        

    I had a former girfriend named Wendy, (no relation to anyone in the UK.)While sometimes critical of some of the things I did, she had an unconditional love for her rescue dog Ruby.  It’s been over ten years, but I fondly remember her affection for her pet.  She would frequently take Ruby to the Upper West side dog run for some exercise.  One time, while they were meeting other dogs, a small dog peed on Wendy’s leg.  I told her if bird poop is considered good luck, why not other things as well. She however did not agree.

Wendy also has a mild case of OCD.  She would frequently turn a light off and on, or would check her door lock multiple times before we could leave her apartment.  

     One time we also went to Assateague Island in Maryland to camp out with the wild horses.  In the middle of the night, there was a huge rain storm, and during that time Wendy had to leave the tent to check the car multiple times to make sure it was locked before we could go to sleep. Why anyone would try to get into her car in the middle of a rain storm remains a mystery. Nevertheless we had a great time despite her anxieties.

          I enjoyed camping on the beach with her, although I won’t miss the biting flies that preyed on us in the morning. I enjoyed seeing dolphins swimming in the water, and horses in the wild. It reminded me in a small way the rustic nature of how our country used to be, and maybe it could still be.  

Life Lesson 49:  When dating people remember that usually they don’t change too much so either accept them for who they are, or move on.

Story 48: Mistakes at Macy's

      Years ago, my girlfriend aka Wacky Wendy was shopping at Macy’s.  She was walking around and wanted to know where the restroom was.  Wendy went up to the side of a woman and said:

“Excuse me,” but the woman said nothing.

Wendy said “Excuse me.” once again more forcefully, but again the woman did not reply.

“Excuse me.” Wendy said again with even more emphasis, but once again there was silence.  Frustrated, Wendy went to face the woman to have a eye-to-eye with her, and then she became very surprised. The woman that made her so upset was in fact only a mannequin. 

   Another time, she was in The GAP. Wendy decided to try on a few pairs of pants and she had brought her dog along with her. While she was in the changing room she heard a woman yell, 

“Whose dog is this?”

Apparently the dog had gotten under the door of the fitting room, and decided to have a look around. Wendy never brought the dog shopping again.

    Life Lesson 48:  As the author Steven Covey says frequently, "First seek to understand and then seek to be understood." or in this  case make sure before you get angry that the person can speak at all.

Story 47: The dog days of high school

      

  I grew up on Long Island, and one of my best friends I met when I was in ninth grade named Dan.  Dan and his sister Stephanie had a little black Scottie named Muffin.  Muffin was a very cute dog, but always seemed to have a knack for getting in trouble. Stephanie even more so.

     One time Stephanie took a magazine subscription card and filled it out in Muffin's name.  I think it was for Dog Fancy or Better Homes and Gardens, but I really don't remember which one. Every month the magazine would be delivered to "Muffin."
    

      When the subscription was over Muffin would get letters saying to the effect, "Dear Muffin have you considered renewing?" or "We miss you Muffin."  Eventually Muffin got on other mailing lists, and got offers to reduce her debt, obtain new credit cards, and timeshares in Florida.  Every time she got a new letter we had a big laugh.  Muffin was famous we said.  Little did we know how true that would be.

       A well known dog photographer, not William Wegman, loved to photograph Scotties.  When he saw Muffin he fell in love with her. He actually sent a limousine to pick her up, and she appeared in a book about Scotties.

       Speaking of books. While Muffin liked being in the book she had a propensity for eating them too. I remember one time when we were in high school Dan and I were sitting on the floor in his room, and he had inadvertently left a few textbooks on the ground.  Muffin always liked to play tug of war, and Dan looked up with concern to find her with a copy of his English book A Town Like Alice in her mouth.  Now Dan and I positively hated the book, but neither of us wanted to pay for a new one.

       "Muffin, no." Dan tried calmly. "Give me the book."

         Muffin looked at Dan with her small black eyes and shook her head slowly back and forth like someone saying no.

