Milk is a great food, some say the perfect one, others blame it for many allergies, inflammation, etc., but it can certainly be enjoyed outside the home and in social settings. Why should the kids have a monopoly? In the book A Clockwork Orange they even had milk bars.
In 1988 I was in a restaurant in Spain with my friend Bruce and I decided to order some milk at a traditional bar. I ordered the milk because I was anxious that the water might be contaminated. I was a bit more paranoid about certain issues back then. When the milk arrived, I took one sip and it seemed sour with a strong taste of garlic. I motioned the bartender over to help me.
“Excuse me,” I said “The milk doesn’t taste right.”
He took the milk from me, took one sip from the glass as I looked on in horror and exclaimed,“Its fine.” and gave it back to me.
I was shocked and replied, “No it’s not,” and “I want something else.”
The man stared at me for a long while and then asked what I wanted. I ordered a beer even though it was only 12 in the afternoon.
I turned to my friend Bruce and asked, “What just happened?”
Bruce looked at me and replied “In America, we are so used to the customer being right, but in many countries in Europe it’s different, it’s the restaurant that is always right.”
From that moment on, I learned my lesson and never ordered another milk at a bar or restaurant, but I wish I could say the same for my friends.
Several years ago I went with my friend Pete and some of our co-workers to the Grand Lux Café in Long Island, New York. The restaurant is part of the Cheesecake Factory chain. The Grand Lux Café is a very fancy restaurant and has a pretty cool bar. Anyway, we were all at the bar having some drinks. Most of us were enjoying beer or wine, but my friend Pete ordered some cake and a glass of milk.
A little while after we ordered, a beautiful blond woman with a short red dress walked in and sat at the bar. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Peter checking her out hungrily even more than his cake. He was drinking his milk while staring at the woman. I smiled and called out in a deep low voice similar to our colleague Neal, “Drink that milk boy.”
As soon as Peter heard me, he started to laugh and the milk shot out from his mouth and nose and traveled at least ten feet. One or two drops went in the direction of the woman with red dress. For some reason, as soon as it landed near her she decided to get up and walk away from the bar.
“You got her.” I joked.
“No,” he replied. ”Did it really land on her?”
Seeing how flummoxed he got I answered, “Probably not, but you should probably give up trying to have your cake and meet her too.” and with that we laughed and looked for someone else to talk to.
Life Lesson Six: Let’s just say that if you want to talk to a woman, milk may be good for the bones, but probably not the best beverage at a bar if you want to take her home.
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