Story 27: Baby G. And Other Tales

G. is a friend of mine. Although at times he has some very strong opinions.  When he gives you his opinion, which is frequently, he says them loud and with a sound of authority even if he is completely full of s---, or doesn’t really know what he is talking about.

One day he proclaimed, “I never use sunscreen because as you know it causes cancer.”

I was doing some work so in our crowded office, so I didn’t respond immediately, but when I looked up from my work he was still staring at me.  

“I don’t know if that’s true.” I replied, but when I looked over again he was still staring as if trying to bore holes though me with his eyes.

“I read it in a book.” he exclaimed.

“Well, if you read it in a book it must be true.” I replied, and went back to doing my grades. 

Undeterred he started talking about other topics, “So the other day I was in Westbury and this rich guy had a beautiful 10,000 foot rectangular house.” As he said this latest anecdote his motioned his hand in circle.

“You mean rectangle.”  I responded with a correct drawing in the air.

“Of course, I was testing you.” He said.

“Maybe you should tell me 10 times and I will remember it better.” I answered.

I was talking about the concept of “over learning,” an idea G. had tried to explain to me once over dinner at a sushi restaurant in Rockville Center.  He told me that when he was a young student, a professor had recommended that everyone read a page 10 times, and then you would definitely remember it.

“Don’t mock me,” he retorted. "That system works" but I was reluctant to take his advice considering he had once received a 12 on a geometry test.

G. had also been going on an on about his new Prius. “Forty five miles to the gallon, and you know what I hear when I am at a light? nothing. The engine is completely quiet.”

A guy in our office, Jay, yelled out, “I wouldn’t take a s--- in a Prius.” to which our office erupted in laughter. While G. was talking  about the merits of his car, we secretly took a fake baby made out of a flour bag that one of our students had created in a social psychology class for a parenting project, and strapped it into G.’s passenger seat, after quietly swiping his keys.

The next day, we asked him how he was doing.

“I almost ran the car off the road yesterday,” he replied. “I looked over at the passenger seat, and there’s a fake baby strapped into the seat next to me.”

Our office laughed, and then somebody shouted, “Well at least you could have used the HOV lane.”

“I have a Prius I don’t need a baby,” he responded.  “But my wife used the flour and made us some muffins,” he laughed and put them on the desk.  “Breakfast is served.”

Life Lesson 27: Just because something is written or said ten times doesn’t make it true,  and remember that hearing “Breakfast is served”  is definitely better than “You just got served.”