         "Muffin." Dan tried again.

          Muffin was not going to let go of the book without a fight, and then just when he thought he got her she darted into the other room and hid under the bed.  Dan looked underneath and Muffin had  the book firmly in her mouth.  Dan finally got the book back but the cover was ripped off.

       "What am I going to tell Mr. Mack?" he asked me.

       "It's a dog-eat dog-world?" I said tentatively.

        "More like dog eat book world." he replied.

         "Well, she certainly has a 'taste' for bad literature." I said with a laugh.

and with that we went back to playing Intelivision football not worrying about homework or school. Muffin watched the screen and probably dreamed of becoming a cover star.

Life Lesson 47: Every dog has it's day, but in Muffin's future eyes that day was every day.


        

       

      

Story 46: A very unhappy new year

   

   When I was in high school, we did dumb things as other young people have done as well I’m sure.  Back then, it wasn’t a slow working mind, but rather too quick decision making, impulse control issues, etc.   When I was in school, we didn’t heed any warnings, we just lived.

      For example, one new year’s eve in the 1984 we went to see the ball drop in Time Square, but until that fateful night I had only watched the ball drop on television.

My friends Keith, Jordan, and I wanted to get as close as possible to 42nd street and the dropping of the ball.  Police barricades however impeded our progress. Along the way Keith and Jordan were drinking peach schnapps, which fortunately for me  I had no taste for. Someone had to keep a level head.

When the clock struck twelve, people starting rushing to see the ball, or to get away.  Which one I was never sure.  All I do know is that people started running fast.

“Quick, get behind the barricade.” I yelled.

Keith listened to me, but Jordan, got swept away with the crowd arms flailing like a person caught up in a tsunami or beach surf. A few minutes later we found Jordan, out of breath, but generally okay.

“Lets head back to Penn Station.” I stated.

“We should walk.” Said Keith.  “It's only eight blocks, and it should be more interesting, and we'll never get a cab”

We all agreed with him, but we wouldn’t know how “interesting” until later. After a few blocks I started to talk to Keith when I noticed Keith wasn’t next to us.

“Oh shit, where’s Keith?” I exclaimed.

Jordan and I started running back north to Times Square to see if we could find our friend, and find him we did.  Keith was sprawled on his back, arms stretched out like Jesus on the cross.  His glasses were no where to be found.  A patch of loose skin hang from his chin, and his eyes were glazed over.  A small crowd had begun to form around him.

Jordan and I crouched lower, the crowd still with us.  I managed to find Keith’s glasses and lens in a nearby puddle.

A man kept saying,  “Is he dusted? He looks dusted.” 

(Meaning: Is Keith on angel dust? No, just peach schnapps I thought, and that certainly couldn’t do that)

“Some guy is punching random white dudes, and his ring is cutting them up.” stated another witness.  I never found out the truth.

While Keith was laying there, a man tried to put his hand in Keith’s pockets. I think to steal his wallet.

“That's my friend. Get off!” I yelled as I punched his hand.

“You know him?” The man responded.

“Lets get him up.” I intoned.

And with that Jordan, Keith, and I shuffled towards Penn Station.  Trying to put the memory behind us.

When we arrived at Penn, an acquaintance of ours named David asked,

“Keith, what happened to you?”

“I honestly don’t know.”  He replied haltingly.

“What happened?” He asked us later.

We explained how we helped him, and how he probably got punched.  After that incident,  some of the allure of New Year’s Eve was diminished, and I never went back.

Life Lesson 46: They say that all that glitters isn't gold, because sometimes things are not as perfect as they seem at first glance, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying to experience all that life has to offer.  Just treat life like trying peach schnapps, experience it if you like, but do so in moderation. Or in my case not at all, because often life is better when we view it with a clear head, and a chin that has all it’s skin.

Story 45: Holy Hangover

My friend Ira got married a few years ago.  His wife implored us before his bachelor party, “Just don’t let anything bad happen to him.”  It’s almost a self-fulfilling prophecy that if someone says that, you know, something like the film Hangover is bound to happen. As a matter of fact, it did.

Things started out okay, We had dinner at an awesome restaurant called Sammy’s Romanian.  A place located on the Lower East Side that had been around for more than fifty years. They are known for a singing waiter,  huge platters of meat, chicken fat instead of butter, vodka in blocks of ice, and home made ruggalach. My kind of place.

As it turned out, our bachelor party was well situated because there was a bachelorette party at the next table.  We got along swimmingly. As the night went on Ira got more and more intoxicated, but we decided to push on to our next step the proverbial strip club. We actually didn’t stay there that long, because after an hour, I looked for Ira and apparently he had disappeared. One of our friends told us that he had gone outside for some air, but when  we looked Ira wasn’t there either.

“Where could he be?” I asked.

“He probably just went home.” My friend Dave replied.

“Without telling anyone?” I answered in building anxiety.

No one knew what to do, so we just headed back to our respective homes. This was before people had cell phones. The next morning started off terribly however because I went into the kitchen and saw five flashing messages.  The night before there weren’t any messages.

“Oh no.” I said quietly.

I started to play back the messages, “Eric this is Dave have you seen Ira?”  I listened to all the messages. They were all similar.  Messages from Dave or Ira’s fiancee. After listening to more and more frantic messages, I picked up the phone and immediately dialed my friend Dave.

“What happened?” I asked my friend.

“He’s okay,” Dave replied sleepily. “Do you want to hear the whole story?”

“Of course.” I said.

“Apparently Ira left the bar by himself and started walking back to his apartment. However, instead of walking uptown, he started walking downtown in his drunken state.”

“Oh no.” I said.

“Wait,” My friend said. “It gets worse.”

“Ira was smart enough to figure out that he wasn’t getting anywhere so he hailed a cab and correctly gave the cabbie the right address on the Upper East Side, but when the car pulled up at the apartment, Ira threw up all over the back of the cab.”

“Who’s going to clean this up?” yelled the Sikh taxi driver.

“Sorry dude, not me, I’m too messed up.” Ira replied, and with that he gave the cabbie the fare and tip and stumbled out.

“Wow.” I laughed.

“Then,” My friend continued,  “He went to the front of the building and sat down in front of it like a guy from the bowery. The doorman named Sly  came over and started talking to him.”

“Hey Ira, you need help getting up to your apartment?”

“I’m alright.” Ira replied.

And with that Ira wobbled over to the elevator and pressed the floor to his apartment.

“But,” My friend continued, “When Ira got to his door, he tried to his open the lock but the lock wouldn’t open, so he closed his eyes to rest for a moment. The next day a jogger got up early for some exercise and sees a very well dressed man lying on his back like a cockroach in front of apartment 21K. The problem was that Ira lived in 22K. He got close, but didn’t make it to right floor.  His wife had called everyone frantically looking for him. from 1 to 6 am.  No one knew where he was.  Finally another doorman came up and got Ira to the right apartment. His wife was so relieved that he was okay, that she didn’t scream at him, at least not right away.” 

     Dave hung up the phone indicating that it had been a long night. I stared at the phone for a few moments, and blew a sigh of relief.  Later I called my friend to see how he was doing, and he indicated that beside a hangover he was fine. I agreed, and  fortunately, as Shakespeare said, “All's well that ends well.”

Life Lesson 45:  Tsun Tzu once wrote in his famous tome, The Art of War, “To keep  your friends close, but your enemies closer.”, but when it comes to sharing alcohol, friends and family should be kept even closer, because you always want to end up on top of things, not on your back and one floor short.

Story 44: The original G

    

      The stories and lessons we learn from parents and grandparents can often be precious.  As mentioned before, we can also learn a lot from children because their view of the world is very objective and honest.

     My Grandma Rachel was a very wise woman.  Although she was not college educated, she read a great deal, loved songs, jokes, and was actively involved in the community and fraternal organizations like the Odd Fellows. All of these things are good for the brain. She had a breadth of knowledge about many topics. 

      One time when asked  if size of the person matters for a good relationship, she reportedly said, “That all people are the same size lying down.” I guess this would give someone a good perspective.

     My paternal grandfather Ira, a former house painter, was quite bright too. He was a skillful painter of still life’s and sculpted as well. In addition, he loved to read, and always did the New York Times crossword puzzle. He was tall and lanky, and when he was younger played on a Catholic basketball team called Most Sacred Blood.  His nickname was Ira “Stretch” Levine, given to the fact that at 6 foot he was quite tall for the time.

Ira’s father, William had stories too. One of which was the time he bought socks from a push cart vendor. Allegedly William went home to show his wife the great deal he had gotten, 10 pairs of socks for 1 dollar, but when he examined them more closely he realized to his disappointment that they were all singles, and none of the socks matched.  One of my High School students put a positive spin on the story when he said he would have worn two mismatching socks  as a fashion statement.

Life Lesson 44:  Choose wisely in life, because sometimes you get what you pay for, and if sounds too good to be true, sometimes it isn’t true.  In addition, don’t  always judge a book by it’s cover, because you may sometimes may be pleasantly surprised what you might find, no matter what your point of view.

Story 43: Taking a walk on the wild side

My brother Bruce and I have had several parties in Long Island, and in my apartment in Queens.  Although, it’s been several years since I had a good one.  I hope in the future when I have a new home, things will be different.

I’ve hosted toga parties where my friend Michelle took a sheet right off my parents bed.  Another time, I remember some guy took a girl threw her over his shoulder caveman style and brought them across the street to a neighbor’s house to made out in the bushes.

I’ve also hosted a Spanish/Korean party where my friend Michael came in a pancho and sombrero and brought along his Korean dry cleaner friend Mr. Liu to his first American party.

At that auspicious party,  my friend Jerry was performing stand up comedy.

“I hope you drank some sangria.” I said to my friends before Jerry began, and many of them who knew Jerry laughed, because they knew how bad his delivery was.

The party was located in Fresh Meadows, Queens. A pretty quiet boring neighborhood.  Mike’s brother-in-law Sandy and fiancee Jill were on their way from Bellmore. Sandy is a good guy, but was very sheltered growing up and went to religious Jewish day school.  He drove to the party in pre-GPS days but instead of going north on 188th Street. He mistakenly went south and instead of Fresh Meadows ended up in South Jamaica at night.  The area was sometimes sketchy during the day, but was more like the wild wild west at night.

While we were busy trying to laugh at Jerry’s jokes, Sandy was walking tentatively along Jamaica avenue looking for the party. The first thing Sandy noticed was two African American guys fighting on the street in front of a bodega. After a few blocks, another man had a bat and was banging it on a trash can.   

“What kind of neighborhood does your friend live in?” Jill asked with concern.

“It should be around here somewhere.” Sandy replied tentatively.

“I just want to go home.”  Jill answered fearfully.

And with that the two of them returned back to Long Island without a drink, but with a story that would last for years.

Life Lesson 43: Know where you are going in life, especially at night.  and If all else fails, have a GPS, or a guide to help you find the right path.

Story 42: That's no pole dance

When I was a Freshman at SUNY Albany, there were many things I enjoyed, and other things that bored me.  One thing in particular that I didn’t like was monthly dorm meetings.  They seemed so pointless. So, one night a few of us including my friend Robin snuck out.

As we were walking, Robin asked, “Do you think it’s going to rain?” and with that she walked directly into one of the many white stone pillars on campus.  She crumbled to the ground howling and clutched her painful nose.

“Are you ok?” I asked her.

“Now, I definitely need a nose job.”  she answered in a thick Long Island accent.  I didn’t laugh then, but thinking about today, it always strikes me as funny.

Life Lesson 42: People say that we sometimes see the forest but not the trees.  I would tell them to see the forest as well as the trees, and don’t forget to watch out for other things too like pillars especially when walking or talking on your phone.

Story 41: Michelle turns the table

Years ago, before there were cell phones, there were beepers.  Circa 1990’s, my friend Michelle was at her job in a New York City school.  Michelle was having lunch at a desk and left her beeper on a table momentarily to use the bathroom.

When she returned to her lunch, she noticed that her beeper was gone.   Later, when she returned home she called her beeper, and a woman picked up her call.

“You have my beeper.” Michelle stated.

“I bought it from someone.” The woman replied.

“Well, I want it back.” Michelle answered.

And with that Michelle arranged to go to a different part of the Bronx to retrieve her beeper.  Along the way, Michelle spotted a guy from the neighborhood, Aldo.  Aldo was a large man over six foot five and three hundred pounds and an alcoholic, but supposedly a gentle giant.

“Hey Aldo, want to take a ride with me?” Michelle asked sweetly. 

       Aldo was always up for an adventure, so he answered in the affirmative.Together they headed to the South Bronx to see what could be done about her problem. Michelle rang the woman’s apartment buzzer, and the woman came out with the beeper. 

       She took one look at Aldo, and said, “Look I bought it. I didn’t know it was stolen.  but I will sell it back to you.”

And after a brief negotiation that’s what Michelle did, although she probably paid a lot less than if she had to get another one.  Aldo, got a few heinekens,  and Michelle got the satisfaction of having the last word.

    Another time, Michelle was taking a class at a local college, and was hit on by her professor. Michelle however declined his advances.  Later, she received a grade that was much lower than she expected.  Michelle was convinced that he had lowered her grade, because she had rejected him, so she prepared a counter attack.  

      The next day she went back to his office only this time she dressed in a short leather skirt, low cut top, and a tape recorder in her bag.

She had a long conversation and during the course of talking. He intimated that if she had sex with him, he would change her grade.

“Really,” Michelle replied. “I have a better idea.” and with that she took out the tape recorder with a flourish.

“I want the grade I deserve, and if I don’t get it I’ll use the tape.” She said with conviction.  “And if anyone else complains about you hitting on them. I’ll share this conversation with your chairman.” and then she walked out.

Bottom Line, Michelle received an “A”, and as far I know after they met, there weren’t any other complaints about the professor from any other students.

Life Lesson 41: Stand up for what you think is right. Don’t let someone trample your rights, and be creative in finding ways to achieve what you want/need in life.

Story 40: Great George

Back when I was in college at Albany, my brother Bruce and I and our friend Michelle decided to go see George Carlin perform in nearby Schenectady. In a word he was fantastic. I don't remember ever laughing so much.  In my opinion he was one of the funniest comedians ever.

   After the show, Michelle declared, “I’m going backstage to meet Carlin.”

   After a half an hour without seeing her, I said to my brother I was going backstage to find her.

So, that’s what I did. I went backstage to find Michelle. I looked around but didn’t see her. After looking  for a few minutes I met a man and told him I was looking for my friend.  Then, I saw Carlin.

“Wow, there’s George Carlin.” I said with surprise.

The man replied, “I’m his brother, do you want me to introduce you?”

“Sure.” I answered quickly, and with that he introduced me to his famous brother.

“What’s your name?” George asked.

“Eric.” I said in return.

“Howard?” He said.

“No, Eric.” I replied with a smile.

“Oh, Eric, nice name, never change it.” I shook his hand and we all laughed collectively.

Later, I went back to the car and Michelle was waiting there.

“Michelle,” I said.  “I went backstage to look for you, and I met George Carlin.”

“You did?” she asked with a touch of jealousy.  “I never went backstage, but I’m going to his limo to talk with him.” And with that she left us again and walked over to Carlin’s limousine.

Later Michelle returned and informed us she was going to meet him at the hotel with her friend Marni.

The next day, I inquired how her encounter went with Carlin at the hotel bar.

“Fine, “ she stated. “until he suggested we all go back to his room. Which I refused.”

“Well, he is George Carlin,” I answered.  “maybe he was making a joke." 

Michelle just looked at me and for once was at a loss for words, because she knew one of his seven words you cannot say was something she just wouldn’t do, even if he was famous.

Life Lesson 44: Famous people are still just people, but values are universal, and saying "no" is definitely a word you can always say.

Story 38: Hair today gone tomorrow

Kids say the funniest things when they are young, but often deny it later. I remember my niece Melissa who was about five at the the time asking my father some questions.

“Grandpa, what happened to all your hair?”

“I lost it.” He replied.

“You lost it? lets go look for it.” she answered, but he simply laughed. I wish life was so easy.

Another time my mother complimented Melissa and said,

“Melissa you have such beautiful hair.”

“Grandma, you could too. You just have to eat more popcorn.”

On another occasion we were sitting around my parent’s dinner table after a Friday night meal discussing illnesses with my brother Dan who is a fertility doctor.

“How about syphilis?” I mentioned

“How about hydro encephalitis.” Dan responded.

“How  about honeydew?” my five year old niece Shira added, and we all laughed together. Which put a lot of things in perspective. Especially about not taking like too seriously.

Life Lesson 38: Treasure the things your children and family say. Not only can children sometimes say the wisest things,but their words can often bring us joy in the retelling. 

Story 37: A whale of a tale and other college stories

       

    When you are in college you meet people from all walks of life, and hear some true stories and some tall tales.  I was once informed that you can get high smoking a dried banana peel (not true), but I didn’t bother to try it although my friend Barry did (Explains a lot I suppose).  My freshman year had a lot of stories. 

SUNY Albany had a policy of increased occupancy “The more the merrier.”, code for overcrowding. Our suite room initially had seven people four in my room alone.  We had two Davids, friends from Long Island, an African American guy named Keith who for some reason always took showers at 2:00 am,  a Ukranian dude named Andy who taught me how to say “Good night” in his language, and Long Islanders Phil and Alan who offered me a bong hit on my first night of college. I declined because I was a health nut back then, and strangely did push ups in the suite room instead.

My roommate David once told me how during the Jewish holiday of Passover he went to Oneonta College, did cocaine, and then scaled matzah down the hallway like a baseball card. So much for tradition. A lot different from when I used to scale baseball cards at Hebrew School.

When we were in college, we would also often go to a local bar named O’Heeneys to drink. O’Heeneys was known for green beer on St. Patricks day, and a urinal trough large enough to fit several cattle.  It was the place at the time. Fortunately, my brother was nice enough to give me his ID, and since he was two years older and I looked just like him I always could get into bars.

After getting drunk, we would frequently go to Souvranos pizza parlor, and order a few slices. One night in particular I recall walking down the street eating pizza, and seeing one of my roommates urinating down a slide in a children’s playground.

“Some kid is going to have quite a ride tomorrow.” He boasted.

I just shook my head and walked away.

Another time,  my friend Josh went to Dunkin Donuts at midnight and was asked if he was there to apply for a job.  Josh was probably high at the time, and answered “Yes.”

He was asked questions like “What type of berries go into the blueberry muffin?” I don’t know if got the job or not, but he apparently scored well enough in Albany that he eventually transferred to Cornell.  I would hate to see what might have ended up in some of the donuts and muffins if had gotten the job.  The blueberry muffin might be shaded green.

Speaking of food, our college food program was called UAS. I think it stood for University Auxiliary Services.  We joked it stood for “Use Alka Seltzer.”   I remember seeing graffiti In the college bathroom that said: Flush hard it's a long way to UAS.

We also had a Kosher kitchen on Dutch Quad which I was a participant.  My brother Bruce was famous for piling trays of food double decker (he loved to eat).  One time there was a controversy because somehow several shrimp egg rolls had found their way into the oven.  Later, the head chef Yoel would do an impression of Rambo, by fire bombing the oven to kosher it.  There was a lot of head shaking, but I ate a few egg rolls without complaint.

  People watching was also a past time in the dining hall. My friend Mike would constantly look back and forth at the many beautiful girls walking around the hall. My friend Jerry would say “Mike you keep this up you are going to hurt your neck,”and sure enough  one night Mike turned his head quickly, and injured his neck. It wouldn’t be the last time however.

Festivals at college were also fun.  Their were toga parties, beer balls in the suite, Mayfest, and of course halloween. Bruce and I once dressed up as Hanz and Franz (characters from Saturday Night Live) stuffing newspaper into our clothes to make us look more muscular.  The outfit got a lot of compliments. 

 The whale story comes from Columbia University.  Whether it is true or not I am not sure. Apparently there was an English professor who always assigned papers about the book Moby Dick. He also really liked Columbia’s football team.

The football team had a tradition that everyone turned the same paper in because they knew the professor loved the team.  The paper reportedly had a big picture of a whale on the cover, and always received an “A.”

One year however, one player was nervous about getting caught for plagiarism and turned the paper in, but left out the picture of the whale. He got the paper back with an “A” and the professor apparently wrote underneath, “Good paper, where’s the whale?”

Life Lesson 37: College is a time for experimentation, learning, and personal growth. Be open minded because it can often open you up to new experiences, new friendships, skills for life, memories, and hopefully “A whale of a good time.” 

Story 36: Crazy college roommates

      
    My friend Brian is a great guy. He is smart, incredibly organized, and a terrific speaker.  In college he coordinated several Jewish organizations, and  since then has done very well for himself in a similar capacity. He is also a family man and usually quite patient. However,  some of his former roommates loved to push his buttons.  One in particular, Barry really stood out amongst the rest.

     Barry was a former yeshiva student who went completely the other way.  He is very tall, lanky, mousy, super intelligent, but also really into drugs, especially marijuana.

     One time during his junior year Brian stayed up all night typing a paper from a Judaic studies class, and then after a brief outing at Denny’s came back to put the finishing touches on it.  When he entered his room he saw that Barry was rolling a joint on his final paper.  Marijuana was all over the assignment, and this was before most people wrote papers with computers.

“What the hell are you doing?” Brian bellowed.

“I’m making a joint,” Barry said proudly. “You can smoke with me, and it will help you calm down.”

“That’s my final paper!” Brian yelled back.

“Oh,” Barry responded. “Sorry, I’ll wipe it off.”

“Too late.” Brian replied, and with that he ran into the suite room looking for something to hit Barry with, but there wasn’t anything. So Brian went into the bathroom and ripped down one of the metal towel racks, and came back into the bedroom ready to swing away like Derek Jeter at the world series.

“Brian what the hell are you doing?”  Barry asked with increased concern.

Brian put the towel rack near Barry’s face and said menacingly, “Swing at me Barry.”

“No,  It was an accident,” Barry answered. “I didn’t know it was anything important.” 

Brian than screamed again “Swing at me!”  The sound of which seemed to carry all over the 2nd floor.  People started opening their doors to see what the commotion was all about.

“I’m going to kick your ass. Now swing at me.” Brian continued angrily.

“I will not.”   Barry responded with a very stoic face.

Barry was like Gandhi he didn’t want to fight, and he didn’t want to escalate things more. Eventually the RA (Resident Assistant) came in to see what was going on.  

“Is everything OK?” asked the RA.

“No,  It definitely is not.” Brian replied as he threw down the towel rack in frustration and walked out. And that was how Brian got a new roommate, although he had problems with him too, but at least there was never any violence, and on a positive note Brian received an A on his paper despite the smudges

On another occasion, despite the country of Israel’s law of return, Barry was kicked out for possessing or possibly selling drugs, and ironically a few years later became a pharmacist. God help up all. 

Life Lesson 36: I think the lesson of this story is to remember that respect is a two way street a la the golden rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated, and show respect towards each other and their property.